


After Shock

by abetternameneeded



Series: Gothel Raised Alice AU [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:09:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 65
Words: 116,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25088197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abetternameneeded/pseuds/abetternameneeded
Summary: Sequal to Healing Alice.
Series: Gothel Raised Alice AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1817002
Comments: 137
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a pretty dark fic. It's not at all condoning child abuse or basically anything of the sort. It's just a psychological thought experiment based off of a "what if" comment. I am no responsible for your actions. Please be careful, you know what you can and can't handle reading. Thanks.

Zelena had finally made a decision. The New Enchanted Forrest's inhabiants had often been far from understanding. Alice had been yelled at for having Luna with her or for refusing to speak to complete strangers in more than quiet on worded answers enough times. Storybrooke felt like a safer place. And now that Zelena had thought on it she thought Archie might be able to help Alice a bit more. There was only so far Zelena could get her on her own. And Regina and Henry and his wife had moved back already. Alice had asked about Henry's whereabouts and explaining that no he wasn't angry at her had been pretty difficult. So they were going to move back to Storybrooke.

Alice was sitting at the table drawing.

"Hey, can we talk?" Zelena lowered herself down to a little below Alice's level, trying still not to look threatening even though Alice had become gradually less frightened of her. "It's okay if you don't want to right now."

Zelena did need to talk to Alice but she didn't want to force her into anything. And it was so easy to accidnetally force Alice into things she wouldn't always say she didn't want to do.

Alice nodded and looked at her. Luna came ver and stuck her head iin Alice's lap begging her to pet her.

"Okay, we're going to move."

Alice stared at her.

"Do you know what that means?"

Alice shook her head. No.

"Okay, we're going to go live in a different house than this one. Is that okay with you?"

Alice wasn't sure. This one felt safe now. She'd finally gotten into a routine that didn't scare her. Where would they go? Would it be scary? She remebered coming from the tower to here and being terrafied.

"Nothing else will have to change. Unless you want it to. And Henry will be living nearby."

Alice liked Henry. He was nice to her. And he helped her when she asked for help with drawing. Well, really when she stared at him until he'd offered. Okay. It'd be fine.

"Are you okay with moving, tell me if you're not?"

Alice nodded. "Okwithit."

Zelena mentally cheered. Good.

It took a few days to pack. Zelena took some of their stuff into the house in Storybrooke. There was just a the matter of getting everyone through a portal.

"Okay, do we need to vest Luna? Will we see anyone that she needs that for?" Zelena was running around the house making sure everything was in order.

"Yeah, just in case?" Robin suggested.

Zelena put the vest on Luna, Alice hadn't quite learned how to do that herself yet.

"Okay, there's going to be a pretty bright flash. It'll be kinda colorful and then you just have to jump through it," Zelena explained how the portal worked.

Alice blinked. Jump? No. No jumping. Alice started breathe heavier and reached down to pet Luna and averted her eyes towards the ground. She noticed her onsetting panic and sat down, letting Luna lay in her lap as she stroked her fur and started muttering mostly to Luna. " Nojumpin. Don'tjump." Her words still rarely had space between them but Zelena had learned how to understand her.

Luna calmed Alice down enough that she could look at Zelena again. Zelena didn't know what she'd expected. Walking with Luna's help was one thing. But jumping was likely very high on the list of things Alice had been told she wasn't allowed to do.

"It's okay, you don't have to be ready for it. We can wait," Zelena was glad she'd left a few essentials in the house. She hadn't been entirely certain Alice would go through the portal.

Alice nodded. They went back into the house and Alice and Luna went into the corner of the living room, the couch was still there.

Zelena sighed. There had to be a way to make it less scary. Zelena thought about it was it really jumping? Did it have to be? Was there a way to make the portal low enough to the gorund Alice could just walk through it with Luna guiding her?

Zelena found a way to lower the portal and they left the next day.

"Okay, now we're ready. All you have to do is follow me. Luna can guide you. Okay?"

Alice agreed. "follow?" she pointed to Zelena and walked through the portal. Luna's leash fell off of Alice's waist once she stepped into Strybrooke. Alice had frequently had to adjust the leash to make sure she and Luna were still connected in the past.

Zelena thought about it. Maybe there was a better option. She'd ask Regina later.

Alice picked up the leash and tied it back around her waist again. "Follow?" Luna folllowed Zelena but the leash fell again.

"Here, I can fix it," Robin offered. "Is that okay with you? I won't touch you unless you're okay with it." Robin knew Alice had a hard time with people being in her space and tried to make sure she knew it was okay if she preffered Robin not touch her at the moment. Alice agreed and Robin tied the leash tight enough it wouldn't fall. Alice flinched as she did it but was mostly okay with it. This worked when Alice was in a state where Robin could be close to her but that wasn't all the time. Sometimes the leash fell while Luna was bringng Alice out of how frightened she was by something going on and anyone besides Luna touching her would only make it worse. Human hands had meant pain for so long that she couldn't always handle it. And if Robin wasn't there it wasn't going to work. She was the only person Alice allowed to touch her.

They walked up to the front door and Zelena inserted the key into the door and opened it, hoping Alice would react well to the new enviorment.


	2. Chapter 2

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Zelena opened the door and told Alice she could go explore if she wanted to. Zelena decided it might be best for Alice to keep Luna attached to her while she did, as she couldn't be certain what might frighten Alice in the new enviorment. The living room was entirely empty aside from a few blanket Zelena had tossed down in a corner knowing that Alice likely still wouldn't want to sleep in a bed. Zelena wished she would, she'd provided Alice with plenty of soft blankets but still doubted the floor was all that comfortable.

Alice looked around the house. Everything was so big and she couldn't hide anywhere that felt like it was small enough. The only thing in the first place she was was a pile of blankets in the far corner of the room. Alice wanted there to be something that hid them but there wasn't. Alice really didn't want to sit there where she felt exposed but that's what blankets were meant for. Alice went over and sat down on the pile of blankets and pet Luna.

"You can look around the rest of the house," zelena told her. "You don't have to but you can"

Alice wanted to find somewhere she could hide. Alice nodded and she and Luna walked around the house. Nearly every room was the same shade of green. She went into a room that already had its furniture and went and sat in between the wall and a bed. She hoped she'd be allowed to hide for a while.

Henry and Regina walked in to the house. They were going to help them unpack.

"Hey, Aunt Z, we've missed you guys. How was the move?"

"Hey, and good but the movers lost my couch. So, I have to go pick out a new one. Can you watch Alice? I don't want to leave her alone and Robin went to get some things from the store."

"Yeah."

Zelena walked around and poked her head into different rooms until she found a place that looked like somewhere Alice would have taken to. She walked in and saw alice pressed up into a corner.

"Sorry." Alice wasn't sure if Zelena wanted her to be in this room. Zelena didn't know what Alice was apologizing for this time.

"It's okay. I have to go out for a little while, Henry's in the kitchen if you need anything."

Alice nodded. Zelena didn't like the thought of Alice sitting on the bare ground so dug around in the closet until she found a few folded up blankets. "Here."

she handed Alice the blankets. "That should make that a little more comfortable."

Alice nodded and Zelena left. Alice adjudted the blankets in a way that she wanted them.

Zelena stopped in the kitchen on her way out. "Alice is in Robin's room, you can try to get her out if you want to but she may not."

Zelena left and Henry let Alice sit by herself for a while and then decided to at least attempt to get her out of the room.

"Hi, Alice!" Alice flinched. He was loud. Had she done something she shoulnd't have already?

"Sorry."

Henry had forgotten how easily frightened Alice was. "It's okay , I didn't mean to scare you. Do you want to come out of there?"

Alice stared at him. Not really, no. Everything was so open and exposed right now. And right here wasn't. She had Luna. And he couldn't tell her what to do. She shook her head. Henry let Alice do as she wanted, unsure of how Zelena wanted this kind of thing handled. "Okay, Do you need anything?"

Alice shook her head she just wanted to sit here and figure out how to make the open space a bit less scary.

Zelena came back not too long after. The people from the furniture store installed their couch and left.

"Alice is still hiding in Robin's room, didn't want to come out."

"That's fine, she's been doing pretty well with Luna's help. We've been having issues with the leash not staying connected, though."

"What does Luna do exactly?" Henry was curious but also wanted to help see if there was a better solution to the kind of leash Alice used.

"She's trained to follow someone that way when Alice is looking elsewhere or distracted or scared she doesn't get lost, she stops and doesn't let her go in front of things she maybe shouldn't, and she gives Alice permission to do things, and lays on her to calm her down."

"You could always try a guide dog harness."

"is that allowed?" Zelena wasn't sure. Alice wasn't blind.

"I think so."

Zelena walked into Robin's room to see if she could coax Alice out of the place she was hiding. "Hey, I'm going to make dinner."

Alice wanted to help. "Canihelp?" Luna got to the question before Zelena did and Alice had mostly gotten to the point where she listened to Luna.

They made dinner and Alice saw the couch next to the pile of blankets. It wasn't as scary any more. She could still hide. And this way she could hear what was going on even when she was.

They ate dinner with Regina and Henry. Alice spent most of it drfting her glance over to Regina who still frightened her.

Zelena got a guide harness for Luna that didn't say guide dog. Which came with a leather leash that was immediatly donated to the animal shelter.

"Okay, I think we found a better way so Luna's leash won't fall all the time."

Alice was sitting on the ground of the living room with Robin as she shuffled cards. Robin had spent months trying to convince Alice it was okay for her to do it but that had never worked. She often dropped them when she tried and then refused to do it agian for a while.

Alice glanced at Zelena.

"Luna, come here?"

Luna responded far better to a questioning tone than a commanding one. Zelena put the harness on her and showed Alice how it worked. She seemed to understand the concept but they'd have to test it out at some point.

The rest of the day was spent unpacking and uneventful apart from Alice deciding the pile of blankets next to the couch was her bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

They'd finished unpacking and all of the furniture was finally in it's rightful place. Alice had decided that the corner next to the couch was the most and spent the majority of her time there.

Zelena noticed Alice coming out of the corner a lot less than she had at the cottage. She seemed to be a little quieter too..Had moving been a mistake? Did Alice not like it here?

Alice sat in her corner listening to the things around her. She wasn't sure if everything here was the same. The last time she'd gone to a new place every rule she'd ever known has changed right around her. She wasn't sure if things would change again. She'd finally gotten used to no one hurting her. She'd gotten used to rarely feeling pain.

Zelena knew Alice might need a little longer to adjust to a new enviorment. She knew it usually took her weeks to start talking to a new person unless they scared her. She still wouldn't speak to regina to say anything besides answer a question or apologize to her. Not that that was much less than she said to anyone else.

Zelena gave Alice a few days of her space, still checking on her to make sure she had everything she needed. She brought her food and water and once it was clear she had no intentions of leaving the space something to draw with.

Alice was sitting in the corner she'd tried to eat but it hurt too much. She wasn't sure when the last time she'd gone to the bathroom was. She was ignoring the need. Maybe Zelena had forgotten? Alice didn't want to ask. This new place made her wonder which rules she'd need to go back to following so she was trying to be as quiet and still as possible. At least here there was a window she could look out of from where she was sitting. She'd pulled her legs up and was now desperately trying to hold it but considering if she should even bother waiting.

"You've been in here for days, do you want to stay there or do you want to come out of there?" Alice had mostly gotten to where she'd direct herself using Luna but at this point Zelena didn't think she was going to. Except maybe to go to the bathroom. Had she gone? Zelena looked at Alice sitting huddled as far away from her as possible and saw a look of pain. Zelena was used to her pulling away but usually she didn't look like she was in pain. Alice knew how to hide her pain, this had to hurt beyond belief. Guessing what was wrong would only prolong the pain.

"Whatever you need to do, just go do it." Zelena tried to keep her voice gentle but in her panic it came off harsher than it should have.

Alice nodded and got up and went to find the bathroom. Which she found and immediately used. Zelena had sounded angry. She'd done everything right. She'd not so much as breathed in zelena's direction in days. She'd stayed in one place. No one had told her to do anything so she hadn't. This was perfect behavior. Why was she angry? Alice sat down in the corner of the bathroom. She couldn't do anything right. Mother hadn't been wrong. Alice was scared now. But would it be better if she found Zelena and told her she was ready when she was? Alice shook her head. Still and quiet was her best option. Even if it seemed Zelena would be angry no matter what.

Zelena mentally kicked herself. Alice had clearly bern terrsfied and in pain and she'd been harsh in response. She was horrified by the thought of Alice retreating even further. She hadn't been what anyone would call confident at all and yet the amount she'd been doing at the cottage had been strides ahead of what she'd done at first. It'd taken months to get her to feel like she was allowed to exist in the same room as Zelena as anything more than a bresthing statue. What if all of that was just gone? What if Alice went back to believing everyone she got close to would hurt her.

Zelena found Alice in the corner of the bathroom, not so much as fidgeting with the door.

Alice flinched. "Sorry."

"Hey, you didn't do anything wrong."

Alice nodded. She had but she wasn't going to argue with Zelena.

"I mean it," Zelena was sure Alice was just agreeing with her to agree with her. "You didn't do anything wrong. And I should have been a bit more gentle. I'm not angry at you."

Alice nodded again. She was still scared. Mother had started so small, the occasional rise of her voice. And then it became a yell, and then before Alice could even notice she should fear her enough to follow the rules because she didn't like being hit she was beating her at first not often and then it wss so often Alice assumed every slight movement someone made would quickly turn into them either hitting or besting her. And now Alice was terrsfied Zelena was going to do the some thing now. By the time she'd know how bad something would be Zelena would just find something worse.

Zelena didn't think it was getting through to the part of Alice that wasn't afraid of her any more. Right now Alice was acting the same she had day one. She'd been so scared of moving, so scared of everything. Was it going to be several more months of getting her back to where she had been before Alice ever got any further? Zelena decided it was well past the time to involve a professional. Or sort of. Archie Hopper would have to do. "I'm sorry I scared you."

Alice stopped for a moment. Mother wouldn't apologize. Zelena had to mean it. So she was okay to sit and hide in her corner. Alice met Zelena's eyes for a second and then darted them away.

"It's okay to look at me, remember?" Alice nodded but still averted her gaze "What'd you want to do?"

Alice stared at the ground. Nothing really. She just wanted to go back into her room and watch the animals run around. "Okay, I'm going to go get a snack," zelena made sure this time it came out gently "Go where you want to, okay?"

Alice nodded.

Zelena thanked her and walked away. Alice went back to her room. Zelena looked around the house after grabbing something for Alice to eat and found her back in the corner. She'd only come out of here once in the days after thr first night of moving.

Robin had tried coaxing her out and it hadn't worked. Henry had offered to help her explore outside and it hadn't worked. Zelena had scared her to the point she'd left her safe space. But frigntening her had been the only thing that had worked. And that wasn't a lasting option. Scaring Alice would eventually only make it worse.

Zelena offered the cookie to Alice. It wasn't nutritious but Alice had barely eaten lately. She'd poke at her food but ultinatley push it away after a few bites. She had to have been in awful amounts of pain so Zelena understood that food may have been difficult to get down.

Alice shook her head. She didn't want anything to eat. Zelena had taken days to tell her to go to the bathroom. And she hadn't even actually said that. Mother had never made her wait that long. It had hurt so much worse than she expected. If that was how ling she had to wait she didn't want to eat or drink much of anything.

Zelena was sure Alice would eat at least some of the cookie eventually so set the plate in fronf of her "It's there if you want it, okay?"

Alice nodded but still pushed the cookie away.

Something was wrong. "You don't like it here, do you?"

Alice nodded. It was fine. She'd agreed to move but she was scared things were going to change for the worse. She was waiting for Zelena to decide that she liked mother's rules and force her back into them. The new place would make it easier, wouldn't it?

But telling her that would only make it happen sooner. And Alice didn't want to back to that. She didn't want to go back to never sitting with her back exposed if she could help it and feeling like there was a reason. She still did this but it was a habit she couldn't shake. No one had hit her in a long time. She wasn't even sure there were that many scars left.

"Then what's wrong? You won't even play with Robin. You don't have to if you don't want to but usually you love that. And you won't draw. And you're barely eating. Come on, Alice what's wrong?"

Alice shook her head nothing she wanted to tell Zelena.

Zelena thought about pulling the card she knew would work. If she told Alice to tell her she'd do it immeidatly. But no. Forcing her would 't help.

Zelena held in a sigh. Was it fear? Was there something here that the cottage didn't have that was scary? Zelena tried to think. There was nothing. How was she supposed to get Alice help if she couldn't even get her out of the corner? And when she wasn't eating more than a few bites of food at a time.

"Okay, I'm around if you need anything."

Alice nodded and Zelena walked away. Letting Luna comfort Alice and hoping that would somehow entice Alice to eat at least a bite of the cookie. Preferably all of it.

Regina came over and stood in the kitchen with Zelena. "And now she's not eating hardly at all. Also she held her pee for 3 days, Regina." Alice couldn't hear as she was in the bathroom after Zelena had asked her if she needed to go. "And we're back to me needing to tell her to go to the bathroom, apparently."

"Have you tried only offering foods she really likes?"

"She ate one bite of spaghetti She's trying to tell me something, maybe? Or maybe she just doesn't want food for some reason. Food has never been one of her issues. She seems to enjoy helping me cook. She normally ask of she can. I just...I thought this move would be an easy one. And I think I made a mistake. She's so clearly unhappy here."

"You need to give it a chance. She's in a new place and there's no telling what she thinks that means. Have you called archie?"

"Yeah, he's coming over later today."

"Maybe he'll have an idea."

Zelena hoped so. At this point she was ready to start making protein shakes if Alice wouldn't eat. She was drinking a little but not nearly enough that this plan would work.


	4. Chapter 4

"Dr. Hopper."

Archie returned the greeting and made an attempt at small talk but Zelena launched right into her worries. He knew parts of the situation from Regina mentioning Alice in pasing during her own the pay sessions.

"Alice is barely eating. She seems even more scared of me than usual. And I think she's forgotten that it's okay to walk around without me telling her to. She's been holed up in the same corner for days. She only leaves it when I ask her if she needs the bathroom."

"Is this new?"

Zelena shook her head. "She used to act this way when we toom her in but she'd gotten realy good at doing things with a little help. She has a dog that helps her. But the day after we moved it was right back to square one."

Zelena wasn't sure she sounded entirely like herself. She was so worried about Alice she'd lost any amount of composure she normally even feigned to have.

"Can i talk to her?"

Zelena nodded. "She usually takes a while to warm up to people."

They walked over to the corner and Alice glanced up.

Alice pulled her legs up to her chest, protecting herself from Zelena and the person she didn't know. Luna intercepted Alice's action and Alice started to pet her.

"Hey, this is Archie. He's just going to sit and talk to you for a little while, okay?"

Alice nodded and Zelena walked away.

Archie sat down a few feet away from Alice. He'd worked with enough frightened children to know their personal space being invaded was a fairly common issue.

Archie started small, just trying to build the smallest amount of trust and prove he wasn't an immediate threat. He was careful about how he moved. Knowing the likliehood of a sudden movement ending his chances at Alice wanting to talk to him.

"Hi. What's your name?"

Alice blinked. Direct question. "Alice."

"That's pretty."

Alice didn't know what was going on. This place was strange. This person was new. Was he going to hit her? His hands weren't close enough. But he could move. She wasn't sure she could.

"Why won't you eat?" Archie was launching in with what seemed to be thr best qurstion. Zelena had said food wasn't normally an issue. So starting with what was likely the least ingrained seemed like a good way to get answers.

Alice blinked and carefully answered him. "Bathroom." It made sense to her. She had to went for Zelena to tell her and it'd hurt her insides more than she wanted to experience again.

"Yeah, you can go to the bathroom if you need to." Archie was trying to phrase everything carefully. He'd heard stories of Alice being scared by common phrases.

Alice didn't need to. Was he telling her to? No he couldn't. He wasn't Zelena. She shook her head. She started to pull her legs up but Luna quickly intercepted the action and Alice settle for petting her.

"Do you like it here?" Alice stared at him mostly blankly. It didn't matter. They lived here now. The rules here were different and she just had to get used to that.

"What do you like about here?"

Alice carefully pointed to the window. She liked watching the animals run around.

"That is a really nice view."

Alice nodded.

"What do you not like?" The hardest question. Alice seemed very wary of expressing her own oppinons. Of admitting things that were wrong. He'd asked Zelena for a small list of things that might help him before he met Alice knowing that he wouldn't be able to rely on Alice to tell him much of anything at first.

Alice blinked. She was just scared because of the change. That was all. Nothing else was wrong. It was just one word. She could do it.

Quietly.

"Rules."

"What about the rules?"

"Changed."

Archie had to strain to hear all of Alice's responses and they didn't even fully make sense.

"Why would the rules change?"

Alice stared at him. She wanted this over. She didn't like talking this much. "Different."

She pulled her legs up to her chest, or tried to. Luna stopped her.

Archie noticed and decided that was likely as far as he could push without causing problems.

"Okay. Thank-you for talking to me. You did really good." Archie praised Alice. "I heard you like stuffed animals?" Archie reached into his bag and pulled out a small stuffed bear and set it in between him and Alice. A little closer to her but still avoding any psrt of his body entering the corner. "So, I got this for you."

Alice looked at the teddy best than at Archie. Did he want her to pick it up?

"Go ahead." Alice reached for the bear and whispered a very quiet thank-you. It was soft. And it had different feels on different parts. It reminded her of the tiles in her corner in the tower. She liked running her hand along the wall and things chsnging as she did.

"You're welcome. You did really good. I'm going to go now, okay?"

Alice nodded and Archie went to find Zelena who honestly seemed more nervous than alice had been. Just in her own way.

"So, am I horrible parent? Did I ruin Alice's life?"

Archie let out a small chuckle.

"Did you hear yourself there?"

"I said what I said. As far as I'm concerned, she's my kid now."

"You didn't do anything wrong. Let's go outside and talk about it?"

The two walked outside to have their conversation wanting to spare Alice the potential reminders of what she was so afraid of.


	5. Chapter 5

Zelena closed to door behind her and looked toward Archie expectantly.

No words needed to be exchanged they both knew what the questions hanging in the air were.

"I only got a little out of her, she seems to be scared to talk."

"She's always like that," Zelena clarified.

Archie hid his look of horror but not particularly well. "From what I got out of her. She thinks the rules have changed. Is there any reason for that?"

Zelena thought a moment. "No. Well, she has always been a little more confident when we've been outside and been more willing to ask me questions when we've been away from the house."

"So she thinks different places have different rules. How bad was it when you found her?"

"She wouldn't move without permission. But we got her to a point she would." Zelena worried. Alice had gotten so far and it felt like the smallest adjustment completely destroyed everything she'd accomplished.

"I think maybe she's scared you'll make her go back to the way things were before you met her. I could be wrong. I can't read minds and she said maybe five words to me. But that's just my best guess."

"What do I do?"

"You tell her that things won't change. She may not believe you but you can try that."

Archie left and Zelena went back over to Alice's corner.

"Hey, can we talk?"

Alice didn't want to talk but she nodded anyway. It wasn't like she had a choice. She could do as she was asked or she could risk pain she didn't feel like going through. Or anything worse Zelena could manage to come up with. Alice nodded.

"Ok, thank-you."/p

Zelena paused for moment.

"Ok, are you scared about the rules changing?"

Alice nodded. There was no use lying. Why bother?

"Alice, I know the place changed and that is admittedly a little hard. But I still won't hurt you. Okay?"

Alice nodded. She didn't believe her but it didn't matter. She had no other choices. No matter where she was eventually someone would hurt her.

"I know that's still a hard thing for you. But the rules your mother gave you, I don't like them. I don't agree with them. Those ones you don't have to worry about. I promise."

Alice nodded. Zelena hadn't hurt her in the time she'd been around her. Had she?

"So, can you try to come out of there when you want to? Can you do that for me?"

Alice nodded and camd out of thr corner. It was better if she did as she was told as soon as possible.

Zelena held in a sigh. "Ok. That's good. Come on you can do whatever you want, can't you?"

Alice nodded but just kimd of sat where she was.

Zelena knew it might take time to adjust but this worried her.

"Okay."

Zelena got up to walk away. "I'm going to bake," Zelena stopped and let the question linger hoping Alice would ask to help.

Alice glanced up at Zelena. She wanted to help. But this place was different. She said mother's rules were wrong but she wasn't entirely certain. She opened her mouth nut closed it immediately. It'd hurt too much

"Do you want to ask me something?"

Alice didn't trust that she wouldn't be hurt but she wanted to help. And Zelena said she was going to be busy so if she asked maybe Zelena would forget about punishing her.

"Help?" Alice whispered the one word hoping Zelena knew what she wanted.

"Yes you can help me bake, come on."

Zelena walked away with Alice trailing behind at a distance. Alice wasn't exactly where she'd been before moving but she was at least talking to Zelena again.


	6. Chapter 6

Alice had managed to help Zelena cook and then sat down in the place she was when Zelena had thanked her.

Zelena had to make sure she didn't trip over either Alice or Luna but she wasn't willing to tell Alice to go wherever because she knew she'd hole right back up in the corner of the living room.

Alice watched Zelena. She didn't know what she wanted her to do.

She could tell Zelena was walking around her and Luna as she walked between the table and the stove.

Zelena decided Alice needed to move.

"Okay, do you want to color or do you want to go outside, or do you want to do something else?"

Alice stared at her. Was this still how it worked? This place was different. Was zelena going to hit her the moment she made a decision? Was she going to remind her she wasn't supposed to make her own choices?

"It's okay. I'm asking, I'm not telling," Zelena had taken archie's advice on making it explicitly clear that nothing Zelena said was a demand.

Alice nodded, still scared. She wanted to draw. But the words still felt wrong. She was still friengtened. She'd gotten more used to talking but moving had made everything feel like it'd change again.

Alice shook her head. If she just sat where she was completly quiet and pet Luna nothing bad would happen.

"It's okay. Which do you want?"

"Draw" Alice hung her head and flinched. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Zelena told her. "You can tell me things you want or need, I'm not going to get angry."

Alice nodded shakily and waited for Zelena to dismiss her.

"Here, go ahead." Zelena set some supplies on the table and left Alice to it.

This repeated painfully for days. Zelena had to coax every slight action out of Alice. She'd curled back into herself. Her eyes had never lost their look of fear but it had returned to beinf worse than Zelena had ever seen. It was almost like she could see the words in Alice's mind. "Please don't hurt me."

Zelena wished she could make everything better. She gave Alice things to do. She made sure she had everything she needed. But she couldn't make her live more than going through the motions.

Zelena had scheduled more sessions with Archie. There had to be some way to get Alice to some baseline level of functioning before they moved on with teaching her new skills.

Zelena opened the door for Archie. It'd been about a week since his last visit.

She stepped outside to talk to him.

"Ok, so we know Alice is very easily frightened by people. And doesn't trust easily. She won't let me help her if she's terrafied of me. So she needs seeing me with somethinf she likes doing. What does she like doing?"

"If you play a card game with her she will be beyond excited about you coming over. She trust Robin fairly well. She loves to draw"

"Okay."

They walked in and saw Alice sitting and drawing.

"Alice, Archie is just going to sit here while you draw. Is that okay with you? You are allpwed ro say no."

Alice nodded. Archie hadn't hurt her last time he was around. And he'd given her a toy. And he'd stopped when she wanted him to stop. She had no idea how he'd kmown she was done but was thankful he'd left her alone.

"Thank-you, Alice. Which seat do you want me to sit in?"

Alice stared at him. If it was a choice. The one across the table from her. He wouldn't be able to reach easily if he wanted to hurt her. She pointed.

Archie sat down. "Ok."

And Zelena busied herself elsewhere.

Archie watched Alice color for a while.

"Which color is your favorite?"

Alice picked up the yellow one. It looked like Luna. And she liked drawing Luna.

Okay. Archie knew that Alice preferred to communicate quietly or silently if at all possible. And he was just working on getting her to be willing to be around him so he tried to ask questions that would be easy for her to answer in her way.

"Which color is your least favorite?"

Alice picked up the red one. It looked like blood. Which she drew often but she didn't like it.

"Ok, I think I'm going to draw too, is that okay?"

Alice nodded and gently pushed a piece of paper toward him and set a pencil down on the tsbke to do this same. Noted. Alice didn't seem to want to hand him anything.

"I have my own pencil, but thank-you. What do you think I should draw?"

Alice blinked. She didn't know. But it was a direct question.

"Sorry, Alice. It's okay. I'm not asking anyone specifically. You don't have to answer it'a okay."

Luna was laying slightly away from alice. "Luna?"

"I can draw her," archie agreed.

Luna walked over and offered her head so Alice could pet her and calm down.

Archie drew for a while. "I've never been able to get the snout quite right," Archie admitted showing off his drawing.

Alice then did the same. A highly detailed picture of the tower. That would honestly explain so much about Alice's childhood if she was willing to let him examine it. "Can I look closer?"

Alice nodded and set it on the table with a delicate push.

Archie studied the drawing. There was bed and a pile of blankets. He knew Alice slept in a pile of blankets still. Something akin to a belt hanging on a wall with red spots. Blood maybr? Vials shattered on the ground. That one didn't make sense. And he looked next to the bed. Were those chains? What had Alice been through?

Archie decided he'd pushed Alice enough for one day. And decided something simple would be a better plan.

"Thank-you. Do you want to draw or something else next time?"

Alice nodded. Drawing was fine. Next time? Was Archie come back again?

"Okay, I'll see you in a few days. Bye."

Alice nodded which was honestly the closest thing to a greeting or a farewell anyone expected.

It took weeks of Archie coming over before Alice would actually greet him. And she still had no idea why he came over. He always came over and immediately spent time with her. Robin did that but she was no longer being beaten so Archie's presence didn't do what Robin's did. Robin had given her something to look forward to whenever mother decided to punish her. Archie was just there.

"Hi," Alice awkwardly greeted Archie. He'd told her over and over again she could call him any name she wanted as long as she managed to say it. She wasn't ready for that though.

Archie had began trying his best to reward Alice when she managed to do something she clearly found difficult.

"That's really good. Here." He handed her chocolate. He'd quickly learned that bubblegum was the opposite of a reward.

It'd been a simple one of his visits. She'd dropped one of her pencils and had glanced between it and Archie before deciding to get it. It had fallen next to archie though and she looked terrafied. "It's okay, I won't hurt you."

Alice picked it up and sat down next to him. Waiting for pain. But then when it didn't come decided to go back to her seat.

"Good job. Do you want gum?."

Alice nodded. And he'd handed her a piece of bubblegum.

She ate it. But didn't like it. It tasted like the potion mother gave her when she was really young and hadn't learned how to sit still yet. That had always made her head hurt and and made her fall asleep no matter what she was doing. She'd fallen quite a few times from it.

Alice chewed the gum anyway. Terrafied she was going to fall over at any moment.

"It's okay if you don't like it. It's gum you're supposed to spit it out at some point snyway."

Alice did exactly that then laid down next to the trash can.

"Are you tired?" Alice shook her head. No

But she would be soon.

"Can you come back over here? Please?"

Alice did what she was told and sat back in her seat.

"Did you like it?" Alice shook her head. It tasted like a potion.

Alice sketched a picture of the potion bottle and moved on.

"Okay, can i see your drawing?"

Archie was using Alice's drawings to see what she thought about. Unfortunately the vast majority of it was still currently about things that he knew must have happened long before she met Zelena and no one had any way of completely deciphering what she meant.

It took weeks of multiple people showing Alice that she was okay before she finally went back to using Luna to get around the house and stopped relying on Zelena to tell her everything. And for Zelena to decide it was okay to try having Archie do a proper theroay session in his own office.


	7. Chapter 7

Alice was sitting quietly and drawing which was most of what she did. She'd returned to using Luna's help in order to get a few places in the house. She hadn't gone outside since the move.

Zelena walked into the kitchen.

"Good morning. Have you eaten?"

Alice shook her head. She helped Zelena cook but she had no idea how to cook for herself. She'd never had to. It'd always been food left on the counter for her. Even with zelena her food was always set somewhere for her to get. It was easier that way. No one had to get into her space in order to give it to her.

"Okay, how's cereal sound?"

Alice agreed. And Zelena poured some and added milk. "I think you can do this yourself if you want." Alice nodded. She had no idea how she'd lift the milk on her own. She rarely moved and most of her body was weakened from this.

"I'm happy to help you if you'd rather that, okay?" Zelena wasn't sure what was preferable. When she just did things for Alice she had to watch as Alice stared at her with her eyes pleading for mercy that wasn't needed. But it gave Alice a chance to talk to her if she decided she wanted to. But when Alice did things on her own sometimes things didn't go that well. She'd never been allowed to and so hadn't learned. At least that was Zelena's best guess. She wished Alice had a way to tell her everything. But she didn't. All she could do was make guesses off of shat was in the drawings. And she didn't know if parts of that were exaggerated or if the things in the drawings were literal depicitons of Alice's life. She really hoped they weren't.

"Archie's coming today," Zelena told Alice as she was eating. Alice nodded. Archie was okay, shw guessed. He just sat and drew with her when she did. He'd ask a few quesrions sometimes but they were all pretty eady questions. She could almost always just point or gesture. She liked those questions. And whenever she talked or moved he gave her candy. Which was weird but she liked it.

ut she still feared his eventual reveal of a temper. Zelena's had come out recently. She'd apologized but Alice was concerned of what Zelena might do at some point. "He's going to bring a friend of his, I think. A dog."

Alice looked up from her food. Her attention more on Zelena in a different way. A dog? Like Luna? She got a little excited and stopped thinking about pain for a minute. "DogLuna?"

Alice's eyes widened and she dropped the spoon she'd been holding into her bowl, dsrting her eyes to the table. "Sorry."

"It's okay. You're okay. We've talked about this haven't we?" Zelena offered comfort knowing that to Alice everything she did must have reminded her of pain. "It's okay to talk, it's okay if you drop things, you're okay. And yes, like Luna."

Archie walked in and saw Zelena talking to Alice.

"I agree with Zelena."

Alice slightly glanced upwards and saw Archie standinf next to what Zelena had said was a dog like Luna. But it was so much bigger. Was it friendly like Luna? Would it be nice. Alice knew she didn't like when people pet Luna. And she knew pwople usuallg asked and kften disn't listen when she said no. But she didn't want to talk. So she would settle for staring at the dog and hoping he was nice.

"This is Pongo, and he would absolutley lkve it if you said hi. Do you want to pet him?" Archie offered. Alice nodded bur stayed glued to her seat. He could come to her. Luna was in another room. And there were so many people watching her. Really just two. Luna wandered into the room and started sniffing Pongo. Then walked over to Alice and nudged her with her nose. "It's okay. You can move," Zelena told her. "You don't need my permission."

Alice nodded. She needed someone's but Zelena worked.

Alice walked over to Pongo and sat down. She felt even smaller next to him. And now everyone towered over her. It would be so easy for them to hurt her. She didn't want to think about that. She'd put herself in this position this time. She knew better. She knew that sitting down right undernesth someone was a bad idea. She wouldn't see them coming until they grabbed her. Alice started to panick. She wanted to get up. But she wasn't allowed to, was she. Alice reached out and pet Pongo. He wasn't the same. She didn't know him and he wouldn't be comforting like Luna would. Luna saw the slowly increasing signs of Alice getting into her own head or her own memories and came and laid in her lap. Alice pet Luna and breathed.

She didn't feel any pain. Archie had stepped out of her space and Pongo was now laying flat on the ground while Archie sat next to him rubbing his belly. Luna liked when Alice did that. And Zelena had said dogs only showed their bellies to people they felt they could trust and that dogs were a good judge kf charactter. So if Pongo trusted Archie, should Alice. It was a wary form of trust. Alice didn't know anything else. No matter what there was always that chance a person would hurt her. But maybe Archie wouldn't go out of his way to do so. Maybe his punishments wouldn't be too bad when they did occur. Alice decided she wanted to go over to Archie. But she waa stll cautious "CanIgooverthere?" Alice whispered to Luna who gave her permission then walked with her over to Archie and Pongo.

"Hi," Archie greeted.

Alice stared at him.

"I like questions," Archie told her watching her eyes dart between fearful and curious

Alice was scared but Pongo trusted him so maybe it'd only be a small punishment? She was willing to risk that. She didn't think Archie would beat her. Hopefully not. "Pet?" Alice mumbled her request more at the floor than at Archie but still managed to ask for what she wanted.

"Sure, Pongo loves attention. Also really good, here let me get you a piece of candy" Archie made his movements slow and told Alice what he was doing lest she take it to mean she'd dome something wrong and only narrowly escaped pain.

Alice took the candy then started petting Archie and just relaxed a little. Luna saw that Alice was content and decided to lay in archie's lap.

Archie glanced at the dog. The dog was technically there for Alice. She wasn't wearing her vest this time. He'd gotten there too early and Alice had seemed fine without having her attached to her. But he still wasn't sure if it was okay to pet her.

"I knlw I'm not supposed to pet her when shs's wearing her vest, is it okay right now?"

Alice nodded. She felt almost safe right now. She didn't need Luna to do anything for her. It was okay.

"You can say no, it's fine."

Alice nodded. "Pet."

"Okay." Archie pet Luna. Zelena walked i to the living saw only that amd Alice comfortably petting pongo.

"Good job, Alice."

Alice didn't pay any attention to Zelena for a minute.

Alice had talked enough but still had questions about pongo. She'd ask Robin later.

"Do you want to know more about him?"

Alice nodded. Why did he have spots? Alice pointed to the black dots on the dog. Why are they there?

Archie knew most conversations with alice were not at all elaborate games of charades with only one and a half willing participants but he answered all of her silent questions to the best of his ability and agreed to bring Pongo with him the next time.

Which his resolve to do only strengthened as he was leaving and Alice whispered something unprompted. "Byepongo."


	8. Chapter 8

FanFiction

Zelena and Archie were having a conversation. Alice had warmed up to him. Or rather to Pongo. And Archie had made the smallest bits of progress. Alice would greet Pongo out loud and at least sometimes try to get Archie to answer questions she asked in her own way.

"Why does Alice throw things sometimes? It's stopped being dangerous things but we'll be having a conversaion and suddenly her toy will be on the floor or a blanket or a pillow. It's never at anyone but the ground."

"From what we know, she wasn't allowed to talk much. How would you feel if you rarely spoke and someone started asking you questions you didn't have an answer to? She may not have the words she needs to describe how she feels. And it's probably frustrating. Also we know she was used to being hurt a lot so when you don't hurt her she doesn't know what to do. Right now we don't know if she knows how to describe any feelings other than happy and angry and there are so many more."

"How do I handle it? Mr. Rabbit and I at this point are one step away from me having a broken ankle when he gets left where he was thrown."

"You just have to talk her through it."

"Alice, go fish," Robin repeated herself for the second time as Alice had been staring at something else she could see.

Alice nodded and did as she was told.

"So, what are you looking at anyway?" Alice shook her head. She was watching the window. She could see everything outside but couldn't touch it. The feeling was familiar but she was okay with it. She liked going outside but she wasn't sure she was allowed to.

"You want to go outside, don't you?"

Alice shook her head. She just wanted to watch. She didn't want to anger Zelena.

"You can ask Luna, remember?" Robin was gentle but she wanted to scream. Alice was still so scared. She just wanted her to realize she was safe.

Alice nodded. She didn't want to go outside yet though. She wasn't ready. But she could try to make herself something to eat like Zelena had said a few days before.

"LunacanIgotothekitchen?" Luna nodded and Robin followed the pair into the kitchen.

Robin assumed Alice had just wanted to move where she'd been sitting and retire into another corner of the house but she saw Alice petting Luna and comforting herself through her actions while asking Luna for permission for every little thing.

She stared at Robin for a moment, trying to find something in her eyes that would tell her if she was going to get in trouble.

"You've got this, Alice," Robin sat down and quietly cheered Alice on offering praise for even the little things she knew she had a hard time with.

Alice listend to Luna and got the box out of the cabinet. She grabbed a bowl and asked Luna if she could get the milk.

Robin wasn't sure that was a good idea. Alice had never done that before and it wasn't neccesarily something that wouldn't easily fall over nd frighten Alice but she was trying so hard to do this one thing Robin decided to stay silent through it.

"It's okay, you've got it," Robin encouraged as Alice walked the few steps from the fridge to the counter with a gllon of milk that likely weighed more than anything she'd ever held before.

Alice pushed it onto the counter than opened it. She got it a little off the counter but couldn't quite handle it and it bumped agaisnt thebowl, sending that shattering.

Alice stared at it.

"Sorrysorrysorry." Robin immediatly got up to help her. She knew the best way to handle this was to let Alice know that she didn't have to worry.

"It's okay, I'll help you clean it up." Alice didn't seem to care much for that answer.

Alice shook her head really violentally. "Sorrybadthing."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I know, the milk was heavy."

Alice shook her head again. Zelena only had one rule she'd said out loud. She wasn't supposed to break things. And she'd done it again. It wasn't okay. She wasn't supposed to do that.

"Come on, what's wrong?"

Alice shook her head. She'd clean up the mess herself. She stood up and apologized again to Robin.

"Alice, it's okay." Alice grabbed a dustpan and swept up the glass.

Where was Zelena she needed to show her.

Alice grabbed a piece of the bowl. It was sharp but she didn't care. She knew better. She knew not to break the simple rules. She knew that mother would be angry about the ones she should know. And Zelena hadn't asked her for much. She hadn't tried to hurt her too badly yet. But Alice was terrafied now. She knew it'd hurt. She wasn't sure she wanted to tell Zelena about the mistake.

"Alice, yu could really hurt your hand with that," Robin tried to reeason. Alice didn't want to listen.

"LunacanIshowZelena?" When Luna nodded Robin saw a flaw in the way they'd trained Luna. there was no stopping Alice from this now. She was going to carry around a glass shard. But Luna was the only reason Alice even halfway functioned when Zelena wasn't in her line of sight.

Alice went to Zelena's room and stood in teh open doorway.

"Alice, hi. What's going on?"

"Brokethissorry."Alice explain what'd she'd done and went over and stopped. She was too close. This was already a mistake.

"It's okay, you can be as close to me as you want to," Zelena told her. Alice nodded. Right now she would prefeer the tower. At least there she knew what kind of punishment she was going to get. She wanted to ask but she was scared.

"Alice, you're bleeding."

Alice looked around. A little blood didn't bother her. It just meant her punishment had to wait.

"Come on, let me put a bandaid on that"

Alice hated having things on her hands or wrist. It reminded her of the restraints mother would use when she was angry. She couldn't do anything when they were on and mother had left her with things she had to find a way to do even though moving more than a few steps was painful and any further and it was simply impossible.

"it's okay, this kind shouldn't feel anything like the splint. It's okay."

Alice nodded. She didn't believe her. "Can I have the glass please?" Alice nodded and handled Zelena the shard.

Zelena grabbed a bandaid and talked Alice gently through it. "It's easy, okay." Zelena could see the fear in Alice's eyes and wished she could make it go away if only for a second.

She wouldn't be able to move, Alice didn't like the thought. She knew she'd done something wrong but she hadn't been running or taling. She didn't think this was the right punishment. Why couldn't Zelena just beat her? It'd be easier. And it'd be over faster. She didn't know how to tell Zelena that she didn't want to use a bandaid. That the bleeding could stop on its own. She just didn't want anything on her hand. Why couldn't that work? She threw Mr. Rabbit at the ground. She didn't want to do what Zelena asked and didn't know how to get out of it. It made sense to make her angrier. That way she could at least feel like she knew why it was happening. Or she didn't know what the words were. She just didn't like this idea.

"Alice, do you want to pick up your toy?" Alice nodded and picked Mr. Rabbit up. She just didn't want to deal with what she thought a bandaid was. Zelena knew Alice had been terrafied of the splint and the wrap when she'd broken her wrist and decided the bandaid likely fell in the same category but had no idea why it scared her. But it idn't matter, all that mattered was that Alice was hurt and scared and possibly frustrated.

"It's scary isn't it?"

Alice nodded.

"What if I put one on first?" Zelena hated that Alice was scared of a bandaid but she ws and she could let her be scared and comfort her.

Alice nodded. If they both couldn't move than Zelena couldn't hit her although she'd prefer that to what she thought was happening but it'd be fine.

"Ok, I'm just going to open this little box, I pull out a bandaid and open it and then look, it goes on easy. Nothing too scary. But it's okay if you're scared. Sometimes things are just scary. I'm going to put this on you now if it's okay with you."

Alice let Zelena put the bandaid on but then pulled her hand back close to her body and picked up mr. rabbit. Oh, it moved fine. Zelena had been right. Not scary at all. "Okay, you did it. That's awesome.

"Brokething. SorrySorry."

"You broke something?" Alice nodded.

"was it an accident?" Zelena asked. it was one thing if Alice dropped something by accident but she did not want a repeat of the war she'd declared on the last set. Alice nodded. "then it doesn't matter. It didn't even happen, how's that sound?"

Alice shook her head. "Hurt?"

"I know, I saw you hurt your hand."

No! Why didn't she get it, Alice was wating for her to punish her. "Hurt."

"You're hurt?"

Alice shook her head and threw the rabbit down again. "Alice, I know it's hard for you to use your words, but can you please try. I'm sorry I dom't understand."

" ."

"I'm not going to hurt you."

Alice gave up. Was the cut on her hand the punishment then? It wasn't a big one. But Zelena had broken her promise if it was.

"And to clarify, your cut on your hand isn't a punishment. it's just something that happened." Zelena could remeber being young being raised by her father and thinking everything she did was her fault. "You're not in toruble, and I still will never hurt you."

Alice nodded. Okay. She wasn't compleltly convincd but she felt a lot better.


	9. Chapter 9

Zelena let out a quiet sigh. It'd been a few days since Alice had hurt her hand and the bandaid was still firmly attached to her. Zelena worried that the more she had to handle injuries the less Alice would accept the idea that Zelena wasn't a threat. But she had no other choice.

"I'm sure you're not bleeding anymore," Zelena told Alice calmly as she kept her distwnce from where she was sitting with one of her stuffed animals. "The bandaid has to come off." Zelena wanted Alice to feel like this was her decision. "We can go at your pace, alright?"

Alice blinked. She wasn't sure what pace meant but wasn't going to ask. "I mean that, as fast or as slow as you want. Okay. Here's what I need to be able to do. I need to be able to touch your hand and take the bandaid off. It might be a little sticky. It might hurt for just a second. But it won't hurt for long."

Alice nodded. She was scared. She didn't want to be hurt. But Zelena was finally telling her it'd hurt. Something would. Something would finally feel the way she was used to. She had tried everything to get Zelena to hurt her and she hadn't. Now she was going to? Alice was scared. She knew she deserved pain but what was the exact reason this time? Had she done something wrong? Of course she had, but what? Alice's eyes flashed with fear.

"Sorry." Alice apologized. If it was going to hurt she could try to beg her way out of it. It worked with mother. Sometimes. But she wanted Zelena to show that she cared about something involving her. Mother had done that. She'd made it clear she didn't care about Alice. She'd said as much but Alice had never doubted that what she did or didn't do mattered. It changed the way mother reacted to her. With Zelena, it didn't feel like it did. Not in a way that made sense.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Zelena assured her. Alice nodded just to agree with her and get things over with. Yes, she wanted Zelena to show she cared but the pain was still going to be pain. And it was going to hurt in ways Alice had stopped feeling. She missed it but she didn't fully want it.

Alice shakily reached her hand towards Zelena. She didn't trust it but if it was over quickly she could just go back to sitting with her toys. Or petting Luna. She didn't want to wait. Waiting just made the fear of the upcoming pain greater.

"Ok, thank-you. You're not in trouble. I don't mean for it to be painful. If it is I am so sorry, okay?"

Alice nodded. She'd deal with the fact Zelena had apologized later. "Okay, when you're ready."

Alice stared at her. She was ready. But she wasn't going to say she was. "Are you ready?"

Alice nodded. Zelena winced as she grabbed the bandaid and pulled it off. "Are you okay? Did it hurt too much?"

Alice stared at Zelena. That coulsn't have been a punishment. She hadn't even felt it! Alice nodded. Then shook her head. Yes she was fine. No it didn't hurt too much. It hadn't hurt at all. Alice was confused. Two questions at once was harder to deal with. She got her answer out in her silent way.

"Well, you did great." Zelena reassured Alice and then excused herself so she could think about how much effort it'd taken to get Alice to accept using a bandaid without showing Alice the anger and resentment she had towards the woman that had created this mess to begin with.

Alice sat in the corner of the kitchen petting Mr. Rabbit. She wanted to move but Luna and Zelena were both nowhere to be found.

" ," she talked to Mr. Rabbit quietly and in nonsentances at first and when no one seemed to notice she whispered a bit more. Still so quiet it was unlikley anyone would hear her. "I' . Don'twantpain. Sorry." Alice muttered to her toy and held back the tears. She just wanted to do something she liked doing. And she couldn't. She was used to this feeling. Sometimes it was when she couldn't do things she needed. Mother gave her what she needed, eventually but it still hurt knowing she had to wait for it. Alice didn't know why that hurt, it was all she'd ever known. Zelena was different. She rarely made her wait for anything but that frightened Alice.

Zelena came in to check on Alice. Alice was happy, she wasn't sure that was the right word, that she didn't catch her telling Mr. Rabbit her wants.

"Do you want to do something else or do you want to sit right there?"

"Thing," Alice whispered. Zelena knew if she tried she could get a little more out of Alice but wasn't sure if it was a battle she should pick.

"You're allowed to talk more if you'd like to, you don't have to but you can," Zelena didn't sigh but wanted to. "What do you want to do?"

Alice looked at the ground even more and darted her gaze to Mr. Rabbit for a brief moment. Had Zelena heard her? She was so quiet. She din't think she had.

"Draw."

"Okay, go ahead. I'll grab your drawing stuff."

"Thank-you." Zelena accepted the one sentance Alice didn't rush and got out of the way so Alice could comfortably pass her then set the drawing supplies on he table and left Alice to her own devices.

A few days later Zelena met with Archie in his office. "I don't know how to get her to understand that whatever it was she went through, wasn't okay. I don't even fully know. I ever meet that woman though and I won't be held responsible for my actions."

"Usually, I'd be above murder but in this case, I'll help."

Zelena let out a slight chuckle. "She doesn't get it. She understands pain and she understands not being in pain from what I've seen. She didn't know what graass was. Robin explained everything she could ask about in her way. She doesn't use words if she can avoid it. Archie, and that look in her eyes. It doesn't go away. Or maybe it does when she's entirely alone. But she looks so scared. If she talked enough I'm sure she'd be asking me not to hurt her everytime I walk by her. And when she does manage to speak, she apologizes. I want to know what she wants to say. I don't know that I'll ever get her where she needs to be."

Archie let Zelena finish her rant before chiming in. "And where does she need to be?"

"I dn't know. I'd love if she could not need me. I just want her to be happy and independant. I want her to have a conversation. One where I don't have to coax her into it. One she decided to have."

"She's been tortured for well over a decade, you're setting your expectations too high, Zelena. She may never be able to do that. She may never be fully capable of everything you want her to be. What you need to understand is that Alice has to unlearn so much. Maybe she'll get there. But maybe she won't. Don't force things on her if you don't have to. She's been forced enough."

"I know she's afraid to speak sometimes but do you think there's anything that'll help that."

"I think she doesn't have the words. She knows what she needed to know. Beyond that? I'm not sure she was taught a lot. I want to try telling her aa fairytale to show her right and wrong."

"You can try if you think it's a good idea."

Archie and Zelena scheduled the next time Archie would meet with Alice. Archie agreed to bring Pongo and Zelena headed home from his office.


	10. Chapter 10

A few days passed fairly uneventfully. Alice had refused to try to get her own food again and somehow become more cautious whenever she went into the kitchen. Zelena would have been impressed by the fact that was even possible had it not been a clear indication that Alice was terrafied.

Alice was standing a few feet away from Zelena and clinging to Mr. Rabbit. A sight everyone was used to. The toy comforted her. Archie had suggested Alice probably liked things she could feel because she lacked a lot of sights and sounds for so long that her brain needed a way to make up for the missing input.

"Do you want to help me or do you want to do something else?" Zelena offered after Alice had been staring at her and moving Mr. Rabbit around for a little while.

Alice sat down. She didn't want to touch anything she might break. She didn't know how to make sure nothing broke.

"Okay," Zelena didn't know what that was about. She'd been watching her the same way she did when she wanted to help.

Zelena finished cooking and set the food on the table.

"Canigoeat?" Alice asked Zelena who was in front of her even though Luna was close by too.

"Sure, you don't have to ask," Zelena was calm but inside wished nothing more than to find the person that had done this and at the very least give them a piece of her mind. Alice didn't deserve this. No one deserved this. She was so scared of her own existance. Zelena wanted to know why but feared the answers.

Alice blinked. She had to. That made sense. It was wrong not to. Mother never let her do things without permission. She didn't even really like her asking. But Zelena was a little different. She could ask. But she couldn't do it without permission! That was wrong! Alice's breathing sped up and she couldn't think of anything besides how terraying the situation was. Luna could help. She was a few feet away from her. She could help. She just had to get her. She quietly whispered for Luna. She hated talking but she knew Luna made her feel better when all she wanted to do was curl up and hide. Luna came over and laid down in her lap letting her pet her until her breathing steadied and she'd managed to not be that level of scared.

Luna always did it on her own accord. Zelena had never seen Alice notice it herself before, and she found a way to tell Luna she needed her. She was happy Alice seemed to trust Luna. It wasn't the same as trusting a person. But Zelena had worried Alice would always believe everyone and everything meant her harm. At least Alice had a friend.

Zelena waited until Luna had moved out of Alice's lap and lowered herself to Alice's level. Standing above her just showed her she was a threat.

"That was good. Good job telling Luna you needed her."

Good? Alice had been scared. She knew she needed Luna and wanted it to be okay. It was okay? She hadn't done anything wrong? "Archie's coming today." Zelena reminded Alice.

Archie? She liked Pongo. Was Pongo coming too? Pongo trusted Archie so Alice was less scared of him.

Alice pointed to Luna. Luna was a dog. Pongo was a dog. Zelena had mentioned Archie. Was Pongo coming? Or even Pongo too? It was just a few words. But she coildn't get them out. No matter how much she wanted to, her fear caught them before she could.

Zelena knew Alice liked Pongo and could try to piece together what she was trying to say. She wished she'd talk to her more. But she would take the fact Alice was asking her a question, or at least trying to, about something outside of what she was allowed to do as a win.

"Yeah, Pongo's coming too."

Alice nodded. Pongo wasn't scary. "Do you want to vest Luna, or do you think you can just call her if you need her this time?"

Alice nodded then shook her head. She didn't want to talk. She'd spoken to Zelena before but she couldn't bring herself to do it right now. And she didn't want to talk around Archie unless she had to. She didn't know how he would react. Would he hurt her for it or just ignore it?

"I'm gonna need a little more, I don't know what you want."

Alice pointed to Luna and nodded.

"So you do want me to put her vest on her?" Zelena tried to get some clarification. It was hard to know what Alice wanted. She had her own way of communicating but it was limited. It wasn't always easy to decipher.

Alice nodded again. It'd be easier that way. Zelena agreed and vested Luna mere minutes before the doorbell rang. Luna wouldn't need to do anything where she needed to guide Alice so she left the harness off and hanging on the wall.

"That's probably Archie." Zelena handed Alice Luna's leash and walked away to answer the door. Zelena opened the door to see Archie standing next to let out a sigh of relief that he hadn't forgotten the dog.

They walked in and saw Alice still sitting where she had been left with Luna and Mr. Rabbit.

Alice held onto Mr. Rabbit and pet Luna with her free hand. Alice saw Pongo and got excited. She didn't show it but she was happy to see Pongo.

She wanted to say hi to Pongo. She wanted to pet him. But asking in front of Zelena felt wrong. She'd said hi to pongo before. Nothing bad had happened.

"Hey, Alice," Archie greeted in the lull of conversation. Alice nodded. She didn't want to greet him. "Do you have anything you want to say?"

Archie was trying to coax her into starting the conversation without forcing it on her. Force only dug her deeper into a state of constant fear.

Alice nodded. Was it okay? Could she do it?. "You can, if you want to. You don't have to."

"Hipongo," Alice immediatly went back to staring at the floor but got the words out. "Sorry." She apologized for it immediatley

"Good job, Alice. It's okay." Archie knew the best way to handle her greeting Pongo was to let her pet him. "Do you want to pet him?"

Alice nodded.

"Okay, you can. Pongo, go say hi." Archie unhooked Pongo's cloth leash and then dismissed the dalmation to go over to Alice.

Archie then sat down and waited a few minutes for Alice to get comfortable petting Archie.

"I think we're going to try something different today, okay?"

Alice nodded. "Do you want to stay in the floor or go sit at the table." Archie gave her choices, he knew she didn't know how to be fully in control of her own actions. Or she was afraid to be.

Alice wanted to sit and pet Pongo but she wanted Archie further away from her. She pointed to the table then flinched. Had that been the wrong choice? She wanted Archie to believe she'd moved by accident if it had.

"Okay, let's go sit at the table. You can still play with Pongo, okay?" Alice nodded.

"LunacanIgotable?" she rushed the words and whispered at the ground but she got what she felt she needed. Archie still wasn't entirely used to the way Alice used Luna. It made him a little sad to know that this was an improvement from what she'd acted like before.

Alice sat down and Luna laid down at her feet.

"I'm going to try to tell you a story, okay?"

Alice nodded. She didn't know what that meant. "Do you know what a story is?" Archie had his doubts that Alice had ever heard anything like this.

Alice shook her head. "It's something that's pretend, okay? But not a lie. Does that make sense?" Alice nodded. She knew what pretend was. Imaginary, fake not real.

[[ A young Alice sat on the windowsill. She'd gotten something for mother. But she couldn't find it. She'd gone outside but she couldn't remember everything about it. And she couldn't find the thing she wanted to give mother. It was pretty and it was the same color as one of mother's potion vials. She wasn't sure what had happened to it.

Mother was standing in the kitchen. "I got something for you." She was young and hadn't been scared out of speaking yet. Not completly. "I can't find it."

Mother had rolled her eyes. Not actually that interested in anything she'd had to say.

"What are you talking about?"

"I went outside and I got someting but can't find it." She'd just wanted to give it to mother. It was pretty.

Mother had crossed the tower and hit her. Alice hadn't been used to the pain yet. This hadn't been the first time but it was still something new to her. Her curiosity was still strong. She still had questions and wasn't too afraid to ask them yet.

"Why did you do that?" Alice had tears in her eyes, it had hurt and this was the only person she knew. She was learning about the world and it was quickly being shown to her that it was one filled with pain.

"Did you go outside?"

"Yes?" Alice wasn't sure of herself any more. She had gone outside. But she was saying it as a question now. She didn't understand why mother had hurt her. And she hadn't given her an answer.

"Touch the window," Alice didn't want to but wasn't sure why she'd felt pain so she did as she was told. The barrier didn't let her go far.

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. You can't have gone outside."

"But I did. And I got you something but I can't find it."

"That was a dream. Imaginary. Pretend. Fake. Not real. Not suprised you don't know the difference. You're pathetic. And even if it had been real, why would I want anything you gave me? I don't like you. You're here so I have my freedom. That's it. That's all you will ever be to me. Maybe when you're older you can do some chores around here."

Alice had nodded. And still wanted to understand what she'd done that was so wrong. "Why did you hit me?"

Mother had simply hit her again. "Fine, I'll answer you. Because I can. And you deserved it. You said you went outside. Which you're not allowed to do."

But she hadn't gone outside, Alice wanted to argue. She opened her mouth to do exactly that. "Do you really want to say whatever you're about to say?" Mother had challenged her. "Because feel free, it may be something I hit you for."

Alice knew it was going to hurt if she said it. But she just wanted to understand what the rules were. She'd try to follow them. She'd been young. She hadhn't learned how far mother could take her punishments yet.

"I didn't go outside," Mother had yelled a lot after that one.

"I don't care what you think about, just don't tell me about it. Your imaginary whatever? I care about that even less than I care about you."

Alice had stopped talking. She had more questions but mother was angry and she had made it clear Alice was only angering her further.

Alice never stopped imaging what it was like outside the tower but she'd stopped telling mother about it.]]]

Alice nodded. She knew what pretend meant.

"Okay, if you get uncofmortable or scared. I can stop. It's not real but I can stop whenever you need me too, okay?"

Alice nodded. She didn't think she'd stop Archie from doing whatever he was doing but she agreed.

"Do you understand that some things are right and some things wrong?" Alice nodded. Archie highly doubted that Alice had a functioning grasp of what was right and wrong and so was going to try to teach her using fairytales. If it worked.

He calmly talked through the story of cinderella. "Right or wrong?" Alice stared at him. She shook her head. She didn't know. She was used to mother saying things to her that made her cry. But she wasn't sure if it was different with someone else. Was it?

"Alice, do you think it was right or wrong of her stepfamily to say things that made Cinderella cry?" Archie had been vauge, he didn't want to accidentally pick a phrase Alice had heard time and time again and risk her thinking he was saying them about her.

Alice wasn't sure. It was right for mother to treat her that way. But she didn't know if that was true for Cinderella. Archie didn't get a response.

"How about if someone did that to you?" Archie knew Alice likely wasn't going to agree with him.

"Right."

Archie shook his head. "It's not okay for anyone to treat anyone that way. It's wrong."

Alice shook her head. "Alice, you're a person. You don't deserve to be told anything that makes you feel like you're not. Okay? Let's keep going. If it's wrong fr cinderella, and you, to be told things that make them cry is this okay?" He continued throught the entire story being just specific enough to explain the question but vauge enough to be careful.

He had to explain why everything Cinderella's step family did was wrong. When it got to the part where Cinderella fled from the castle it got a little more complicated.

"Cinderella's shoe slipped off and she forgot it on the castle's stairs."

What did forget mean?

"Forgot?" Archie blinked. Alice was asking a question. "Sorry."

"Nice, good job. I have chocolate. Remeber, I like questions." Archie set it on the table and then backed up a little so Alice could reach for it and feel comfortable which she did.

Archie explained what forgot meant and Alice looked at him with confusion. Cinderella's family would be upset. She'd be hurt. She'd be restrained for days or a week.

"Hurt?" Alice was worried for cinderella. She'd stopped caring about her own safety for a moment. "Sorry."

"I'm not going to hurt you."

"Do you want me to continue?" Archie checked and Alice nodded.

He continued and got to the part Cinderella gets locked in the attic. "Is that right or wrong?"

Alice shook her head. Cinderella had gone against what her stepmother said. She deserved the punishment.

"Right."

Archie shook his head. He'd been joking but he was willing to murder this girl's mother if he ever got the chance.

"It's wrong, Alice."

Alice threw mr. rabbit onto the ground. It was right. When she did something wrong, she had to take the punishment she'd heard herself. It was the same for Cinderella. She knew it wasn't fun. She knew it hurt. But she'd all but asked her stepmother to beat her by going to the ball.

"When you do something bad I punish you."

Alice remebered those words clearly. They'd been repeated over and over and over again throughout her life.

"No!" was one of mother's favorite words. And she liked to punctuate it with pain and Alice couldn't do anything about it.

"If I hurt you, it's because you did something wrong." Alice had grown used to that over time.

She'd tried once to follow mother's logic. It was wrong to drop things. Mother had dropped something. Alice was a toddler that didn't know any better. And hadn't meant any real harm. She'd been sitting near her and the glass had barely missed her. She toddled over and tried to hit mother. She was little and didn't know any better. Mother solved her problems this way. And she was just immitating the only person she had.

Mother had quickly grabbed her wrist and pushed her away from her.

"No!" Mother had held her wrist in one hand and used the other to strike her. "No hitting." Alice had been confused and started to cry. "Oh shut up." she'd been knocked to the ground. "Come on, get up. Stop crying."

Alice had choked back the tears as she got to her feet. "No hitting, okay?"

Alice had nodded. It was okay for mother?

When she did something wrong she got punished. Mother had sighed. Hitting was wrong. When something was wrong the person that did it got punished. That was what mother had said. Alice had tried again to follow what mother said.

"No!" Mother had hit her again. "I can hit you. You cannot hit me. Got it?"

Alice nodded. She hadn't known. She'd just done what she'd been told was okay to do. She wasn't even sure she'd actualy hurt mother. She couldn't reach that high and was smaller than mother. She'd barely tapped mother's legs and Alice could feel the bruise forming on her face.

"Alice, it's wrong."

Alice shook her head again and knocked someting she could reach off the table.

"Okay, why do you think it's right?"

Alice didn't want to speak but maybe Archie would understand. He didn't scare her as much. "Shedidbad."

"Cinderella just went to a ball, there's nothin wrong with that."

"Mothersaidno."

"So?"

"Badthingpunishment."

Archie could have cried. It wasn't even a full sentance but it was so easy to see that Alice didn't understand cinderella because she saw the idea that it was wrong to disobey whoever was in a position of authority over her.

"It doesn't matter what cinderella did, or you, you don't deserve to be hurt because of it. And Zelena agrees with me."

Alice just sat there for a minute. Archie thought over how long Alice had been living with Zelena.

"I know I'm new, but as long as you've been staying with Zelena, has she hurt you?" Archie knew that she hadn't.

Alice shook her head. She'd had chances to but she'd not done it. She'd shown some anger but Alice wasn't sure why.

"Do you think she's going to start after that long? Seems like a bit too much effort."

Alice thought a minute. Oh. Zelena wouldn't hurt her. The new place had made her forget that. The only time Zelena had been in her space was when she was helping her. And that one time she'd hugged her.

Alice shook her head.

"Okay, good."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Archie pulled out a smalled stuffed animal that was riddled with various textures. "this is for you. It's a stuffed animal but look, it has all kinds of different textures. And little ropes and ribbons you can pull on and play with. And it doesn't make any sound since I know you don't like things that do."

He set it on the table and encouraged Alice to pick it up. She picked it up and ran her hands around it. It was soft in some places and not in others. Some parts were the same kind of fabric that mr. rabbit was and some parts had little dots she could feel. She liked it.

"Thank-you."

"Okay, I'm going to head out now. Pongo and I will see you next time, okay?"

Alice nodded, fairly distracted by her new toy. "Byepongo." Archie called pongo over to him and they found Zelena and walked outside with her.

"That went decetly well. I think she might realize you won't hurt her now. I got her a toy. It's got different things she can touch and play with. Parts are soft and some parts are textured plastic. She seemed to like it."

"Well, thank-you. That'll give her something to do, at least."

They talked for a few more minute, plannigng for his next vist and then Archie left. Once he was gone Robin walked past Zelena with her bow slung over her shoulder.

"I'm back, hey Alice," Robin greeted. She'd been gone a few days for an archery convention. "Why's Luna vested."

Alice was happy Robin was back. She was the easiest for her to be around. She didn't feel like explaining though. Zelena walked in, unvested Luna and then everyone went about their days. With Alice playing with her new toy for most of it.


	11. Chapter 11

Zelena was sitting in Archie's office. She met with him just as frequently as Alice did. It was as much for her own good as it was for Alice's. The amount of fear Alice had of everything weighed on her conscience. Sometimes she felt she hadn't done enough as quickly as she could have. And she didn't always know how to handle situations she'd never expected to find herself in. She wished Archie had been around when Alice had gone through a phase of being destructive, she still wasn't sure where that patience had come from.

"At this rate, maybe we should have moved into that loft upstairs."

"You have a 65 pound dog and would have to convince Alice that jumping over the broken step is okay," Archie pointed out the reasons Zelena hadn't chosen to move into that apartment when the realtor had shown it to her in the first place.

"Alice has a 65 pound dog," Zelena half jokingly corrected. They carried on through their session talking about various things and Archie suggested it might be a good idea to try to get Alice out of the house before her first session in Archie's office. Something that everyone knew would need to be handled as delicatley as possible. They finished their conversation and Zelena headed back home and went to bed for the night.

Archie's attempt at calming Alice's fears had worked but there were still problems. Just because she knew Zelena wouldn't hurt her didn't mean she was suddenly willing to do things she hadn't been allowed to do for so long. Alice was still cautious. She believed Archie, it'd been long enough that it wasn't likely Zelena was going to decide that she wanted to hurt her but she still didn't fully understand why she wouldn't want to. Mother had made it so clear that she had a reason to keep her, even if she had hurt her for every mistake, not that Alice was allowed to call them mistakes out loud. Why wouldn't Zelena want to hurt her? Why would Zelena even want her? She could come and go whether Alice was around or not. And Alice didn't do all of the cleaning here. Alice wanted to do more. But she didn't know if it would anger Zelena. She reminded herself that Zelena hadn't hurt her for anything and that everyone kept promising her she wouldn't. She still could hear her mother's words sitting in her mind. Alice shook her head. Zelena wouldn't hurt her but it didn't make the words she'd heard her entire life go away. She still felt like everything she did was going to be wrong.

"Good morning, Alice," Zelena walked into the kitchen where she saw Alice sitting in the corner playing with her toy. Tugging on the parts that dangled off it. The toy was definitley giving Alice something she could compleltly handle doing on her own and Zelena greatly appreciated it.

Alice nodded and continued messing with the toy. It was sufficnitly distracting and she could kind of understand that Zelena wasn't planning to hurt her. It wasn't some very long trick. It'd gone on so long that it couldn't be. She kept her gaze at the floor and squeezed the bear closer to her body as she uttered out a muffled "hi."

"Hi," Zelena greeted Alice back. That was huge. Alice choosing to speak on her own was a rare if not nonexistant occurance. Zelena immediatly tried to encoruage it knowing that to Alice this wasn't something simple. "Good job."

Alice didn't look at Zelena but nodded a little. She still didn't understand why Zelena had such different reactions to her than mother had. Mother would have hit her, or yelled. Maybe not every time but most times. But Zelena didn't do that. Zelena wouldn't do that. Alice was starting to understand that but couldn't figure out why not.

Zelena took the victory even though it was a small one. It was one little word but it was massive for Alice. She didn't usually speak if she didn't have to and she'd gotten a word out without Zelena asking. It wasn't likely to happen very often but Zelena would take what she could get. She saw this as a potentiaal oppurtunity for trying to get Alice out of the house. It wouldn't hurt to show her where Archie's office was. To show her that it was just another place that she didn't need to be scared. Zelena knew that if she waited for Alice to ask they'd never leave the house. It'd be easier if Alice would say what she wanted every time she wanted something but Zelena had promised her she'd go at her pace. Sure, she'd been talking about taking off a bandaid but it applied to everything else too. Alice had to be somewhat in charge of when she tried something new or all they'd accomplish would be reinforncing the idea that she wasn't allowed to control any of her actions.

"You know, I don't want to cook today. I'm going to go get food somewhere else do you want to come with me or do you want to stay here?"

Alice stared at Zelena. Was it like the market where they used to live? Would it be loud? Would she get lost? No, she had Luna. As long as no one touched her she couldn't get lost.

Zelena waited knowing fully well that Alice needed to think through everything in order to feel safe. This habit had certainly taught Zelena a new level of patience.

Alice decided she wanted to go with. She'd missed going outside. She'd been too scared after moving to ask and there was a yard that was fenced in so she didn't have to follow Luna to the dog's version on a bathroom.

"Withyou?" Alice questioned her decision immediatly but stared at the floor. It was okay. Zelena was scary but wouldn't hurt her. She was fine. It was okay. She was repeating the words everyone around her seemed to use when she got scared. She didn't understand how they didn't get just as scared. Had no one ever hurt them?

"Yeah of course, you can come with me."

Alice nodded and stayed seated and glanced up at Zelena again. She wasn't talking any more it wasn't as bad to look at Zelena. Alice just wanted to get out of the house for a little while. She liked the sun and she liked the animals. None of the animals she'd met had been anything but moving versions of things she found comforting. But she didn't want to go with just Zelena. She hadn't seen Robin much lately. She'd been at something she'd called a conference, which Alice didn't know what that was. She hadn't been there to play with which Alice hadn't minded as much since Archie was coming over enough that she wasn't bored but she liked when Robin went to the market with them. She talked a lot and didn't expect Alice to say anything. But she'd let her. Alice knew what she wanted. Alice stared at the ground. She could ask for what she wanted. Zelena wasn't going to hurt her. She kept comforting herself with those thoughts as she tugged on the toy in her hand. She wanted to throw it to get what she wanted. It was so much easier to do that than to speak but she tried anyway. "Robin."

Zelena hadn't thought too much of Robin's abscence, and definitley hadn't thought of the effect it could have had on Alice. She knew she'd gotten lucky that Alice hadn't gotten upset by the one person she wasn't entirely scared of being gone for days. She'd known she was leaving but it had still been a risk Zelena hadn't thought much of.

"Okay, I can go get her?" Zelena offered.

When Alice nodded in agreement Zelena did exactly as she said she was going to and walked over to Robin's room. The door was open like every other internal door in the house. The last thing anyone wanted to do was discourage Alice from moving and closed doors were a giant fence with neon do not enter lettering to Alice. She liked doors but hadn't managed to open one without help, whether it be from not understanding how they worked or a fear wasn't quite clear.

"Hey, Robin you awake?" Robin groaned. It'd been a long flight and she was exhausted but she got up and shuffled into the kitchen once Zelena explained she needed a little help figuring out what Alice wanted.

"Hey, Alice," Robin was groggy but put on a happier tone for Alice knowing that if she acted angry about anything it would likely be taken in a way that it wasn't meant. "Did you want me to do something?"

Alice nodded. She wanted Robin to come with them and talk to her. And help if people tried to pet Luna. No was a really hard word and Robin was better at saying it.

"Okay, what do you want me to do?"

"With." Alice eyes were focused on the tiles alternating colors still. Slowly counting the tiles she could touch without moving anything besides her hands.

For once, Robin felt like she was missing the entire context of what Alice was asking for. Robin rarely struggled at understanding Alice. She'd learned how to use what was going on and what everyone else had said to decipher what Alice was saying. But sometimes that didn't work. Sometimes Alice's one worded sentances were just sounds.

"I don't know what you want," Robin told her. She didn't like admitting this. Alice was trying.

Alice clutched her toy a little tighter.

Zelena thought about what they'd been doing before Alice had asked for Robin. Oh! She wanted Robin to come with them. Maybe.

"Do you want Robin to come with us, or were you trying to say something else?" Zelena offered.

Alice nodded. Zelena knew what she meant.

"Okay, yeah I'll come with you guys, where are we going?"

Alice shook her head somewhat violentally. She didn't know. Should she know? It was a question and she didn't have a good answer. Alice shook and little and reached over to get Luna's attention. Luna crawled into her lap. She flinched when Robin started talking to remind her she hadn't done anything wrong.

"It's okay. You're okay," Robin knew Luna did this better but Alice needed to know that no one was angry. No one wanted to cause her harm. "You're alright. You don't have to be the one to answer. I'm going no matter what."

Alice calmed down a bit and as Luna was helping her steady her breathing completly Robin went and changed into day clothes.

"Alright, I'm ready."

Zelena vested Luna once she was out of Alice's lap and made sure they had everything they needed for walking around town.

It took a while to get out of the door but they finally did it.

"Okay, first stop is we're going to go sit down and eat at the diner." The plans for the day were very loose. It depended on how Alice reacted to things she'd never experienced before. It was possible nothing would bother her but it was equally as possible that the smallest things would.

"Lunafollow?" Robin talked to Alice the entire way to the diner, which wasn't long at all. It was just down the street from their house. Alice found it an easy walk.

"Hey, Robin," someone greeted. Alice hadn't seen them at first and hadn't expected them and flinched, her hand slipping off of Luna's harness for a moment. Luna kept walking even though Alice hadn't.

Robin was standing right next to them. "Luna, come here please?" Luna came back and Alice grabbed her harness again. This seemed to shake Alice though. She needed Luna so she didn't get lost but if Luna left she'd just be scared and confused. Everything was so big and there were so many things she could do wrong. And Luna helped.

"it's okay, we'll fix it when we get back to the house okay?" Robin encouraged. Alice nodded.

"Think you can keep going?"

Alice nodded again.

"Ok."

"Lunafollow?"

They kept going and the rest of the walk was luckily uneventul.

"We're here. Good job," Robin encouraged. Everyone occasioannly praised Alice potentially more than was neccesary. It was difficult not to be impressed by the smaller things she accomplished knowing how much work it had taken for her to do them.

Robin opened the door and Alice followed her and Zelena in.

Alice had never seen seats like the ones that were against the wall in this place.

"Let's sit down?" Robin offered and scooted into her favorite booth.

Alice wasn't sure what she thought. It wasn't something she was used to. And the seat she was in was just high enough off the ground she could hardly reach Luna when Luna was standing up.

"You can just let Luna lay down if you want?" Robin offered seeing that Alice was sitting but still holding onto Luna's harness.

Alice nodded and stared at Robin. She only knew a few things to ask Luna to do and laying down on the ground wasn't one of them. And Luna couldn't get into her lap, there wasn't that much room.

"Lunacanimove?" Luna nodded and Alice got onto the ground and pressed her back against the side of the seat and got Luna to lay in her lap.

"I meant she could lay on the ground," Robin told her.

Alice nodded and kept petting Luna for a second before asking if she could get back in the seat and then doing so.

"Luna, lay down," Robin told her and she did. It wasn't the most ideal situation since Alice really did need to be the one Luna listened to but it was the best that could be done at the moment.

Alice started to let her eyes wander around the area and saw a big thing that looked like it was made out of the same material as what Robin had called a window. It was the thing Alice watched the animals through.

This one had a different view. A bunch of little things that looked like the foods Zelena gave her when she was asking her to talk more than she wanted to. Or when she had refused to eat much else. Alice watched her surroundings.

A person came over and Luna looked at her for a second.

"Hey Zelena. Hey Robin," she turned her attention towards Alice. "I don't think I've met you. I'm Red, what's your name?"

"Alice," Alice mumbled at the ground.

"And who is this?" Red asked, petting Luna. Alice didn't like this but wasn't good at telling people no. And had fallen out of the practice of doing so since they'd left. She tried to distract the new person from touching Luna by knocking over something she could reach. Luckily it wasn't breakable.

Red reached over to pick up the salt shaker that had rolled onto the ground with her free hand. She kept petting Luna and talking to her. Luna sniffed the person petting her. Something she didn't normally do and then she looked around.

"I probably smell weird to her," Red admitted. Alice had no idea how that made any sense.

Alice flinched and pulled her legs up to her chest. She didn't know this person. She didn't want her in her space. Once Alice had pulled her legs up she relized the seat made it easy to curl into herself.

Everything had happened so quickly no one had told her not to touch Luna. Alice sat trying to comfort herself without Luna's help. She'd done that for years but preferred Luna's help. It made everything feel better very quickly.

"Hey Red, please don't pet her," Robin told her. Alice nodded her agreement but didn't manage to say anything.

Red agreed then went to get everyone water once Zelena said that was what they wanted.

"Okay, do you know what you want to eat?" Zelena asked, watching as Alice hugged onto the stuffed animal she'd brought with her.

Alice shook her head.

"Here," Robin told her setting a menu on the table that was already open. "It has pictures."

Alice pointed to a food she knew she liked and went back to watching everything going on around her.

Red came back with their drinks.

"Alright, what else can I get for you?"

Zelena and Robin ordered their food and tried to encoruage Alice to do the same. But Red had frightened Alice and it was already difficult to gain Alice's trust, let alone regain it.

"Do you want me to say it for you?" Robin offered after a Alice had made no move to say or do anyting.

"I can come back if you need a minute to think it over."

Zelena shook her head. How did she explain everything quickly and without frightening Alice further.

Alice couldn't do it. This person scared her. She'd have to get close enough to her to show her what she wanted. And that scared her. She tossed her toy onto the table but bumped into her water glass. It spilled everywhere and broke. Alice pulled herself all the way into the corner of the booth. She didn't want to be around her anymore and couldn't do anything about it. "Sorry."

Zelena couldn't tell if the glass had been something Alice had intentded to break or not. Alice was clearly frustrated though. It was one broken glass and it didn't seem to be like it'd been what Alice had meant to throw.

"Okay, you're frustrated, I know. I'm going to go help Red get something to clean that up with. Can you try to tell Robin what's wrong?"

Alice nodded. Robin was the least scary person there was.

Zelena got up and walked away with Red.

"I am so sorry," Zelena apologized. There was a giant mess on the table. "She doesn't know any better."

"It's fine," Red assured her. "But what was that about? I know she's been through a lot but didn't expect her to break anything."

It was a small town and everyone knew everyone's business. Everyone had quickly found out Zelena had taken Alice in and had heard snippets of what she was like. They knew Luna existed but not everyone knew how to behave around Alice.

"I don't think she meant to do that," Zelena clarified. "Anyne she wants spaghetti, agaain sorry."

It took a little while to get the table cleaned up but then the rest of the meal went by uneventuflly aside from Luna getting distracted every time Red came over.

Robin sat making conversation with Alice as they waited for the check. "Alice, you know, Red's part wolf."

Alice blinked. What did that even mean. What was a wolf?

"A wolf's kind of like a dog but a little bit different," Robin added

How could a person be part anything?

"When she wants to she can turn into a wolf, and when the moon's really big she does too." This was common knowledge to the entire town and Robin was really just trying to get Alice to see that Red wasn't as scary as she'd started off as.

Red brought the check back and had obviosuly heard the entire conversation.

She trurned into her wolfform for a moment and then turned back. No one in the diner was at all bothered by this. Alice stared at her. She was a person? And then she was a dog, no wolf? And then a person again.

Alice had so many questions she wouldn't dare ask but Red seemed a lot less scary now. Dogs didn't hurt her. Dogs had never been a threatening thing to her. So if Red was even part dog then she wasn't scary. Not really.

Zelena had planned for them to go to Archie office but just the few hours they'd spent in te diner had been exhausting even for her so it'd have to wait. They went back to the house and Alice curled up in a corner to take a nap with Luna.


	12. Chapter 12

Everyone had been too tired to leave the house again after returning home from the diner. Alice woke up from her nap and pet Luna. She sat thinking about the person that could turn into a dog. Robin had said a different thing but she kept mixing up the words. It was weird to her but Red was no longer scary. Almost everyone was so she decided she liked the place she'd met her. She didn't know what it was. It dind't look like a tower and it didn't look like a house or a market. Alice held onto the question. She'd ask if she ever went back there. She wanted to.

Robin came to check on Alice and saw her sitting and petting Luna. "Do you want to play a game?" Robin offered. She'd been gone for a few days and felt a little guilty that Alice had been alone. Zelena was around and Archie came by for an hour or two at a time but none of them ever played cards with her.

Alice nodded. "Okay." Robin was prepared already and sat down and dealt the cards.

Alice watched as Robin did this. What was the place they'd gone to called? It wasn't called a tower. Was it? Robin was easy to talk to. But she didn't like talking without someone offering first. At least not when they were inside.

Robin talked about her archery conference and the guy that had challenged her ability to teach anyone how to shoot a bow. She'd shot a few trick shots to prove him wrong. Alice didn't know what a bow was really but listen to Robin talk about it.

"I talk a lot, don't I'?" Robin laughed trying to see if Alice would add anything of her own to the conversation. It didn't even need to be relevant. Alice nodded shakily but agreed. Alice thought Robin said more in a few minutes than she'd dare say in a few days. But she thought that about everyone that spoke to her. No one had hurt her but she was still scared. She could remember the days it hurt to move as she cleaned the tower, knowing that if she didn't do it perfectly it'd hurt even more the next time. She could remeber trying to get rid of her tears before mother saw them because she wasn't allowed to cry. So she stared back at Robin instead of speaking and hoped she could just nod or shake her head or sit and listen to what Robin had to sWhich went well.

Robin and Alice played cards for a little while until Alice was done with it. No matter how much she liked doing something more than a couple of hours of being physically near another person stressed her out. She was so used to being asked to go away. So used to the only time she stayed near mother more than that being when she was chained up next to mother's bed. After a couple of hours she couldn't handle it anymore and started to pull away. Robin left Alice alone so she could relax in her own way. She coudln't do that with someone around her.

After a while Alice got hungry. Zelena had said that morning she didn't want to cook. The place they'd gone was down the street. And she had finally met a person that she wanted to talk to and didn't think she'd face any consequences for doing. She didn't know how to put Luna's vest on. But she knew how to leash her. And Zelena had told her repeatedly it was okay to get her own food. It was normally in the kitchen but the place they'd gone to had food too. It made sense to Alice to go there.

"LunacanIgo?" Alice didn't know the word so cut herself off thinking for a moment. It was outside of the house, wasn't it? "Outside?" Luna had already nodded before alice had finished her sentance but she didn't accept that. "lunacanIgooutside?" she asked again and Luna agreed. Alice got up and fumbled with the leash. Robin and Zelena were both in their own rooms and had no idea what she was doing. She walked outside and had an idea of how to get there. She wasn't sure if everyone else was coming. She never went anywhere by herself. She couldn't. She sat down on the ground and pet Luna. "Iwanttogobutscared. Zelenawonthurt,yes? Nohurtokay." Alice talked to Luna and convinced herself it was okay to try to find where they'd gone before. "CanI?" Luna nodded. Alice was sure it was okay.

She'd paid a lot of attention to what was around her and had an idea of where to go. Luna's harness wasn't on so Alice held onto the leash and walked for a while constantly looking at different buildings.

Someone she'd never met before walked by and noticed her.

"Good job, Alice." Alice flinched and Luna reminded her she was there. Alice pet Luna. There was somene ther that wouldn't hurt her. Okay keep walking. Alice kept walking but had only a little idea of where she was going and her gaze kept darting. She went too far, unkowinngly. She couldn't find it. But she saw something in the window of somewhere else. it was a word she'd never heard of and it was hard to sound out boutiqque. She read the letters on the door first and then let her eyes wander. There were clothes and next to them a long piece of leghter that had a different color than the one she was used to.

Alice started to shake, getting caught up in one of the many times mother had beaten her. It had always hurt so much. She'd always tried so hard to avoid it. She'd always had to listen as mother explained what she'd done wrong. She'd always wanted Alice to explain what she'd learned from the punishment. Sometimes she got it right. Alice couldn't breathe. She couldn't figure out what she'd done wrong but the sight of it alone was enough to scare her. It always had been. Mother would simply grab her leather strap and Alice would stop and apologize until either she was hoarse or mother had made a decision. It was rare she made the one Alice wanted. And she never escaped the sound it would make when mother would taunt her by hitting it on some nearby object.

Alice was cleaning somewhere she hadn't been told to. Trying her hardest to make sure she wouldn't have to so much as hear mother yell when she got back. She'd stopped speaking nearly competley at this point. She didn't get anything other than disain or punishment when she spoke to mother. There was a dust bunny in the floor she was trying to sweep up. "Ithurtstomovetoday," she told it as she bent down straining the back mother had only increased the scars on. She'd dared to say it hurt after the first few times she'd beaten her. Mother hadn't cared. She'd just told her that she deserved it and told her if she complained she'd just beat her again. So she didn't complain, even though she wanted to. But it hurt so much some days. She just wanted something, anything to listen to her for a moment. Somthing to know that it hurt and she was trying so hard to make sure she didn't bother mother. She was trying. It wasn't helping but she was tryng. She knew mother would never give her that. Would never want to hear her say she was trying. It was enough. She was a pain to have around and the beatings took time out of mother's potion time. "Ishouldn'thaveaskedtogotothebathroom. Imessedupmotherspotion." The words were held together by Alice's fear.

Mother returned, luckily after Alice had stopped talking to the dust bunny and thrown away the only thing that had listened to her in a while. "I believe I said clean my room. Not the kitchen. So why are you in the kitchen?"

Alice had blinked. She'd done something wrong, and she knew it. But mother didn't know the extent of it. Maybe if she apologized she'd get away with it? "Sorrysorrysorry." Alice said it until mother told her she'd had enough.

"Stop groveling. Honestly, it's not that helpful." Alice nodded. It helped sometimes. She glanced at the floor, she'd done something wrong she shook a little more than usual.

"Hmmm...you're hiding something."

" .sorry." Mother had hit her. Alice knew she deserved it but it still hurt.

Mother had grabbed the strap and hit the counter with it a few times. Alice had flinched. The sound alone making her back hurt a little.

"Eh, I'm tired. I don't feel like dealing with you. And I think this time you apologized enough I'll let it go. Don't try it again, I have no problem beating you every day if I have to."

Alice could have told her it felt like it was every day. She knew it wasn't but it hurt so much and the pain lingered. All she'd wanted was something to know she was in pain. Something that couldn't make the pain any worse. She'd been trying not to cry as she pulled the fresh wounds every time she took a few steps. She'd just wanted to sit and comfort herself but she was trying to do something that she thought maybe, just maybe, would convince mother she could be useful beyond just granting her freedom. Maybe it wouldn't stop the pain, but she just wanted to make sure mother wasn't always angry. She wanted to help her. It hadn't worked.

Mother walked away and hit the wall a few times with it. "But you did something you know is wrong. So clean everything beside my room. No you cannot sleep in your corner. Sleep here." Mother had pointed to the middle of the tower. The one place that frightened her almost as much as the chains in mother's room.

It hadn't mattered, it'd taken her so long she'd only gotten a bit of sleep before mother had woken her up yelling that she was in the way and needed to learn how to not be. It didn't compleltly stop her occasionaly letting objects in the tower in on what was going on. She kept that habit away from mother as best she could.

Luna pressed against Alice until she'd talked her into sitting down then she laid in her lap. Alice pet Luna and waited until she calmed down before standing back up. But then she caught the straps in her vision again. She couldn't get away from it. She was scared. She sat back down and closed her eyes, pulling her legs up to her chest and trying to calm down. She shook her head. "You're here for my freedom." "If you do something bad I have to punish you." "It hurts? of course it hurts! That's the point. Or was I unclear when I said it would hurt a lot?" "No hitting!No I can hit you." "Not sure why I even try to do this without the strap. I've beaten you four times this week and yet you still asked a question?" "Oh you can't? You can;t? Get up. No I don't care that your side hurts. If you weren't in the way, I wouldn't have tripped over you. You shouldn't have made me make a mess. Clean it up. "

Alice knew how painful it would be. She couldn't. She couldn't handle it. She'd started to cry and burried her face into her knees. Luna shoved her face and layed in alice's lap. Alice calmed down and closed her eyes. There was no way she'd be able to walk by the store without being frightened. She'd managed to walk by the strap in the tower but she'd only done that when mother wasn't home. And no one else was ever in the tower so there wasn't a threat. But she'd seen so many people on her way here. Any of them could decide to hurt her and she was sitting next to something they could use.

Zelena approached Alice's fort to tell her dinner was ready. Alice wasn't sitting there. "Alice?" Zelena called as if it would really help locate her. She looked all around the house and she wasn't anywhere. She opened closets to see if she was hiding in the depths of one because the small dark space reminded her of her safe place. She checked the bathrooms to make sure Alice wasn't sitting and playing with the door or the house's shower curtains. Nowhere. She went outside and looked around both yards. She walked down the street checking in with the shops on their street. A bar was too loud that even if Alice had gone in there she would have immediatley decided not to stay or have been easy to find.

A clock store that hadn't seen her. An art store that Alice would love but wasn't in. A jewlry store filled with breakable things and "do not touch anything." signs. Clearly she hadn't been there because if she had at least one of those signs would have met its demise as Alice panicked about how to communicate with them since Alice would assume that meant everything and would be panicked trying to find a way out of the store. Zelena kept looking aand finally someone had seen her walking and pointed at which direction she'd gone.

Alice heard the door open as her eyes were shut tight.

"Are you okay?" a voice she didn't recgnize asked. She flinched and opened her eyes. Alice nodded. She wasn't allowed not to be. "I've been able to se you from inside my store. And you really don't look okay. You've been sitting here a while and you got up then just sat back down. Do you want to come inside, maybe? It's hot out here. I can get some water for your dog?"

Alice didn't want to go in this building. It hadn't been what she was looking for and it scared her. But Luna could use water and Alice had no idea how she was going to walk past this store without being terrafied.

She nodded. "Alright, come in."

"Lunacaniin?" Luna nodded and Alice walked into the store, keeping her distance from the person.

The boutique owner knew who Alice was. She'd heard some of the facts mixed in with the rumors. But seeing her, she looked like a scared kid. Her eyes darting around the store, the awkward cadence her voice had when she thanked her for giving Luna water.

"You're a little aways from Zelena's house. Does she know where you are?"

Alice wasn't sure where she was. Alice shook her head. The shop owner didn't know Zelena let alone know how to get in touch with her.

"Were you looking for a dress?" Alice shook her head. She was hungry. And now she was tired. And she just wanted to go where she was trying to go and she didn't know how. "I didn't think so. Here I can walk you home."

Alice shook her head. She didn't want to go home! Not that she could. They'd moved. She wasn't sure if the new house was her home. She saw something at the edge of the counter and knocked it over, it shattered.

"Sorrysorry."

The shop owner glared. At first, Alice seemed like a scared child, frightened but harmless. But she'd done that on purpose and then had the nerve to pretend it was an accident. She was plenty old enough to know better than to be destructive, no matter what she'd been through. And she was downright rude. She refused to speak when she was sure she could. She got very angry quiickly. "How dare you?" the shop owner scolded.

Alice flinched. She hadn't meant to break anything. She didn't know how to say no. She didn't know how to explain that she was terrafied of the straps in the window. She didn't know it would break. No one else yelled at her when she threw things. She...she just didn't know what to do. Was everything breakable? She wanted to throw something. That was the only way she'd ever expressed herself that hadn't been met with pain. "Sorry." Alice shook her head really violentally. She'd done something wrong.

"Get out! I don't want you in my shop." Alice stared at her. She she couldn't tell her what to do. She didn't even know her. And if it waasn't what Zelena wanted? Alice shook a little. She'd done something wrong. She'd asked Luna so it was fine to leave. But she couldn't listen to the person yelling at her. She wasn't Zelena. She wasn't allowed to listen to her. "Get out. Leave. I don't want you in my shop, you're destrutive."

Alice nodded. She understood but she was so scared she was frozen.

"Okay fine, I'm calling the police."

Alice nodded. She didn't know what that meant. The shop owner made good on the threat and it didn't take long for someone to arrive.

"What's the problem, Emile?" David asked.

"She won't leave, she broke something and I've asked her to leave repeatedly."

David approached Alice.

"Hey, you're Robin's friend, yeah?"

Alice nodded.

"Okay, I'm Henry's grandpa."

Alice nodded. She didn't know what that meant other than he knew Henry. Which meant he probably knew Zelena and could maybe help her. "I'm David. Your name's Alice, right?"

Alice nodded.

"Okay, I'm going to carefully step around this glass and get Luna's paws away from it, okay?" Alice stared at him. She'd dropped Luna's leash by accident at some point and David picked it up and walked away from her holding Luna.

Alice wanted to scream. She didn't do that though. She needed Luna. And someone had taken her. Alice didn't know how to tell the stranger she needed Luna. That he couldn't touch her. Other than saying not to pet her. "Nopetsorry" Alice was frustrated.

"I'm not. I'm not going to pet her," David tried to comfort her. He knew that Luna wasn't meant to be pet when out with Alice.

David wasn't getting it! If he was holding Luna's leash Alice was too scared to use Luna. And she needed her, someone had yelled at her and was stilll sitting and looking at her with a look of pure anger.

"Nopetsorry."

"Okay, I know. I won't."

Alice reached over and grabbed the half filled water bottle that Emile had used to give Luna water and threw it at the ground."Nopetsorry."

"I know, you keep saying that. I am not going to pet her. I know you don't want me to do that."

Alice quickly got even more frustrated and knocked over what she could, begging for David to just give her Luna so she could calm herself down the way she prefered. But she didn't have the words for it.

"Okay, you weren't kidding about the destructivieness. You need to stop, Alice. This isn't okay."

Alice nodded still terrafied by the entire situation. She knocked something else over. Trying desperatley to explain what she wanted. But it didn't make sense. She knew what she wanted. She wanted Luna back next to her but she didn't know how to say something more than what she had. It scared her too much.

The thing she'd thrown made a noise she hadn't expected, and Alice flinched. She got up, she knew she'd done something that wasn't working but if she tried hard enough maybe someone would understand what she wanted. She walked over to the clothes a few steps aaway and started throwing them nto the ground.

"Knock it off!" Emille yelled at her. Alice stared at the stranger. At least she knew how to act around her. Alice knew this woman could hurt her. She had the ways to do it if she wanted. But she hadn't. And no one was listening. No one knew what she needed. And she couldn't handle it she et thrwing things until there was nothing left near her to throw. Alice found a shelf and picked up the shiny thing and threw it. It broke.

Emile stared at her in shock.

"Alice, can you not do that?" David requested. He was calm and Alice didn't know how else to get him to understand. She kept throwing things until she tired herself out then she sat down and held back tears for a moment.

The door opened and Zelena was a bit frazzled. "Hey have you seen Alice?"

Emile glared. "Yeah, she's destroyed my shop. Get her and get the hell out of my store."

Zelena glanced over and saw the path of destruction. Broken glass was everywhere, bits of clothing were strewn over the floor, and Alice was curled up into herself in front of a shelf that had at one point contained beutiful glass vases. Her face was burried in her knees and Zelena could see Alice trying to find something that felt like Luna to pet.

This was too far. Absolutley but Zelena was sure she'd been trying to communicate and been met with it not working.

"What happened?" Zelena asked.

"She came in here and broke something. When I asked her to leave, she didn't. Called the police. David moved the dog, who by the way clearly isn't doing that much good, away from the glass she asked him not to pet her, which he agreed not to do and then this. In case we were unclear she is banned from the store."

"She just wanted Luna," Zelena quickly explained. "All you had to do was hand her her dog and she would have been completly fine."

Zelena was a bit upset with David for taking what Alice used to feel safe from her. Even if he hadn't known any better.

Zelena grabbed Luna's leash and approached Alice.

"Hey." Alice looked up and reached for Luna. "Yeah, here." Luna laid down next to her. Zelena found a patch of the floor that didn't have broken glass or clothing scattered about it and sat down.

"Sorrysorrysorry," Alice eyes went really wide. She knew she'd made a huge mess. She'd been scared and just wanted to fix it.

"I know," Zelena told her. "You're okay. But I don't think Emile is happy about the mess. So maybe we apologize to her for it?"

Alice nodded. But shook a little as she pet Luna. What kind of punishment would Emile give her if Zelena was going to let her?

"Hurtbad?" Alice worried.

"Not at all. She won't hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you. Do you think it's okay if we offer to help her clean up, though?" Alice nodded.

"Okay, come on. I'll talk. But you do need to tell her sorry, I think. Okay?" Zelena knew that Alice would do that anyway but she needed to reassure her nothing bad was going to happen. Alice nodded.

"Alright, let's defintley have Luna follow me because I don't want either of you stepping on the glass, alright?" Alice nodded. "Lunaafollow?"

Zelena dodged the piles of glass and maanaged to get Alice across the store safely.

"Emile, Alice has something to say to you."

Emile glared but looked at her expectandly. "Say it then."

"I'msorry." Alice stared at the ground and muttered her apology. She meant it but was quite frightened of Emile. "Ihelp?"

"That is the fakest apology I have ever heard. And you couldn't even bother to offer properly to clean up your mess. Which you are going to do. And I'm not helping you clean up this disaster. You made the mess. You fix it. I'll watch you do it."

Alice looked at her feet. She didn't know how to make it sound real. It wasn't fake. That's all Zelena had asked her to do. She was scared now. She couldn't do what Zelena wanted. she glanced towards Zelena and apologized again.

Zelena got a bit angry but knew yelling in front of Alice would be a mistake.

"It's okay, Alice. I know you meant it. Hey, how about you and Luna follow David outside so Emile and I can talk? He can show you his cop car. It has really cool lights."

David agreed and Alice followed him outside.

"Do you want to see the lights?"

Alice nodded. David flicked something and then lights were on. Alice stared at them mesmerized by the colors flashing and changing.

Alice sat down and watched them. It was unlike anything she'd ever seen before.

"Do you know how hard it was for her to talk to you? She barely speaks to us on a good day. She tried so hard to fix what she did and you got angry."

"She's a teenager that came into a store and destroyed it. I don't care if she was beaten every day of her life, which I'm pretty sure she wasn't. It's unacceptable. And she's had enough time to adjust regardless."

Luckily, Robin walked in from checking other stores before Zelena commited any felonies.

"Mom, not worth it. Let's just go. Although, we may have to ride home in a cop car bc Alice is staring at the lights and really content."

"Oh that's another thing, you reward her bad behavior. She needs to learn boundaries, clearly"

"No I reward her litterally any behavior. Because she needs to learn that it's okay to exist. For the first month she lived with us she didn't move except to eat and go to the bathroom. She wouldn't do anything unless I told her she could do it. She wouldn't even ask for things. I brought home a new leash for Luna and she thought I was going to beat her. Even when I wasn't touching it. Her not offering something 'properly'? That's just how she speaks. And no, she won't be cleaning this up. She's not going to be exposed to you for another second."

Zelena walked out of the store and saw Robin hadn't been exageraing. Alice was staring at the lights on David's car.

Okay, so maybe she'd enjoy something that lit up. That was a thing to add to Archie's list of toys to have in his office.

"It's time to head back to this house," Zelena told her. Alice nodded but didn't move her gaze.

David turned the lights off and they headed home.

Zelena knew she needed to find a way to explain to Alice that the total destruction she'd done wasn't exactly the kind of behavior she wanted but was terrafied of pushing Alice away from the indepedance she'd shown leaving the house on her own. Which also needed to be adressed. Zelena decided that was a conversation that could wait at the very least until they got home.


	13. Chapter 13

Zelena didn't know what to do. Alice had finally done something on her own. And it hadn't gone well at all. The store she'd gone to would honestly take hours to no longer be a saftey hazard to anyone who walked in. Maybe even longer to be a functioning store again. And it'd seemed fair to have Alice help clean up the mess she made, but it didn't seem fair to make her be around someone she was clearly terrafied of while she was doing it. Zelena rubbed her temples as she was slumped in one of the kitchen chairs. Could Archie come over early? This was a disaster! And Alice had left without telling anyone she was leaving. Which would have been fine but Zelena had worried over her safety. She so easily got frightened, and Zelena assumed lost since Alice had never shown any interest in any of the clothing booths at the market. She had no idea where she'd been trying to go, but she didn't think it was Emile's Botique. And clearly not everyone knew how to handle Alice's outburst. Zelena wasn't sure if she'd been handling them well. Zelena wasn't sure Alice would even want to leave the house again after the evening she'd just had. But she hoped she would. She couldn't spend her entire life hidden in a corner. She'd done that enough.

Zelena knew Alice couldn't hear her from where she was curled up in her corner with Luna so let out a small groan. This was not how she'd expected her evening to go.

Robin walked into the kitchen and grabbed something out of the fridge.

"What do I do?" Zelena asked , shaking her head.

"Call Archie? He might be able to explain what happened."

Zelena agreed and let out another groan. She knew Alice didn't mean any real harm. She hadn't done it out of malice. She'd tried talking out what she needed and when it failed she didn't have any other option. So she'd resorted to throwing something akin to a tantrum until she'd tired herself out. It made sense to Alice, Zelena was sure. But she had no idea how.

Zelena called up Archie. "Can you please come over? We're not doing great."

Archie agreed to come over and was there soon enugh. Zelena stepped outside so they could talk.

"So, Alice is banned from an entire store. But hey she went to a store. And then destroyed it. If you want a broken vase I now own like five worth of shattered glass."

Archie let out a slight laugh. "Wait, what happened?"

"She left, I don't know why. And things got out of hand, I guess? When I got there she was sitting on the floor and probablly crying and David had Luna on the other side of the store. Oh by the way, if she ever comes to your office. She was completley entracned by the lights on David'ss car so I'd add light up toys to things to give her as a distraction."

"Noted."

" She just, I don't know what happened or where she wanted to go. She tried to tell David she wanted Luna back, but it didn't work, I guess? I wasn't there and I'm worried."

"I wasn't there either, but she usually throws things when she's scared or can't find a way to answer a question. Maybe whatever she was saying didn't work?"

Zelena nodded. "I'm not even sure emile was telling the truth about what caused it. Alice was upset before David got there, i assume? Maybe. She was told to leave and didn't. But I don't what to do. She hadn't been breaking things lately. That waa a rough week, do you think she was hoping someone would hurt her? I thought we'd explained no one would."

"I don't know. But I think maybe she might need to know there are some boundaries."

Zelena groaned. "Not you too." Zelena didn't want to tell Alice she had to do anything. Or that she couldn't. She already did so little. Yeah, throwing things wasn't great but it was something she'd done without being asked to. Without asking first. And it was hard to know what Alice would think of any rule. Zelena couldn't yell at her for it. That would only convince her that Zelena was planning to hurt her. And they'd finally gotten at least close to Alice not believing that.

"She needs to know that there are some limits to what she can and can't do. Obviously, there can't actually be consequences to something she doesn't know not to do."

"She did something. And I'm going to have to explain that just because one thing is wrong doesn't mean everything she does is. Why is this so hard? I had no problem setting rules for Robin."

"Because you care. And Robin never believed that you would hurt her if she ssid hi to you. You're a good mom, Zelena. Now I'm pretty sure if we keep talking Alice is going to fall asleep before you manage to talk to her so, should I still wait in my office tomorrow or come by?"

"Just come by. It's been a rough few dsys. We'll try again next week." They both really wanted Alice to start seeing that other places weren't completely scary and could be fun but it wasn't going well.

Zelena walked back inside and gently approached Alice's corner and crouched down outside it.

"Ok, we defintley need to talk," Zelena told Alice. Alice nodded. "Can we talk?" Alice nodded again.

"Where were you trying to go?"

Alice stared at her. She didn't know. She knew but she didn't know what to call it. She immediatly got frustrated again. She hated how hard it was to tell Zelena what she wanted. She wasn't even scared of answering the direct question. It should be easy. She knew where she wanted to go but it didn't make sense to her. Alice tugged on parts of her bear, the movement a good distraction while she tried to think.

Zelena waited knowing that pushing too hard would only upset her. Alice kept thinking. Why didn't she know how to say things? In the tower she never didn't know the word for something she needed. Or wanted. She wouldn't normally ask for things but she knew what things were at least. But here things were so different. She didn't feel like she knew anything sometimes. She threw the toy on the ground.

Zelena knew Alice had been struggling with all of the changes in her life. And somehow managed to react to this calmly. "You don't have to throw things. We'll work through this. Okay? We can find what it was, okay?"

Alice nodded. "Was it somewhere specific?"

Alice nodded her head.

"Okay, do you know what it was called?" Alice shook her head.

"What'd they have where it was?" Alice kept mixing up what Robin had called it. Dog? No. Wolf? Part wolf? She knew her name? Red, right? Yeah.

"Red?"

Zelena blinked. Alice wanted to go to the diner because Red was there. And she wasn't scared of the werewolf. Alice just wanted to go somewhere where she knew at least one person wasn't scary.

"I would have taken you, you just had to tell me that's what you wanted."

Alice nodded. She hadn't known the word for what she wanted and asking for things was already difficult enough without not knowing how to say it. "I was worried. I couldn't find you anywhere."

Alice nodded, she'd picked up the toy and returned to tugging on it's edges and running her hand around the plastic parts.

"It's called Granny's. It's a diner. A diner's a place you go to get food," Zelena hadn't fully realized how stunted Alice's vocabulary would be from being discouraged from speaking for so long. She decided that it'd be a good idea to get her a few books that might help with explaining what different things were.

"I have no problem with you going wherever you want to, that's fine. That's actually really good. But can you tell me that you're leaving?" Alice nodded. Zelena hated giving Alice even something that resembled a rule. She'd had so many. Alice was already so stifled. Zelena hadn't thought about how confusing it would be when everything she'd learn about how to behave had been taken away and never replaced with anything other than that the rules she learned didn't matter. Alice had spent her entire life being told how to exist in a beyond stringent way and she'd been grsnted freedom quickly. And no one had explained to her how to deal with that. Of course she was constsntly stressed. Of course she was scared. Of course she reacted violentally to not being able to express what she wanted. Of course she tested the boundaries that weren't there. Archie was right, Alice needed rules. Not a lot. But some. But Zelena feared her taking them the wrong way and curling completely back in on herself. Zelena couldn't stand to watch Alice refuse to eat for days again. Or to listen as Alice shakily apologized for needing the bathroom.

"Okay, I don't want to do this," Zelena admitted.

Alice stared up at her. Mother had never made that claim. Outside of saying she didn't feel like hurting her because she wanted to sleep. She wanted to tell Zelena not to hurt her. She'd fix what she'd done wrong. But that was a fleeting thought. She knew better than to expect to not be in trouble. Alice was scanning through her thoughts trying to decide what kind of punishment she should expect. What would mother have done if she'd managed to walk out of the tower and then come back? Alice shuddered. She would not be happy about that. But moving was a problem. But she'd asked Luna. Zelena just said she had to tell her when she was leaving though. She hadn't known but since when was not knowing a rule ever a good defense?. Mother would chain her up. Alice had never gone into Zelena's room.

"Sorry." Alice apologized but wanted to stop Zelena from being angry before she even got angry. She could go wait for her there, couldn't she? "Go?"

Zelena had no idea what Alice meant. They were having a conversation but it could wait. If Alice was still willing to move around the house things weren't going terribly. And Zelena really was a bit reluctant to give Alice any set in stone rules. She knew they needed to exist for Alice's safety but Zelena felt guilty. To Alice, rules were just a way to keep herself safe. Amd that wasn't Zelena's intention. Yes this would help Alice but it could also hurt her.

"Yeah, ok. I can follow," Zelena didn't know where they were going but followed Alice into Zelena bedroom. Alice's eyes darted around. She didn't see any chains anywhere. Maybe Zelena had them somewhere else. She sat down and held her arms out. The metal part would go on her wrists and it's be so tight it'd hurt. At least this time her wrist wasn't broken.

Zelena sat down in front of her. What was Alice doing? What did she expect?

"What're you doing?" Zelena voice was gentle. Alice still found this strange. Zelena didn't yell often at all.

"Punishment?"

"I'm not going to hurt you," Zelena had said this over and over again. But Alice didn't understand. This hurt but it wasn't the same as hurting her.

Alice nodded. "Punishment?"

"I won't. Promise," Alice nodded but didn't move her arms.

"What do you think is going to happen?" Zelena asked. She was sure she didn't want to hear the answer.

Alice thought for a minute. Mother called it a restraint or chains. All Alice knew was that the metal dug into her wrist and mother tended to wake her up yelling about what she'd done wrong. Sometimes she'd hit her. She couldn't get away from mother when this happened. It was the worst thing to her by the time mother started doing it.

"Restraint."

Zelena thought for a minute. Had she been chained up in the tower? That was a new low even for that witch. Was it not enough to tell Alice not to move? Was it somehow not enough to beat the desire out of her? She had to actually physically stop her?

"I won't do that either. That's also wrong," Zelena knew Archie had been working through some fairytales with Alice to show her right and wrong. Which she'd kind of started to ubderstand. All Zelena wanted to do was hug Alice and let her know she was safe. But she didn't want to force herself into Alice's space. It was such a delicate balance. "Do you want to talk about it or do you not want to?" Alice shook her head. She didn't feel like talking at all. Let alone giving Zelena any more ideas about how to handle everything she'd done bad. She moved her hands back into a more natural position and then pulled her legs up to her chest.

"Alright. Ok we do have to talk about happened at the store."

Alice nodded then pressed her face into her knees. "It's okay, you're not in trouble. I've already fixed it. You're okay. But we need to talk."

Alice nodded as best as she could the way she was sitting. Zelena wished she would looknat her but she knew she was still hanging onto every single word.

"The stuff you broke belonged to the shop owner. Do you understand what owning something is?"

Alice shook her head. "Okay like you saw me buy the house, right?" Alice nodded. "So i own the house. And when you make something you own that. When you go inside a store the person that owns the store owns all of the objects inside it. It's okay to throw things you own. But it's not okay to throw things you don't. Does that make sense?"

Alice nodded and then looked up and tilted her head. "Badthing?"

Zelena wanted to scream. Yes. Alice had done something wrong. But it didn't mean what she knew Alice thought.

"Yes you did something wrong," Alice flinched. [When you do something wrong I have to punish you. Clearly hurting you works.]

"Sorrysorrysorry." Alice was scared. She wanted to curl up in the corner of the living room. Would Zelena at least let her do that after she hurt her?

"But I'm still not going to hurt you. No matter what you do. I'm just asking that you not do it again. Ok? I understand that you were frustrated. I know it's really hard for you to tell people no and David still didn't listen. I know you got scared and reacted in a way that made sense to you. So of ourse I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not even telling you not to do it again. I'm asking." Zelena was cautious of giving Alice a rule that could easily be misinterpreted. Accidents would still happen. And Alice needed to understand that it didn't matter what she did, Zelena wasn't a threat.

Alice picked up one of her toys that was nearby and held it up. What was the word? Own?

"Own?" Alice was quiet but she was asking questions. This was good. Zelna had worried Alice would shut down entirely during and after this conversation.

"Yes. You own your toys. If you want to throw them, I'm fine with that." Zelena knew that Alice didn't speak enough and that this was the only way she could explain to anyone that something was upsetting her. And she didn't want to take that away from her. Not before she'd found a way to replace it.

Alice nodded. "Okay, are you hungry?"

Alice nodded. She'd been trying to get food and failed.

"Alright, I made chili. I'll get you some. Where do you want to eat?"

Alice stared at her for a minute. She still didn't like making decisions more than she had to. "Table?" Alice questioned and Zelena agreed and then alice ate dinner then went to bed.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning passed without any major problems. Alice still just sat and played with her stuffed animals and drew. Zelena needed to find other toys for her. She did the same few things day after day, Zelena figured it'd get boring after a while.

But she needed toys that wouldn't frighten her and wouldn't easily break from a suddenly impact with either the ground or furniture. She couldn't have anything that made sound, and a lit of things were dangerous when thrown.

The doorbell rang and Zelena answered it. Alice was sitting and playing, or her version of it, and the sudden sound startled her but then she remembered that it usually meant someone was coming into the house.

"Good, you brought Pongo."

"Alice likes him, I think she tolerates the fact I'm here."

"Alice is in the kitchen. I have some errands to run, if that's okay? Robin's going to come with me, I think." Zelena knew Alice trusted Archie enough that it would likely be fine. And she did have to help Emile clean up her store whether she liked her or not. Robin was coming with her to diffuse the entire situation if Emile decided to say anything against how Alice behaved.

"That's fine."

Zelena walked Archie into the kitchen and let Alice know what was going on.

"Robin and I are going to go out for a little while. Archie's going to be here, and look he brought Pongo. Is that okay with you or not okay with you?"

Alice nodded. She was used to being alone. She didn't care if Zelena left for a while. Maybe Archie would let her pet Pongo again.

Zelena and Robin left to go clean up the store.

Archie sat down in his usual seat and released Pongo.

Alice liked Pongo.

"You can pet him, I need to get something out of my bag, okay?" Archie tried to make sure he tell Alice before he moved, sometimes he'd forget but for the most part he did warn her. It seemed to make her relax some when Archie was around because she didn't fully expect him to not tell her before he did something, even if it wound up hurting her.

Alice nodded and pet Pongo. Luna didn't mind, she was sitting at Alice's feet waiting until Alice needed her.

Archie pulled out books.

Alice flinched when he set them on the table and there was the slightet thump of them connecting with the wood.

"Sorry," Alice quickly stopped what she was doing and stared at Archie.

"Alice, they're just books. It's okay. You can keep playing with Pongo. Look it's made of paper. Paper is harmless."

Archie was pretty sure that books couldn't have been used in a way that frightened Alice. But at this point he was convinced that every time he assumed that about anything, he'd been wrong.

He knew Alice knew how to read and write. That was likely the only time she'd ever had even close to a normal childhood experience.

Alice saw the books sitting on the table. She'd liked to reading when she learned but only did it for list of her chores. She'd occasionally read the labels of mother's potions as she distracted herself from whatever pain she was in.

"You can read them, if you want to. You don't have to, but you can." Archie was careful not to force Alice into anything. Everything needed to be something she was choosing or she'd easily default to waiting for someone else to do everything aside from cleaning for her.

Alice picked one of the picture books up and flipped through it. Slowly. She didn't read a lot. And she'd not had to for a while.

"You think you could read it out loud, again only if you want to. You don't have to."

Alice stared at him. The book had a lot of words. And she wasn't good at it. She could get maybe a few words out. But that was as far as she could go.

Alice nodded. She read through the first page she was on and then looked at the ground to read out the first sentence she saw. She smashed the words completely together and then apologized for it but Archie would take whatever he could get. That was the most she'd ever said to him. Sure they hadn't been her words exactly but something other than an apology or an answer to a direct question had come from her.

"Good job, Alice."

He set candy on the table for her to take whenever she wanted. That was another thing thaat seemed to be working in convincing Alice that Archie wasn't a complete threat.

"And this is a dictionary," he picked up one of the books. "It has pictures and the words to describe the pictures underneath it." He flipped the book open to a random page and showed her. It happened to fall open to a word she already knew but it was still useful in showing her how it worked.

"See, it's a picture of a dog and it says dog underneath it. Does that make sense?"

Alice nodded. She liked dogs. And the book seemed helpful. She didn't know how to say everything she'd wanted to say sometimes. Even when she wasn't too scared to even try.

"Ok, do you want to draw or something else now?"

Alice nodded. "Draw." Alice flinched. She was allowed to answer questions but there had still been times mother had hit her for even that one.

Archie set up things for Alice to draw with. It wasn't teaching her anything aside from being able to sit near another person without panicking that they'd hurt her. It also gave her a way to explain what she'd been though without her having to do anything she was scared of doing, even if she hadn't done more than draw things in the tower so far.

Alice held up her drawing for Archie. She didn't trust him enough to talk more than she had to usually but she did trust him enough to explain, in her own way, what had gone on while she was in the tower. And she wanted to explain what had gone wrong when she'd been trying to find the diner on her own.

Alice circled the strap and pushed the drawing over to Archie.

Archie had never seen Alice specifically try to show him something from one of her drawings.

"I see a belt, what about it?" Alice didn't call it that but she was sure Archie knew what to call things better than she did. And it didn't really matter what it was called. It hurt and she didn't like it and she wasn't allowed to touch it.

Archie set the drawing back down and alice circled the mess in the kitchen.

Archie looked at it again.

"Ok, the belt led to a mess." Archie had staarted to get better at guessing what Alice was trying to communicate, and this was far more advanced communication than she normally attempted. Or at least the picture made it feel that way.

Alice nodded. That was why she was so scared at the what had Zelena called it? A store? Yeah that sounded right. That's why she'd gotten upset. Not because David had taken Luna, but that hadn't helped.

Archie was shocked. Alice didn't tend to communicate at this extent with him. She was trying as hard as she could to tell him something. But that didn't mean he fully understood her.

Wait hadn't Zelena said Alice had destroyed a store?

"Was there something scary when you went out with Luna yesterday?"

Alice nodded. Archie got it. "Sorry," Alice told him. She wanted to apologize again and Zelena wasn't around. She felt bad about it. She knew she'd done something wrong. Even Zelena had thought she'd done something wrong, which was new to Alice. Zelena usually told her that she hadn't done anything wrong. She was still waiting for Zelena to punish her. Maybe if she apoligzed to Archie it wouldn't be so bad.

Archie knew Alice would apologize for so much as looking in someone's direction for too long so wasn't sure what she was saying sorry for.

"What about?" Archie asked her.

Alice looked at him. Everything, really. Going somewhere without asking, being scared, talking, not listening when asked to do something, making a mess in the store, not apologizing correctly. Everything.

Alice nodded. Archie didn't know what that meant. She needed choices. He didn't want to give her choices and accidentally add to the already exhaustive list of reasons he was sure she'd come up with on her own.

"It's okay, I won't be mad if you tell me." Archie knew that it was a lie. He would likely be furious at someone once he got an answer, but it wouldn't be at Alice.

Alice nodded. She was already in trouble anyway, she may as well listen to Archie. "Everything." Alice's words were as small as her mannerisms. She'd curled into herself at some point in this conversation and Luna had layed her head into her lap and let Alice pet her fur.

"You don't need to apologize for everything. It's okay."

Alice nodded. She'd tried to apologize. She'd done all she could to avoid pain.

Alice started to clearly get frustrated and frightened a few minutes later. Archie'd been there a while. She could only handle so much before she wanted to be alone again. Mother had only ever hurt her and it was rare she sat near her more than a few hours before she'd been in pain. She worried that everyone she was around would act the exact same and so didn't like being around people for a long time. She wanted Archie to go away now, before she managed to do something to make him hurt her.

"Yes, I know. You don't like when people stay near you for long." Archie comforted as one toy or another had made contact with the tiled floor. It was Alice's only way of asking someone to please leave her alone that she had.

She'd said go before but it was easily misinterpreted as her wanting to go with Zelena so she'd resorted to throwing things until she was left alone.

"You can ask to be left alone. You can tell someone to go away," Archie offered. It wasn't the politest way of phrasing it but Archie didn't really give a damn about polite at this point. Any way she said it would be better than her throwing things.

Alice nodded. He wasn't leaving her alone. She wanted to be alone now. And he hadn't listened to the only way she knew how to express that she didn't want to be bothered. The only way she knew got people to back away when she'd had enough. It hadn't worked when she wanted David to give Luna back but it normally worked. Should she try it? Would he hurt her once she tried? She hoped not.

"Goaway" Alice mumbled. She flinched. Maybe she'd been wrong to try to tell him that. It sounded different than nything she normlly said.

Archie stepped back a little and set another piece of candy on the table. "Good. I'm leaving right now." Archie walked away. Which is exactly what Alice had wanted. She didn't understand why he'd listened to her but she liked that he had.

Luna grabbed the rabbit and handed it to Alice who in turn pet Luna. "Canigotoroom?"

Luna nodded and walked Alice to her room.

Archie waited until he and Pongo were both outside before he let out a cheer. Alice had found a better way to communicate. Both with him and one of her needs she hadn't even had the words for prior.


	15. Chapter 15

Alice still didn't understand. Mother would have gotten angry if she'd told her what she wanted. She'd never have let her ask. She may have given her what she wanted but she'd have hurt her. But when she'd asked Archie to go away, he left. It had worked. And she couldn't tell anyone. She could talk to Luna. Luna listened to her.

Luna's vest was on. Alice was alone and didn't need her. Luna would want to play. But Alice had no idea how to take the vest off. It had so many, Alice didn't know the word. They made a clicking sound whenever Zelena took the vest off.

Alice pet Luna a bit and then ran her hands around the buckle.

They weren't as soft as Luna's fur. They felt more like the plastic parts of her bear, but were far smoother.

"Don'tknow." Alice told her. She wanted to take the vest off. Just because she didn't run around din't mean Luna wasn't allowed to. Luna could do whatever she wanted. Alice didn't feel the same. But she couldn't do it right now.

Alice kept running her hand around the buckles. She didn't know how to undo them.

She admitted defeat and continued whispering to Luna, quietly telling her about Archie's strange behavior. Alice decided she wanted food.

"Hungry?" Alice had only learned the word hungry from the amount of times Zelena had asked her if she was. She'd always been told to eat when mother had decided she needed to. Which was sometimes more often than Alice truly wanted food. She rarely moved around. She was often in too much pain to feel like eating but did as she was told. Alice had never had to think about it. But she was alone and she didn't know when Zelena would be back. She said there was food in the kitchen if she wanted it.

"LunacanIkitchen?" Alice often dropped words out of her sentances to avoid having to speak for too long. Luna was the only one she'd commit fully to speaking to. Luna couldn't hurt her. Which was different than someone that wouldn't.

Luna nodded and helped Alice walk into the kitchen. A toy dangling from the fridge Alice asked Luna to grab. Luna opened the fridge for her. She didn't always have the strength to do that herself, and was often scared to since the fridge beeped when left open for too long.

There were several small containers of food that Alice could easily get for herself. She picked on up.

"LunacanItable?" Luna nodded and Alice went and sat in her chair.

Alice ate her lunch and whispered very quietly to Luna, who didn't have much input but gave Alice a good outlet for every thought she left unspoken when around people.

"Done," Alice told her when she'd finished her food. "Canigotrashcan?" Luna nodded and Alice continued using her to get around the house. She wouldn't do near this much if anyone else was home and she defintley wouldn't dare try to move at all if Luna wasn't standing next to her encouraging her.

Alice sat in the bahthroom playing with the door. It was always left open as not to discourage her from going in anywhere she wanted to.

Alice got tired and fell asleep.

"Mom, I know you don't like her. But we have to be nice."

"She should be nice," Zelena had matured greatly from rasing Robin and taking in Alice but she was defintley still at her core stubborn at times.

"Mom."

"Fine, I'll try to be nice. I make no promises."

Robin and Zelena finished their fairly short walk to the boutiqque and Zelena groaned. The mess was going to take time to clean up, time she'd have to spend around Emile. She had reacted so angrily to Alice. Zelena understodd, kinda, it was frustrating when all Alice managed to do was throw things. She'd admit she'd yelled at her for it. But she'd been exhausted after a week of every single breakable thing Alice could reach being destroyed. And Alice had put herself in actual physical danger. And Zelena had apologized immediatly and still felt guilty for it. Emille had no such remorse.

Zelena and Robin walked into the store.

"Alice is banned from here," Emile said after a half glance in their direction.

"We know, she's at home. You wanted help cleaning this up, so here we are" Zelena was already annoyed but she felt she was at least partially at fault for the state of the store. She hadn't expected Alice to go anywhere on her own and hadn't really been watching her well enough. It was so easy to forget she needed her more than Zelena expected some days. She was somewhere around Robin's age, but had never been allowed to go through most phases of her life correctly. Gods above she hoped Alice's teenage rebellion phase hadn't happened. She couldn't stand the thought of how she would likely have been treated if it had.

"Help?" Emile scoffed. "Oh no. I didn't make this mess. My kids grew out of their tantrum phase awhile ago. And you wouldn't let your kid remedy her own mess. So you enjoy this. I've got work to do. Been a lot of changes to inventory."

Zelena's facial expression quickly revealed her anger and showed her temper preparing to boil over. Sue's become more patient but it wasn't a fuse that had entierly disappeared.

"Just let it go, mom." Robin was suprisngly calm.

Robin and Zelena busied themselves picking up clothes and hanging them back on racks, sweeping up shattered glass, and cleaning up the still wet floor. Emile had fully meant it when she said she wouldn't clean up Alice's mess. She hadn't done a single thing to make the store even semi-useable.

Every so often she'd look up and send a scathing comment in Zelena's direction and Robin would have to remind her mom that some people just don't know how to mind thier own business.

"You left her alone? Does that normally go well for you?"

"Yes, actually!" Robin was the first to snap. "She sits and plays with her toys and pets her dog! Would you just leave it?" Technically, Archie was there with her for a little while but it didn't really matter.

Emile rolled her eyes and Robin took a deep breath. "Where's your trash can? I need to throw this out." Robin held up the bag she'd put the shatterd vases in. All of the glass was cleaned up and all the clothes had been put away after being checked for shards.

"Out back."

Robin walked outside and shoved the bag into the dumster somewhat agressivly, mumbling a strand of profanaties she'd never say in front of her mom.

"Just had to move back to this small town. Everyone thinks they know everything."

Robin's voice was dripping with sarcasm and her eyes were filling with tears. It was so frustrating. This kept happening. At least the cariage driver in the New Enchanted Forrest had had the decency to apologize. Emile clearly wasn't going to. Robin would have scolded her far morre harshly if she didn't have to finish cleaning up her shop. Alice hadn't even meant to go there, Emile really thought banning her was some big statement. Robin was sure she'd never even tried to go to this store before, she certainly wasn't going to start bow.

Robin walked back over to the front of the store and looked at the window display. Wait. Were those belts? Ohh. Alice had been scared well before she'd even gone in the store, hadn't she. Robin paused for a moment. She needed to tell her mom.

They finished cleaning the store and left, on even worse terms with the shop owner than they'd started.

"Mom, look," Robin pointed to the display. "I wonder if that's why she was so upset?"

Zelena agreed with Robin's theory but knew it was unlikely she'd ever fully know.

They went home, exhausted. They'd been there for most of the day.

They both went into the kitchen and sat down. The couch existed but no one used it anymore, it was mostly there to give Alice a semblance of having her own space. She couldn't simply shut the door to her room like everyone else could.

"I'm not cooking," Zelena told Robin.

"Agreed. Granny's?"

Zelena nodded. She needed to find Alice. She was somewhere in the house, surely.

Zelena walked around the house, checking all of the spaces Alice liked to be and found her sleeping form in the bathroom with Luna laying next to her. She'd let her sleep. Waking her up would only scare her.

Zelena carefully and quietly walked asay and into the kitchen

"Alice is asleep in the bathroom, let's just wait."

They waited for a little while and Alice woke up. Alice rubbed her eyes, trying to pull herself completly away from sleep. She didn't think anyone was home. Zelena said she'd be gone a long time, hadn't she?

Alice just wanted to go to her room. That's where her toys eere

Alice nodded. "Canigoroom?" Luna nodded.

Alice walked out of the bathroom and started walking toward her room. She saw Zelena sitting at the table. Alice immediatly sat down.

"Sorrysorrysorry" she thought Zelena was gone. She didn't know she would know what she'd done.

Well, Alice was awake. Zelena turned around and carefully approached Alice, keeping enough distsjce and lower herself into a far less threatening stance.

"It's okay," Zelena had no idea what to tell her was okay. She wasn't sure exactly what Alice was trying to apologize for. "You're okay." She wanted Alice to understand that she wasn't going to hurt her, that Alice was allowed to do what she was doing.

Alice glanced at Zelena. No. Not supposed to do this.

Alice shook her head. Zelena didn't know what she meant.

"It's okay. I think walking is a good thing," Zelena hoped that had been the thing Alice was upset about. "Talking's a good thing too."

Alice nodded, agreeing with Zelena just to avoid being hurt. Zelena knew Alice likely hadn't been cknvinced that easily but could barely think straight as it was. She was hungry and she was exhausted.

"Ok, we're going to the diner. Do you want to come with or do you want to stay here?"

Zelena really didn't want Alice to stay home alone any more for the day. She'd been holed up in the house alone for all but the few hours Archie had been there. And Archie actually worked on things with Alice. So at least she was doing something when he was there. Leaving her alone made Zelena feel guilty. But Alice still needed a choice. She needed to understand that she had the right to make decisions for herself. It was far more important for her than it was most people. She didn't understand that skill and feared what she did even when she'd asked first.

Alice looked at the ground. She liked the diner but the last time she'd keft the house things had gone so wrong. She'd done something wrong. Someone had yelled at her. She'd gotten scared. She was always scared. Zelena's house felt a little safer than the world did. But she liked the diner and there was someone there that she knew wouldn't hurt her. Dogs didn't hurt. Dogs helped people.

Alice nodded. She wanted to go with them.

"Ok." Zelena "what's the a yes to?"

Alice nodded again. She didn't need to speak, did she?

"Alice, please tell me what you want," Zelena begged. She was gentle.

I want to go to the diner. Alice thought about it for a moment. She had the words. She coukd say go quickly. She picked what she wanted.

Go." Alice mumble quietly.

"Ok. Good. Let's go." Zelena went and grabbed Luna's harness and put it on over thr vest. Had Luna been vested all day? She reminded herself to try to teach Alice how to work it on her own later.

They got outside and Alice had Luna follow Zelena while Robin talked. Alice didn't have to pay attention fully to where she was going because Luna had that under control.

They got to the diner, that really was not far from their house. And Zelena hoped it wouldn't be too stressful for Alice. She just needed leaving the house to not be something alice was cinstsntly being deterred from. They went inside and sat in the same booth they had last time.


	16. Chapter 16

Robin was sitting across from Alice, talking to her. The conversation was pretty much one sided but Robin was trying to make sure Alice was included. She often faded back into wherever she was hiding and could so easily be left out.

"Did you have a good day?" Zelena joined in on the conversation. Alice stared at her for a second. Someone that she saw as an authority wanting to know how she was was still new to her.

"It's okay, Alice." Robin reminded Alice. "She won't hurt you."

Alice nodded a bit warily but relaxed slightly. Archie had listened when she told him what she wanted. An experience that was so foreign to her she still wasn't sure what to do with it.

"Okay, what can I get you?" Red approached the booth.

Alice wasn't scared of her at all but she was still frightened by other people around her. She wouldn't talk if she didn't have to, and greeting Red wasn't neccesary. And the menu had pictures so she didn't have to talk for that either.

"Do you need me to do it?" Robin offered.

Alice shook her head. She could handle this. She glanced at Zelena, was it okay with her?

"You're okay," Zelena encouraged Alice. This was normal and a fiaily regular occurance. Alice needed to know that things she did were okay with Zelena. Archie had explained it as Alice picking who she viewed as an authroity figure and taking what she'd learned from her mother and applying it to whoever she thought had the most power over her. Unfortunatley, the fear she must have had in her childhood had transferred over far more than Alice's understanding of the way Zelena wanted her to behave. There had been no luck in repeatedly telling Alice she didn't have to follow her mother's rules. Zelena had tried. It hadn't worked. She was still terrafied of the consequnces of rules Zelena had done the exact opposite of enforcing.

Alice pointed to what she wanted. A food she knew she liked. She glanced up at Zelena again. Had she done anything wrong? She'd been quiet but she'd gotten a little into Red's space. But Red wasn't Zelena.

"That's good, Alice." Zelena knew that had been hard for her to do. Zelena and Robin ordered their food and Red walked away. "Did you have fun with Archie today?"

Alice nodded again. She liked Archie. He usually stopped when she was done and he'd let her tell him she was done. No one ever let her do that. It was different.

"That's good." Zelena really wasn't sure what to talk about. Alice was sitting, mostly focused on her toy. She was listening but had no real interest in talking at the moment.

Red brought back their food and they ate. It was quiet.

Nothing eventful happened during their dinner. There was the occasional flich when someone made a noise Aice hadn't expected and Luna occasioanlly sniffing in Red's direction because of her werewolf scent throwing even the highly trained dog off. But other than that the trip to the diner went well. Alice did need to expereince leaving the house not always being the most terrafying thing that could happen. Zelena wished she could make things run this smoothly every single time Alice left the house, but she couldn't. She could only show Alice thaat no matter what she wasn't going to hurt her. And hope Alice believed it.

The trip to the diner went well enough. And Alice had spent a good portion of the day sleeping so Zelena decided it was as good a time as any to take Alice to Archie's office and show her at least the building.

"Okay, do you want to go for a walk or want to go back to the house?" Alice wantwd to go for a walk. She'd not spent much time oufsise since moving and she did like walking.

"Walk," Alice muttered mostly to the toy bear in her hand.

"Ok."

They went outside and Zelena had Alice follow her. Robin walked next to Alice and talked to her. They got to Archie's office building.

Zelena didn't take her in there or show her anything she just wanted to see kf there was anything along the route that would cause any issues and there luckily wasn't anything that scared Alice too much. The sidewalk made it a little difficult for Alice to walk at times. She tripped over one or two curbs but was fine otherwise.

"Alright, ready to go home?"

Alice shook her head. She didn't know where home was. It wasj't the tower, was it? Was it the house they'd just left or the one tbey'd left weeks before. I don't know where home is. I don't want to go if it's scary. Alice couldn't figure out which words were correct.

She threw her bear, who Zelena would admit wad incredibly durable, at the sidewalk.

Alice couldn't find anything else to throw and had sat down in the middle of the sidewalk. She darted her eyes around and found something that she didn't really understand. It was a dark brown color and it looked easy to pick uo..he grabbed a handful of mulch and threw that at the ground too.

Zelena wasnXt really sure if she should grt uoset by the mulch or not.

"Not very fun when she throws a tanteum with you, is it?" Emile had stepped out of whatever nearby store she'd come from and commented on Alice's behavior.

Zelena couldn't deal with both situstions at once and Alice needed her attemtion more.

"It's okay, you're okay."

Alice was srill frustrsted and scared and didn't know how to explain what was wrong. Luna laid dosn in Alice's lap which helped some but Alice still didn't know how to explain why she was she was scared of Emile. She was the only person that had behaved the way mother had. She no longer wanted that. But she thought it was the only correct way for her to be treated. Should she anger her? Should she try not to? Which one would Zelena want too? Alice was frustrated and just wanted to go back to her fort. But she wasn't sure where Zelena thought hoke was or who she was supposed to keep from angering. Or how.

"Here," Zelena picked up the toy and offered it to Alice whongrabbed itt and threw it back onto the ground. I want to be be in my fort! Alice couldn't handle saying those words. She couldn't explain.

"Ok. It's okay," Zelena offered her the toy again. Alice obviously was upset by something but Zelena wasn't sure what. "You're alright."

Alice took the toy and held onto it for a few seconds. She threw it again. Mother never gave her that many choices! She didn't know how to handle being allowed to express what she wanted. She didn't know how to express what she wanted. She just wanted to curl up in her fort. But that hadn't veen what Zelena asked. She asked if she wanted to go home. Amd she didn't know where hoke was. She didn't like the portal. She didn't want to go through that again. She really didn't want to go back to the tower. But was the house they'd just moved to home or not?

Alice tried to pull her legs up to her chest but Luna was already in her lap.

"Here's an idea? Stop handing her the toy." Emile offered, umhelpfully.

"Alice, it's okay. I know something is upsetting you. Can we talk about it?" Zelena offered. Alice nodded, bur was still frightened and kept glancing towards Emile.

"Yeah, you've gitta go," robin told emile.

"I'd rsther not hang around a yway. Seriously, control your kid"

Emile walked off before Zelena could say anything.

"Mom, nkt wkrth it."

Zelena thought for a minute. She'd said home and thwn alice was upset.

"Do you know where home is?'"

Alice shook her head.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I should have been more clear," Zelena apologized for her mistake.

Alice nodded just to agree with her. She still didn't understand.

"Wherever you live currently is home, okay?"

It was a potentially oversimplified explanation but Zelena tried not to complicate things if she didn't have to.

"So with that definition, do you want to go home? Or do you want to go somewhere else?"

Hone. I want to be in my fort.

Alice nodded. Please take that as an answer. I don't feel like talking.

"Alright. Let's go home."

They walked back, Alice still occasionally tripping because she had never learned how to walk for long or on a sidewalk that had things that dropped down.


	17. Chapter 17

They got home. Everyone entered the house and Zelena stepped away from the door, knowing Alice was clearly stressed out and would likely be uncomfortable still.

Alice glanced over to her. She'd wanted to go into her fort. She still did. But was Zelena mad? She'd thrown something she wasn't sure if it was okay to throw or not. She'd just wanted to go into her fort. But it ws hard to ask for things she needed. And things she wanted were even harder. She'd learned from a really young age it wasn't worth trying. Alice sat down. She would just wait. Maybe Zelena wouldn't be angry? Maybe she'd just want her to go to her fort.

"Okay, I know that was stressful," Zelena told Alice. She knew it'd been difficult to...ok Zelena had no idea what exact thing had caused Alice to get upset. But something had. And it was okay, she wasn't going to discourage Alice from finding ways to explain she was upset. Even if someone else thought she was a bad parent for it. "Here, do you want to get Luna's vest and harness off and then we can figure out what you want to do, or do you want to leave it on?"

Alice nodded. She didn't know how to take it off. She'd seen Zelena do it a lot but still didn't understand. She was always too distracted trying to decide if anyone was going to hurt her.

Alice tried and failed to get the vest off.

"Sorrysorrysorry." Zelena didn't ask her to do a lot. She hated that she couldn't do what she asked her. She wasn't useful. She needed to be. I don't care about you, but you have your uses. Alice wanted to curl up in her fort and cry and think of how she could just do something, anything honestly, right. But she couldn't. She could cry later. When no one could see her.

"It's okay, took me a little while to learn how to do it too." This wasn't at all a lie, that harness had taken a while to figure out. "Look, take this off first, and then the vest. Like this."

Zelena showed Alice and she nodded. She wanted to try. She didn't want Zelena's help with this any more. She never really had but she didn't know how to telll her that so had given up on asking to do it herself. Zelena put the vest an hanress away. And Alice was exhausted. She just wanted to go into her room and sleep. Maybe cry before she did. But she wanted sleep.

What did she know that it might be okay to say to Zelena? She knew Archie had been okay with her telling him to go away. Would that get her what she wanted? Or would Zelena yell? She knew eveyone said Zelena wouldn't hurt her, and Archie had made a good argument that Zelena would have done it by now but she was still scared. It could be okay. It might be. Alice looked at the ground. Please don't hurt me. I just want to go sleep.

"Goaway." Alice muttered it at the ground. She flinched. It might have been the wrong thing to say. Or speaking at all might have been something she shouldn't have done.

Zelena was suprised. Alice didn't tend to express what she wanted without some prompting. She likley really wanted to be left alone.

"Ok. I can go away."

Zelena got up and walked away. She had no idea what had posessed Alice to ask for what she wanted so clearly, but was glad she had. Even if it hurt a little knowing that the first thing she'd been clear about wanting had been for Zelena to go away. It was a little hard not to tak ethat perosnally ven knowing that Alice was genuinely scared of nearly everyone she met and tended to prefer to be alone with her dog and her toys. Zelena just wanted her to be happy. But it still stung.

Alice thought for a moment as Zelena was walking away. It had worked, but not the way she'd wanted. She just wanted to hide in her fort. She'd just ask Luna. She'd wanted Zelena to tell her it was okay but she'd left when asked to and that didn't make sense to Alice either. Zelena didn't understand. But she hadn't hurt her. And she never got upset when she asked Luna. She really hoped that wouldn't change. Luna made her feel better, no matter how scared she was Luna was right there if she needed her.

"Canigoroom?" Alice mumbled at the floor and Luna helped her to her room where they both quickly fell alseep.

Zelena cleaned up a bit around the house, thinking over how she was going to make sure the waiting area of Archie's office didn't bother Alice too much when the door bell rang.

Zelena answered it, sure it had likely woken Alice up.

Archie was standing at the door with papers in his hands.

"Hey."

"Didn't wake you, did I?"

"Me? No. Alice? Probably."

Archie winced a little. Alice needed her sleep, she'd been forced into being ever so slightly more active for the first time in her life months before and still hadn't fully adjusted.

"Sorry."

"it's fine. Did you leave your keys or something?"

"No, but forgot to give yout these," Archie held up papers. "Didn't think the waiting room in my office would neccesarily go over well, so forms for her visit next week."

Archie handed Zelena the forms and she scanned through them

"Vaccination records? Does she need those?"

"Well, yes. Which I need to talk to you about. Alice really needs to see a doctor as soon as possible. We really have just a little idea of what went on in that tower, the psychological effects are pretty obvious. But their could be medical ones as well. And she defintley needs a few vaccines, she spent so much time around just one other human,"

"Not a human in my book."

"Well Alice's immune sytem is likely quite weakened either way. She needs t see a doctor. Preferabbly before next week."

Zelena grabbed the bridge of her nose and let out an audible groan. That was ging to be a nightmare. Zelena could already think of at least three things that would easily send Alice into a catonic state of fear, and that was just in the waiting room alone. BUt Archie was right, it was neccesary. And it was not something Zelena was looking forward too.

"Do I call the doctor's office and tell them about Luna? Can she even bring Luna?"

"No. And yeah Luna can come."

"This is going to be a bloody nightmare."

"Yeah, I'd say it might go okay, but can't promise you that. Good luck. See you in a week."


	18. Chapter 18

Zelena was getting ready to head to the bookstore to pick up a few more books for Alice. She'd read through all the books Archie had left her repeatedly. She enjoyed them amd they were helpful. Zelena was still worried about Alice going to the doctor. She could already see how everything could go wrong. Alice was making progress but it would be so easy to offset that. And only the gods knew how she'd react to a car ride. But there was absolutley no way she could walk to the hospital where the doctor's office was. That was more distance than Alice had ever walked in her entire life, if Zelena had to wager a guess, and the sheer amount of interaction during the visit would likely be exhausting. And doctors could be scary in the best of circumstances, in this one? Zelena wasn't sure it'd be okay. She'd called the office to see if they could let her fill out the paperwork in advnace but they would't, something about some regulation or other. Zelena had argued with them but had not won that argument. Not for lack of trying..

Alice was sitting and reading through her dictionary again. Zelena wanted her to try to use the words in the book but she was still often too scared to speak. Maybe if she left her alone with Robin for an hour or two she'd give it a try. Alice desperstlry needed a way to say what she wanted. Preferably one that was a little safer for the stuffed animals, not to mention everyone else's sanity. Alice threw things to communicate frequently but it was still a struggle to figure out what she was trying to say.

Luna was sitting near Alice as always and brought a toy to her. Luna was smart but still wanted to play, which Alice didn't understand fully. She didn't like to play the way Luna did.

"Here, Luna. I'll throw it."

Zelena weakly tossed the toy at the ground, trying not to make any major movements that would frighten Alice. Luna picjed up the toy and dropped it in Alice's lap.

Alice stared at it. She wasn't supposed to move without permission. But Luna was telling her to do it. And it wasn't really mlving. Was it? She did this all the time to say she needed something or was scared or wanted something.

Alice knocked the toy off her lap. Gently enough that it was clear she didn't need anything.

"Sorry." This was different than throwing things to show she was upset, Alice wasn't sure this was okay. And wasn't the toy Luna's? Alice mostly understood the concept of owning things but it had been far too complex to fully explain.

"It's good. Luna likes playing Good job."

Luna brought the toy back to Alice who knocked it off her lap again. Zelena was really glad Alice was trying to play with Luna.

"That's playing. That's really good."

Luna gave the toy back to Alice who stared at it again. It was okay to play with Luna? Really? She liked this. If it was okay, she wanted to do it. She knocked the toy off again. I'm not angry , I'm not scared, I'm playing. Playing is okay?

Zelena knew Alice needed to be encouraged and kept telling her it was good to play with Luna until Alice decided to stop doing it nd went back to reading her book. Zelena needed to head out.

"Okay, Luna's here and Robin's around somewhere if you need anything. I've got to go get something from the store. I'll be back soon."

Alice nodded. She wanted to read her book and pet Luna. She didn't really want to go anywhere. Zelena wasn't going to make her, was she?

"Okay, bye. There's a grilled cheese in the microwave if you want it, or you can ask Robin to help make something else."

Zelena made sure Alice had options. She had no idea if there were any foods Alice absolutely hated or not. She knew bubblegum wasn't something she liked but other than that, she'd eaten absolutley every food offered and barely if at all expressed any preferences.

Zelena left and went to the book store.

Zelena wouldn't admit it but she needed a break and was relieved to be at the book store without either Robin or Alice. She cared about Alice, genuinely. But it was exhausting taking care of her. Zelena knew it wasn't Alice's fault she'd been taught to rely on someone else in such an unhelthy way. It would take time and effort and unconditional love and support to even bring Alice somewhat away from that. And it wasn't guranteed she'd ever fully be able to distance herself from that mindset. And Zelena wanted to help her but sometimes she just needed a break from watching how she phrased things and making sure she looked as nonthreatening as possible.

Zelena grabbed a picture dictionary and a couple of picture books.

"Excuse me," a young woman said, and Zelena stepped out of her way. The young woman grabbed a few picture books as well then glanced at the books in Zelena's hand.

"How old's your little one? AAny idea if these are good books to start reading?"

Zelena thought for a moment. She wasn't sure how old Alice was. She couldn't be too far from Robin's age. Sixteen at the least? She had no intentions of telling random stranger Alice's life story. It wasn't really any of their business.

"Yeah, pretty good books to start reading. Mine absolutley loves the picture dictionaries too. Trying to find some kind of emotions book."

"Not really a book but maybe the movie inside out?" the woman suggested. "My four year old is obsessed with bing bong."

Zelena laughed a little. She'd watched that at some point with Robin.

"Thanks."

Zelena walked away and headed towards the check out. She was waiting in line and started to think about the docotr again. She was dreading that. She coul think of things that she could see Alice easily mistaking as something she'd done something wrong to deserve. She'd need shots. There was no getting out of that. It was going to be a nightmare. And Zelena couldn't really think of anything that would make it much better.

Maybe she should try to get Alice used to the car, or at least try, before the docotr. That would be too much at once.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had formatting but fanfiction.net doesn't let you import stuff over to A03 sooooo it may have gotten eaten. Most of Alice's thought were italicized. They probably aren't now.

Zelena made breakfast as Alice sat playing with Luna. It wasn't much but Alice had finally gotten to where she'd play with Luna.

"That's fun, good job," Zelena encorauged. She already knew the day might be a bit stressful. Alice had seen cars driving by a few times but other than that had never been near one and she'd have to lesrn how to ride in one. Zelena missed her magic a little at times like these. If she still had it there wouldn't be a need for a car, which would likely stress Alice out a lot more for a lot longwr than just magiking her to where she needed to be.

Everyone ate their breakfast and Alice pointed to her food and then pointed to a drawing in her dictionary that she'd left open on the table when she'd taken a break to play with Luna.

"Yeah, i made eggs." Zelena told her. Alice had started to manage to learn the words for things she wasn't used to, she still didn't really want to talk though. Zelena kept hoping she'd decide to but didn't push. At least if she really wanted something she could at least show what she wanted, as long as it was in one of her books. This wasn't really the most viable long term solution to any problem. But it was something. And Alice needed to have a way she could express what she needed, even if it wasn't the "right" way.

Alice ate her food and immediately went back to flipping through a book..she found the word she wanted.

clean.

Alice pointed to the word.

And the book had backfired. It'd given Alice a way to not use her words even when she knew how. Zelena wasn't sure how to handle this. Alice still needed some help when it came to asking for what she needed, but she couldn't use it as a way to not do what little she already did. She really didn't know how to handle this. She worried she was going to handle it wrong. But she couldn't leave Alice waiting for an answer when she was trying.

Alice pointed to the picture a little more forcefully again. Which Zelena inadvertantly ignored, distracted by her thoughts on how to handle it.

Alice sat there for a moment. I want to clean the kitchen. Or my plate. Don't care.

Alice threw a toy onto the ground. She wanted something and she'd done what she was told to do and it wasn't working.

Zelena got up and gently approached Alice and got down to where she was below her eye level.

"It's okay," Zelena comforted and handed her the toy back. "Let's try again. What do you want?"

Alice grabbed the book and pointed to the word in her dictionary. Zelena had no idea what Alice wanted. Did she want to clean? Did she want help with cleaning something? Was she saying something was or wasn't clean? It didn't make any sense. Zelena knew Alice was already frustrated.

"Ok," Zelena paused for a moment. Please just say it. Alice didn't make any move to communicate further. "Do you think you could say it then or no? It's fine if you can't." It really wasn't fine if she couldnn't, that would be a problem. Alice was supposed to be lewrning how to communkcate better not worse. Zelena worried she'd done something to scare Alice even further. It wouldn't be the first time she'd frightened her.

Alice stared at her. Did she have to? It was so much easier not to. But she would if that's what was wanted from her.

"Caniclean?" Alice rushed the words what felt like ever faster than normal but Zelena accepted it.

"Alright. Good job talking, go ahead." Zelena caught herself before she offered Ailce a high five. That would not be a reward the way Zelena thought it would. It'd just frighten Alice. It was best to just give her what she said she wanted. Zelena hated the fact the best thing she could do was let Alice clean. It really wasn't her responsibility but Alice always wanted to clean up after everyone. She always folded up some of her blankets neatly when she was done using them. Which Zelena didn't really mind, but it wasn't neccesary.

Alice got up to do exactly that. She washed her plate and put it in the drainer then sat down near the sink.

Zelena waited for a few minutes to see if Alice would be encouraged by anything to move bur whwn she wasn't offered her a few choices of what to do.

Alice nodded. She didn't want to speak at all, really. There was an easier way. A way that didn't involve breaking rules and risking pain. Sure, she was pretty sure Zelena wasn't going to hurt her but other people could. And she'd been fine holed up in a corner of the tower. Yeah it hurt sometimes but the corner was her safe space. She missed it. Robin had said it wouldn't solve anything to go back, and Zelena said this was her home now. But it was different and things didn't always make sense. Besides, mother said she deserved the pain. And she believed her.

Zelena knew that Alice was still having a hard time with the fact her entire life had been uprooted twice in the course of a few months. But had no idea how deep that problem alone was. There was just so many things Alice was struggling with it was impossible to handle every single one at once.

She sat down across from Alice who flinched as she walked past.

"You're ok, I'm not going to hurt you," Zelena promised. Alice nodded, that was the problem. She didn't want pain but there was no reason for Zelena to treat her the way she did. She was so gentle. And not the way that mother called gentle. In a way Alice didn't understand. She'd hugged her once and Alice had been confused by it but it hadn't hurt. It kinda felt similar to when Luna put her weight on her to calm her down. There was no good reason for Zelena to be like that.

"Alright, what's wrong?"

Alice stared at her. She didn't know how to explain. She shook her head.

Zelena didn't think it was a good idea to stress Alice out any more than neccesary. "Ok, if you want to tell me later. You can. You don't have to. Or you can tell me now. Either one." Gods. Zelena hated how careful she had to be with her words.

"Do you want to take a nap or do you want to go outside?" Zelena really hoped Alice picked outside.

Alice stared back at her.

"Hey, can you hear me?" Alice stared back at Zelena. She could hear her just fine. She just couldn't deal with how she felt and bring herself to react to anything. She'd spent years holding back how she felt while in severe pain. She no longer had the ability to externally acknowledge when she was extrmely bothered by something. Not all the time. Sometimes she just couldn't manage to say or do much of anything. And right now she was trying to find a reason that Zelena didn't hurt her. Something that didn't make sense to her. And she couldn't bring herself to so much as nod her head let alonr throw anything to exoress that she was upset.

Alice was barely reacting to her envirorment. Even less so than usual.

Zelena picked up a toy Alice lijed and tried to hand it to her. Maybe if she couldn't hear her, she coukd see her. It didn't work.

Now Zelena was concerned. "Alice, are you okay?" Zelena worried even more as Alice didn't respond. Ok where was Luna. Alice clearly needed her. Luna made her feel better. Should she try hugging her? That seemed a bit invasive. But Alice hadn't been against it when she'd tried before. Zelena hugged Alice. Alice knew Zelena was near her. She knew she was touching her. She didn't really feel like anything. It didn't feel like anything to her. Zelena let go when Alice still didn't react. She needed to find Luna.

Luna had gone outside to use the bathroom woth robin who renetered the room and Alice didn't even look up. Luna went and sat on Alice's lap which snapped her out of it a few minutes later.

"Ok, yeah. Good job. It's okay," Zelena had no idea what happened and was worried. She'd seen Alice lose the ability to hear and see things around her before but that had been when she'd thought she was going to beat her. This was when she'd been given a choice about if she wanted to nap or go outside. Was Alice getting worse? Was something bothering her?

Alice pointed at Luna and flipped through her book and found the dog and pointed to it.

"Yeah, Luna's a dog. Can you say that? Or no?"

Alice stared at the book. And pointed to the picture again. Dog. It was a way to say things,

Okay Zelena would admit that was a pretty clever way for Alice to get out of speaking.

Alice thought for a few seconds. That hadn't been what zelena meant. Had it? She wanted her to actually say the word. And now she was going to be angry no matter what. Waan't she? Could she fix it? Was there ant way that she could? Do what she ask! Alice reminded herself.

"Sorrysorrysorry." Alice pointed to Luna. "Dog."

"You're okay, it's okay." At least she was half trying to talk again. "Thank you for communicating. Good job."

"Alright so, do you want to go ourside or take a nap?" Zelena really hoped this didn't cause a problem.

Alice nodded.

"It's okay to talk," Zelena reminded her.

"Outside." Oh thank the gods. Zelena was worried Alice had decided to stop talking. And they really did need to at least try to take her on a car ride. Her first experience with a car coulsn't end in getting shots. That would only make cars scary too. And there were already enough things that Alice was terrafied of.

"Alright, good job talking. Thanks. Let me go get Luna's vest, okay?"

Alice nodded. Where were they going? Here she only went outside if they were going somewhere outside of the yard.

Zelena made sure everything was ready and asked if Robin wanted to join them then everyone headed outside.

Zelena had a car parked near enough to the house it wouldn't be too difficult for Alice to walk to it. Zelena was honestly more worried about it then Alice seemed to be.

Zelena crouched down in front of Alice. "Wr're going to try something new, okay?"

Alice nodded. Was Zelena going to hurt her? Was someone else going to? "If you don't like it, that's fine. Just tell me and you don't have to do it, okay. I'm not going to make you do anything, ok?" Zelena wasn't sure how in hell they'd get to the doctor if Alice hated the car but still didn't want Alice thinking she wawn't allowed to say no if something made her uncomfortable.

Alice nodded. It was different than when mother said she had something she wanted to try then. Alice still didn't trust that it wouldn't be painful. But she couldn't do anything about it.

"Alright." Zelena had Alice follow her to the car.

"Look, Robin can sit next to you. And Luna can sit wherever she can fit." Zelena talked Alice through it as Robin was getting into the other wide of the car.

It took a minute or two for Alice to get into the car. It was something new and she didn't know how to do it. Luna got in too. "Alright. Good job." And now for the one part Zelena worried would be difficult to convince Alice to do, putting on a seat belt.

"I'm just touching something next to you. I'm not going to hurt you. You're okay," Zelena made her intentions incredibly clear. The number of tines Alice had been freaked out by someone grabbing something near her had been an obvious reminder that everyone needed to make sure Alice knew what they were doing. Zelena grabbed a part of the seatbelt. "Ok. You're doing great."

Alice nodded. Zelena was really close to her but other than that this thing didn't seem so bad. It was small and the seat was nicer than the ones in the kitchen. It was a little higher up than the floor but it didn't matter. "Ok do you see the little square thing next to you?" Alice grabbed it. "II'm going to attach this to that. Or you can do iy. Either one."

"I."

"Ok. Go ahead." Zelena gently talked Alice through buckling and the seat belt clicked into place. Alice flinched from the sound but didn't seem too bothered by it. Zelena immediately made sure she was no longer standing practically in the car once she made sure the seat belt was on correctly.

Alice's eyes went wide. She'd been tricked. At least mother told her when she was going to restrain her. And she'd never had her do it to herself. Alice wanted out of this. Alice threw something at the only part of the floor Luna wasn't taking up. She didn't scream but she wanted to. Zelena lied. She wasn't any safer anywhere. But at least she had someone to talk to here. Go away. Go away. Alice pulled her legs up to her chest. Or tried to. When she did the piece of fabric or whatever it was at her waist dug in a little tighter. It wasn't calming. It scared her. She put her legs back down. Luna laid in her lap and Alice reached over for her but the piece of fabric on her chest made that hard to. She could move her arms and legs but it still felt similar to when she'd bern chained to a wall in the tower. Alice held back her tears and waited.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Whatever you think is happening, let's talk about it. Please."

Alice shook her head violentally. No. She couldn't do this. She'd let herself believe Zelena wasn't going to hurt her. It was a lie, wasn't it? At least mother told her she would hurt her from as ling as she could remember. She never pretended that she wouldn't just to change her mind. Alice didn't understand. She'd done everything Zelena had asked her to do. She'd tried so hard. She waan't good enough for anyone. She'd been fine with that. Why'd anyone have to pretend otherwise?

"I know you're scared. I know it's really frustrating when I don't understand why or when you need something and I don't just know what it is. And thar's okay. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to get frustrated. Can you try to tell me what's wrong?"

Alice Zelena going to actually hurt her now? Was that what was happening? She only knew that when she asked her to go away everyone left her alone. And that then she could do whatever she wanted and no one cared. And she wanted the thing around her body to go away.

"Goaway."

"Ok," zelena walked away. Alice needed space. Maybe. Maybe that's what she was saying. .

No! That's not what I wanted! Alice struggled a bit with the seat belt and then just gave up. Robin was sitting next to her but she didn't care. She let the tears sje'd been holding back fall.

"Okay, do you want mom?"

Alice ignored Robin. No she didn't want her own mother. She wouldn't help either.

"Sorry do you want Zelena?" Alice nodded. She scared her too but she could give her permission to get out of this thing..

"Ok." Robin went and found Zelena who came back to alice sitting l, clearly upset.

"Alright. Try again. What'd you want?"

"Goaway." Zelena was confused. She'd wanted her and then she didn't.

"Ok." Zelena turned around.

Alice shook her head again.

"Mom, that's not what she wants."

Zelena crouched down. "Okay, ww've got this." Zelena had no idea what Alice really wanted but tried anyway.

Alice stared at her. She'd asked more than once but no one understood what she wanted. Alice pointed to the seat belt.

"It's so when the car, the thing you're sitting in, is moving you don't fall and get hurt. What's wrong with it?"

" .punishment."

"It's not a punishment. It's just so you're safe. You didb't do anything wrong. Do you think you can wear it for just a couple of minutes. We can go get ice cream."

Alice nodded as close to excitedly as she could get.

"Alright. Nice. Good job." Apparently ice cream was a good plan.

Zelena got into the drivers seat and warned Alice the car might make some sounds.

They went and got ice cream and Zelena decided that they defintley needed to lrwctice more with riding in a car but otherwise it was fine. Alice still didn't like the seatbelt too much but had been convinced it was a way to get ice cream so didn't mind it as much. And now Zelena just had to worry about how a doctors visit was going to go


	20. Chapter 20

The next few days were spent taking Alice on more car rides. She still hated the seat belt but seemed to tolerate it because the car was a way to get to places she liked going. Or rather to the one place in Storybrooke she liked going, the diner.

"Ok, nice. You did it all by yourself. I'm impressed. Good job." Zelena piled on the praise as Alice clicked the seat belt into place before she'd asked her to. She'd told her any time she was in the car she had to wear it but hadn't expected her to do it that quickly.

Zelena got in the car and drove to the diner. A place that she was pretty sure she should just rent a part of out with how often they'd started to go there.

"6th time this week, usual table?" Red asked as they walked in. Alice was now near exclusively eating spaghetti and eggs from the diner. Which could 't possibly be the healthiest diet but Zelena only had a few days to convince Alice that the car wasn't going to be a scary thing. If she got in the car and buckled, good things would happen. Even if it was a little uncomfortable or scary.

Everyone ate and then Zelena drove home.

Alice still didn't like the seat belt in the car but dealt with it because she liked going to the diner. She liked being around Red who was the only person she'd ever met that didn't scare her. She liked the fact she could easily curl up in the booth and still eat her food. She liked that she could just point to pictures, or that Red knew what she wanted. The diner was nice. So she dealt with the discomfort so she could go there.

"Good morning," Zelena greeted Alice who had used Luna to get into the kitchen. Zelena dreaded the day ahead. There was no doubt going to be at least one thing in the docotrs office that would frighten Alice, probably more. And some things might actually terrify her.

Alice stared at her. It seemed like they went to the diner all the time for breakfast now. And she wanted food. And if she got in the car then they'd get to the diner. She'd feel a little safer. She's sit in the spot she always did. She wanted to get in the car and go to the diner. Alice had her dictionat y in front of her and found the word she wanted.

She pointed to it. car.

Zelena blinked. That book was both a blessing and a curse. It gave Alice a way to communicate when she wasn't sure of a word, but it also gave her a way to avoid talking.

Zelena nodded. "Yeah, we're going on a car ride later. Not yet."

Alice tilted her head. She wanted eggs.

Alice flipped a few pages and pointed to the word she wanted. eggs.

"Okay. Hang on."

Zelena went to the fridge and grabbed a few boiled eggs, cut them both in half, then set the plate in front of Alice. It was a food Alice was incredibly familiar with and happened to like.

Alice nodded and muttered a thank-you. She'd wanted to go to the diner but this was good enough.

Alice at her food and had one of her stuffed toys in her other hand. They made her feel safer and she liked the way they felt.

Zelena sat down across from her. The doctors visit was likely going to take most of the day. Alice flinched as Zelena sat down but otherwise ignored her.

Zelena explained that it might take a while where they had to go. Alice nodded and went back to sitting quietly and not doing much.

Zelena went and made sure they had everything they'd need. There were extra blankets is nearly every storage space. No one could dismantle the forts that already existed but whenever Alice decided a new space was comfortable it needed to have at least a few. And putting blankets next to her in the car had made her feel a little better. There still weren't that many spaces Alice liked being. Another suffed toy in case Alice threw the one she had anywhere that it wasn't easy to retrieve. Water that getting Alice to drink was a different kind of headache. She'd drink it but it likely tasted different from the water she'd had acsess to in the enchanted forrest, and she was used to holding her pee so she was wary of drinking a reasonable amount of water.

Alice was still sittting with an empty plate in front lf her when Zelena walked back i to the kitchen.

"I'm going to grab that, ok?" Zelena grabbed the plate and Alice flinched. Alice stared at Zelena for a second. No. I clean. There's not any other reason for you to not hurt me!

Alice threw her toy down. Zelena held in a sigh. Alice's silent outburst were a frequent occurance. They weren't always dangerous but sometimes they became too intense. Hopefully this waan't one lf those times.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Zelena knew Alice couldn't really help it. All she'd known was that she wasn't allowed to express her wants or needs and that this had worked. It still sometimes got frustrating to know that no matter what she did, Alice was still going to struggle to trust her or anyone else. Which couldn't be a nice way to live. Zelena was saddened by the thought that Alice likely feared nearly everyone around her no matter hoe much they'd shown she didn't need to fear them.

Alice stared at her. She wanted to clean. Why'd Zelena take that? She needed to do it. It made her feel like she had a use. That's what mother had called it. She had her uses. And Zelena could leave if she wanted so it was all Alice had. Zelena wasn't supposed to clean up after her. Alice was frustrated and didn't know how to explain. She sat in her chair scared that she wasn't doing what she should be.

Zelena gave Alice a moment to think about what she might want to say. Alice reached over for her book and flipped it open to a page that got a lot more use than a lot lf the others. Clean. Alice pointed to it.

Zelena knew that Alice knew what she was trying to say but ekther from fear or nlt knlwimg how couldn't seem to say it. It was going to be a long day already. This wasn't the time to try and press further. She'd just tell her she could do whatever it was she qanted and hope it wasn't anything she shouldn't do.

"Ok, I don't know what you're asking. But go ahead. Whatever it is you want to do. Go ahead."

Alice stared at Zelena. She still had the plate. She wanted to clean it!

"Goaway." Zelena hated those two words. Alice used them for everything and they rarely made sense. It didn't always mean she wanted Zelena to walk away. Sometimes it meant something near her was bkthering her. Sometimes in meant she wanted to go into her room. Sometines it meant she wanted to set something down somewhere else. Or wanted someone else tonset sometjing down. But trying to give her words for those other things was not always an option. By the point sje'd gotten to asking for what she wanted in that way she was too upset to be willing to listen.

"Ok." Zelena got up amd started to walk away to see if that's what Alice had wanted. She threw something else, a clear sign of it not being the right guess.

"Ok, oh I took this i mesnt to put ir away. Let's figure out what you want first, thlugh." Zelena set the plate on the table. And alice nervkuslt glaced between ir and her. She grabbed the plate and pulled it close to her body. Alice stared at Zelena. She'd said she could. Hadn't she?

"Clean." Zelena thought for a moment. Alice wanted to clean the plate..she hadn't been asking for her to do it.

"Ok, I didn't understand you. You want to clean that," Alice nodded. She had to clean it. It made her feel a little safer knowing that she could at least try to do something. "Ok," zelena would explain to her that the one word wouldn't always work in a minute. Alice was frustrated and clesrly had one thing on her mind at the moment. "Alright, go ahead. But then can we talk?" Alice nodded again and did as Zelena asked. Alice sat down and began a strand of apologies.

"You're not in trouble, you didn't do anything wrong," Alice mentally added [this time]. She always managed to do something wrong, she had the scars that could prove that. Alice winced as she thought about that.

"Ok, I'm really proud of you for trying to communicate. You're getting better at that. Ypu're doing really good." Zelena led into the conversation she wanted to have making it as clear as possible that Alice wasn't in trouble, that she wasn't going to hurt her. "When you say clean, I don't always understand. Sometimes I need you to say a little more. I'm sorry i don't always understand you. Do you think you can maybe try to say who or what you want to clean? It's okay jf you're not ready for that."

Alice paused for a minute, running her hand along her toy. Mother hated when she spoke a lot..so she didn't. She used the least amount of words to communicate when she had no choice. Mother had usually managed to not want her to talk anyway. But Zelena wanted her to communicate with her. It was so different being around someone that said thry wanted her to talk. She still didn't trust it but hadn't been harmed hardly at all in the time she'd been around Zelena. She'd risk it. Maybe. She was still scared. But she'd try next time. Alice nodded.

"Okay, thank-you. Now we have to get going."

"Iwantcar."

Zelena mentally cheered. Alice got the idea. Kind of. It'd been weeks at the least since she'd heard a real sentence. The move had practically scared Alice out of talking for a while and it was taking time to rebuild what trust she'd had when living in the nef.

"Good job. Yeah, I agree we should take the care. Are you ready to go?"

Alice nodded. Luna already had everything she needed and was right next to her.

"Alright let's go."

Alice got into the car fairly willingly and didn't need any encouragement to buckle. She didn't like doing it but when she did she went place she liked.

Zelena got in the car and drove to the hospital, not at all prepared enough for the long day ahead.


	21. Chapter 21

Zelena parked the car in the hospitals parking lot and she and Robin got out of the car. Zelena didn't think she'd be able to keep Alice calm enough on her own and Robin could play a card game or something with her if needed.

Zelena opened the car door and Alice glanced around. This waan't the diner but she didn't knlw what it was.

Alice grabbed the seat belt and pulled at it enough that Zelena could see it. "Goawy."

"Yeah, you can take the seat belt off." Zelena knew that the seatbelt bothered Alice but she seemed to have gotten used to it.

Alice unbuckled and warily got out of the car, Luna followed her. Alice grabbed onto Luna's harness and followed Zelena into the unfamiliar building.

Robin talked to Alice, providing a distraction from any small kids that might be making a lot lf noise. It didn't seem like any were.

Zelena approached the check-in counter and Alice stood a few feet behind her. Alice kept looking around. There were a lot of chairs and thr floor looked like thr floor in most bathrooms. And rvery small corner she could see had a giant window near by. Alice wanted to wstch out the window.

"Lunacanidittherr?" Alice pointed to a chair next to a window. Luna nodded and Alice went and sat down.

"Fill this out." Zelena grabbed the paper work then went to where Alice was sitting. She beeded to explain how this would work. "When they call your name we're going to in there. Do you see those doors?" Alice nodded and waited. "Ok. I'll be right there if you need anything." Zelena pointed to a chair across the floor. Enough distance that Alice could still enjoy the window.

Alice nodded then went back to staring out the window. There were so many cars. And little animals moving around in the sky.

Zelena filled out the paperwork with what infomlration she had and the things she didn't know she explained.

"Alice?" someone called from one of the doorways. Alice glanced over.

Alice wasn't sure what this place was but it hadn't been scary yet. And they'd ridden in the car tonget here so it couldn't be. Could it? Alice relaxed a little and asked Luna to follow Zelena.

"Ok, Alice?" The nurse asked glancing at Luna and then Alice and easily figuring out who the patient was.

Alice nodded.

"I need you to hop up on the scale."

Alice stared at the woman. Nope. Not doing it. I know not to jump. Or hop. Just hit me for not doing it. That's better. That'll be better. Alice sat down. The act of mild defiance being only because she was too scared to break the one rule she'd only broken a few times.

"Alice, it's just an expression. Watch me." Robin encouraged then stepped onto the scale. "See, no jumping required." Robin gently stepped off the scale to prove it was safe.

Alice stared at Robin as she did this. It didn't look like anyone was going to touch her when she did it. And it didn't look like she had to jump. Ok. Alright. She and Luna walked over and Alice stepped onto the scale, clutching her toy in her hand.

"Ok, I need you to let go of the toy for just a couple of seconds," the nurse told her. Alice didn't want to and didn't trust strangers. Alice stared at her and clutched the toy tighter to her body.

"I need to weigh you," the nurse was already getting agitated. "Can you please hand someone the toy? Or set it on the counter." Alice sat down. This strange person wasn't meant to be dangerous. But she wanted her to set down something that made her feel safe. That gave her a way to explain when she was scared or frustrated. She needed the toy. Alice pulled her legs up to her chest and Luna shoved her way into her lap. Alice pet Luna.

"It's okay," Robin comforted. "When you're ready we can try again."

"I don't have time for this. I'll be back when you're ready." Alice wasn't sure she would be ready. Sje'd tried and failed. "Sorryskrrysorry.'

"It's okay," Zelena assured her.

That nurse walked away, leaving alice's paperwork on the counter. A different nurse saw and overheard this. He grabbed the paperwork and read through it quickly and had a decent idea of how his colleague had failed. It was wriitten, and apparent from the entire situation regardless, that she was easily frightened. And his colleague was likely too tired to be patient with her. He'd give it a try. He knew what he waa doing when it came to having a scared patient. He grabbed a sheet of paper and attached it to the clipboard

He sat down a bit away from Alice.

"Hi."

Alice nodded a greeting at him.

"How about we do an intake on your bear there, too?"

Alice nodded. "Since we don't know if anything is too scary for you, how about we try to let your toy show you how it's done?"

Alice nodded. She liked that idea. She'd know what was happening before it happened then. At least if something was going to hurt she'd knle first. Maybe. She talked to her toys when no one was listening but they dodn't answer her. But she was used to things not answering her. She dodn't mind it too much. When things were quiet it meant she wasn't being yelled at, mother wasn't ready to hurt her. The quiet was comforting but she hasn't been able to find anywhere as quiet as the tower when she was alone. So she was still scared.

"Awesome. I'm Ryan, what's your bear's name?" Alice flinched. She'd gotten lost in her thoughts of if and how she'd know if something was going to hurt or just scare her. She didn't want either but she was scared by things she didn't always understand. Oh eight. There was a question. She needed to answer it.

"Bear."

"That's a good name." Ryan wrote it down and showed the clipboard to Alice. "See, I write down the important stuff. What's your name?" Ryan obviously knew her name but was showing her that he wasn't just going to start with something that frightened her. That he cared to hear what she had to say. If she wanted to say it.

Alice stared at Luna's fur for a second then muttered "Alice."

"I like that name. So how about we weigh Bear first? Alice nodded.

You have to get off the scale though, okay?" Alice nodded and moved over. Still holding her toy. "Okncan you set him on the scale for me?" Alice did as she was asked. "Nlw the hardest part. Let go of him for just a second. I'll stand up the. count to five and then you can pick him rifht back up."

Alice agreed. 5 wasn't long. Ryan gently stood up and pushed the thing he neeeded to weigh the toy and "1, 2, 3, 4, 5."

Alice picked Bear back up. "Good job."

"I?" Ryan made it look fun. Alice wanted to get on the scale now.

"You want a turn?"

Alice nodded. "Alright. Go ahead. Hang on to Bear. I think he likes the scale too." Alice nodded, clutching Bear as Ryan came close enough to weigh her. "All done. You did it. I'm guessing you don't like high fives, so how about a sticker?" Ryan grabbed a small thing from a bowl and showed it to Alice. "Look it's a bear."

Alice nodded and took the sticker Ryan offered her. She flinched a little but calmed down pretty immediately.

Alice looked at the scale. That had been fun. "Again?"

Ryan glanced at her. "Ok, but only because you asked so nicely." Alice got on the scale again and Ryan weighed her. "This time you pick the kind of sticker you want." Ryan held out the bowl for her and she picked one that looked like a dog.

Zelena stared at the nurse. Did he want to come home with them? He'd turned something Alice had been scared of into something she wanted to do again!

Alice got off the scale and stared up at Ryan. What next? This was fun!

"Alright, height. Let's see how tall you and bear are?"

Alice nodded.

"Do you want me to do Bear first?"

Alice nodded.

"You can hold him for this one. Not a problem. Just set him against that wall right there. Alice nodded and did that but didn't let go of bear. "And then see this little bar. It's going to come down and touch the top of his head. You can feel it with your hand when it gets low enough. It won't hurt."

Alice nodded. Ryan pulled the bar down and stopped just above the toys head. "Wanna feel it?"

Alice nodded and touched it." See no pain at all. Just me getting information I need." Alice nodded.

"Ok, your turn. Can you stand up right against the wall for me?"

Alice nodded and did exactly that. "Ok, I have the bar in my hand it's coming down slowly. On the count of 5 it'll touch your head, okay? 1, 2,3,4,5. And I'm pulling it back up. All done." Alice nodded.

"And that's all I need right now. Great job. See tat room with the door open?"

Alice nodded. "Want to explore it?" Alice nodded. "Alright. Follow me."

"Lunafollow" Alice followed Ryan and everyome else mad their ways into the room..

"Awesome. Thank you for doing so good. Awesome. I'll be back. I forgot my clipbaord."

Ryan walked out and back into the hallway where the first nurse was standing.

"What haooened to the patient that was sitting here with her dog? I need to do her height and weight."

"Already done."

"How? She wouldn't let go of that damn teddy besr."

"No. But she was very willing to let me weigh the toy and then she could still hold the toy while I weighed her. Just a bit of math."

"Yes, but that's more work."

"Yeah, she wanted to get on the scale again. You call it more work, I call it patience."

"Fine. Dr. Whale needs you over in the other wing."

"I'm not done taking her vitals," Ryan admitted. The other nurse's eyes widened.

"What have you been doing?"

"She was scared, so I had her bear do everything first."

"Ok that's a bit much. But whatever. I'll finish."

Ryan walked away and [nurse's name goes here.] walked away and into the room.

"Ok Dr. Whale needed Ryan so I'm going to finish your intake."

Alice stared at the woman. She scared her. Zelena had promised this wouldn't be scary! Or at least Alice thought that. Getting in a car wasn't scary. It took her places she liked. Didn't it? But this woman had tried to make her set down something that made her feel safe when she was in a place she wasn't comfortable in. And she wasn't comfortable here.

The nurse looked at the clipboard. Seriously? Ryan had only gotten a height and a weight in the amount of time it should've taken to finish everything. This was putting everyone's schedules behind. Whatever. She could get this done quickly. She wasn't some scared little kid that needed coddling. She was clearly old enough to just do as she was asked.

"I need to see your arm."

Alice stared at the woman. Why? She clutched the toy closer to her chest.

"Alice, I know you don't like when people touch you, it's okay. Luna's right next to if you need her. You're okay." Zelena comforted.

The nurse rolled her eyes. "I really don't have time for this. Just let me see your arm, I'll do what I need to and you can go back to whatever it is you would rather be doing."

Alice reached her arm out shakily. She blinked as the njrse picked up something fabricy. The njrse put it around her arm and Alice jerked away from her. Something was on her arm. She wanted it off. She needed it off. If she asked for it to go away it would. Maybe. She was begging in her head that no one would hurt her.

"Goaway."

"No. I have to do this."

Alice got frustrated. This person wouldn't leave her alone. She threw the bear o to the ground. "Goaway." She just wanted the thing to get off her arm. She didn't like it. It made her feel like she was going to be hurt. She tried to get it off on her own but it didn'f work.

Zelena glared at the nurse and then turned gently towards Alice. "I know. I know you don't like that. Here. I can take it off. Can you let me take it off?" Alice nodded and let Zelena undo the velcro on the blood pressure cuff.

"Really?" The nurse questioned.

"Can we have a different nurse?" Zelena asked. Alice was scared, this was the first doctor's visit she'd ever had and it wasn't going well.

"No. We're a bit understaffed."

"You have to warn her before you do anything. You scared her."

"It's a blood pressure cuff," the nurse clarified. What exactly was scary about that?

Alice darted her yes around the room some. There was a counter that had a hole undernesth it.

"Canisitelse?" Luna nldded and Alice quietly walked over to the counter and hid underneath it.

Zelena sigjed. This had been an awful idea.

"Is she going to come out of there or?".

"Eventually." The nurse gave up. This was not as simple as she'd thought it would be. And she was too tired to bother.

"Fine. Ryan can do this. I will go find him."

She left and a while later Ryan came back. Besr still laid on the tiled floor slightly out of Alice's reach.

"Aww, you dropped this." Ryan offered as he crouched down in front of the counter reaching the toy in.

"Goaway." If ryan was a nurse and the scary lady had bern a nurse they were both scary and Alice didn't want to be around either of them. And she was allowed to ask to be alone. Wasn't she? It was the only phrase she'd ever said that no one had hurt her for. And she liked it. It made her feel like she was allowed to ask for what she wanted. A feeling that she waan't very good with.

"I know, this isn't fun. And that the other nurse scared you. But it's okay to be scared. You just need to get through it. Let's see. The blood oressure cuff scsred you. Do you want to do the scaries thing first or do want tonsave it for last."

Alice watched him. First. If she knew it couldn't get any worse she could prepare for everything else. She held up one finger.

"Alright. Okay here's what we'll do. Do you like lollipops?"

Alice stared at him. What was a lollipop?

"Yeah. She likes candy. Just nothing bubblegum flavored., " Zelena told him.

Alice nodded.

"I have green or red." Ryan held up two lollipops he'd pulled out of his coat pocket.

"Which one?" Alice pointed at the green one. She didn't like the color red that much. It looked like blood and she didn't like it. And it was the same color as the potion mother used to make her fall asleep when she was even more sick of her than usual.

"Ok. All yours." Ryan let Alice grab the lollipop then waited for a second. He picked up bear. "I'll show you everything I habe to do on beae and then you can decide what you want to do first, okay?"

Alice nodded. She didn't want to do anything here anymore. But she didn't have a choice. Could she at least stay in the little fort area she'd discovered? At the very least no one would be able to beat her. Not well, anyway.

"Look this is a blood oressure cuff. It'll fit better on you." Ryan put the cuff on bear's arm. Alice shook her head. No. No. No.

"Alice, you're okay," Zelena promised. "Look, we just have to get through this and then after we can go get food at the diner."

Alice nodded. But she was still scared and she'd hidden herself ubderneath the coubter and Luna couldn't get to her. "It'll get a little tight on your arm for a a few seconds and then it'll be done." Ryan showed Alice everything else he needed to do on Bear. He jad her point at which one she wanted to do first.

"Ok, I'm just going to put this cuff on your arm. Do you want to hold bear while i do that?" Alice nodded and took the toy back. She hated this. She wanted to go bsck into her fort now. Zelena jad let her believe sje wouldn't get hurt. Thst'd been a lie. At least mother told her she was going to hurt her. Sure, sometimes she tricked her but it wasn't the same.

"Okay, there you go," Ryan wncouraged as Alice lwt him put the blood oressure cuff on her. "You're doing great.

Ryan oushed a button and the cuff started to gdt tighter.. Alice shook her head. She wanted this off. "Goaway."

"I can't."

"She means she wants that off," Zelena told him.

"It's almost done. 1-2-3-4-5, all done." Alice reached for the cuff and tugfed at it.

"I'vs got it." Ryan took it off and pushed it as far away as he could manage.

Alice pulled her arm back to her chest.

"I know that was reallt hard for you. Here, you can oick another sticker."

Alice did that and then pulled further back into where she was.

"We're not entirely done."

Alice wanted to scream. This was so much more difficult than when mother hurt her. She exoected it from her. She couldn't rememver a time when mother waan't just a source of pain. But Zelena had comforted her and Ryan had acted so nice at first. But now she had to do things that hurt and no ome cared.

"Ok, this next."

Ryan manages to finsih taking the rest of alice's vitals. The pulse ox machine was a struggle. But it got done.

"Okay, last thing. I have to take your tempature. "It's just like a lollipop but it doesn't taste as good and it has to go under your tongue."

It took a few tries to manage that but the results weren't concerning.

"Alright. You did great. And so did Bear." Ryan lost his composure fkr a second and rasied his hand.

Alice flicnched. " .sorry."

Zelena glared at Ryan. The anger was misplaced. Evwrything had been going so close to well..and one movvment had shattered that in an instant.

"Alice, he just wanted to tell you you were doing a good job. You're not in trouble. You didn't do anything wrong," Zelena comforted as she crouched down in front of her. It took a few minutes bur Alice snapped out of her apologies.

"I'm going to go get the doctor."

There was more? Alice held in a groan. She'd tried so hard to be good. She didn't like this. She'd had to be around so many people already. And now she had to deal with another one? She really didn't want to. Would they be someone that hurt or yelled at her? That was a risk she took with every person she was around. Alice started to panic. What if they hurt her even worse than mother had?

"Hey, the doctor is just going to talk to you. And i can answer questions if you need me to," Zelena told her. She'd deal with the matter of Alice needing shots later.

It took Alice a while to calm down and by the time she the doctor had walked into the room.


	22. Chapter 22

Alice was still tucked underneath the counter as the doctor walked in. Luna was still laying in front of the seat she'd been in earlier, where Robin had been sitting next to her.

The doctor looked at Robin. "You must be Alice."

"I'm not, Alice is right over there."

The docotr looked confused for a moment. There wasn't anyone else in the room. "Where?"

Robin pointed again.

Any hope the docotr had previously had for this appointmrnt to gk well was immediatly shattered as he noticed Alice curling even further into the corner of the underside of the counter.

"Hi."

"Goaway." Alice mutterrd ir mostly at the ground. It really hadn't been working that well but she just wanted to be left alone. She hated this. She'd had so many strangers askimg her questions she didn't knlw the answer to and making her do things she didn't like. And the ground was cold and everything was brighter than normal and she didn't like it.

"Alice, I know it's rewlly scary but can you come out from under there for just a little while?" Zelena knew Alice was scared but hoped it'd be easier if she exited her chosen hiding spot. Alice nodded and crawled out. "Thank you."

"Okay, hop up on this table and we'll get started." No. The table was rrally high up and it looked like a smaller version of mother's bed. Which she was never allowed to be in or on except to make it for mother. And jumping or hopping was bad. Alice shook her head. She really really didn't want to get in trouble. No matter what she did it'd be wrong. It was always wrong. But sometimes she managed to guess which thing was the least wrong and then mother wouldn't hurt her as much. Maybe even not at all sometimes. And there was no gursbtee these new people wouldn't hurt her just the same. Alice darted her eyes around the room. Zelena had asked her to leave where she'd been hiding, she hadn't said she couldn't go back. And it was fine if she asked, wasn't it. That seemed to be what Zelena's rule was. Or at least the closet thing to it that Alice was comfortable with.

"Lunacanimove?" Luna nodded and Alice warily pushed herself back undernesth the counter.

Zelena let out a slight groan. Alice was now even more frightened than she'd started. Alice flincjed but no one noticed, distracted by eveeything else and the counter shikded most of her movements from view.

"What is happening?" The doctor was concerned. He'd come in to ask a few questions and had quickly realized his job was not going to be that simple.

"She's scared," Zelena offered an answer as she got up and thrn sat down a few feet away from Alice.

"You're okay. It's okay. I know you're scared. Do you think you can handle just coming a little closer." Alice stared at her. She just wanted to be alone. A d she wanted to go back to her fort. She was tired and she knew the longer she stayed here the sooner someone would hurt her. She didn't like this place. And at least where she was sitting blocked the light from her eyes. It was brighter than anything she'd seen. And she didn't want to be near it. And she wasn't sure if this new stranger was scary or not. She knew hoe to recgonize when mother was the most likely to hurt her. The days it was best to avoid her if at all possible. The days she moght actually be okay to say a word or two to her. The times it was maybe safe to tell her she'd finished something she'd ask. The times it definitely wasn't. She could recognize those patterns and she tried to act acoridngly. But itbwas hard. And sometimes mother suddenly hurt her for a reason she never explained and it left Alice to be on guard more often than not. But the first person she'd seen had scared her, the next person hadn't, then the scary person came back, and now thid new person. Maybe he wasn't so scary. But she couldn't promise herself that so she didnXt want to risk it. Patterns existed but the pattern could change. And then she'd judt be in pain. And she didn't want to deal with that. It hurt and then thinking about why hurt more. She didn't want to feel the way being hurt mde her feel. It was a reminder that no matter what she did she was never good enough for mother. She'd tried to be, even when she hadn't known that the word good even existed. Bjt the closest thing to being told she was good was a few extra days in between the times mother had beaten her. And thosebwere usually just because mother was too tired to bother.

"Goaway," Alice muttered what she wanted at the white tiles underneath her.

"Is no one going to explain?" The doctor was genuinely worried now. He'd never seen anyone hide from his presence. Needles, yes. But not just when je came in for a few quick questions

"I will in a moment," Zelena forced herself to keep her tone level, snapping at the doctor would only frighten Alice as well. "But right now I'm busy." Zelena turned back to Alice. "I know it's scary and that you don't want to be here. And that you've had to deal with way too much today. But it's okay. We can go at a pace that's comfortable for you. If you need to take a nreak we can." Zelena really hoped this doctor had more pateince than the first nurse had or she was definitely over promising. "Ok,so do you think you can come out of there or can you not? I'm asking. It's not an order. I won't hurt you if you aren't ready. It's okay." Zelena hwld back the tears she felt fighting as she swore to Alice she wasn't going to hurt her for the most basic thing she'd been denied for so long.

"Why would that even be a thought?" The doctor asked, his concern skyrocketing.

"Ok, you and I need to habe a chat. Hallway, now." Zelena's sharp tone was still missing from her voice. It'd faded over the many months lf having to be careful of every word and action.

The doctor stepped out into the hall with Zelena."What was that about?"

"A while back my daughter made a friend with a kid that needed help, I took her in. That's Alice."

"I know that much. Why is she so frightened."

"Because her mother was quite honestly the most vile person I've ever had the displeasure of knowing of. She tortured her into believing she needed permission to move or speak. It's taken months and a lot of dr. Hopper's help to get her to be even remotely okay around people. And even then it's not great. She trust basically no one besides her dog and there's not a thing anyone can do about that. She may never stop being scared of everything but you will not make it bloody worse. You, whether you like it or not, are going to be patient. You are going to go at a pace Alice sets and I don't give a damn if that means we're here all day. Your nurse already scared her earlier. And I will not allow anyone to make her feel the way her mother made her feel. I promised her I wouldn't hurt her, and I damn well won't let anyone else."

Zelena blinked. She'd been holding that in for far too long. All of her rage at the woman that had created all of Alice's pain and the lingering effects of it had stayed bottled up just long enough to spill out at the doctor. She'd gotten busy with other things and had been missing her own sessions with Archie.

"Okay, that's fine. What's the beat way to approach her?"

"Just tell her every single thing you're going to do before you do it. Let her know she has a choice when there's a choice. Don't touch her at all if it can be avoided. If it can't let her know first. Be extra careful if you need to touch her arms. She hates when anything's near or on her arms or hands. She loves little things like candy or stickers when she does something good. Or at least that's what we've been doing to encourage hee to talk a bit more on her own. She likely won't speak a lot to you. But we can try."

The doctor took in all of the information Zelena gave to him. Zelena left out a few things. She didn't want to scare the doctor off by mentioning Alice's more undesirable habit. Maybe ot wouldn't be a problem. Maybe of she didn't say it loud they'd make it through this visit with minimal amounts of that behavior. Zelena knew Alice didn't yet have any other way that she felt confortsble with to Express how frustrating it must be that no one around her seemed to understand what she was going through. She couldn't even tell them fully what the tower had been like. All they had were guesses. And Alice likely had to live with those memories that she hadn't shared with anyone. Zelena wondered if Alice wanted to or if she wanted to hide what had happened. Zelena had been bitter at her father for hurting her. But was Alice angry at her mother or had she scared her so much she believed whatever lies she'd told her? Did Alice even know how to hate anyone? Did she know that was a thing?

"Ok let's do this," the doctor told Zelena whonshook her head in preperation with a silent prayer to the gods that it would at least go somewhat well. thry bkth reentered the room and Zelena went and sat in fromt lf wjere alice was still hiding.

"Sorrysorry." Alice didn't know if she'd dome anything wrong this time. She always apologized more than she was sure she needed to. It helped. Or it made her feel better about the pain if it didn't actually stop her from being hurt. It just made her feel like she was doing something right. And it was the only thing she could say without being told she wasn't supposed to. She barely regnoized the sound of her owm voice in the tower. She spoke only when mother wanted her to, for the most part and apologizing was a way to have some kind of communication wkth anyone or amything outside of her own head that didn't hurt. Which she couldn't get any other way when mother was there. She could sneak in thr smallest conversation with a dust bunny or a dish when she was there alone and cleaning. But that was it and she only tried that when she knew no one could hesr her and when she just had to tell something that the pain was bothering her or that her dreams had turned into a nightmare that was somehow better than what it felt like to be awake.

"You're okay, it's alright. This doctor is just going to talk to you okay. He may need to do one or two other things. But he can show you on bear first. And you can tell him lr me or luna or robin or bear if you need a break. It'll be okay. I want you to come out of there, but only if you're okay with it. It's fine if you're not. I knlw it's scary and it's alright to be scared. Do you think you can handle it or can you not? It's okay if not,"

Alice nodded shakily. She just wanted to go back to her fort and be left alone. And every time she thought she was done another person approached her. But she got stickers from some of them. Amd she liked that. She'd never been rewarded for anything inna tower. No matter how quiet and still she was she still always slipped up at some point and the only thing she earned was pain and the reminder that she could never leave the tower, not even to bring the only peeson she knew a flower. She'd dreamed she'd done that lots of times but it'd never been real. The drwam akways ended before the reality of what mother would actually do if she tried that came crashing into her mind.

Alice just wanted this over. She came out lf the corner and Luna came closer to her.

"Okay, that was really good. You're doing so good. I'm just going to stand up and go sit back in the chair I was in." Zelena did exaxtly as she'd said she was going to.

The doctor realized that when Zelena had said tonwarn Alice before every action she'd meant every action. Okay thisbwas going to be a long road.

"Hi. I'm Dr. Pint." He paused. The formal title was well earned but this girl was beyond terrafied of authority. He needed to just be as close to what she'd get from a friend as he could. "Acrually, I'm James. I'm sitting down. I'm not going to hurt you, okay?"

Alice nodded. It might be a lie but it was fine so far. She just had tonget through as much kf this as there was and then maybe sje'd be allowed to do what she wanted. If she could manage to tell Zelena what that was. She flinched as he sat down but didn't react much more.

"Ok, I'm going to ask questions. They might be a little embaressing or gross but you just hsbe to try to answer. Think you can do that?"

Alice glanced at Zelena. She needed permission and she wasn't asking Luna when there was a stranger sitting so close to her. Too risky.

Zelena nodded. "It's okay, you can do that. If not, I can help. But you've got this. It's just like with Archie when he ask you to answer a question. Okay? You may just have tobtry to use a word or two instead of pointing. Do you think you can do that?"

Alice shook her head. She hated talking. And if every question required a few words it,xd be a lotnofnwords at one time.

"Book."

"No, you can't read while ai'm asking questions," he dcotr's tone was calm but telling Alice nonstill scared her. She flinched.

" .hurt?" Alice quickly realozed in her panick sje'd talked more than she should have. "Sorrysorry.".

"No, it's okay."

"Dr. Pint, again a word. Alice, you're okay. You're okay. You didn't do anything wrong. It's okay. Pet Luna. Get her to sit in your lap. You're safe. You're not going to be hurt. I promise."

Alice nodded and had Luna lay in her lap. Zelena and the doctor walked into the hallway again.

"You can't tell her no. I forgot to tell you that. The word no is the worst thing to say to her. It frwaks her out. I'm not sure if it's just being told no thaf bothers her or if it's what comes after it in her mind. But we don't tell her no. We also try not to deny her anything she ask for if itbcan be helped because she barely ask for things. If she wants it enough that she's asking for it, I don't think kt's okay to tell her no. And her book isn't a reading book. It's a picture dictionary she uses to communicste when she doesn't knlw rhw words for somethijg or if she's too scared or tired to actually try to use the words she knows. So yeah, round two. Hopefully this goes better."

They rentered the room where alice had started to calm down.

Alice looked up at Zelena. Could this please just be over? She waan't going tonask for that but itbwas taking such a long time and she didn't fully knlw what to expect. It'd go faster if she coukd point to wjat she needed tonsay.

"Book."

"Okay," Zekena agreed. She wasn't sure how helpful it'd be with medical qiestions but if it made Alice feel even remltely more secure in the doctor's office enviorment, she'd let her have it. She was gkad she'd remevered to bring it. She set ir down close enough that Alice could reach it without actually having tonget close to her. Alice opened it to a random page an srumbled upon a psrson with a similar out as the person in front of her. She flipped the book around and pointed to it. Doctor.

"Yeah, I'm a doctor. Good job." Thr last part was said with a quesrioning inflection and a glance towards Zelena. He had no idea what was an wasn't okay to do around Alice. Thidbwasn't something he dealt with every day.

Zelena nodded. "Okay, Alice are you read for James to ask you a few questions?" Alice nodded shakily.

James asked the first question and Alice stared at him blankly. She'd only fully understood about half of his sentence. "Okay, we can come back to that one."

He went thrlugh a few more questions, met with the same or similar levels of Alice not understanding. She understood when people spoke to her but she'd not been exposed to a lot of the words he was using. She had no reason to have been. She had no idea what a vaccine was. What a blood test was. What it meant to have a check-up. What it meant to have surgery. She didn't get these things. And even the things she had expierinced the words for were bigger or different then what she would have used.

It didn't take long before Alice grew frustrated. She always felt like other people didn't understand her. That was a daily thing. She didn't speak enough or use enough words to be understood. And no one around her was as scared as she was. Which she didn't ubderstand. It was normal to be hurt. It was normal to be scared and to need help from a dog when it stopped being a daily thing that youbwere hurt. That was what her life was like. So why didn't anyone else have a dog? Archie had one. But he didn't seem scared. Would she ever be able to feel like nothing was scary like he could? Did she even want to? It was something she'd groen so used to. She didn't knpw anyrhing else. What would she even do if she managed to behave the way he did? Help people like je did? He was helping her. That made sense. It was some kind of vauge goal beyond not being hurt for a day or tow. A different kind of goal that actually felt like it could happen eventually. Maybe. Alice doubted she'd get that far. She still couldn't hesr the word no witout launching into a state of fear that turned her insides and demanded that she apologize kver and kver again. Why didn't snyone else feel like that? How was nesrly everyone around her so okay? They hid their pain too well and it didn't make sense. She'd never been that gokd at hiding the fact she was in pain and she'd sropped so much as wincing years before she'd met Robin. And now she didn't even understand a pwrson asking her what were supposed to be quick questions.

[I''m frustrated. You don't ubderstand me and now I can't ubderstsnd you.]

Alice threw Bear at the ground.

"Don't throw things," the doctor scolded, his calm demanor wuickly being tested by the fact a stuffed toy had been laubched near him, but not quite at him.

Alice blinked. But it was okay to throw her own things. Was it not? She didn't ubderstand. Were the rukes chsnging? Or had she misubdersrood them from the beggining?

[I don't get it. Why's nothing make sense. Why can't you make sense.]

Alice threw her book down and it made a loud thud causing her to flinch and launch into another strand of apologies.

"Stop," the doctoe told her. Which was a mllt point as she was n't holding anything ekse she coukd throw.

"Don't tell jer ro stop," Zelena defended. "Are you scared or is it something else"

"Else."

"Ok, is it frustration or something else?"

Alice nodded.

"Okay, what'a wrong?"

Alice had thrown her book. And she didn't want to talk anymore. The doctor was angry at her. Alice grabbed her wrist. When it had hurt Zelena had helped her fix it. It made it feel better. Maybe she'd remeber that that had caused pain. She didn't want to be hurt. She was worried she was going to be hurt because she couldn't answer the questions.

Zelena had no idea what Alice was frustrated by. Was she hurt?

"Are you in pain?"

Alice shook her head she grsbbed her wrist again and shook her head.

"No pain. No hurt?"

Alice nodded. "You don't want to be hurt?"

Alice shook her head. That was close but not quite. She was svared she was going to be.

She pointed at Luna. Luna helped when she was scared.

Zelena wanted to know w in hell Archie managed to make thid lookneasy during every visit that he'd had entire conversations with Alice in thid half charade. Wait, he let Alice draw what she was trying tonsay when he just couldn't get there from her slight movements. And also for some reason Alice wasn't as scared of him as she was of everyone else. Pongo helped ease her fears.

But what did Luna have to do with this? She helped Alice when she was scared. Wait scared. That was it.

"Are you scared you're going to be hurt."

Alice nodded.

"You're not going to get hurt, I promise. Is it because you couldn't answer the questions?"

Alice nodded. "It's okay, those questions weren't the easiest. I'll answer them for you. You're fine. Do you tjink we can let the doctor finish this up?"

Alice nodded.

The doctor had gotten nothing je'd needed but he had no desire to finish attempting this anymore. He and zelena stepped out i to the hall so she could answer rhe questions Alice hadn't ubderstood and then told her that the phembotomist would be by to do a blold draw and the neccesary vaccines shortly.

A/N: this chaper is already hella behind schedule(lies, i have no schedukes) and damn near 4k words lomg. We'll move on to the shots and such next chaper. Mostly bc i have no plan. I'm a very uborganized writer, my friends. Please excuse the probably higher amount than average mispellings. It's 11pm and i typed this on my phone. After a failed attempt at going to the dentist.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a long chapter. Kinda ran away from me. "Enjoy?"

Alice still sat curled up under the counter in the doctor's office. She was really tired. The constant thoughts of how she could make Zelena understand that she didn't want to be there any more and the fearful, racing thoughts had exhausted her. And every time she thought that whatever was going on was over, she'd been proven wrong. This felt the same way as every time mother would stop punishing her just to tell her to explain why she was being punished and then would just keep hurting hurt only after she'd had just long enough to believe it was over. Alice tried to make herself even smaller as she clutched onto her toy. If they didn't see her, maybe they'd just give up and leave her alone.

"I know, I know it's scary," Zelena offered her comfort. Alice looked so scared. She looked miserable, sitting and clutching her toy as she tried as hard as she possibly could to be as far back in her hiding place as she could. Zelena figured Alice could use a distraction. "Do you want to draw while we wait or do you want to do something else?"

Alice nodded. She wanted to draw. [Don't make me talk.] Alice silently begged for Zelena to understand what she wanted.

"You want to draw?" Alice nodded. "Okay, I'm going to get your drawing stuff out of my bag, is that okay?" Alice nodded, but still flinched as Zelena did what she said. Zelena set it on the ground so Alice could grab it. Alice grabbed it and pulled it into her hiding place and worked on what she wanted to draw.

Alice sat and drew until the door was again pushed open. Alice flinched. She usually liked doors. Usually she could play with them and watch and listen as they moved back and forth in a way she found interesting and calming. And sometimes Archie came through the door. And she used it to get to the car, and the diner. She didn't like it right now. Strangers that didn't understand her or even try to listen to her kept coming through. And scary things had happened. She didn't want to hear this door open. She wanted this over. Luna sat watching as Alice refused to come close enough to the edge that Luna could help her.

Zelena glanced at the newcomer. A woman with long, dark hair.

"I was warned this needs to be handled gently," she adressed Zelena.

"Hey, Alice, you're almost done. Can you come out of there, please?" Zelena coaxed Alice out of her hiding place, she crawled out of there, still clutching Bear as if somehow he'd make everything better. And he did.

"Alright good job."

Alice glanced up at Zelena. Okay, if she was saying good she was probably not going to hurt her right then. She should be fine.

Alice still darted her eyes around the room, walls , doors, really good drawings with a lot of words on them that must have been written by someone that wrote so much better than she could, the weird bed she didn't want to get on that had nothing she could use to make it, chairs, right new person. Alice looked at the stranger for a moment. Her eyes went even wider then usual. She looked so familiar. She knew she wasn't her mother. She understood that. But she looked so similar. Some of her hair was down and other parts were tied into dark braids. Alice panicked. She looked like the person that hurt her the most. And this place wasn't safe!

Alice shook her head violentally and pulled her legs up to her chest. "Sorrysorrysorrysorry." Alice launched into a series of apologies far more panicked then Zelena had ever heard. Luna's attempts at calming her were the opposite of effective for once. She gently pushed her away. She didn't want her to be hurt too. She could handle it. Alice was trying to be strong enough to handle it on her own. She needed Luna but didn't want anyone else to be hurt because she'd done something wrong. The more she panicked, the less clear it became to her that the woman that looked similar to her mother wasn't her mother.

" . badthingagain. .iwon't." Alice kept panicking, not really giving the things going on around her any regard.

Zelena, Robin, and the phlebaromist all watched with varying amounts of horror as Alice continued to panic.

Alice quickly lost herself in one of her memories. She was still not sure what was stopping everyone around her from treating her the same way she'd been used to.

Alice was sitting chained next to mother's bed. She'd managed to hold back the tears despite all the awful things she'd heard mother say about her as she tightened the restraints before she'd gone to bed. Alice had tried to get some sleep, given that even her worst nightmares were less painful than her waking life. But the part of the restraint that clung tightly to her wrist dug into her skin so much that she just couldn't get comfortable. So she'd stayed awake. And made sure to be extra careful not toncry because the chsins would rattle mother awake if she tried to remove the tear stains showing that she'd done so. She didn't deserve to cry. She deserved the pain. Mother had said that plenty over the years. Amongst other things. The rules mother had Alice tried to follow. But it was hard. Sometimes she coulsn't help but want to tell mother about something she'd seen out of the window. To ask her what things were. Alice knew she wasn't allowed to do those things. But she was a child and just couldn't help herself sometimes.

Mother woke and Alice flinched as she stirred.

Mother let out some kind of sound of disgust. The same feeling Alice had about the potion mother used to make her drink. She hadn't had to in a while.

"You're here. Right. You did something that earned this punishment. What was it?"

Mother always asked her why she was being punished. How was Alice supposed to know that this time she'd genuinely forgotten and didn't actually want an answer? Mother struck her.

Alice winced away. Her small frame's attempt at shrinking away in fear halted by the chains she was in. She didn't like these. They hurt her wrist and mother was so close she could hurt her. Sometimes she's wake her by hurting her. Those days were the worst. But she was safe from them as lomg as she was in her corner of the tower.

Alice shook head, trying to clear ot of the memories and the fear she had of the new person. [Go away.] Alice looked at the women, who was still standing. So no matter how Alice looked at her, she appeared to be so much stronger then her. Alice had tried when she was really little to follow mother's rules and hurt her too. But that only made mother hurt her more. And she'd run away. And now mother was here in this scary place. The ways she communicated with Zelena and everyone else wouldn't be worth the pain.

Alice continued the mutter apologies at anyone that would listen.

Zelena crouched down next to Alice.

"Hey, you're okay."

Alice shook her head again. She wasn't listening. She was too panicked and too distracted to. "Alice,you're okay."

Alice completely ignored her. She couldn't concentrate on anything besides the perceived fact that her mother was in the room too.

"I'll try," the woman offered.

Zelena shook her head. "She panicked when she saw you, hang on."

Zelena turned back to Alice. "Look, come on look at me. You're okay." Zelena spoke in a calming tone for a few minutes and when itbdidn't work stopped to think a minute. There had to be a way to get through to her.

"Mom, the lights. Flick the lights."

Robin's suggestion seemed like it was the best chance they had. She didn't seem to be responding to anything else, even Luna had been forgotten the moment Alice had seen this particular stranger. There was something about her that frightened Alice beyond her normal amount of fear.

"Good idea."

Robin got up and went to the light switch and started flicking them up and down.

It took a minute but Alice blinked, noticing the change. She liked when lights did that. She stared at the light as Robin continued to mess with the switch.

Zelena let Alice watch the light as she finally let Luna crawl into her lap. The pretty light was a distraction. But not one that could last forever. Robin stopped and Alice blinked. She wanted that to keep going but wasn't going to ask for it.

"Okay, I know it's scary, but do you think you can listen to this woman for a little bit? I'm right here. You're going to be okay. You have Luna. Pet her and it's okay," Zelena talked Alice through the fact someone else was in the room. Alice clutched Bear a little tighter. She wanted the toy to protect her. She always felt safer when she was holding something. She didn't know why. It was just one of the only comforts she'd had when she was young. At night, she could hold onto one of her blankets, the only things that were hers. That mother didn't care if and when she touched. And then the pain could be forgotten for a little while. She didn't even have anything from the tower any more. But she was still scared. Why couldn't the fear go away the same way the blankets had? And be replaced with something better? She liked the stuffed toys that had taken the place of her old blankets.

"She's just going to walk over a little bit and sit down..and explain what she needs to do. Is that okay?"

Alice nodded. She didn't want this but she didnd't have a choice. Mother was already going to be angry. And in Alice's mind this woman was her.

The woman sat down. "Hi, you're okay. Do you think you can show me your arm?"

Alice winced away. [No. No. No. Sorry. Don't want.] Even Alice's thoughts were hard to understand. She couldn't take this any more. She just wanted whatever mother wanted to do to her over and done with so sje could go to sleep. [Make her mad. Do something you knlw will make her mad..it's bad when you drop things.]

Alice threw bear as hard she could. He went further then he normally managed to.

"That's okay, someome can grab your toy for you in a second."

Alice blinked. That was wrong. Why was she doing this? Why couldn't she just hurt her and then be done with it? She'd never said anything Alice had done was okay! Alive was even more frightened now.

Alice blinked. Screaming or crying or showing any kind of signs that she was in pain were also wrong. And mother would be angry then. Then it'd be over with. Wouldn't it?

Alice let out a scream that no one had been expecting. Nothing had even happened yet, and Alice didn't so much as groan when in pain. The scream wasn't actually all that loud, Alice didn't have the strength in the muscles required for that. But it was still a scream.

"Okay, Alice," Zelena adressed her. "I know it's frustrsting. Whatever it is. I can help you. You just need to let me, okay? Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Alice shook her head. Why didn't Zelena understand? The person that hurt her nesrly evsry day foe as long as she could rememeber was in the room with them. And no one was doing anytjing about it. They'd let her come nesr her. They weren't safe. Nothing was. No one was.

Alice let out another scream. No one actually cared about her. No one ever had. Mother had been right.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay. Whatever's bothering you, is okay. You can feel how you feel. But you need to try to get through it."

Alice nodded noncommitedly. "What's wrong?" Robin tried asking. Alice tended ro be the most willing tontalk to her or Archie.

"Motherhurt." Robin immediatly got what she thought Alice was trying to say.

"Your mother isn't here Alice, she can't hurt you."

Alice muttered it even quieter. "Motherhurt." This time with a more pointed glance in the direction of the phelbotomist.

Zelena's eyes went wide. They had no idea what Alice's mother looked like, but given the currentsitiation she'd wager a guess that the woman had incredibly dark hair. Which would explain some of why Regina had struggled to get Alice to so much as look at her fsr more than anyone else had.

"Does this woman remind you of your mother?" Zelena asked. Alice shook jer head. She was her mother and she wasn't hurting her. Which didn't make any sense.

"Is."

"She's not your mother, Alice. Your mother is gone. She can't hurt you amy more." Zelena wasn't actually sure what had happened to that particular evil but it wasn't all that important.

It took awhile but Alice calmed down and Zelena stepped into the hall with the woman.

"I'm sorry, it's nothing personal. I'm sure you're wonderful at your job. But you're not going to be able to get anywjere near close enougj to her to do it without it destroying her. Can we have someone else try? Preferrably Ryan if he knows how to do this. Alice got along with him."

The woman agreed and left to go find Ryan. Who came back with a cart fulled with vials and needles. Things that the original phelbotamist had left in the hallway to attempt to give Alice a chance to see her as nonthreatening first.

Zelena and Ryan had a conversstion out in the hall first.

Zelena glanced at Ryan's bucket of things she was sure were likepy to bother Alice.

"Please tell me that's the last thing you need done," Zelena was exhausted. Making sure that Alice was as safe as she could be was a massive undertaking. One Zelena was happy to do, but she was so tired. She just wanted to go back home and sleep for a little while.

"This and a urine test," Ryan informed her. "It dpesn't sound like she'd been drinking enough water. Need to check for damages to the kidneys."

Zelena groaned. Alice had gone to the bathroom before they'd left the house. She hadn't drank any liquid at all since then. And she can and would just hold it in for long periods of time. She avliding drinking as often as she shoild. Something everhone had been trying to get her to stop doing but it didn't seem to be working so far.

They went into the room and Alice flinched her eyes finding the door the moment it opened. She was still scared about the last person that had entered the room. She noticrd it was Ryan and calmed down a little. He'd been gentle, and shown her what was going to happen first.

"Ok, here's your toy," Ryan told her picking up Bear and extending him as a peace offering. Alice took her toy and hugged it as Ryan sat down in front of her. "Alright, I know it's beena pretty rough day. Do you think you can get through this a little longer? I brought stickers."

Alice nodded.

"Cab I see bear to show you what I need to do?" Alice agreed and let Ryan take the toy from her for a moment. "Do you see this little ketal bit?" Ryan asked showing Alice the needle. He pretended to inject Bear with it.

Alice shook her head. She hated when things touched her arm. And that that was going to hurt. "And then there's one I have to do where I'll take a little bit of blood. It doesn't hurt."

Alice was sure he was lying to her. It was going to hurt and she'd been lied to. She'd thought getting in the car meant she'd go places that she liked. Not go somewhere where she spent all day scared and in pain. If she wanted that she would have just stayed in the tower.

"Do you think you can do it?" Alice nodded. She didn't want to.

"Sorrysorrysorry." Alice tried apologizing for it, it made her feel better knowing whatever punishment she was going to get would be a bit smaller.

Robin realizwd alice assumed that the shots she needed were because she'd done something she viewed as wrong.

"It's not a punishment, Alice. Everyone needs shots sometimes. Even me. I need my flu shot, actually. Ryan?"

"Ok." Ryan gave Robin a quick flu shot, with Robin talking to her the hole time. "It just stings for a second. And you don't have to use a bandaid if you don't want to. But they have some with pictures of flowers on them."

Robin also had the nurse draw her blood so Alice saw how that would work. The vaccines were the easiest part. The minute Ryan pulled out the piece of plastic to find a vein Alice panicked more. But Robin explained that it'd only be on for a few seconds and that she was more than welcome to squeeze besr as toght as she needed to if it made her feel better. And it did. Ryan struggled to find a vein in between the dehydration and the fact alice was holding onto her toy as tight as humanly possible but he managed.

"You did great," Ryan told her, letting her pick out another sticker. "I know that was hard."

Alice wanted this to be done.

"I just need one more thing from you," Ryan admitted. Alice stared at him for a momdnt then quickly averted her eyes. "I just need you to use the bathroom for me. Orrferabbly in a cup."

Alice blinked. She didn't need to use the bathroom. Like at all.

"I know you probably don't need to go yet so, I'm going to go get a bottle of water for you to drink." Ryan got up and walked out of the room.

Alice didn't want to drink the water he said he was bringing back. What if it had a potion in it? What if no one told her she could go to the bathroom? She didn't want to. But she had to, didn't she. Ryan returned and set the bottle in front lf Alice. Who stared at it. Maybe of she looked at it long enlugh, ot'd just go away.

"Hey, it's okay," Robin told her. "Just drink that, go to the bathroom, and then we can go home or gondo whatever you want to do." Alice was tempted. She could go home. And sleep. And not have to think about pain for a few hours. And she was tired enlugh that of the water made her fall asleep, she waa okay with that.

Alice picked up the water and drank it. Getting the lid open took her someneffort even though itwas akready fairly loosened.

Once Alice had finished drinking Ryan told her he'd be back in a little while. Alice sat and pet Luna. She hated when she had to drink anything. She'd done it. She felt fine.

It took a while but Ryan came back. "Okay, do you think you can give using the bathroom a try now?"

Alice nodded.

"Do you want to go by yojrself or do you want me toncome ekth you?" Zelena wanted her to come with. She dodn't want to do it wrong. Ryan had said she had to pee in a cup. She didn't knlw what that meant.

Alice nodded and pointed at Zelena. "Alright."

Zelena let Luna guide Alice behind her and they made it to their destination.

Ryan handed Alice a small cup and explained what she needed to do. Alice thought it soujded really difficult. But she could try.

"I'll be right out here if you need me, okay" Zelena was trying so hard to let Alice have ant independence she could get. She relied on everyone else so much and it was impossible to knlw how much or how little she wanted that help.

Alice went into the bathroom and tried as hard as she could to do what was asked of her. She couldn't figure it out. Alice sat down on the floor and pulled her kmees up to jer chest. Luna laid in her lap. Alice was exhausted. It'd been a long day. She drifted off to sleep.

Zelena waited for a while and qhen Alice didn't exit the bathroom decided to go check on her.

"Alice, I'm coming in."

Zelnea walked into the room and saw Alice asleep on the floor. Alice had a hard time doing a lot. She didn't know how, and Zelena was sure her refusal to drink often wasn't helping.

Zelena woke her up and Alice groggily offered apologies. Likely for something that happened a long time ago.

"You're okay. It's okay. " Zelena went and found Ryan and told him what had happened. They mamaged to find a differemt way tonget what they needed and Ryan adked that theyvretirn to thw exam room and wait for the results.

Alice curled up in her earlier hiding spot and fell back asleep.

A doctor barged into the room with a bucked filled wkth more medicsl tools then Zelena had even expected.

"What is all lf thst fot?" Zelena asked.

"She's severly dehyrdated and has a serious defincoey ofna few key vitamins. She needs a lot of iv fluids. This is a portable thing youbcan take home with you." Even zelena scoffed at the doctors lack lf bedside manner.

"Hey, Alice can you wake up?" Alice yawned as she woke up. "I really don't want tondonthis but you've not been getting enough water in your system. It's makimg you tired and it's making thijgsnreally hard for you to do. So we need to try sometjimg."

Alice blinked. She was always tired. It was fine. Sleeping was the only escape she'd had for as long as she could rememeber.

Alice didn't feel like fighting anything else. She just wanted to go back to her fort. Maybe eat something. So she just nodded and crawled out from her hdijg spot.

"Okay, i'm going to put this in your arm," the doctor told her.

Alice flinched. She didn't expect it to be that bad.

"It's okay," Robin reminded her. "You didn't donanytjing wrong. It's judtba way to kakenyoubfeel a little better."

Alice nodded. She didn't have it left in her to try to stop anything.

"Do you care wich arm it ges in?"

Alice shook her head. Zelena knew that Alice would be upset if she couldn't draw.

"She's left handed. Put it in her right arm so it's not in te way."

The doctor did that and showed Alice how to walk around with the iv pole.

Alice could alerady imagine the noise it would make if it bumped into anything.

"And you're done."

The docotr left and Alice sat staring at the bag of what looked like water to her.

"I know, it feels weird. You'll get used to it. And it won't be for too lomg" Zelena promised. Alice nodded.

"Alright let's head home" Alice had the hardest time walking now that she had absolitely no free hand for anything. Her dominant hand was on Luna's harness and her other was holding an iV pole, which she was bothered by. Zelena scolded herself for not handling Alice's potential physical affects long before. She probably wouldn't have needed the fluids if she'd just made her drink a bit more water. But she'd been so worried about earning hwr trust, she'd forgotten to make ure she was physcially healthy too.

They went home, Alice being wary of the car instead of excited about it amd evwryone went to bed, exhausted from the day.


	24. Chapter 24

Alice tried to sleep but woke up shortly after she'd fallen asleep. She sat up and looked at her arm. The small object inside of it was the smallest metal. And she hated it. It was connected to something else that winded up into a bag filled with some kind of water. She didn't understand why it was there. She didn't like it. It would make so much noise of she moved. Even if she just tried to shift her weight a little to get a little closer to comfortable.

"Whatdidido?" Alice asked Luna, as quietly as she could. She didn't understand. She'd tried so hard to do what she was supposed to. But it had been so scary. She couldn't hold in how she felt. She mentally scolded herself. [you know better than to scream] The voice in Alice's head was so cruel to her. She pulled her legs up to her chest, ready to hide as much as she could. Luna laid down in her lap. As she moved her arm to pet Luna the pole shifted a bit. Alice flinched.

"Sorry." It'd made a sound. Alice hated this thing. It made it so much harder to stay silent. Alice wanted it away from her. But it was connected to her arm. She hated it. Could she get it off? She was already in a lot of trouble anyway. And Zelena wasn't going beat jer, that'd be too much work. Her mind reminded her that someone else could. But she didn't care she wanted it out of her arm. And the person that had put something similar into her arm had taken it out..could she?

Alice tugged at the IV for a while, the metal shifting in her arm bothering her but not enough that sje registered it as painful. It took some time but she got it out. Alice set it on thr ground. The still mostly filled bag dangling from its pole. The blood on her arm not bothering her. It would wash off or scar over. That's how it worked. She readjusted and fell asleep.

Zelena walked over to check on Alice not too much later. Alice was curled up and the IV wasn't attached to her.

Zelena quickly panicked. Alice was bleeding. "Alice wake up."

The smallest amount of sound stirred her awake. Alice flinched and groggigly apologized.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad. You're bleeding."

Alice knew she was bleeding. It'd stop eventually. And then it'd start all over again eventually. She'd anger someone or she'd trip and hurt herself. She liked Luna's hanress, she could hold onto it when she lost her balance. Something that happened all the time but she'd never even really admitted to herself. She didn't know it was strange.

Alice nodded.

Zelena winced as she looked at Alice's arm. She told her she'd be right back and went to get a bandage.

"I have to stop the bleeding," Zelena told her and talked her through what she was doing. Alice pulled her arms closer to her body. [Please don't.] She knew it had never really worked but shebwas scared. It was just a bandaid but it still reminded Alice of thebrestraints her mother would use to chain her up. Alice had hated those and anything that reminded her of them. That's why she'd wanted the iv gone so badly. Zelena still managed to talk her into letting her bandage her arm.

"I know. That was scary. You did really good."

Good? Alice liked when she was told she'd done something good. That usually meant good things would happen. It wasn't something sje'd experienced in the tower so she only knew hoe it worked with Zelena and robin. Kf thry said she'd done something good, they weren't gling to hurt her in their next movement. They were going to do something that made her feel better. Or at least something she liked. Or tell her how to make berself feel better. It as nesrly always the former.

"Here." Zelena offered Alice a sticker and suggested she stick it on the wall of her corner, which she did.

Zelena walked away. The IV fluids had failed. And Alicebwas going to have to go back to the hospital to try again. Zelena sighed. That was goimg to be a tlugh sell.

Zelena returned later. She'd let Alice try to get some sleep after helping her.

"We have to get someone to put the IV back in," Zelena told her. alice shook her head. She hadn't meant to do whatever it was Zelena was upset with her for.

"Sorrysorrysorry."

Zelena felt awful. Alice deserved to not have to face what was clearly something she was more scared of then most things. She didn't deserve being so used to being told she had ro wait for her most basic needs that she was terrafied to drink enough to really be okay. Zelena had started ro wonder if the fact Alice was pretty dehydrated was making it even harder flr her to understand that she was no longer in a dangerous enviormemt.

"You didn't do snything wrong. It's not a punishment. It's just water. I know it's not fun. But you habe a hard time drinking and the iv can drink for you."

Alice stared at the ground, internally yelling at herself for not doing absolutley everything right.

Zelena felt so guility. She'd forgotten to truly truly explain the IV to alice. Lf bloody course she'd ripped it out. Why wouldn't she have?

"Tell you what, we'll go get the iv put in and then we can go to the diner and get whatever you wqnt toneat, deal?"

Alice blinked. She liked the diner but the iv scared her. She agreed to it and they headed out. Robin was again out of the house for some archery completion or another. She entered them and donated the money from her questionably moral winnings to charity.

They got outside and Alice eyed the car suspiciously. She hadn't minded it too much before because it had only ever taken her places she liked, but now she knew it could go either way and her entire life had shown her that she would always be worse off when there was a chance for something to hurt.

Alice was tired. And her arm hurt. And she'd refused to eat dinner the night before. She didn't hs e it in her to fight the fact the car could take her somewhere scary. She just really hoped her mother wasn't still at the hospital of they went there.

Zelena made sure Alice and luna got in the car and made sure Alice buckled before she drive to the hospital. Alice had known it was coning but was srill upset. [You need to do better.] Alice shook her head, she didn't feel like dealing wkth her mind's scolding words at the moment.

They went into the hopsital ajd explain what they needed done.

Alice sat on a hospital bed. She hated it. She'd not wanted to sit on it but there was no where else to sit in the room they were in and the nurse had told her nlt to sit on the floor brcauae of the germs. She didn't knlw what that meant. A new iv was in her arm and she was staring at it. Hoping that maybe if she stared hard enough the fact it was in her arm would stop blthering her.

Alkce grabbed rhe tube that was attqched to the bag of what Zelena had called salime while explaining it again.

"Keave it alone, please." Zelena asked. Alice stopped what she was dling. Sje hated this thing. And now she was stuck in a bed. And Robin wasn't even around to play with her. Alice sunk down onto the pillows. She wanted this over. She wqnted off this bed. She wanted this thing out of her arm. She wanted the funny taste in her mouth to go away. And all shr'd need to do would be rip the iv out, again. But Zelena said she wasn't allowed to. [So? What's she going to do?. She's already punishing you the worst way. Just take it out.]

Alice grabbed the tube and yanked the iv out again.

"Alice," Zelena's voice maintaijed a fairlt even tone. "I know you don't like it. I know it's not fin. Buty ou habe to keep the iv in until you'e gotten at least a few lf these saline bags in you. Im sorry."

Alice nodddd. She wanted it over! A njrse came in to attach another iv.

"This is your third iv in far fewer days, what's haopening?"

"Goaway. Bad."

"Excuse me?"

"She means she takes them out. And that she doesn't like them."

"I can make the bag a fun color if you like?" Ryan offered.

Alice blinked and nodded. "Ok, if you keep the iv in your saline can be whatever collr ypu want..i like blue the best, what's youe favorite color?"

Alice pointed to Luna, who was sitting on the bed along with her.

"Yellow?"

Alice nodded. "That's a great choice."

Ryan return with a bag of saline that was somehow yellow. Whether it was a mkracle of modern science lt a miracle lf modern magic Zelena would likely never know. But as long as it got Alice hydrated.

It took a little while for Alice to get thrkugh thr first bag but once she had the doctor said she could go home. She still had to kwep the iv in for at thr very least a few more days. But one good thing about living in a magical town is that most medicial procedures needed minimal oversight from medical professionals. Zelena was given instructions to give Alice a bag of saline a day for a few days and to try to slowly introduce her to drinking more liquids on her own. They didn't even habe to be watwr at this poijt. Anything she was willing to drink counted, especially as the iv fluids were still being pumped into her. Their bright colors seemed to quell some of Alice's fesrs.

Zelena had promised so thry headed to the diner. Alice immedaitly wanting to sit in thwir udual booth. Thankfully, it was unoccupied.

Alice sat and lunda laid down nearish to the booth.

"And there's my favorite customers, been a while," Rued greted. "Oj you had to go to the doctor, that's not any fun At least you don't get offered dog treats on your visit."

Alice stared at Ruby. She ubderstold some of what she was saying. It didn't matter what she sakd, she didn't scsre her. She wouldn't hurt her. Dogs didn't hurt people. And that was the most comfodting thing to Alice that had ever existed. She was safe in this one small space. And it made her feel better to know that she had someone she couks trust that could talk to her.

"So, what can Inget you?"

Alice looked at the floor. The iv out of her aem would be nice but she doubted that would work. She glanced up at zelena. Who nodded encojrsgingly. "Slaghetti."

It was mumbled, zelena didn't even hear ir.

"You got it, my wolf hewring defintiely helps. Only I can hesr you whwn youbtalk that quietly." Alice blinked. Only red could hesr her no one else could. Zelena couln't. She was safe. She could tell someone what was wrong. She'd wanted to. Bur was so scared of pain that she didn't try to use her words. She tried draeing pictures for Archie and he got ir sonetines but it took so much effort that she didn't think she'd ever get very far.

"Idon'tliketheiv."

"I like it. It's pretty," Red offered, crouching down next to her. "It matches Luna. That's cool."

"Idon'tlikeit. Itsmetal."

"Yeah, metal's a pain sometimes. What's wring with it?" The werewolf's silver allergy gavw her some kimd of ubderstanding of Alice's distrust for at least rhe needle.

"Idon'tlikemetal."

"Why not?"

"Ithurts."

"Can I see?"

Alice nodded, offering her her arm. Zelena was watching as someone finally fully connected with Alice in a way that she'd never thought was going to happen. She was having an actual conversation. Well probably. She couldn't actually hear Alice talking as quietly as she was.

"Yeah, it looks okay."

"Nothurtnow. Sometimes. Withmother."

"Oh. She's not here, she can't hurt you."

Alice stared at red. That was a lie. Yes she was. And yes she could.

Alice threw her toy at the ground. She'd gotten frustrsted so easily.

"Hey, hey. I'm sorry," red apologized for uosetting jer. "I know. I don't know what this world feels like to you. It's big and it's scary and you were shown only the bad parts so young. But that kv is to hrlp you at least feel better. Think you can tolerate it?"

Alice stared at her. "Deal. It means deal with it."

Alice nodded. "Ok."

"Isshegoingtochainmeupandhurtme?"

"Who?" Red asked.

Alice looked upnfor a second.

"Zelena? Gods no. You're safe. I bet she'd love if you sakd hi to her. She's just been watching us talk. I'm gonna go get your food, okay?" Red returned the sulrinslgly uninjured toy bear.

Alice didn't want red to leave. She was nice. But sje let her go.

Alice kept glancing between her lap and zelena. Safe? No she wasn't. She never would be. But she trusted red. So she'd give ot a try

"Hi." Kt was barely audibke but Zelena didn't react negativley.

"Hi. Good job."

Alice went back to hugging ber toy and playing with it but she'd made an attempt at talking ton Zelena and jt hadn't ended in her being hurt. Red returned eith thr food and the diner was pretty much dead at the moment.

"I can talk more, kf you want." She offered. Alice nodded. She could finally talk to someone. She felt so alone. It was all she was used to but at least in the tower she could talk to whatever she found while cleaning. But she was around people far more often now.

Alice mumbled a bit more at Red and Red responded to it with her own words.

Red walked away when Alice seemed more interested in eating her food than talking.

Zelena and Alice finished eating and Zelena mouthed a thank-you to red. She hadn't seen Alkce even close to that talkative or happy in well really ever. She'd needed that. Badly. Hopefully red kept working at the diner.

"Ok, you did great. do you want to go home or do you want to go get ice cream."

Alice was tired.

"Home."

They headed home and alice crawled into her fort and went to bed.


	25. Chapter 25

The next day after she'd gone to the bathroom Zelena offered Alice sometjing to drink. Which did not go smoothly at all.

Alice shook her head. She didn't want to drink anything. It was scary. It made her need to use the bathroom more and she only really drank really gross potions. She'd dranknwater before but she'd slwahs hated it. She wasn't sure why exactly.

"I know you don't like it. Can you try?" Zelena asked. Alice stared at the cup. She worried it'd make her feel bad and tired. She didn't feel as tired today. Which didn't make any sense. The same as the fact she'd actually need the bathroom more that morning than dhe normally did. Why was she feeling different. Alice wasn't sure but itbwas probably the iv. Alice had tried to get it out but it'd only caused her more problems, so sje'd modtly given up. And at least the stuff in it looked interesting now.

"It,'s okay," Zelena encoursged.

The door opened and Alice glanced over. Robin.

"Hey, what're you doing?"

Alice shook jer head.

"Want to play a game?" Alice nodded.

"Shoser first, robin. You smell like the woods. How'd it go?"

Alice was listening. She knew she and Robin had talked about where she was gling bur she couldn't remeber what it'd been about.

"Good. I won, like always. Think the animal shelter appreciated that." Robin laughed at her joke that Alice didn't at all understand. Robin walked away.

Alice continued to stare at the cup. [Do I have to?]

Zelena watched as Alice eyed a cup lf water with caution. How did she explain that this wasn't something dangwrous? Why was Alice wary of it?

"It's okay. I promise the water wom't hurt you. The cup won't hurt you. I won't hurt you." Alice nodded. She believed one of those things. Kind of. "I won't let you get hurt. I'm right here. Luna's just ubdernesth your feet. It's okay."

Should she try it? Zelena wondered if showing Alice that whatever she was scared of wasn't as threstening as she thlught it was moght work. At this point she was willing tontry anything to get Alice to trust the cup. She rarely drank water and it'd only happened when she'd clesrly felt forced into it.

Zelena picked the cuo up and drank some from it. "See, it's okay. It isn't dangerous."

Alice blinked. Fine. She'd risk it. She picked the cup up once Zelena had set it down and warily drank from it.

"Good job," Zelena praised Alice for even attenpting to drink. It was all she'd expected her to do. Alice liked when she was told she'd done good and drank a lkttle more. There waan't really a lot lfnwatwr in the cup. Zelena knew that Alice was goinf to be wary of it.

"You did great," zelena gave alice a sticker. Alice liked the weird picture things that Ryan had used to encoursge her so zelena had gotten a few packs of them to hand to her whenever she made the sloghtest effort at sonetbing that clesrly scared her. It seemed a bit strange giving someone a reward for the most basic thing like drinking, but Alice had learned to expect to be punsihed for those same basic things. And it was easier to show her that those things could be good then trying to just unteach her that they were bad.

"Do you want to draw lr do you want to go outside? We habe to go see archie in a lottle while."

"Draw," alice gave ber answer. She was a bit concerned abkut going ojtside. She didnXt want to go back to the doctor and the last few trips outside had lead to that. And if thry were going to the diner, zelena would just say that.

"Okay," Zelena gave Alice her space. The supplies had been left on the table from the last time Alice had drawn. Alice drew what she felt like drawing, getting progressivley more frustrwted by the fact she one of her arms was a bit more limited in its movement than usual. She didn't last long before she felt like she needed to use the bwthroom. Again. This was quivkly starting to bother her. She'd flet like she needed it in the last few hours than she'd needed it most days. And she didn't like asking for it. But that was what Luna was for.

"Lunacanigobathroom?" Luna nodded and Alice walked with her to the bathroom. She did what she needed to, washed her hands. Then sat next to the door and started to mess with it. She liked anytjing that she could move around quietly. It entertained her without her having to do ajything wrong.

Zelena returned to the kitchen from doing a few things around the house to see Alice's drawing abandoned on the table. Her fidt guess was that she'd gotten tired and hidden in her fort. The next guess was correct. Alice was sitting in the bathroom playing with the door.

"Good job. We need to go see Archie now." Alice nodded. She was a bit wary. New places were so scary. But she held onto bear a little tighter and felt a bit better. Zelena noticed that bear had been the most used toy lately. Wherever archie had found it, it might be a good place to look for other kinds of toys.

Getting Alice into the car had quickly become an ordeal all over again. On top of her fear there was now not only a 65 pound dog to contend with but also a pole that had to be stored without tugging on alice's arm. And until Alice would willingly drink on jer own, that had to be involved. Zelena held in a sigh as she helped Alice get in the car. She was just glad alice didn't feel the need to fight her on the sestbelt this time.

Theg goy to archie's office pretty quickly. They peobably could hsve walked but Alice didn't like the noise the iv pole made and the longer she had ro listen to it, the quicker she'd get frustrwted.

"Ok, I know that the noise bothers you but it won't be very long. Just pet luna. Or hug bear. It's okay." They'd barely made it thrlugh a few days with the iv so far, Zelw a wasn't sure how long even she could stand the thing.

They got inside the rolling of the wheels drawing attention to Alice. She hated it. She was used to som staring, she took a dog everywhere she went but this was more than normal.

"Okay, good job. want to come to the counter with me to check in or do ypu want to go sit sonewjere?" Alice nodded.

"Sit." Luna listened desite the command not being for her. Zelena laughed a little.

"Luna thought you were talking to her."

Alice thought it was interesting but didn't quitr understsnd the sound Zelena had made.

"Lunaseat." Luna got up and let Alice use her harness to hold o to while they found somewhere to sit. Luna was oretty good at picking a place close to a wall that Alice could sit in. Sometimes she'd pick her own seat but usually let Luna or Zelena do it for her.

Alice sat down and had Luna lay her head in her lap. She pet her.

Zelena was busy. A kid walked over to Alice. Alice flinched. She didn't like people. She didn't lije strsngers. And kids were a very foreign conceot ro her. All she knew about them is that they tended to be loud. She'd never directly met one. This was new. And she was wsry if new things.

"Goaway." Alice didn't want to deal with this strange new tyoe of human. Not right now.

The kid didn't listen. "Can i pet your dog?"

Alice shook her head. But before she could manage to get the words out the kid was doing it. Alice pointed to Luna's vest that was ubder her hanress. It was still readable. It said not to pet her. It saod why. The kid nlticed.

"Prettry!" The kid screaned causing Alice to flinch. The kid was too close. Alice needed to get on the ground and let Luna lay fully on her lap. But she couldn't. Alice took in a breath and shook a little. Quickly losing her awarness of her surroundings.

" . ." alice let luna get off her lap and pulled her legs up to her tried to help her but the kid was now hanging onto it impossoble.

Zelena walked kver. "Who's kid is this?"

Someone walked over. "Get him kff of the dog."

"He's fine," the parent told her. "Let him play with it. It's a dog. He's petting it propely."

"You're nkt allowed to pet her.," Zelena explained.

The kid let out a blodd curdling scrram. "Mom! She won't let me pet the puppy!" Lr what the toddler equivilant kf thst truly soubded like. Zelena was furious but clearly Alice needed help which was a mkre oressing issue.

"Get your kid, please" zelena demanded. The woman finally did something, grumbling about it the wjoke time. Zelena directed her attention to aloce who was clesrly no longer able to play attentionnto her surroundings. "Hey, hey. I know. I know that's hard. Here." Luna immeadtley went for Alice's lap and stayed there until she calmed down, Alice petting her every so often.

"Oh so she can pet her," the mother of the cjild that had refused to leave them alone sneered as Alice had started to walk to Archie's office. Zelena turned to glare at them.

"Yeah. It's her dog. Thaf's trained to help her. Not entertsin your kid. The dog is trsined to jp jer because she's terrsfied of people. Amongst a lot of other things. And because she can't easily make decisions on her own. And can't easily do things without a bit of help. And the dog does it. But sje can't of ypur kid is all over her. She said not to pet the dog, don't let the kid oet the dog." Zelena was fruious but jad at least managed to hold it in until Alice was out of esrshot of her fury.

Alice held onto Luna's harness a little tighter as she walked into Archies office.

"Hi Alice," archie greeted. Alkce flinched. She was a little tense.

"Nopetsorry."

"I know. I only pet her when you say i's okay. You do the same with pongo. Who by the way, is just waiting for you to pet him. I think he thinks you do it the best."

Alice flinched and sat down and pet luna.

"Did something happen?" Archie asked. Alice nodded. Why didn't people listen? Why did no one listen to wjat she wanted. She'd finally figured out how to decide what she wanted. And it was hard for her to ssy those things. And when she did, she was still met with refusal and the opposite of what she wanted. She'd made it clesr she didn't want to have the iv in her aem, it was in her arm. She'd made ir clesr she didn't want to go to thr doctor agsin, she'd gone agsin. She'd made it clear she wanted no one to oet luna, they did it anyway. She couldn't get whatbshe wanted so why did she try? She didn't get it. Zelena had said she wasn't going to firce her into things, but she had.

"Did someone touch luna?"

Alice nodded. "I'm sorry. You can't control ehat other people do. But you can control what you do. Do you want to test out some toys? Todsy's just ahout explorong my offoce. Talk if you want to. You don't habe to. You can just be. Just pkay. Go wherever you want to in this room. I tried to make sure iput away all the toys that can make soubds but therr might be a few I missed. But nothing's dangeorus. And you won't get in any trouble if you make noise."

Alice liked how clesrly Archie told her what he expected. He always made things feel simple. Easy. Like dhe cojldn't fail at following his rules. Most of the time. Alice went for the things that were cllsest to her first. She mostly moved her hands around things trying tonguess how thry worked. Honestly, the tqctile inpt was entertaining in ktsekf to her. Alice picked uo a box that had a lot ofndetails on it. Archie was wathing her. "That might be one that makes sound," he warned her. Alice nodded and set it down. She didn,xt like noise. She pickrd up something else and pusjed a button. It lot up the way david''s car had. It did it for a few minjtes then stopped. Alice stared at it rhen hit it again. And reoeated that iber and kver and ober agin.

"You can keep that," archie told her. She really seemed to like it. She thanked him and kept playong with various things. She liked the things that ha bright colors or loghrs the most. She reached for thr one thst made noise again. She was curious. She looked at archie. "It won't hurt you. I won't hurt you. It might make a sudden mkvement though." She grsbbed the handke and mobed it. Flinching when jtbstsrted to hum music. She kept going. "It's going to pop open kf you keep going." Alice kept pushing the handle, her curiosity getting the better of her. It jumled out. Alice threw the toy away from her. Unfrotunatlry hitting archie in the side of the head. Drawingg blood.

Alice shook her head. She'd hurt him. It waan't supposed to happen that way.

" . ." alice felt bad. She understood that shebwasn't supposed to hurt other people . Even if she didn't understand that she counted as a person that deserved the same treatment from everyone ekse that she knew she should give to them.

"It's okay. Accidents happen. The toy scared you. It's okay. Trust me, i've had worse," Archie comfortrd. Hr had indeed had worse injuries both in the fairytale world and in the workd where he was a chikd's psychologust. Children weren't the grestest qt handling their emotions and maby of his patients had violent outburst. Archie stood up. "I'm just getting sonething to stop thr bleeding. You're fine. You can keep playing." Archie found a bandaid and put it on thebfresh wound.

Alice kept apologizing. Mother would have been angry. So so angry. "It"s okay. I understand thst yiu were scared. You didn't mesn to hirr me did you?"

Alice shook her head.

"Don't worry about it. We're playing with toys. Thst's matters roght now. Also apparently pongo wants you to pet him. Go ahead." Pongo had left his bed to come over and beg Alice for her attention. Which she happily gave him.

Alice tried a few of the other toys out and archie let her keep the omes she clesrly enjoyed the most. All of them lit up amd none lf any sound.

Archie walked alice out.

Zelena saw his head and asked about it.

"Someone finay stood up to a jack im the box and I got csught in the crossfire. But other than that, Aloce dkd great. The bagd got toys in it. Nothing noisy. A bit nore sturdy than the stuffed bear, archie turned hisbattention back to Alice. "See yiu in a few days?"

Alice nodded. "Grest. See you later." They left and headeded for the diner. Zelena wasn't entirely certain if that was the best idea or not but she was too tired to cook and she had no actual idea on how sje could possobly enforce any blundsires for Alice. It was a cknstant battle tonget her to walk across a room without panicking. To get her to stay in the same room as Zelena without wanting to curl up in the nesrest availabke corner and cry. It was hard to give boundaries to someone that had lived with more than enough of them. And Zelena had no jdea how to apply consequences. Anything she coukd do to Alice either wasn't a punishment or reminded her so deeply of something trsumatic thst it wasn't just a mild consequence, it was torture. And Zelena knew, from the bjts and poeces everyone had manges to put together that Alice had been tortuded her entire life. It wasn't right to make her go through those things again.

Alice glanced upnat zelena and apoligized again.

"I know. Just...dom't do it agsin. Try not to do it again," alice nodded. She felt bad. And Zekena sounded...weird about it. Alice moved on and colored for a bit while theybwaited for their food.


	26. Chapter 26

Zelena didn't know how to handle any of this. It was obvious that Alice wasn't making all that much progress. Or rather that every time they got close, something pulled her back. And no one had anyway of knowing what waa going on. Alice clearly had a different view of everything they did then everyone else. She feared things that were good for her and despartley sought out things that couldn't possibly be as comfortable as the other options provided for her. Zelena sighed. There had to be a way to explain to Alice that drinking wasn't an effort to hurt her. That the IV wasn't there as a punishment. That the bedroom she'd been offered was meant to be a good thing. That sitting in the same space as other people was meant to be a natural thing. That she wasn't going to hit her just for talking to her, or for anything else. Zelena knew that list could go on forever. And solving it would require understanding exactly what Alice had gone through. But how could they? She couldn't tell them. They could guess the smallest pieces of the puzzle. But asking her about what little they knew had only lead to her shaking her head at the offer to talk about it.

Alice sat staring at the needle in her arm. She hated it. She's pulled it out over and over again. She'd tried so hard to explain that she didn't like it. But it was there. Of course it was there. Her entire life had always left her feeling uncomfortable and scared. She couldn't actually remember any time when she'd felt anything but how much her mother had hated her. She'd known from a young age that her mother didn't want her. Didn't actually want to be around her. Just needed her to be in the tower. So she didn't have to be. She'd wondered why that had to involve being beaten and taking potions she didn't want to take and being chained to mother's bed. And everytjing else that made her cry herself to sleep at night, hoping that she could figure out a way to make kt hurt less. At first. But over time, it started to just feel like the way things were. She'd stopped wondering. Stopped bothering to dare to defy her mother. Even slightly. It never ended well when she'd tried. So she gave up. Let mother do whatever she wanted. Let her hurt her. And she'd hated the pain she was in, and she didn't believe she deserved kindness. Not that she'd ever known kindness. Or love. She didn't understand those things. All she understood was that when she did something wrong mother punished her. And that for some reason Zelena had taken her away from fhe only home she'd ever known. And that for some reason, she wasn't hurt as muvh here. And mothsr wasn't around often. She'd gotten sick lf her, she'd stopped having her uses. Lr sometjing like thsr. No one had given her an explanation, so she'd made one. She wasn't entirely certsin what the iv was punishment for. But she hoped it'd be over soon. Alice readjusted herself in her fort. Making the pole roll a little. Why did it hsve to mske sound? Wasn't ir enough to punish her with it? The sound wasn't needed. She wouldn't do amything else she shouldn't. Or maybe she would. She'd never been the best st following the rules.

"Idon'tlikethis," Alice told Luna. At least here she had someone. In the tower all she'd had was mother, and she didn't care when Alice was upset, as long as she didn't show her that she was. "Itried?" Alice pushed one of her blankets away from her. She was confused and waan't sleeping as much as she usually did. She wasn't really sure what to do with the extra time.

Zelena came over to check on Alice around the time she was usually asleep. The iv was certainly helping her stay a bit more awake, and had made her even more alert. Alice flinched the second she heard footsteps and apologized. Zelena really wasn't sure for what.

"Hey, you're okay. It's okay. You didn't do anything. I was just checking on you. Are you hungry?"

Alice sat with her thoughts for a minute. Yes. But if she had to move to eat, it wasn't worth it. She didn't want to do anything. She just wanted to wait out Zelena's strange way of displaying anger and try to get some sleep. She wasn't tired, but being awake had always meant suffering so she got the smallest amount of relief when she closed her eyes and thought about anything else.

"Ok. I'll come check again in a little while. Do whatever you want to, i guess," Zelena made sure to give Alice that permission. She'd rather she understand that she wasn't going to be hurt for existing but it seemed that right now she wasn't ready for that. Zelena gave Alice her space for a little while.

"Canigobathroom." alice was agitated. This was a far more often thing now. She hated it. Every tome she had to get up and go somewhere else in the house, she risked angering Zelena. And zelena didn't rememver to tell her what to do. She just forgot. Mother always let her go every few days at the least. Sometimes more. She could usually hold it. Lately it hurt mlre when she tried. She'd figured out that drinking too muchbwas the problem. But she wasn't drinking anything. She remenmved Zelena said thr iv was drinking for her.

The iv pole had been llwwred enlugh that she could sit dosn mlre confortably. She grabbed at the bag, it waa the cause of every problem. It was sorta attached ro her aem, but she didn't care anymore. She just would 't touch the needle. That wasn't against the rules. Alkce grabbed the bag and glared at it. " 'twantyou. 't. Fine. I'll beat it into you." Alice was repeating the things her motjer said to her. She didn't know why she was telling a bag filled with water that. But it had hurt so much. All she'd wanted was to just do what she'd been told to. All she'd wanted was fkr the pain to stop. And she'd never had the chsnce. She could no longer make kt right. She no longer saw her mother. Well there was that once. She terrafied her. She hurt her all the time. But in this moment, she wanted her. She ubderstood her ounishments. Shs knew what had caused them. Knew exactly how long they'd last. Knew exactly what to exoect when she dared to do anything wrong. She was so upset. She didn't have anything she was familiar with anymore. She wanted it back. She didn't knkw how to handle anything here. This waa her home bow, thlugh. Whether she liked it or not. Whether she ubdedstood it or not. "Iwantmother." Alice let her final bit of frustrstion out and threw the bag as hard as she could away from her. It ripped out away from the iv. She was glad it had worked. She was keeping in thr part that Zelena sajd she had to jeep in. She didn't break any rules. Didn't do anytjing wrong. But nkw maybe the water would stop cauaing her peoblems.

Zelena returbed a little while later to see Alice as far away from thr saline bag as she could possibly have gotten in her corner. Really? They'd been kver this. The iv had to stay in. At thisbrste theyvwere going to have to stay in the hospital for gods knew how long just to get her phsycially well. But Zelena didn't want to put her through that kijd of hell. She was already struggling with something.

Alice glanced up at Zelena. Pointed to the needle and shook her head. "Nogoaway." It didn't. It hadn't. She'd done what she was told. And she was telling Zelena this. It was an attenpt to keep her from deciding to hurt her. Zelena was just glad Alice was attenpting to talk. Regsrdless lf whatever the reason was.

"I know you don't like it. But you need it. That has to stay in your arm."

Alice shook her head. "Nogoaway."

"The needle has fo stay in your arm." It is in my arm!

Alice nodded. "Is."

Zelena looke s lottlr cllser. Oh shit. The needle was disconnected and the bag was ripped. She hadn't bedn psying that much attention. Had the needle broken inside her arm? Was she ok?

"You disconnected the iv. I'll give you the fact that that was clever. But you can't do that, alice. I know you don't like this. But you need it."

[For what? I don't know what I did. I'm sorry for it. Please stop hurting me.] Alice thoughts had grown somewhat more understandable over the past few days. Alice shook her head.

"I know. Okay, we can go to the diner after we go get this fixed," Zelena held off on saying again. It would only make her sound angry. And she wasn't. Not at Alice. It wasn't her fault the IV bothered her. She was certain that if she'd been through everything that she knew Alice had been through, she'd have a hard time with the world too. Her father had been a cruel man, but she'd known love from other people. All Alice had known was pain and hatred. From what they could guess. Alice hadn't exactly opened up and told them everything about her time in the tower.

Alice shook her head. She wasn't going back to the hopsital. She wasn't doing this again. "Sorrysorrysorry." Alice threw something. Trying to make Zelena angry enough to want to hurt her a different way. A way that would require they stay in the house. If she was angry she wouldn't want to wakt to punish her so she could maybe get out kf the punishment she really didn't want or at least delay it.

A young Alice had angered mother. She wasn't entirely certain what she'd done but mother was livid.

"How hard is it to follow my rules? It's exhausting reminding you!"

Alice had quickly learned how to tell when mother was angry. When to avoid her. If she could. Which she was doing. Sitting in her corner, hoping mother left her alone. A hope she knew was unlikley.

"Come here. You awful child." Alice was only ever adressed as awful lr terrible or other begatice adjectives.

"Sorry." Alice apologized rhe secind she'd gotten in front of mother. Trying to keeo herself a bit out of her mother's reach.

"For what?"

"I don't know. Sorry."

"You don't know what you did wrong. Of course. You don't knkw what you did wrong. So how could you be sorry fkr jt?"

Alice shook her head. "Answer me!" Gothel demanded, hitting her. Alice eyes threatened to betray her. They wanted to fill with tears.

"I can see the tears forming, sure you want to cry?" Alice shook her hesd and rubbed thebtears out kf her eyes. Or tried to. Mother grabbed her wrist and jerked them away from her face. "Awww, you'll figure out hoe to nlt let that start. Or i hope you do. Don't feel like beating you for it right nlw though."

Alice had felt relived. She wasn't going tk be hurt as much as she'd expected. That feeling didn't last. "You're sleeping in your restraints, though." Mother loved to use a variety of punishments. Alice had forgotten. She hated this one the most. And somehow mother knew that. Or she just liked that one the most. Alkce guessed it didn't take a lot of effort to do. And itbwas effective. When she knew what she'd done to deserve it. She genuinley wasn't sure what she'd done this time. She couldn't figure it out. She wasn't going to get an andwer if the punishment was the one mother had for her. But she would if she best her. She'd tell her. Or demand she tell her and then give her an answer eventually. After a lot of pain. But Alice hated not knowing. Hated nkt having anything to go on while she thought about what she'd done. Mother didn't want to best her. But she would if she angered her. Alice let a few tears escspe. Walked over to the kitchen. Walked to mother's bed and aar down. "What exsctly do you think yiu're doing."

"Sleeping in here." Alice flinched. This was so wrong. She knew so much better than this. But she wanted mkther angry. Angry enough to not chain her up. Angry enough to tell her what she'd done wrong.

"get off my bed, now." Alkce braced herself for what she knew would happen when she did what she'd planned. This was dangerous. This was a gold way to get herself killed. But mother couldn't kill her. She'd made that so so ckesr. She could hurt her until she felt like she was dging but she,xd never die. It'd never be alllwed to go thst far. The pain she was in would never be able to stop. This was her life. And she knew she'd never escape from it.

"Make me."

Alice saw the flash kf rage in mother's eyes. She'd done shat she inteneded. Mother was furious.

"Ok! I wasn't going tk best you! But now? You are in so muvh trouble! Do you need me to tell you where I want you? Clesrly you're dumb enough to anger me." Mother had walked kver and hit alkce. She'd known kt was coming but the look of anger and hstred still stung more than the bruise forming on her face. Alice stood up and went to where she knew mother woukd want her. Fixing her eyes on a spot on the wall. Gothel was beyond quick grabbing what she needed and Alice had felt the pain. And gotten her answer. She'd forgotten to sweep up the glass that she'd dropped. Alice didn't remeber touching sny glass, but she must have done it jf mother had wanted tl chain her uo for it.

Alice snapped out of her memory. Mother had been angry wkth two simple words. That'd work.

"Make. Me." Alice was shaking through the definance. but she was doing it. She flicnhed knlwing that this would not be followed by an offer to simply go sleep it off.

Zelena blinked. That was suprising. She didn't know how to react. "Ok. Clearly we're having some issues here. I'm going to go call archie. And see if he has any ideas."

Zelena had no way of ubderstanding that what seemed like a miraclous display of definace was a desperste attenpt at getting out of something terrafying. Or knowing that what she'd said would sound like a threat when itbwasn't.

Alice flinched, which zelena had walked away akready and didn't see.

Luna laid in alice's lap. Alice pet her. Luna needed to be somewhere else. This was too dangerous now. Luna refused to leavd alice.

Archie got there oretty quickly. "I told alice we were going to get the kv fixed and she told me to make her."

Archie went to Alice's fort. "Hey."

Alice glanced up at him. "Notouch." She pointed to luna.

"Still a bit bothered by that kid, huh? Ok. That's fine. I won't touch luna. Promise.,"

She pointed to the dog again. "Nohurt. Hurtme."

Oh. Alice was scsred for the dog's safety in whatever the situation was in her head. It wasn't the same as what it was fkr everyone ekse.

"I'm nkt going to hurt you. Or luna. Or anyone else. No one is going to do that. Why do you think we would?"

"Ididbad."

"That's okay. It doesn't matter what you did. You're not in danger."

Alice shook her head and shut down. "Hey, Alice."

She compeltly ignored him. Cjoosing instead to focus as hard as she could on something she liked. She could feel thr grass in her mind and pet her old squriell friend. And she could at least have her old blankets. All she wanted was her old life back. This one was wrong. But she couldn't exain that so she pet the weird flufy cresture and ignored her reality.

Luna laid in her lap, snapping her ojt of it. Alice pet Luna instead. Archie was still sitting in front of her.

"I know you don't want to but you have to go to the doctor. I'm sorry."

Alice gavr up. Fine. She'd tried to get out of it. Alice nodded.

"Thank you." Archie left after a quick conversation with Zelena. The car ride was awkward. Alice was so scared that at any second Zelena would remember her attempt at angering her and decide then was rhe best time to act on it.

"Im nkt mad, Alice. But you cannlt keep taking the iv out. You need the stuff inside it so badly. I don't knlw how you've managed tonstay standing without it for so long." Zelena was talking as calmly as posdible. But the damage to Alice's bkdy had been severe and the psychological effects had been worse.

They got into the hospjtal. Grtting alice to sit in the bed had been another round of bribery via stickers and promising her that she wasn't going to get in trouble for it. And reminding her that Luna was alllwwd to sit with her.

Ryan entered the room. "Okay, really?" He quickly remebered who he was talking to. "It's alright. I knlw. This must be frustrsting and difficult and do i have to ket you decorate the bag? We can do that. But you've taken it out so many tines. You habe to stay in the hopsjtal." No. No. No!

Alice shook her head. She hated this place! And mother was around and could wake her uo any tine she wanted. Well she kinda wanted that but still. This place was terrsfting. People constsntly talking to her and touching her and she wasn't sleeping in a bed. Not happening. She refused. No.

"I know. Just for a few hours. You have to manage tonget through one kf these before you try to rip it out. Now i knlw you dont like me touching your arm but i need to check kf the needle is broken or not." Alice had resigned herself to that fate and judt let him do what he needed, shaking the entire time. "Luckily, it's okay. I have to take it out. Think you can be really brave and let me touch your arm again?"

Alice nodded.

"This may hurt. Scream as loud as you want to. It's fine if it hurts. Let me know if it hurts." .

Alice winced butbrefused to scream. No one would get that from her. She wouldn't show how much pain shebwas in. She bit her tounge and held back the pain.

"All done. Stickers?" Alice nodded and picked a sticker. "Youncan have more than one. You did great."

Alice took another sticker then oulled away holding her arm drfensivley against her body.

"I'll be right baxk," Ryan promised. Alice was having a hard time dealing with things. She waited until Zelena was the only person that could see her. She was already angery, anyway. It wouldn't matter. But it made Alice feel better. Alice threw Bear and threw the pilllws on the bed. Itbwas rrwlly all she could reach from where she was sitting. Aside from the cup of water that was offered to her. She wasn't going to drink that. But she picked it up anyway.

Zelena noticed but didn't say anything, scared of scaring Alice out of doing sonething she had been refusing to do. Alice thre the cup at the wall. She didn't qyite have the stre gth for it to go where she'd ained but it still spiiled everywhere. Alice pulled her knees ro her chest and burried her fsce in her knees. Which Luna ibtercepted. Alice sat constsntly flicking hwr eyes over to thr closed door. She just wanted to know what she'd done wrong. She wasn't sure. Maybe someone would tell her. Butbit felt like no one would. And so she had startrd to just hope she didn't get in more trouble. But that hadn't worked so she was trying as hard as she could to show thst she waa upset. No one seemed to care.

"Hey, I know this is hard," Zelena told her. "But you have to do it." Alice nodded. Of cpurse she had to. Punishments were a thing for a reason. She couldn't quite figure out this reasons, though. It felt like she was going throughbthis because she was around. Maybe that was it. Maybe everyone was tired of her. Zelena didn't have to keep her. Alice decided she'd try to give Zelena as much space as possible. She couldn't go anywhere completly alone. She couldn't take care of herself. And she was aware of this. Alice leabed ovrr and asked Luna if they could move. She wsnt and sat in the corner, dvery so often glancing at Zelena, trying to find a way to be out of her way. Itbwasn't working.

Ryan returned and saw where she waa sitting.

"That's ok. I've got to put a new iv in your arm," he told her. Alice shook her head. It wasn't something that usually got her out of things but she did try.

"I know. I know you don't like this, it's probably not very fun. You're scared and tired and just dont want to do this. But you need to. So either hold onto bear rewlly tightly or sonething while i do it or pet luna a lot."

Alice pulled even furthervaway from him, if that was possible. All she wanted was an answer. To a question she hadn't exactly managed to ask.

"Where is besr?" Ryab noticed the toy was missing. Zelena grabbed it and told Alice what she was doing as she borught it over to her.

"You're okay, i'm just bringing back thr oltoy. It's okay. I'm going back to my chakr." Alice took bear and nodded, watching both ryan and zelena.

"It's okay," Ryan told her. "You can do this."

Alice couldn't fight him for long. Eventually it'd happen. She caved and let him out the iv in hee arm. With every intention lf trying tonget it out the first chance she got. It could only bother her. And if no one was telling her how long it had be there? Or what she'd done wrong? If jt was truly not allowwd to come off, wouldn't there be a key. Alice rubbed her wrist. The lingering feeling of mother's far too tight restraints digging into her skin no matter what she did to adjust herself so it hurt less. She was glad that the iv did t hurt. But itbstill bothered her so much more than pain would have.

"Good job. Try not to touch iy so much," Ryan told her. "Can you get back in bed? Thr floor is gross and i'd rsther not have you get sick."

Alice reluctantly agreed and got back on the bed. She hated ir but it didn't matter. "Thank-you. You can turn the tv on kf you want to. There's coloring books in the drawer over there. You don't just have to look at the wall," Ryan told her. Alice nodded but wasn't really in the mood for those thing.

Ryan left and Zelena was sitting reading a book. Alice touched thr iv again. She wanted it gone. She was sick of it already. It caused her problems and if she took it out, mayve they'd stop putting it back in. Alicr grabbed at it. Some kind lf beeping stsrtrf thr secknd she did. She threw her hands over he esrs as she fliched away from the loud noise. "Sorrysorrysorry."

"It's ok," Zelena told her. "You didn't cayse that. Sometimes hopsjtals have weird sounds. Do you want to do something else?" Alice shook her head. "Ok."

Zelena returned to reading.

Alice kept messing with the iv. The beeping sound hdn't returned. She kept pulling at it. Glancing over at zelena for the words she knew she'd say. And then managed to get it out of her aem again. And there was blood. Alice felt a bit more confodtsble and laid down. She still struggled to fall alseep at first in the bed but she got there. A different njrde csme in to chek on Alice. Woke her up. Zelena had gone tonget them both food and so was absent during this interaction.

"You're a bit difficult, aren't you?" Alice was half asleep and didn't know what was going on.

"Sorry."

"You've taken out so many ivs. You can't do that. Do you want to sit up or lay down?"

Alice blinked. Sit up? "Sit."

"Ok." The nurse adjusted the bed. "The dog can't be on the bed while I work. Too risky. She might bjte because i'm touching you." Alice shook her head. Luna wouldn't hydt anyone. Dogs dkdn't hurt anyone. This lady was strange. But she was scared and did as she was told.

Didn't rrally earn her thsr she was putting another iv in. And then talked to her more.

"Clearly thrre's a problem with leaving you unattended with an iv. So we have to restrain you.".

Alice tried to pull away from the nurse but there was no where to pull away too.. she leaned fsr enough back that she fell off the bed. It hurt. But she didn't show it.

"Clearly you're a danger to yourself." Alice was terrsfied. She started hyperventilating. But luna coukdn't reach her because this nurse had told her luna wasn't allowed in thr bed while she did what she needed and had had alice leash her and tied her up elsewhere.

"Luna." Alice managed to choke out. It didn't help.

"When i'm done you can have the dog back." Alice nodded, blankly. The fear was consumping her. And she knew how to get out lf it but she coukdn't. She felt helpless. She got back in the bed and threw besr again.

A needle went into her arm. With no warning. And then she felt the way mother's potions made her feel. Out of it. Diffivult to concentrate. Sleepy. Alice flicnhed as something went around her wrist. She couldn't feel it fully. She fell asleep and didn't wake up for a little while.

Zelena walked in wkth food and saw Alice asleep. The long sleeves of her dress for a moment covering up the problem. Alice woke up and mkved. Orntried to. She then panicked. She couldn't talk. She couldn't move. She had no option now. She had nonway of expkaning hownshebfelt. Whatbwas wrong. She couldn't even touch luna, who was still leashed over next to zeleba' chair. zelena saw luna and assuned she'd gotten out of alkce's way for a monent kf there had been dome kind of outburst or that she may have gone to grab sonething but then she looked cllser and luna was leashed. She couldn't get to alice if she needed to. She undid the keash quickly and luna rushed to alice's side. Jumping on the bed and sniffing her then pawing at her. Alice nodded. She needed her but she couldn't reach her. She struggled a bit with the restraint and then just cried. She wasn't paying attention to the fact zwle a was there.

"Hey, hey,, what' wrong?" Zelena asked. Alice tried to move her arm to show her. But she couldn't. And she really wanted tontell her but every word felt heavy. "Alice, i need you tell me what' wrong." .

Alice nodded. she wanted to. Didn't Zelena get it? He was trying. Whatever had been kn that needle had made it so hard to talk. A nurse came in toncheck on her.

"Sometjing's wrong," Zelena told her. "I cam back and she seemed upset but is having a hard time saying why."

alice finally manged to kick the blanket away a bit. Which easily showed that Alice couldn't mlve her arms kf she wanted to. Nonwonder she was terrafied. Who had thought thisbwas a good idea? Zelena was furious.

"Alice, i know. I know. I'm not sure who did this. I'm sorry. Is it okay kf i take off the restrsints?" Alice nodded, shaking. Zekena did exactly that and Alice pulled her arms back closer to her, rubbing thebwrist. That had kinda hurt. Shebwasn't sure what she'd done.

She opened her mouth to say sorry and couldn't.

"Can i talk to ryan?" Zekena asked. the njrse agreed. Zelena stepped into the hall to yell at him.

"I went tonget food and came back to alice prwcticslly tied to the bed. Something she's terrafied of. And now she is having an even harder time then usual speaking."

"What are you talking about," Ryan asked her. "I was on a break the last hour." They went back into the room and Alice flinched away. That was no real indicator of if he was lyong or not because alice was scared of everyone.

The hosputal no longer seemed even remotley safe. "We can try doiing this st hoke, instead," Zelena offered. Alkce shook her head.

"You want to do it here?" Zelena questioned. Alice shook her head again. She didn't want ro do it at all.

"You still have to hsbe the iv, i'm sorry." Alice pushed something awaybfrom her. She couldn't even apologize right now. She hated this. Zelena sighed but they got her dischsrged and went home. Zelena had no idea what to do. But they'd go to the diner in a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter got weirdly long and wildly out of hand.


	27. Chapter 27

Alice sat glancing over at Zelena whenever she could. She kept rubbing her wrist. They didn't really hurt but she'd been bothered. And she didn't know how to explain that something was wrong.

Zelena approached her and sat down. "I know. That was very wrong. I'm sorry."

Alice threw bear at the ground. She didn't know what it was she'd done. Obviously something really bad. Alice pulled her legs up to her chest, which Luna wouldn't let her do. Alice liked Luna but she wanted to hide so she put her face in Luna's fur.

"I know you're scared. Hey, do you want to go to the diner or stay here?" Alice nodded. She liked the diner.

"Diner?" Alice voice had returned, luckily. But she was still terrafied. "Sorry."

"I'm not going to be mad at youm" Alice looked at Zelwna and then looked at the IV. Zelena was mad at her. Obviously. She looked at her as she grabbed the IV.

"Alice, you can't do thst. You need that." Zelena wished she could let Alice have what she wanted. But she couldn't. Not this time. And she wasn't sure how to get her to understand. She was trying to find a way to tell Alice thay the iv was good for her but it was difficult. There was no way of knowing if Alice really understood what was being said all lf the time. For the most part, she seemed to. But she also often struggled to make it clear what she wanted.

"Punishment?" Alice was a bit scared of her attempt at this question but it didn't matter.

"It's not a punishment. Does it hurt?" Zelena was worried. Was Alice in pain? The last thing she wanted was to inflict any more pain in Alice's life. Alice shook her head. Zelena hoped that Alice was being honest. She knew that she was very likely to lie to protect herself.

"I didn't mean for it to be a punishment. You didn't do anything wrong. You're not the one that caused that. I promise. You know how you have a hard time drinking?" Alice nodded. She hated drinking. She didn't do it often. "That's helping you do it without having to actually drink. I know it's not very fun. But it's good for you. It's not a punsihment. Not at all." Zelena thought for a mokent. There had to be a way to make the iv some kind of fun. She coulsn't think of one. "You're doing really good having it there right now. Let's go to the diner?"

They drove because the sound the iv pole made was more lf an issue than the car was. They got to the diner and Alice kept messing with the Iv whenever Zelena wasn't watching her.

She caught her doing it. Zelena knew Alice didn't quite know any better and that she was probably confused and scared still.

"Ok thst's gotta stop. I know. I know kt's annoying and you just want it out. But you can't take it out. It'll be better if you leave it alone. You can be done with it a lot sooner if you just leave it alone." Zelena knew that she really needed to get Alice to drink something but could only deal with so many problems at once.

The diner was busier than usual but Alice had her own safe space in the corner of the booth to watch the other people in the diner. A kid was staring at her. Lots of people noticed Luna, but were luckily leaving her alone. Red was rushing around but still made time to greet Alice.

"Hi, Alice. What can I get you?" Alice whispered her order and Red was off, after getting Zelena's order. The little kid that had been staring at her walked up to her. Alice flinched.

"Why do you have a bag of pee?" Zelena didn't manage to contain the laughter.

Alice stared at the kid. What? She did 't. There was a bag of water. And she hated it.

"Notpee," Alice mumbled at him.

"You talk weird," he told her, "puppy!" Alice flinched. And the kid rewched out to pet Luna.

"Nopetsorry."

"Hey, kid. You can't pet the doggy," Zelena articulated Alice's sentiment a fair bit better. Alice nodded.

"Why not," the kid wss a bit whiny but Zelena had grown more patient over the years.

"Because she needs the dog. If you pet her it can cause a problem. And because she said no."

The kid was clearly disappointed but shuffled away.

"Gold job," Zelena praised Alice for trying to stand up for herself. "I knlw you hsve a jard time sating no."

Alice piubted to the iv again. Sje wanted kt gone. If sje was doing glld why vouldnt it just be gone?

Zelena shook her head. "I know. I know it's hard. You've got this. Alice adjusted oddly. She needed to use the bathroom. Again.

"Lunacanigobathroom?" Luna nodded and Zelena offered to go with her but Alice saod she was fine. It was a struggle to get across the diner on her own as she had luna and the iv pole but Luna hrlped a lot with that. Alice got to the hallway. Which one did she go in? Did it matter? Alice stood there for a minute stsring at both doors. There were pictures and words and she ubderstood them but she wasn't sure why the bathrooms were split into twongroups. Did it matter? Why did it matter? Sje really needed to go.

"The ladie's room is right in front of you." Someone said ad they grabbed her shoulder. [What are you doing? Why are you touching me? No no no no.] Alice threw her toy at the ground, which Luna helpfully returned to her.

"Oh you're not blind. Wait what's with the dog thrn?" Alice couldn't deal with this. She sat down and let Luna lay in her lap. She calmed down and Luna encouraged her to stand up and then got her into the bathroom. The stranger has left. Alice looked in front lf her and saw no toilet. How? How did this work?

Someome walked out of one of the stalls and Alice noticed that the toilet was available. She walked into it but Luna cpuls 't fit in there with her and the iv polre. Or even with just her. Luna laid down the best she could outsode of the stall. Alice just left the door open. She couldn't handle doing things without Luna and so this was her solution. Everytjing was fine. She washed her hands and made it back to the table.

"Look food's here," Zelena told her. Alice nodded and ate her food. Zwlena was just glad that she hadn't had to fight with Alice to get her to use a fork. That had been a pretty strong risk gicen everything else, but she'd gotten the hamg of it pretty quickly.

The stranger that had tried to help Alice into the bathroom, assuming she was blind-nkt that Alice knew what that was- was pointing to her while talking to Red. Alice wanted to knlw what she was saying, but couldn't.

Red walked over. "That woman wanted me to check on you. Are you okay?" Alice nodded. "Alright. Good."

"Don'tlikethis." Alice whispered.

"I know," Red told her.

"Whatdididowrong?"

Red glanced at her. Alice believed she'd done something wrong. She tried to reassure her. "Nothing. You're doing really good."

Alice stared at her. She was being punished. There was always some reason. Even if Alice didn't remember the exact thing she did. Even if she didn't remember doing it. There was always some reason. She threw bear, getting frustrated at the fact she was dealing with something she hated and no one had told her what she's done.

"I know," red comforted.

Alice shook her head. No she didn't! No one got it. No one understood. She stared at the table and knocked over the cup she could reach.

Zelena sighed. That had been intentional. "Alice," Zelena couldn't say no. She couldn't scold her. But Archie had said she needed boundaries. Which were useless when there was no way to enforce them. Alice looked up at her. "That doesn't belong to you. You can't throw it." Zelena really hoped that would work. And hoped it didn't destroy Alice in the process.

"Sorrysorrysorry." Alice curled up.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Zelena told her. "I know..i know you're having a really hard day." Alice nodded. Alice didn't believe Zelena. She had hurt her. She had allowed her to be hurt. Alice rubbed her wrist again. Would that happen again? Was it going to happen soon? Alice shook her heqd quikcly.

"Hey, it's okay," Zelena offered. Alice was terrafied. What would happen?

"Don'tmakemegoanywhere." Red was srill closw wnough alice could beg her to stop wjqt she tbkughtbwas going to happen. She grabbed rhe iv again. She hated it. And shebwas already in so much trouvle wjat was one moew bad action? And pulled it out. Again.

Zelena saw her do that. And saw the blood stwrting to come out lf her arm.

"Alice, you need to stop doing that." Alice sat there. She didn't care anymore. This was her life now. "Come on. We need to go to the doctor."

Alice's reaction to that was fairly predictable at this point for Zelena..but not for most of the other diners. Alice grabbed what she could easily grab and threw it at the ground. Shakinf and apologizing for most lf it. The noise of glass breaking upsetting her further.

Zelena was mouthing her apologies to other diners for the scene Alice was making every so often but most of her attention was on Alice.

"Alice, I know it's scary. I know it's not fun. But this isn't going to stop you needing to go to the doctor. And it's not going to make me want to hurt you."

Alice nodded and held the plate she'd intended to throw. The diner was a bit of a mess.

"It's fine," red promised when Zelena glanced at what the floor looked like.

"Can you please give red the plate?" Zelena asked. Alice nodded and gave it to her. They went to the doctor. Alice waa terrafied. She was sitting shaking. The bandage on her arm getting most of her attention. And Zelena sitting flipping through a very small book taking the remainder. She used to be better at controlling herself. She wasn't sure why she was having such a hard time lately. She never would have thrown anything in front of mother. But she'd done so ms y other thingd to anger her. She constsntly cleaned when she probably shouldn't have been. But her actions had had actual consequences in the tower. And she hadn't felt that kimd of real pain since she'd met Zelena. She'd hated it but it had been all she'd ever known. And no matter how jard she'd tried it hadn't gone away. And she didn't understand. Sje'd hated being hurt but she'd known what mother expected of her. Zelena kept changing her exoectstions..or not having any clesr rules. Or sonfew that Alice wasn't even sure they mattered. Her life had been completly governed by mother and Zelena refused to so much as tell her what to eat. The decisions she had to make for everything were sometimes exhausting. She'd never in her life decided snytjing beyond where to sit when mother was willing to let her pick. and she jad two places to choose from. Now? She could bsrely remember all of thr cjooces she had for every little thing. Everyone narrowed it fown for her and gsve her a smaller amount lf choices to work with but it still soketimes gor overwhelming..

A nurse came in. It wasn't Ryan. And Alice clesrly had a biggdr issue with this njrse than mlst lf the others.

She apologized to her. Glancing at Zelena.

"Alice, she's just going to put the iv back in. That's it. It's not going to hurt. When she finsihes we can play a game?" Alice caved to what she was asked to do and decided she'd try to fal alseep after.

"Ok, you clearly won't stop messong wkth the Iv so I need to ekther sedate or restrain you." Zelena heard this and looked up from the magazine she was hakf heartedly flipping through to make herdelf seem like less lf a threat.

"You will nlt dp either of those things," Zelena told the njrse. "Alice, i won't let her do that."

"I need to." The nurse pulled out something and Zelena stood up and took the plastic zip restraint out of her hand.

"I said no. Alice, never again. You will neber habe to go through that agsin. I promkse. Look, ot's going in the gabrage. No one will chain you up every again."

Alice stared at Zelena. She waan't letting someone else hurt her. She wasn't hurting her. She'd never had anyone protect her before. No one had ever done that for her. She didn't understand it. But it felt different then what she was used to. And all she was used to was pain. So she waan't sure what to think lf it but she didn't hate it.

The nurse shuffled off.

Alice grabbed at the kv again. Zelena had said she wouldn't be restrained anymkre. But sje was.

"It's helping you feel better. Hopefully." Zelena thought for a while..what was the issue with it? There had to be a way to ease how much that botjered her. "I know you don't like it. You want to drse or do somethinf else?"

Alice nodded. "Draw."

"Okay.'

Ryan's shift had started and he came in when he noticed Alice was there again.

"Yiu've had a rough day, yeah?"

Alice nodded but didn't really look up from her drawing.

"Is it the iv itself that bothers you?" Ryan asked. "Or do you just not like what it's connected to?"

Alice stared at him then gkanced at zelena. She didnt want to talk, terrsfied of the consewjwnces and so grabbed at the pole.

"I have an idea. What if we put it in a backpack or something?"

Alice didnt knlw what a backpacknwas. "Something that wouldn't make sound."

"That sounds like a pretty good idea," Zelena said. Alice was drawing and thinking. She nodded.

"Okay." Ryan came back with a yellow backpack. "You like yellow don't you," alice nodded.

Ryan grabbed the bag lf saline. "Okay carefully, i'm going to put it in this bag. And then you can just wear it. And you won't be stuck to anyhing. Does that make it better?"

Alice nodded. "Is kr okay if I touch ypur arm ro make sure youbget tjis on ok?" Alice nodded.

"See, all better. And you can put drawing stuff in there too. If you want."

Alice wasn't sure about it yet but didn't hate it as much so far.

"Ok, yoy did great," ryan tpld her and offered her a sticker, ahich she took.

Then her and zelena went home.

Alice could move without making a lot of sound again. It wasn't perfect but it was better. Alie went to bed not too long later but had spent less time trying to mess ektj the iv. Sje srill didn't like it but removing the fact it was loud had made it a lot more tolerable.


	28. Chapter 28

Alice woke up the next morning. She'd slept a lot better and wasn't jarred awake by the sound something made as she moved. It made her feel better knowing that she could actually be quiet. She didn't like making noise. It'd always gotten her in so much trouble. Alice winced. When she was in trouble, she had to deal with pain. Sometimes it didn't hurt that badly but sometimes it was awful and it didn't feel like it'd ever end. Even when she knew ir had to. Mother had had her limits. She'd hated her. But she had made it clear she'd never kill her. Alice had only the fact that the pain could only get so bad before she'd get a break to get her through it. Alice readjusted in her fort, trying to fold some of her blankets a little differently. It had been her way of making sure she had a space in the tower. She'd liked folding the blankets. It was the same as mother organizing her potions vials. She'd been allowed one small comfort in the tower and she was glad it hadn't been taken away. She tried not to let herself think the words [like everythin else.] But they came anyway. She was still struggling to figure out how her life was supposed to work now. How things were meant to be. She'd understood her life before.

Zelena came to check on her and saw Alice folding one of her blankets. This wasn't new but Zelena was glad that Alice was back to trying to do the smallest of things again. She'd stopped doing a lot since the iv had gone in. Likely because the noise bothered her.

"Are you feeling better?" Zelena asked.

Alice nodded. "That's good." It was time for yet another visit with archie. This one was scheduled for the morning. Zelena hadn't managed to pry any kind of porefence on that out of Alice. Not from lack of trying. It was possible Alice genuinely didn't care about a lot of things, but it was far more likely that she was afraid of saying the wrong thing so instead chosr to say nothing at all when asked what she liked better. "We're going to see archie today."

Alice nodded. She lijed Archie. She liked kt better when he came over but she didn't bother trying to say that. Alice looked at Zelena for a second.

"Do you want to est at th table or in your room today? Or somewhere else?"

"Table." Zelena was gladthat Alice had at least started to be able to handle choices better. At first it had taken her time to think through what Zelena probably wajted to jear, but she'd started to appear less reliant on that and go woth what Alice wanted. It was a small improvement, but every little bit was important. She hadn't been allowed to be anything outside of what she'd been told to be for so long. So muvh as having a prefence was proof that maybe just maybe the damage wasn't completely irreversible.

"Ok, thank you for telling me that. Go ahead."

Alice got up and went into the kitchen and sat in the seat she always sat in.

"Do you want something specific for breakfast?" Zelena offered once she'd gotten into the kitchen as well. Alice shook her head. She didn't really care.

"Do you want cereal lr eggs?"

Alice said she wanted eggs. They were less messy. And they were just in the fridge. There were lots of boiled eggs in the fridge. Alice liked them but hadn't said that.

Zelena got Alice's breakfast ready for her. Thinking about the fact Alice was unwilling to get her own food. She'd been so guilted out of taking care of herself in any way her mothe hadn't approved of. Zelena tried not to dwell on the what ifs of Alice's childhood. But they haunted her. And she didn't even have the full story. She couldn't imagine the kind of awful things in Alkce's mind, reminding her to follow rules she never should have had in the first place. Zelena had known evil. Had known the hatred of someone that had been meant to care for her. But she had never seen evil like that of Alice's mother. And it bothered her.

Zelena set a cup of water on the table as well. Maybe Alice would try it. For right now there was something doing that for her. Zelena really hoped Alice would eventually drink on ber own but she wasn't so sure that would ever happen. The amount of effort it was taking to reverse what she'd been taught was suprising. And it proved that Alice's mother had gone completly out of her way to make sure Alice was uncomfortable and in pain. Zelena doubted the woman actually had any good reasons but she knew she likely had given Alice the reasons. Alice most definitely believed what she'd gone through was appropriate. Or even that she deserved it. And when everything Alice did was ekther something she needed permissionn for or a punishment, it was incresinly difficult to explain to jer that Zelena avtually cared about her. She didn't ubderstand that. She barely understood her own needs. Zelena wasnt sjre why this had happened. And she felt guiltu for nlt stopping it sooner. But it had happened. And she hadn't managed to find Alice before the damage was done. But she was going to damn well try to fix it.

Alice finished eating and was petting Luna. She was ompeltly ignoring the cup of water. Zelena wasn't going to push her. It was already a day where she'd have to go and do things. And be around people that didn't always understand that she wasn't going to talk to them. That she wasn't going to understand certain things that everyone else understood.

Zelena refocused her attention to her. "Clean," Alice held up her empty plate. Zelena nodded.

"You can clean that, if you want to." Alice nodded. She did want to so those words didn't bother her as much as they did when they were used as a trap to get her to refuse to do something mother didn't actually mean to give her a choice in.

Alice got up and did what she wanted then paused for a moment, unsure of what she wanted to do next. Or what she was supposed to be doing. Alice sat down. Zelena noticed this.

"It's okay," Alice nodded. She wasn't upset. Just didn't really know what to do next. Zelena had daid thry were going somewhere.

"Go?" Oh, right. Zelena had told Alice what the plan was for the day.

"Yes, do you need to go to the bathroom first or do you not?"

Alice nodded. "Ok. Go ahead."

Alice did and then used Luna to come back.

"Okay, good. Are you ready?"

Alice shook her head.

"What're we missing?"

"Robin." Zelena nodded. Robin was probably still asleep but she could try tonsee if she wanted to come. Zelena knew that it wasn't anything personal that Alice didn't want to be alone with her. She was sure that in Alice's mind Robin was just safer. She'd lilkely ben the first person outside of her mother to interact with her. And she was also her own age. Or close to it. So however Alice believed that worked, she probably saw Robin as less threatening. Robin woke up and threw clothes on because there really waan't enough tine for a shower and they headed out.

Robin sar in the backseat with alice talking to her.

They got to Archie's office and Alice found a place to sit and she was a lot less upset now that the iv bag was inside something that didn't make any sound. And took up a lot less space.

She still fiddled with the needle, not rewlly trying tontake it out anymore but still trying tonexpress that she wanted to know when it wouldn't be in her arm anymore.

Zelena came over and talked to her. Telling Alice not to mess with the needle had only resulted in frustration for everyone. Maybe if she tried to find sonething else for her to do. Archie had said that it was better to redirect Alice's behavior than to use words that would make it seem like Alice was doing something wrong the last time they'd talked.

Alice had dropped bear while she was messing ekth the iv. Zelena picked him up and offered Alice the toy. Reminding her that bear had lots of little tassles and things to tug on.

"Do you want to play with bear or do something else?" Zelena offered. Alkce nlddedd and took the toy back.

"Thankyou."

"You're welcome."

Alice kept glancing at Zelena until she moved away and then she played with bear. It'd gotten her to leave the iv alone for a bit without upsetting her. Ok, zelena was certain archie was a genius even if his credentials were kind of faked.

Archie came to get Alice. Usuallg a nurse would come and walk a patient back but no one had been willing to risk that yet. Alice was no wjere near ready to go anywhere with anyone she didn't know on jer own. Even if it was just down one smàll hallway.

Archie and Alice both entered the office.

"Okay, we're going to play with some cups, ok?" Alice nodded. Play meant it'd be a game. Or a toy. And those things were fun. Archie had set a few cups up on the floor. If he framed it as a game mayve Alice would at the very least intwrqct with the idea lf drinking. But maybe she wouldn't. And if he framed it as a game she'd be far less likely to panic and refuse to so muvh as blink.

Alice wasn't scared of cups. She didn't like what was usually inside them. But these were empty. There was one bottle of water with a lid on it nearby as well.

"You can touch them if you want," archie offered. "You don't hsve to."

Alice looked at them. She didn't really care to mess with them. She went bsck to playong woth bear.

"Ok. That's fine. Do you like any of thr cups?" Archie had no idea how this would ever work if she wouldn't even touch an empty cup. That iv was looking more and more like it'd be a permanant part of her life. But no one wanted that. Especially not Alice.

"I'm not going to make you touch it. Just do you like any of them?"

Alice shook her head. They were just cups. Liquid went in, and then sometimes she had a really bad day. And mother got very angry when she made a mess. She'd explained what being sick was. And told Alice to control it. To make sure she never threw up anywere besides the bathroom but she wasn't allowed to move unless mother said it was okay and if she opened her mouth to ask it wasusually too late. Alice flinched. [I'm not drinking. Do not drink the water.]

"You're okay," Archie comforted. Was Alice genuinely that scared of just a couple of cups from his kitchen? That was not a good sign.

Alice nodded. Archie decided this course of action was never going to get them anywjwre. Whatbwas wrong with drinking? Why did Alice hate it so much? She'd done it a few times but that had been when told she had to. It'd been months and somehow alice hadn't drank a lot. Granted some of the food she ate had liquid in it but that was the closet thing to drinking she'd do unless forced.

"Do you want to draw or something else?"

Alice nodded. "Draw."

"Ok can i ask you to draw something or do you want to pick?"

Archiebwas rrally hoping shr picked letting him choose but it was not the time to force her.

"You."

"Ok. What's wrong with the cups? Ca you draw why the bother you?" Archie asked as he habded alkxe drawing supplies

Alice nodded and stsrted drawing. She finished after a little while and then let Archie see it. .

She had no problem tellong Archie how her mother trested her. There was nothing wrong eith it. Sje just didn't knkw hoe to explain Wht did Archie have so many questions? Hadn't he been throughbthe same thing? He had pongo! And pongo was a dog. And dogs helped people that needed help. And that was if you'd been hurt. So archie had been too and he asked so many questions. Why? It didn't make any sense! He should knlw the answers! Alice was uoset and overthinking. Archie had said she could touch the cups. And if thry weren't near her he couldn't make her drink out of them. She picjed one up,

"Goo_" Archie's priase was cut off by the emoty cuo hittong the wall. He was glad he'd broighr plastic omes instead lf glass.

"Hey, hey. You don't have to do that. We can talk about what's wrong," he tried to comfort her.

[Stop asking me things! I don't know! I'm sorry! I can't do this! I don't like this! Please stop!] Alice picked up another cup and threw it. Archie wished she'd scream, but every time she was uoset she destiryed her surroundings but never actually sakd wjat was wrong. And it had to be incredinly lonely to even at your most emotional, not be able to exoress why you were upset.

She was throwing things and ir could be anything. There was no way to know if she was upset about the way something felt or looked or if she was in agonizing pain. She'd react the same. The moment she got wmotional enough to want tonexpress it, she didn"t have a real outlet. Not one that would provide her with any real solution motnof the time. And that was around people that were willing to listen. Around her mother? Alice had probably not had much in the way of being able tonsay she was upset. Archie tried to calm alice down. Trying tonredirect her to other less dwstructive activites but she wasn't having it.

"Hey, hey. Alice look at me, please." She did.

"I know somethings wrong. I get it. I know you think you hsve to do thst to make sure whatever it is is okay. But you don't. I think i fiugred out thebdrswing. And I' sorry thst happened to you. I'm sorry youbwere in pain. Can you please put thrbcup down?"

Alice npdded and set it down.

"You think the water is going ro makw youbsick, don't tou?" Archie had looked at the draeing. Clearly Alice thought something in water made her sick. That didn't mean it actually had but she associating the water with getting sick. And from the way alice acted ablut everything else, it had likely often ended in her being hurt for things she couldn't control. Eother she just associating water with that pain or it had actually caused it. Eother way, convinging her that it was safe might take some time.

Alice nodded. "And that you'll grt in trouble when you make a mess youbcan't help but make?"

Aloce nodded. It'd happened before. It had been awful. She'd stopped being willing to drink after a while. And Archie wouldn't force her to do anything so she didn't plan to go anywhere near the water. Mother would demand she did. But Archie didn't behave the same way. [Please don't start now.] Alice really hoped Archie wouldn't.

Archie knew he likely didn't want to hear the ajswer to the next quration he had. But he couldn't really go frward with a plan unless he knew what the problem was. "Why do you think it will make you sick?"

Direct question. Alice looked down. She felt reaponsible for every single had hurt her.

"Motherspotions." Alice pulled a bit away. Feelijg guilty for so much as sitting in the room with Archie now. "Andifimadeamesspunishment."

Archie managed to keep his emorions flat. "That'll never happen again."

Alice stared at him. It didn't matter. She still worried it would.

"Do you think you can drink just a little of the water if i promise i've not opened this bottle. I can't have possibly put anything in it. You don't have to." Archie waa not risking Alice believing she had to do this. Clearly that had ended badly for her before.

Alice warched thebwater bottle warily. She didn't really bekieve archie. She knew he said he wouldn't hurt her. But red was the only person she fully believed on that one.

"I'll drink some too?" Alice nodded. Mother wouldn't make herself sick too. She wouldn't dare miss the market. Archie wpuldn't want tonget sick either, would he? Qrchie poured the samllest amount ofnwater in alice's cup. This was her decision. It had to be her decision. Alice looked at the watsr it didn't looknweird. And kt didn't smell weird. She tooknthe smallest sip of it. It went down ok. And now she waited. If she was going tonget sick kt'd hut her within tjr jext few minutes. She didn't. She didn't feel sick.

"Hey great job!" Archie all but threw a parade for this. But how exactly zelena would be able tonreplicate ir was a new pronblem. Archie let alkce pick ojt some candy and a aticket. And then it was time for her to go back to zelena.

They went to the wisting eoom and zelena came over to talk to them.

"She's a lottle hopped up on sugar, but did managed ro drink a bit of water."

Alice showed up Robin her sticker. She liked these. And had them sruck all ober the wall of her corner. She liked looking at them. They weree pretty. And they meant she was doing gold at sometjhing. The more of thrm she had, the less she felt like she was going to be hurt. But sje still feared that.

Zelena's eyes wwnt kinda wide. "Gold job, Alice. Do you wwnt to go to the diner?" Alice nodded. She liked the favt everyone was telling her she'd done good. But the water was still scary. She wasn't sure she could do it again. And archie hadn't told zelena about the bad part of their visit. She'd throen almost all of the cuos. And she wasn't sure she'd apologized. Alice didn't get it. Why was that being ignored. Maybe he'd just tell jer later? Alice pet luna and reached for her harness to hold onto as she lost her footing on the ground a little. Mother had always called her clumsy. But the reality was that every muslce needed for balancing and walkimg had been weakened over years od not being used and from being knocked over when she was managing to stand.

They headed to the diner after zelena checked if that's what Alice wanted to do and sat in their usual booth. Zelena would talk with Archie later.


	29. Chapter 29

Archie and Zelena were meeting. Alice was at home with Robin.

"How did you grt her to drink?" Zelena asked.

"Drank some of it too. Promised I'd not opened the bottle before then."

"What?"

"She said, or really implied that her motjer put potipns in her rink and then got mad kf she mad e a mess when she got sick from it."

Zelena didn't exactly restrain herself from calling Alice's mother a series of vulgaraities that time.

"Yeah. So, maybe she'll drink fro you if you just use water bottles and show her that you're willing to drink from them."

Zelena sighed and rubbed her temples. "I swear every time we solve one issue another one shows up or we create another."

"Maybe we should all meet and talk about what we know about what her childhood was like. You, me, robin, amd the nurse that seemed to avtually manage to get along ekth her."

"She actually talks to red, maybe ww should invite her too? I can get henry to stay with her. She likes him for the most part." For the most part. Alice really was scared of just ablut everyone. It wasn't her fault, Zelene knew. She wasn't trying to be difficult. But she had been shown that she couldn't trust people not to hurt her. So she did what she could to avoid it. The fact that what she did to avoid being hurt wasn't neccesarily the best way to behave wasn't her doing.

They finalized the details and Zelena headed back to the house. They'd meet in about a week omce they figured out a good time for everyone to meet.

Zelena was offering Alice water. She was follwing Archie's suggestions. But Alice srill seemed hestitant. But not really any mlre hesitant than she normally was.

Alice stared at Zelena. She didn't like drinking. But she could handle it. It was okay. The way Zelena was offering the water to her was the only way she trusted it was safe. She'd drank some since living with zelena. And it hadn't bothered her much at first. She didn't know why it had started to be a problem again. But she understood fear. And she understood that usually of she was afraid of something it was because somehow it had caused her pain before.

Zwlena poured a little wqter into a cup and drank sone out lf the bottle. Alice took it, a bit shakily. Holding the cup seemed to be a bit difficult but she managed.

"Good job. That's glld. Do you want anymlre or not?" Alice ignlred the quesrion for a second. Still half expecting to suddenly not feel well. When she didn't she shook her head.

Zelena would take what she could get. Alice would only drink so much at a time for then. But that was less of a problem than her completly refusing to drink. It was still a problem. The iv had to stay in until she could drink on her own. Well, mostly. No one expected Alice to do anything without some encouragement. She needed that for now.

The next few days repeated a fairly nromal routine. Now Zelena had started to include offering Alice water. And she was willing to drink it only if Zelena drabk some too. And if she saw her open the bottle. Othereise it was immeidstly discarded ot igbored. Whivh had been interesting to find out.

Alice had been sitting and drawing in thr living room. Which was a change. Zelena had brought a small cup of water to her. Not really thinking much of it. She was still going to drink some if Alice wanted that. Alice had glanced at the cup and then at Zelena.

[I don't want that.]

Alice hadn't gotten in trouble foe throwing the cuos away from her at archie's. So she was pretty sure she was allowed to throw this cup. She picked it up.

"Goo_" Zelena was cut off by Alice throwing the cup at thr wall. Really?

"Alice, I know you don't like it. But you were doing so gold with it what happened?"

Alice ignored Zelena for a second, tugging on the tassles on bear. She thought this was okay. It wasn't as bad as other things she'd done around Zelena, at the very least. But an apology was always something she'd offer. Even when she didn't know what she'd done wrong. It seemed to help.

"Sorry."

Zelena knew Alice would say that no matter what.

"I know. It's okay. But why did you throw thr cup?" Zelena wasn't sure that was a good question. Alice may bot have even understood why she did what she did. It could have easily felt like she was telling her she'd done something wrong. And that was reserved solely for things that did need to be stopped immediatly.

Alice sat with her thoughts for a moment. She'd thrown it so she wouldn't have to drink it. But would Zelena make her do it anyway if she explained? Alice tried anyway.

"Don'tdrinksorry."

"You threw it so you wouldn't have to drink?" Zelena questioned. Alice used the word don't the most. She seened to ubderstand that one the best when she tried to talk. Zelena knew that Alice had probably been told not to do things so much she thought that word was useful in every context.

Alice nodded. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I know you're scared. But I'm not going to hurt you. I won't do that."

Alice nodded. She still didn't trust it.

"You don't have to drink right now."

Alice didn't dislike the water itself anymore. As long as she knew it was safe. It didn't taste bad. And her iv seemed to take less time whenever she did manage to drink water. Maybe thos things were unrelsted but she'd connected them in her mimd and wanted to drink so the iv wouldn't have anything going into thr needle at times. She really wanted the iv gone but doubted that was soon.

The iv was actually pumping less water the more she drank. Some kijd of enchantment that ensjred she didn't get either dehydrated or have too much liquod in jer system..the latter was mlst deintley not going to happen anytime soon.

Alice shook jer head. She did want water. "Want."

"You want some water or you don't want it?" Alice nodded.

"Ok." Zelena went i to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle and a new cup. The bottle had alrwady been opened, there was no point in opening a new one.

She poured thw ater into thr cup.

"Is this better?" Zelena was pretty sure that it was fine. Alice saw her pouring rhe water in. That was most likely the peiblem.

Alice nodded. It wasn't what she wanted but it was better. She stared at the water bottle that had clearly been opened before. How easy would it have been to put something in it when Alice hadn't been looking? Alice took the cup and stared at it.

"Ylu can drink it if you want, you don't habe to."

Alice didn't want this water either. She tjrew it away from her and apologized. She didn't know how to explain what was wrong with it. And she was afraid she'd give Zelena ideas of how to punish her.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and pressed her face into them. She mumbled something akin to an apology.

"It's okay. I'm going to go pick up thst cup and out this away. It's fine if you don't wwnt the ewter, that's okay. Let me pick that up and then we can figure out what you want..ok?"

Alice half nodded. She did want it! But not the way zelena was giving it to her. She didn't like how much she felt that things had ro be done a certain way.

"Iwant."

Zelena looked at her. "Ok. I know you want something. I don't know what."

"Water."

"Ok?" Zelena offered Alice the water bottle. Which alice threw away from her. Zelena held in a sigh. Alice was trying to get something from her. Which was great. But even when Alice wanted things and was willing to say she wanted them she still had to deal with the limits Alice had been given over time. And even thoigh she'd made a lot of progress she still had the instict to resort to throeing things around to explain her issue..if she didn't like something she would throw it away from her. If she was agaraid she'd throw anything nesr her. If she was upset she'd clutch her tiy as tight as possoble until she saw it fit to throw it.

"Sorry." And she did apologize for her tendency to become somewhat violent. And she didn't hurt anyone. But it was still worrying.

Zelena decided to grab another water bottle, not that she had any chpice and brought it in along with a new cup.

"Ok, let's try this again," Zelena opened the bottle and the seal made a aloght sound when it broke.

"Good." Alice whispered under her breath. She liked that sound. "Sorry."

"You're okay. You can talk." Alice nodded but stayed silent. Zelena poured a little of thevwatwr into a cup and drank some from the bottle. She handed it to Alice. Really hoping she wouodn't throw it. Alice said thank-you and drank it.

"Tgat's really good. Do you wany more or not any more?"

Alice shook her head and went back to drawing.

Zelena spent most of the days leading up to their planned meeting going over with all of Alice's habits she could think might come up with henry. And that endeavor doubled as a lost to take to the meeting with archie to try to work out a more concrete plan to see what really needed to be worked on the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any suggestions for that meeting drop them in the comments.


	30. Chapter 30

Zelena was rrady to go meet eithbArchie and the otjers. She just had to explain to Alice that she'd be gone for a little while. Zelena felt bad leaving Alice at home, but the meeting was going to be mostly about what rhey'd poeced together about how Alice had been treated. And any one bad phrasing of that could easilt set Alice back months of the progress she'd made lesrning how to handle things. It would just cause issue after issue to make her sit through everhone discussing the different ways they thoight her mother may have hurt her. But it still was difficult tonleave her zelena knew Alice didn't trust her but she did see her as the main authority figure and to Alice that was just as important if not mlre so than trust

Zelena approsched Alice who was sitting with her back to the couch playing with her light up toy Arxhie had given her.

"That looks fun."

Alice nodded.

"Henry's coming over today." Alice nodded. She liked Henry. He didn't feel as threatening as everyone else did. He srill scared her but pretty much everyone scared her. "I'm going to be gone for a few hours and he'll be here. It'll be fun."

Alice nodded, still mostly engrossed in the lights. "Ok." Zelena stayed seating near Alkce for a little while. She wanted to connect with her. But Alice still saw her as a threat more often then not and so anytime Zelena stayed too long Alice would ignore whatever it was she wanted to be dling in favor of glancing her eyes over at Zelena.

Henry walked into the living room with his hands full of board gsmes before Alkce got too botheDee d by Zelena's orsence.

"I brought ganes," hnery told alice. "And you can choose of you want."

Alice nodded. She didn't knkw hoe to play every game hnery had, shw didnt think. But sje was interested.

Zelena and Robin left and henry sat down a lkttle away from Alice. Who picjed up jer lighr up to and shkwed henry that it blinked when she hit buttons.

"That's cool. Csn i try?"

Alkce nodded. Henry did and aloce stared at the flashing lights. She liked them. They were quiet so she could still listen for danger and the box felt nice. It was a bit rough and she didn't think she could throw it easily but she had bear sat in her lap if she needed to throw anything. She really hoped she could just sit and play with her toy but that rarely happened. She got scared so easily. She was constantly worried.

"It's quiet in here." Henry said after a little while. Alice startled a little but was fine otherwise.

Alice liked the quiet. If she was quiet enough she could be forgotten. And as long as she didn't need anything, she'd rather be forgotten.

Alice nodded.

Henry kept talking every so often and Alice mostly ignored him.

"Do you want to play a game or do something else?"

Alice stared at him for a bit. She would if that's what hwnry wanted to do. But he was asking and she was trying to answer questions a little better. It was really scary to do. She never knew if talking would be met with anger that she'd done so but lately she got mlre praise for it than she got punished. She really really hoped henry wouldn't hurt her. Was he allowed to? That was a question to ask Red the next time she saw her.

"Game." Alicd braced herself and her wince was visble.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Henry reminded her. He'd heard Zelena say that dozens of times. Alice needed to be told she wasn't in danger. And her fear wasn't something that could be scolded away. Nothing she did really was. "Do you want to pick or should I?"

Alice nodded. Henry had a stack of games. She'd seen a few before but had only played with cards and the checkers set.

Alice pointed to the game she wanted to play and henry set it up.

"Do you know how to play?"

Alice nodded. Robin had taught her. She had liked the game but had hated how loud Robin was at the end of it. Hopefully henry wouldn't be as loud.

Thry played the game. Alice taking far longer to choose where to move her pieces but still doing it. This went on for most lf the day u til aloce got tired and curled up to take a nap in her cornwr after asking luna if she could. She'd apologized ro henry a few times when she'd asked luna a question in front of him but other than that their day went well.


	31. Chapter 31

The meeting had been exhausting. But it had needed to be done. There had been some debate on some details. They just couldn't know everytjing for certain. Unless they asked. And in Archie's mostly professional oppinion he said that trying to urge Alice to talk about it too much could easily backfire and make her close off even more. And that wasn't a risk they could afford to take. She was just barely able to function some days and needed a very specific type of help.

Everyone ekse had left but Zelena had decided ro scedule a theroay session with Archie. She was still feeling guilty and dejected about how much pain Alice had gone through.

"She doesn't even look me in the eye," Zelena started. She would look at Zelena at leaat but then she'd dart her eyes away quickly and stare at the wall or Zelena's hands and the fear she had was so obvious it could be felt in the air.

"She's scared. It's going to take a while before she isn't."

"It just feels like she'll never stop being afraid of everything."

In all honesty, that was a possibility. But she could get better. "She probably won't stop being afraid of some things. But she'll get better and less afraid. She's trying. We know she's trying to do what shw thinks you want her to do. We just have to bw really patient and very gentle ablut it. We didn't think she'd ever move from one spot in ykur house but she's doing that. And she's drinking. Not oerfectly but she's doing it. Just takes time.:"

Archie's words provided plenty of confort and Zelena headed back to the house.

Alice and henry had moved at some point and were in the kitchen. Alice was eating a cookie. Oh. Hnry must've bakeded.

"How was your day?"

Alice nodded her head, slightly acknlwledging Zelena's presence but didn't know how to respond to the question. And wasn't certain who Zelena was talking to. She kept quiet, hoping it wouldn'f anger Zelena but otherwise ignored her.

Zelena noticed that Alice made no effort to akswer the queation. She was getting better at willingly ignoring people. It was better than her being afraid to breathe in the same room as zelena without apologinzing for it.

"We had fun," Henry told her. "I baked cookies."

Henry had tried to get Alice to help since she seemed to like cooking but she hadn't been willing to do that without Zelena.

Zelena came and sat doen across from alkce.

"Glad you had fun."

Alice stared at her. Ok. Can I go to my room now?

Alice glanced at the bumber od people around her. And thiugbt for a moment. Just ask luna. It's okay. Remember? Alice flinched bur asked luna if she could go to her room and did.

Henry sat where she'd been sitting.

"Did it acruallt go well?" Zelena asked. Ready for the news that Alice hadn't been able to handle something. That she'd spent the day despratlet trying to adjust somethibg that henry had no way of knlwing he wasn't doing in a way that she liked but not having any way to explain that she was unconfortable. It happened farily often. She'd panick and try to tolerate things but it seemed she jjst couldn't. It waan't her fault. Everything around her was a changing thing. Kn her mind she'd lost everything she'd ever known. Archie said she probably missed it sometimes. Zelena wished she could make her feel better but she couldn't. She wanted something that she didn't ubderstand hadn't been good for her.

"Yeah. She did great. Played board games and shw watched me bake. Barely spoke or did much lf anything outside lf that but got through pretty well."

Rlbin renetered the house as henry was leaving.

"Rough nkghr?" Zelena asked as Rovin was outting her stuff away, clearlt in a bad mood.

"A bit. This guy would nlt stop hittong on me. But handled it."

Alkce titlted jer head. Robin seemed alice didn't remeber the word. But she knew the feeling. Being hit hurt. It really hurt. She knew hoe to handle it. Did Robin have a way she handled it? She'd never seen Zelena hurt her. But that didn't mean it didn't happen before she'd met Robin. But Robin didn't deserve it. At least in Alice's mind that made sense.

Robin went to greet Alice but tried to seem as unthreatening as possible. Alice was always in a cautious state, worried that at any moment someone would hurt her.

Alice didn't want Robin to be hurt. But it had already happened. She wanted her to feel better. She was used to conforting herself with whatever haooened to be closest to her. Maybe Robin wanted the same thing? Alice didn't really know what else to do but tried anyway.

Alice reached one lf rhe blankets to robin.

"Thank-you. But what's this for?" Robin asked as she was sitting down. Alice liked the blankets and had nonreason to want it anywhere else.

Alice just wanfed Robin to feel better. She understood what pain felt like. And she didn't like sesing people hurt. She didn't fully give herself the same benefit.

"Feelbetter."

"I feel fine, but okay."

Alice shook her head. "Hurt?"

"I'm nof going to judt you." Robin knew Alice struggled the mlst when she tried to talk to people or do something that in her mind she wasn't certsin she was allowed to do. But she was trying. And it seemed like she was trying to do something speicific. Even if what she was trying to acheive wasn't clear.

Alice shook her head. No. Robin was hurt. "You'rehurt."

"I'm not hurt. But thank you." Was Alice trying to comfort her? That was nice.

Alice titlted her head. "Hit." Robin had said dhe was hit. Alice understood that. She knew what that felt like. She just wanted to help make sure Robin didn't feel as alone as she always had. Robin had made her feel better. She'd made the pain just a little mlre bearbale. She was trying to help. Why wasn't she letting her?

Robin tjough for a minjte. Oh she'd jesrd her when she came in. It was a reasoable misunderstanding but it was sad to know Alice had assund the worst. But she was trying to cofnort her.

"It hurts. It's okay. It'll stop before youbstsrt bkeeding." Robin blinked. Alice jad just offered up mlre informstion on her own. A gentle nudge in the direction of answering the smallest question might get them an answer about something.

"Why?"

"Can'thurttoomuchor mother woild be stuck in the tower." Alice pulled into herself a bit more after this sentence. She didn't think there was anything wrong with the fact she was hurt hut she felt guility that she'd never managed to be good enough to avoid it.

That's what the blood magic jad been for. Her mother had used her for her freedom and then had had the aidacity to hurt her for doing anything she hadn't liked.

"Well i lromkse i'm okay. No one hurt me. And no one's going to hurt you." Robin tried to send that reminder into aloce's brain hoping maybe sje'd get it.

She went ro hand alice her balnekt back but aloce wouldn't take it back.

"Soft. Good. Goaway."

Alright.

Robin went into the kitchwn with the piece of fabric in tow not rrqlly sure what to do with it.

"Why do you have that?"

"Alice kvsrheard me say a guy hit on me and thought i was hurt and told me to take it. And she sakd the tower kept her peisoner so her mother wouodn't be stuck there. She didn't say it thqt well but yeah."

Zelena hated this wktch with a passion. But alice was talking about what went on in the tower. Even kf only a loftle..so that was progress. And she did have some kind of emotion beyond fear. That she was showing. She was trying to make sure Robin felt okay. And while she defintely didn't knl how to do thst she'd found a way to try.

Zelena called Archie to twll him about the newest development.

"She conforted robin when she thoight shebwas hurt."

They talked about that for a while.

Thr next day robin went back to the corner to return the blanket. She wasn't sure if alice wanted it back or not.

"Better?"

Robin nodded. "Yeah, but I wasn't hurt. Just a littlw upset. No one hurt me and no one will. And nmwe're not going to let anyone hurt you either. Promise. Thank you for letting me use this."

Alice titled her head. It didn't matter. She haf soubded...uosst thst was the word. Robin had seemed upset and so she needed to feel better and Alice didn't know any otheebway to do that.

"Ididn'tlikebeinghurt."

Robin nodded. Yeah. That defintley had to be hard.

"I know."

Luna laid in Alice lap as she pet her. " .knowingitwouldn'tstop."

Robin held bsck tears. She hadn't really thought about how much of a nkghtmare Alice's childhold had to have been. Her mlther had told her she couldn't leave, she knew it'd never stop. She'd had nothibg to look forward to. Except maybe the smallest of comforts she manged to get from the litfle in the towrmer thst could be called that. .

"That had ro be really hard, you didn't deserve it."

"Yesidid."

Robin shook her hesd but didn't say anything. Robkn didn't want to hesr the completle nonsesne that Alice was fed so she would just take what she thought were earned punishments. But Alicebwas being mlre open than normal.

"Icouldn'tfollowtherules."

"It's okay, you din't hsve to."

"No!" Alice threw besr on the ground. The glint of fustrstion in her eyes clesring begging for someone to understand her. Shd just needed someone to listen and she'd never really had that. "Hadto. It hurt jf i didn't. And ibwas in the way. And mkther hsted me. She hates me."

Alice was clesrly trting not to cry but bjrried her facr in her lap. "Bad."

"Alkce, you're not bad. I promise. Your mofher just waan't a nice person. Thst's nlt your fsult."

That was the wrong thing to say.

Alice shook her head. Her mother wasn't to blame! She was! Why didn't antone undersrand that? Alice sat trying to figure ourr how to explain to robin that she was the problem. Not mother. As she dealt with her frustrstion the tube to her iv got on something. Upsetting her even further. She got the tube into an at least almost confortsblr placement and glanced over at Robin. Mother was scary but Alice blamed herself. She had tried to do what mother wanted but she'd never fully succeded.

"Ineedtotryharder."

"Try harder at what?"

"Todowhatshewanted."

Robin knew Alice had clearly done everything she possiblg could to keep the pain at bay. She knew she hid her tears and apologized for every single action that could possobly be interpreted as an act of defiance and then some. What more had halice'a mother possobly wanted? Alice had tried harder than anyone. And yet she felt she desrved everything bad that happened to her.

"Shehadtokeepme. Butshedidntlikeit."

Whar? Why? Why wouls that be neccesary. Robin truly didn't understand the kotive behind the way alice had beeb treated. But in aloce's mind there'd been a reason.

"Why?"

"Forherfreedom. Butiwasintheway.."

Aloce explained, blurrong her words togethwr and reburrying her face in her lap but explained at some point that her kother used her for her freedom but hated sharing a living space with her and so hurt her to keep her out of the way. Alice clearly balmed herself for every single time she'd been hurt. It was terrible. And she didn't seem to ubderstand that i wasn't her fault.

"It's not your fsult. Your mother is just a reqlly bad person."

Alice got even more pset from this immeodstly. No! She wasn't. Alice knew her mother hated her and had hurt her her whole lofe. But she was the only perspn she'd known. And she did tske care of her. Yes she hurt her too but she made sure she had most of the things she needed. And she taught her how to read and clean and she wasn't a bad person! She cared about her. Even if it was only to hate her.

Alice threw something again.

"Goaway." Alkce mumbled her frustration into luna's fur.

Ok. Alice wanted her space and robin could resoectt that.

She found Zelena. "I think i uoset alice. We were tslking and she was talking about the tower and she said was bad and i told her she wasnt the problem and she got rewlly upset. I did say her mother was a bad lerson tbseemed ro be the point she got really uoset."

Zelena pinced the bridge of her nose. Two steps foward one step back. Evsry time they made some progreds something else dug its way out into the open.

Zelena knew she'd probably just upset Alice further. So she let her sit and do as she wanted for a little while. It was so sad. Alice struggled so much. But she was gentle and kind to everyone. Even though she had never been sjown that herself.

Alice spent most of the dy avoiding robin but other than thst thr day went fine.

Zelena checked on Alice and let her know she had an appointmdnt at archie's. They spwnt a lot of time there. Alice needed it. Her mind was clouded with stringent rules and the exoectstion kf pain for so muchbas looking at someone wrong.

They headed ro archie's. This time robin had to miss it because of an archery tournament. Alice sat with luna.

A kid started to cry. Alice shook her hesd. Crying is bad. Crying would get this kid hurt. And she didn't want snyone to be hurt.

Zelena had gitten up to go to the bathroom and thr kid was fsirly nearby. Screaming and crying.

Alice asked luna kf ir was okay and approsched the kid.

"Dom' 't cry " the toddler didn't stop cdying. Alice thkught about it. What made her stop crying? Well mothwe woukd shkve her to thr ground when she was little and tell herbcrying wasn't allowed. Or she'd beat her once she was older. She still wanted to cry a lot. But she'd goften better at hiding it. She knew it would hurt if she was caught. Maybr this baby had forgotten?

"Don'tcry. Cryingisbad. Motherwillbeatyouifyou cry. Please stop."

Alice was begging this child to stop crying. Please. It didn't happen. Luna made her feel bdtter

She gave the kid and luna pernission tkngreet each other and the kkd stopped crying.

The pardnt had kverhesrd this conversation.

This girl sounded terrsfied lf the fsct someone was crying. And she'd said her mother best her.

"Hey, thanks for letting him pet your dog, can we talk fkr a second?"

Alice blinked. And had luna stand in front of her. Luna had lesrned hoe to stand between alice and people to give alice a false wall to press against when she was scared.

Alice nodded shakily.

"Does your mother hurt yiu?"

Alice titled her head. Yes. But she hadn't seen her in a long time. She didn't know jf she ever would again. But yes. She did.

Alice nodded.

The man walked away to adress the issue with someone that would be required to report it.

Zelena returned and talked ro alice and saw a man scowl at her.

Archie came tonretrieve alice and had zelena come back too.

"Ok, alkce. Let's go. He walked her to his kffice. "You csn olay if you wsnt to. I just need to do something really quickly."

Alkce nodded and found something to pkay with.

Archie returned to the lobby area to talk with the strsbger and zelena.

"She's so scared, that's awful. How dare you?."

"I didn't do anything."

Zelena was growing agitated. This person had noticed Alice's behavior and thought she'd caused it. Thry cleared up the entire misubderstanding and archie retruned ro his office.

Zelena had told Archie kf the lrevious days events.

Je'd been working with aloce on right and wrong. And she mostly seemed to get it. But she didn't understand that she had to be treated well too. She blamed herself. Which was to be exoected. Qhatever reason she'd been given, in her mimd she'd done something to desrve every so-called punishment.

"You conforted that little kid, that's reqlly good."

Alice nodded. She just did what she did tl make herself feel better. And it had worked. Hopefully they were safe. But if archie knew about it wouldn't the kid's mother know too? Alice's eyes went wide. She did a bad thing.

"Badthing." Alice got incrediblg tensed and threw tmsomething near her.

"You didn't do anything wrong. You're very good at makimg people feel better."

How dodn't archie get it? He'd been through the same thing! He had to have! That was the only expantion for pomgo!

"Alice, i can't help you if I don't know what's wrong. I'm sorry i don't undsrstand. But can you try to tell me? You can show me if that works better "

She threw bear down. [You know whats wrong! Why do i have to tell you!]

She was xlearly frustrwted. Luna laid in her lap calming her down but she still didn't knlw how to explain.

"Bad."

"Alice i promise you didnxt do wmything bad."

Alice shook her head. She had and she didn't feel like explaining.

"Ok. We don't habe to talk." Archie admitted tempprary defeat. They had multiple sessions a week and sometimes they didn't go well. But pushing too far would make jer hate them or fear going and ir was akready a hassle whenever she so much as needed a bandaid. They couldn't risk making even the things she was sonewhat okay with scary.

Alice nodded. She glanced at her kv. She still wanted it gone but she didnXt know how long that would take. Archie had been thrligh the same thi g she bad, had 't he? He'd know. Maybe? And he alqays backed off when she wanred. So maybe he was safe ro aak that question to?

"Howlongdidyouhavetours?"

Have his? Have his wjat? Degree? She wouldnXt knlw what that was. His office? That made the mlst sense.

"A couple lf years," heXd moved his kfficd nlt fhst long ago. "But had a different one before it for about 20 years."

Alice didn't like that answer. And she didn't want to deal wkth this that long.

Alice got frustrated by archie's reaponse. She grabeed o tl the kv and tugged at it but couldn't quit get ir out this time.

"Hey, hey. You're okay. Let's focus on something else, okay? Let's see. You like ligjts don'y you? Archie grabbed sometbing nearby that could flash and hit a button. Aloce was immediatly distracted by that.

She really liked logjts for some reason.

"Ok good job. Thank you for dping that. Alright."

He made a note to let Zelena knlwn Alice was back to jer onsession wkth getting rid of the iv and to be sure to monitor that just in case.

It was a less productive than udual session but not every single one alwaya went well.

Archie and zelsna talked as Alice waited in the waiting room for them.

Alice sat in the car staring at the iv. It was going to be there forever. Mother had never made any ounishment go on forever. It felt like it but it was never this long. Alice hated the kv. It caight on things amd when she wasnt careful it reqlly hurt and she was comstsntly attached ..it was all the tings fhe restraints had been except she didn't know what she'd done.

Would it stop if she drank mlre water? That seemes to be the case but archie had just sakd he'd had his for 20 years. Alice adjusted hersekf in the seat and thoight about it.

They wwnt to the diner and alice waited for red. She could talk to her.

"Thiswillbeinnysrmftever?"

Red shook her hesd. "I don't think so."

Alice nodded. Red never lied to her. She'd losten to her..maybe it wouldnt say forever.

"You jjst need to drink a bit more watwr and im sure it'll be gone sooner."

Alice thought for minute. Both lf those optipns weren't things she wanted. But she'd drink. Or try to.

"Canihavewater?"

Red agreed and went to get some. Alice trusted red wouldn't do anything. Dogs didn't hurt people. Dogs wouodn't hurt her. So red wouldn't either.

Red brought water to their tsble and alice drabk quite a bit of it.

Zelena had not thought lf having red kffer it to her. She fully trsuted red..and that was probably the only person she trusted. Granted, she didnn't view red as a person.

"I'm really proud of you," zelena told her.

Alice didn't really know how to repsond to this so jjst nodded. "Good job deibking water." She gsve her a sticker. They ate their meal amd then headed home.

This routine carried on for a few mlre weeks and Alice was finally hydrated enough to ha e the iv removed. It took a bit of convincing but ryan managed to get it out of her arn after he promised thatbaa long as she continjed to drink water it wouodn't hqve to go back in.


	32. Chapter 32

Alice had continued to drink water but had bdgan to grow increasigngly agitated before and during all of her visits with Archie.

She hadn't outright rrfused to go but she'd started to try to avoid it.

She was sitting with Luna and thinking about if she jad to go that day or not. She ubderstood the passage of time but it had never had rral meaning to her outside of how often mother would keave for thr market and how long she'd hsve to do whatever mother wanted her to do. Now it was just how often she'd need to see Archie or go to the hospital. She'd rralted to Archie. She though he'd ubserstood her. Buf he didn't. He just kept asking her wursrion aftsr wuesrion. Amd she didn't knlw the answers. What did he want her to say? He'd been throigh it too.

Zelena took a breath. Somehow Alice had gone from seeming to almost enjoy being around Archie to trying to avoid it. Bur there wasn't an option that let her sit it out. She needed his help. And changing to a different therpaist, evej of there was one in storybrooke to change to, wouldn't work. Alice had to slowly build up her trust eith people or she wouldn't even be able to make it through a few minutes in a way that was somewhat confortable. Or even safe.

She approsched Alkce's corner and was prepared for the problrm she was likely about to causr.

"Ojnwe'rr going to go to Archie's in a little while."

Alkce stsred at her lap for a minute. [I don't want to.]

Alice mumbled an ok buf really didn't want to go. When zelsna camr bqck to ell her it was time to go Alice thrw bear away from her.

[I don't want to!]

Zelena pusjed qway the voice in her jead that criticized her for Alice's bejavior being too much like that of a spoiled child. That wasn't what this was. This was the desprste attempts of a frustrated and terrsfied child trying to find some way to get anyone to understand when she couldn't, or possibly just wouldn't, communicate what was wrong.

"Ok. Let's make ot a game?" Zelena offered.

"I'll give you a color and if you see something thwt color on the ride there justbpoijt at it or write it down. Your choice."

Game. Fun. But she was frustrsted and she knew archiebwas just going to ask her quesrions. But she liked games.

"Alice nodded.

"Awesome. Good job. Let's go."

Alice was clesrly relucntsnt but did as she was asked.

She gor into archie's office and he made some small talk the launcjed into his queations. Which he tried to make fun but Alice was uoset about things neither one of them had any way to control.

Alice was mostly ignlring him, occasiaonlly tjeoing besr onto the ground and licking him up.

Archie could tell Alice had been having a rough time with being sround him latley. He had taken another toy to the eye just a few seission before. Kt'd been accidental but Alice had seem kncreasinly on edge around him for a little while.

"Ok. Let's try somethhing else. You can ask the questions this time? Ask me whatever you want. I'll akswer you and then we go from there."

Alice stared at him. She could ask him things? Wouldn't she get hurt?

"You won't be in trouble. Anything."

Alice stared at the floor and pulled on bear's tassles as she thought. [Who hirt him? His mother, right? What was the worst punishment? Whyvwas he okay with her petting pongo? Who helped him? Did he still miss his mother? Did he have scars that reminded him how much he was hated? Did he ever learn how to just not get hurt. How did she make her mother not hste her?] She couldn't decide. But it hurt so much. She held back the tears and she pet luna.

"Whatwastheworstpunsihment?"

"I don't know," Archie told her. Not fully ubderstanding the question. "What'd yiu think?"

Alice curled into herself a little, ashamed that she'd never been qhat motjer wanted. "Restrsint." She kumbled mostly at the floor. "Ididntknlwwhenthat'dstop."

She'd gotten used to being hit and sje'd gotten used to the bestings. TheyXd hurt but they never felt like they'd never end. She'd knlwn they hsd to.

"Do you have anorhe question?"

"Howdidyou mskeyournkotjerstophurting you?"

Archie blinked. Alice thought he'd been treated the same wy she had

"She didn't hurt me.." well at least not in the way she mesnt. She had tricked him into truning geppeto's parents into puppets.

"Butyouhavepongo!"

Alice didn'tt always ttalk much bur she'd geon increasingly emotional when she did. "Dogshelppeople."

Aloce explained that dogs helped people thatbwere hurt. Archie broke inside. Not only did Alice think the way she'd been treated was normal. She thought itbwas so normal it affected what dogs did.

"Alice, luna's a special kind of dog. She helps you. Pongo's just a dog i hsve because i like him. He doesn't help me with anything. I wasn't hurt. But thank you for being concerned. Not all dogs have jobs like luna's. Some do."

weren't helpers? Ok. She hadn't known that. But didn't think too much of it. And Archie jadn't been hurt so he kept asking her questions. Did he think sje desreved it? Shoe thoguht she did but everyonr kept telling her she didnt.

"Dididesevehurt?

Archie started tonsay no amd caught himself remebering thatbit would sejd Alixw directly back to thwt tower in her mind. "Absoultlry not. You never shouod have been treated that way."

Archie was hoping this would be some kind of brwakthrough.

Alice nodded. Still flicnhing away as he kffered her a sticked for the amount she'd participated.

"Awesome you did great. Do you know where Zelena is?"

Alice nodded. Archiebwas using simple questiond to give Alice some sejse of control that waan't so noticable it's svare her.

"Alright, let's go." He walked a bit inf ront lf jer nrcause she didn't like having anyome behond her.

Zelena was orepared for a rwport that Alice had destoryed the iffice because that had happened the last few sessions.

"We ralked about what was bithering her and she did great.

"That's awesome." Alice stood clesrly needing thr bsthroom. She gksnced at luna and whispered "canigobathroom." Luna nodded and Alice walked away.

"She's did better this visit. I think she assumed I knew more about rhe situation then i did. She thought id been hurt. Just becauae i jabe pongo."

If it hasn't been such a serious topic it was almlst funny that Alice thought every dog was for helping. But that's all she'd seen. Red helped her. Luja helped hsr. And maybe in her mind pongo helped archie.

"As long as she's somewhat uo for it i think jext time we should just try to go to the library. Let her expllre a different enviorment with some kimd of suoervision. Meet here and let her prwctice walking in publuc where people could be. Try to start phasing out jer need to be a few feet away from someone she trust just to go outside. She's still not eilling to kske thosebdevisions herself but i dont think she jas the confiewncr that she can do the things she'd need to make choices on."

Zelena agreed and Alice returned with luna.

Who was another favtor. Alice would have to learn how to go into places with luna even kf people attekpted tomtell her she couldn't. Whichbwas a problen fora skfferent day.

A/n: so that was some wild writers block. Here's some skebalnce of the plot progressing


	33. Chapter 33

Alice's issues with Archie had been mostly resolved. She had returned to being willing to go to their sessions, still wary at times. She still struggled in the waiting room. The commotion to her was a constant stream of warning bells. She was used to any amount of noise or activity meaning she needed to be more on guard, more careful to make sure she wasn't hurt. This hadn't gone away just because no one had hurt her in a while. She still expected it. And at times still sought it out. 

Alice sat down when she went into Archie's office. Archie greeted her. 

"We're going to try something new today." Archiebwas trying to ease her into the fact they were going to go somewhere else. So far she only went to the diner and his office. And it would be good for her to explore. And anywhere she went for the first time, she'd need help. Her behavior in new places was at best unpredicatable. She wasn't dangerous to anyone but herself, but things could change. Her surroundings impacted her behavior a lot mlre than it did most people. 

New? Alice flicnhed. New things could be good or bad. And most of her experiences had been bad. Mother had introduce almost every punishment as a new thing. Or as trying something new or different. And Alice was scared to see what other ways there could possobly be to leave her in pain.

She threw bear down. 

Archie knew Alice reacted to things this way. Maybe there was something familar to her about it or she'd seen someone else do it or maybe it was just the only way she'd ever been understood, whatever the reason it made her feel better. And activley discoursging her from comforting herself would work but would damage what trust they'd built eventually. 

Archie new Alice hadn't been immediatly comfprtable with any change. She'd knocked over a vase of flowers when he'd gotten different ones then she was used to. She thrived on familiarity and consistency and that was impossible to give her.kids needed routine but the way her mother had given her routine was so far from healthy that she'd become attached to every slight detail and became agitated by any change. 

"I know, change can be scary. But we'll talk about it. We can take it at your pace. If you're not ready, it can wait and that's okay. And if you are ready, then that's okay too."

Alice was still learning that she could make choices. And how. And letting her set something as simple as rhe pace that anything she had to do went helpeed show her that she could make those choices. And that she was being listened to.

"Alright, it's not a scary new thing. It's just next door. It's a library." The library seemed like the best placw to start. It was quiet and near archie's office. "A library is a building filled with books." 

Alice liked the idea. She'd liked reading when she learned how. She'd only been allowed to read flr a shorr pwriod of time. Just to learn how, because that had its uses for mother. The moment she could read enough mother had banned her from touching the books. She still tried to read them at times but any time she broke any rule, no matter which one it was, she risked pain. 

[[She'd learned how to read. Finally! She jad something she could do besides cleaning or watching out the window. And mother had left her alone near the bookshelf. All the books were about potions and spells. She wanted to be like mother. Maybe she'd stop hitting her then? She hadn't known how bad it would get later on in her life. So she'd been willing to take sometjing off a shelf. She was sat down reading when mother returned to the tower and immediatly started yelling at her. She paused, confused. She was doing something mother tsught her, she'd stayed completly still, and she was quieter than the weird creature that liked to crawl into her room that never made any sound. But mother was yelling and yelling only escalated to pain so she had to apologize. 

"Sorry!"[i don't know what i did wrong.] 

"Bad! Absolutley bad awful child! Get up." Mother had the look in her eyes thst reminded her that she wasn't liked. She was hated. Mother hated having to take care of her. And she tried not to be a bother but it was so hard.

"Yes mother." She stood up quickly, losing her footing amd falling a bit. "Sorry." She got back up, looking at the ground.   
"Very clumsy. Whatever. What were you doing?"  
"Reading."   
"Why?"  
She looked down. Talking always got her in trouble. "Answer me! We both know what happens when you disobey me." She flinched. Mother hit her, an unnescesary reminder. She knew what happened. Of course she did. She disobeyed mother all the time. She didn't mean to. There were just SO MANY rules. And trying to remeber when she was and wasn't allowed to speak made her just not want to at all.   
"Iwasbored."   
"You should be! You are here for one reason, my freedom. And you're cleaning is a decent use for you, i guess. But that is only when i say so. You don't get to do whatever tou want without consequence."   
"Imsorry." She didn't bother verbalizimg that she didn't want to be hurt. That only made it worse.   
"I know i say apologizing means i won't hurt you but i've realozed then you'll just do wjatever you want." [No, i won't. I just want you to like me! I want to be waht you want.] Mother jad hit jer a few times.   
"Oh and you aren't allowed to touch the books. Thought that was clear. I just needed you to know how to read."  
Mother then told her to clean and get out of her sight. She kept her voice to well below a whisper when she asked one of her blankets how to make her mother like her. But at least she was paying attention to her. For a few moments she hadn't felt like she was completly alone]] 

Alice liked the idea of the library but was sure she wouldn't actually be allowed to read the books. But she still liked them. She had a few archie and zelena had allowed her to read and those were something she enjoyed. 

"Ok, so it'll be pretty quiet there. Do you want to go or are you not ready?"  
Alice nodded. "Go." They went into the waiting room and Alice sat down again. Not particualrly different for her.   
"Okay, what's wrong?" Archie offered his support, knowing alice likely had one nagging thought or another screaming that she was doing something wrong.   
Alice needed permisson. Archie coud tell her what to do in most places but not leavi g the buiding. That was different.   
Alice threw bear down again.   
Luna picked up the tiy and returned it to her.   
It took a while but Archie manged to get the fact Alice wanted zelena's permission out of her.   
"Ok, we'll go ask her."  
They did exaxtly that and zelena let alice know it was fine. They all went next door to the library, occasiaonally alice petting luna lr grasping onto jwr harness a bit tighter.   
"Awesome, you did great," archie assured her as they entered the library. Alkce darted her eyes evsry direction, noting where each person was and if there was anything that could be used to harm her. Archie gave alice a sticker. The reward distracting her from being too overehelmed by the new place.   
"Do you want to stsy over jere or do you wwnt to go find a different place to sit until you're ready to explore?".   
Each new place was going to have to be handled lber multiple sessions. Alice could barely handle the house on a partuarly bad day. But right now didn't seem to be one lf those days where even bresthing next to her would send her deep into a memory of something horrible her mother had done to her. Those days weren't infrequent but since she'd gotten luna they'd become more manageable when they happened. And archie had helped find some lf the things that triggered those days the most. No one in the mills' housr had so much as worn a belt since the first time she'd had that kind of day.   
"Else"   
"Ok, that's fine. Thank you for communicating. That's awesome." They went and found somewjere to sit. A few books were near by and a couple od toys were set out.   
Alice just sat there at first.


	34. Library

Alice sat in the seat she'd found. She was in the floor with her back pressed against the wall and luna sprawled out right in front of her. She was guarded on most sides. A pile of books and toys were right next to her. And she really really wanted to explore them. She liked books and she liked toys. But she wasn't allowed to just do things because she wanted to. She watched Archie who had sat down not too far from her. She wondered why Pongo hadn't come with them. She brought Luna everywhere. She hadn't been able to handle going anywhere before she'd had her, and she made things easier, as long as no one tried to pet her. Alice sat there, the all too familar boredom she couldn't do anything about mingling with the fear she held onto as a reminder that nothing she did would ever keep jer safe.  
Archie gave Alice a few minutes to adjust to the new space. She had to look at every possible part lf the building to feel better. And she had to try to cstegorize it in her mind. Whether outside rules or inside rules applied. And whether her mother's rules were being broken enough to scare her.  
"Ok, do you want to look at the books or the toys first?" Archie asked. She had choices but didn't have to think abput every option that could exist. When she had too many choices she panicked, overwhelmed by the favt she couldn't be certain that whatever she did was allowed. That was a battle flr another day.  
Alice liked books but she'd get in trouble, wouldn't she. She went for the toys. There'd been no rukes against toys in the tower, there hadn't been any toys for there to be rules about. Alice picked up a toy and messed with it. Archie had looked away for a second and she'd pushed one button and the jack in thr bkx that jad no business being in the librsry jumped out at her.  
"Sorrysorrysorry," she apologized as she oushed it away. She didn't like those. They scared her. She'd done something wrong and hsdn't even meant to.  
"Hey hey, you're okay. Accident's happen. Those scare me too," archie told her. They were a bit creepy and jumped out out of nowhere at times. Alice nodded. "How ahout this, you can try a book. I'm going to pick up a couple of books and then you can decide which one you want to flip through."  
He oicjed ul a few books. They were board books, sturdy enlugh to withstand Alice's behavior. They weren't really meant for most kids alice's age but Alice hadn't been able to have a real childhood or read much since she'd learned how. And she liked the books.  
Alice opened one of them and it had different animals in it and it let her feel what rhey felt like. Ekthout her avtually having to interact with people in order to intersct with them.  
"Bookdone." Alice told him when she'd finished going thrkugh it the first time.  
"That's awesome. Also good job talking." He offered her a pile of srickers and let her pick one. Rewarding her for tslking seemed to be working so far. And since he'd managed tk do thst before she'd gotten around to apologizing it was starting to normalize the fact she didn't have to be as afraid doing that one thing.  
"Want to look thrkugh anlther book or do you want to looknaround the library?"  
"Book."  
"Alright, here. Which one?" He showed her teo cjoices and she oicked one.  
The rest of their session continued oretty much like thst ejth jer getting thrkugh a few small books and liking the ones wkth texture the most.  
"Alright, you did great," he lraised her as she finished the last book they'd had time for. Whether shd'd actually resd them or not, Archie wasn't sure. But she'd interafted ejth the books and seemed to enjoy them, even quietly showing him that there was texture in some of the books. She wanted to share her excitment wkth him but was still wary of doing that in any way that most people would. So she did it silently, but it still was mlre than she would do around him at first.  
Zelena rejoined them, je'd made herself scsrce around the library during thekr session.  
"Alice did great, we reada couople of books,"  
Alice interupltrd him. "Sorrysorrysorry."  
Zelena got down to her level, it was obvious what jad caused that, the moment archie mentioning resding she'd apoloized. "it's okay. Reading is completly fine. I bet next time Archie brings you here he'll let you pick out more books. And hey, they hsve a cafe here. I think they have cake. Do you want to get cake or something else?"  
Alice nodded. She liked cake. Zelena made a note thwt the cafe might end up being another easy reward like the diner.  
"Yeah, i'll let you picj out books next time. Youbresdy to go?"  
Alice nodded and got up after estching zelena for her approval and she, luna, and zelena went to the library cafe and then they went home where alkce fell asleep after a mostly calm but long day.


	35. Chapter 35

It took a few more viits to the library before Alice had started to ask Archie if she could read a book, she still wouldn't do it without his permission but she was getting more comfortable with the place. And sometimes they's stay after and Alice would play in the corner of the librsry for a little while.  
Zelena didn't mind, and Alice seemed to like the quiet, and it gave her something to do that wasn't sitting in the house all the time.

Alice was sitting with her bsck against thr courch plsying a game lf cards with Robin. Thry finished a round.  
"Want to play again?" Alice nodded and Robkn picked up the cards to shuffle them. She failed and thry flew everywhere a few seconds before Zelena walked into the living room.  
"That looks fun," Zelena didn't so much as comment on the mess. Alice seemed okay with the fact that things weren't perfectly in place, if everyone ignored the fsct they weren't then maybe Alice's normal reaction wouldn't happen. Alice looked at the cards on the ground. She glanced at Zelena once she realized she was in the room. She hadn't made the mess. She could handle if she had. But what could she do for Robin? . Robin was going to be in so much trouble. And zelena would hurt her. And that wasn't fun. Alice knew how much it hurt. She didnd't want Robin to go through that. She stared at Robin. She wasn't doing anything different. Alice understood being frozen by her fear. But why didn't Robin try to apologize? That's what she was supposed to do! Alice threw bear down. Frustrated that Robin didn't even try to protect herself. It took a few more viits to the library before Alice had started to ask Archie if she could read a book, she still wouldn't do it without his permission but she was getting more comfortable with the place. And sometimes they's stay after and Alice would play in the corner of the librsry for a little while. Zelena didn't mind, and Alice seemed to like the quiet, and it gave her something to do that wasn't sitting in thr hlusr all the time. "That looks fun," Zelena didn't so much as comment on the mess. Alice seemed okay with the fact that things weren't perfectly in place, if everyone ignored the fsct they weren't then maybe Alice's normal reaction wouldn't happen. Alice looked at the cards on the ground. She hadn't done that. Robin was going to be kn so much trouble. And zelena would hurt her. And that wasn't fun. Alice knew how much it hurt. She didnd't want Robin to go through that. She stared at Robin. She wasn't doing anything different. Alice understood being frozen by her fear. But why didn't Robin try to apologize? That's what she was supposed to do! Alice threw bear down. Frustrated that Robin didn't even try to protect herself. "Sorrysorrysorrysorry." Zelena sighed, quietly. Alice was upset. She went over to her. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you." Alice shook her head. She wasn't worrked about herself. "I'm nog going to hurt you, you're okay," Zelena kept trying to comfort her. Alice tried to think. How could she stop zelena from hurting robin? She couldn't just ask. It didn't work thst way. How did mother get her to do wjat she wanted? Alicd winced, she remebered mother hitting her whenever she wanted her to stop doing sonething she didn't like. She pushed her down sometimes. That made sense to her. It worked for mother. Maybe it would work for her? She tried to push Zelena, but she really wasn't that strong. Nothing happened. She tried to hit her, and Zelena felt that. "Go away!" Alice kept trying to get Zelena to go away, in any way she could think. "Alice," Zelena paused. What could she say? Alice was well beyond any words of resson at this point. "Please stop. You're not in trouble. I'm not going to hurt you." Zelena was trying really hard not to so much as react to what Alice was doing. But jt was frustrating. She was weakly attenpting to hurt her. And it seemed to habe come out of nowhere. It almkst seemed like sekf defense, but Alice had more of a tendency to attempt to get Zelena to hurt her than the other way around. Alice wouldnt stop trying to get Zelena to go away. "Hey, Alice, she's not a threat. Can you stop?," robin asked. The distraction gsve Zelena the opurtunity to get out of Alice's reach. "Alice, look at me," Zelena asked. She did as she was told, clurching besr very tightly. "I'm not going to hurt you. I know you're scared, I get that you don't know how to handle that. But you can't hurt me. It's not nice." Alice nodded. Zelena was exsctly like mother. She could hurt her all she wanted, but she just couldn't fight back. Alice nodded again. "Sorry." She wasn't really that sorry thqt time. She'd stopped her from hurting Robin, hadn't she? "Ok, thank you." Zelena had come into the room to drive Robin to her archery tournament. Alice knew about this. And knew Henry was coming to watch her. "Robin, you ready?" Alice still took this as sonrthing other than the mundane question it was. She didn't want Robin hurt. Robin was good. She didn't desrve kt. And she didn't know if Robin could handle it. She hadn't seen Zelena hurt Robin, but that didn't mean she thought she wouldn't. She just thoight Robin wouldn't know how to handle it. Alice shakily stood up and tried to put herself in between Zelena and Robin. But standing up on her own was difficult. She'd never been able to do it without permission and even if she had been allowed to do whatever she wanted the tower hadn't been that big. She usually needed Luna's help with her balace if she stood up too long. Luna was napping nesrby since Alice normallg felt pretty confodtable when it was just her and Robin. "That's good," Zelena encouraged. Aloce was trying to walk a little, or at least that's what it looked like. Alice again tried to push Zelena away from Robin, notbreally succeeding. She'd been weakened over the yesrs that she'd been tortured by her mother. "Alice, i'm nlt gping to hurt you." Alice nodded. "Goaway!" She'd gotten closer to zwlena who had sat back down to seem as no threatening as possible and Alicr was again hitting Zelwna's legs, trying to protect Robin. Zelena didn't know what to do, when Robin was little she could simply block her hands from landing any hits on her but if she did that to Alice she would just be reminded of when her mother had chained her up. And that woulsn't solve the problem. The problem was that Alice was terrafied. Even when she was activley trying to fight Zelena's very presence near her, her eyes still had their ever present look of fear that all but screamed the constant hope that just maybe this once she wouldn't have to feel pain, a look that showed the signs that Alice had never been shown even a shred of kindness before she'd met Robin. Zelena debated if it was still okay to leave Alice with Henry. She told Alice she was going to go to the kitchen and talk to Archie, who she called and wxplained the situation to amd he came over soon after Henry arrived with a stack of board games. Alice completly ignored Henry, nkt even acknowleding he had entered the building. Archie sat down in front of Alice. The cards werr still scattered about the floor, everyone had been focused on calming dow n Alice that the mess had been forgotten. Alice looked at the cards than looked at Archie. He could tell there was a mess. And he and Zelena talked. He knew Robin had made it. She didn't knlw how this would have worked in the tower. Mother had never broight anyone over. She was almost certain that had she had anyone kver she would have allowed them to hurt her. Or even made them do it if she was too tired to bother. She was glad mother hasn't wanted anyone else in the tower. "Hey, Alice. Hey, Robin." The moment he talked to Robin, Alice went back to desperatley trying tonprofext her. She didn't try to push him, she'd realized that wasn't going to do amything. But she hit him. "Goaway!don'thurt!" She kept hitting him until he spoke again. "Alice, I'm not going to hurt you," Archie spoke gently, Alice didn't know any better. To her thisbwas how problems were handled. She'd never been allowed to talk about what was wrong eith her mother, although frlm what sh'd manage to tell everyone, he didn't think she would have wanted to. And whenever she'd done amything her mother didn't like she'd been hurt. So if he was doing something she didn't like, maybe kt made sense for her to try to hurt him until he stopped. But he wasn't doing anything different than normal. He had sat away from her and she'd chosen to move closer to hit him. That wasn't normal for her. She was distressed and she probably felt like this would solve it. "You're okay." Alice shook her head. She didn't care if he hurt her! She could handle it! Robin didn't even apologize for the mess! There was no way she would know how to stay quiet during her punishment. It'd be so bad. Alice was terrafied for the first person that had ever been anything but a source of pain for her. Alice grabbed Archie's wrist and tried to make him hit her. She could take it. Robin couldn't. Archie fairly easily got his wrist away frlm alice before she'd managed to hurtself with it. She had just said she didn't want him tl hurt her but was trying to force him into it. "Alice, who are you trying to say don't hurt?" Luna came over, sensing that Alice was going to work herself up into a state onfear she wouldn't be able to get herself out of and laid in her lap. Alice burried her face in Luna's fur and whispered "robin." It took Archie a moment to process what Alice had said and what it meant. She wasn't scsred for herself. She was scared for Robin. She was protecting her friend. "Alice, he's not going to hurt me." "Youmadeamess," Alice poibted out. "It's just a mess, all I have to do is pick it up. No big deal." Robin didn't get it! Making a mess mean there'd be a punishment. Zelena walked back in and kept her distance. Alice tried to make herself as small as possible. She'd done a really bad thing. She'd hurt Zelena. She wouldn't even let Luna confort her. "Sorrysorrysorrysorry." Alice apologized as much as she could. Now her and Robin were both in trouble. Maybe Zelena would let her go first so she could show Robin how to handle it? Maybe she wouldn't hurt Robin at all? The best Alice could hope for at this point was that Zelena didn't have anything to chain her up with. The IV was gone wasn't it? Alice thought for a moment. Mother liked it when shd was ready for punishments that she knew were coming. Maybe Zelena would like it to? She had an idea kf where what was needed might be. Maybe if she brought it to Zelena she'd tske it out on Alice and not on Robin? In Alice's mind, this kade sense. "Canigotoyourroom?" Zelena agreed, confused by the request. Luna fllowed Alice. Alice looked around and olened the closet and then a few drawers until she found what she was looking for. She grabbed it and handed Zelena the leathwr strap with Luna trailing behind her, consitently trying to warn her that her heart rate was spiking. Alice turned her back to Zelena. The most vulndrable postion she could possibly be in. She hated this. She hated the feeling of waiting for mother to strike her. Sometimes mother would makw her stand there for what felt like forwver just waiting. It was terrafying not knowing if or when mother was going to start. Luna had been right Alice got pulled into a memoery a secons later. ["I don't know why you find it so hard to listen! All you get for breaking the rules is punishment!" Mother had yelled at her. Alice hadn't wanted to break the rules. She'd tried not to. But mother had been gone for days. She'd left her food, and water that she refused to drink, and left her in the kitchen so she could eat if she needed to. But she'd needed the bathroom. And she hadn't had premission for that. It'd hurt so much and she didn't know when mother would be back. She'd tried to hold it but eventually she couldn't. And she couldn't just pee in the floor of the tower, mother hated that too. So she'd snuck into the bsthroom. And nlther had caught her exiting it as she'd renetered the tower. "Sorrysorrysorry," her quiet mouse like voice had earned her some comments about how pathetic itbwas she was sk scared of her own mother. Alice didn't bother explaining that of course she was scared of her. Every time she looked at her wrong she was at risk of being beaten or chained to the bed or forced to drink things that made her sick. Sometimes mother would even do all three in the spon of one day. Alice simply tried not to break the rules. But all lf the rules were so easily broken. And sometimes mother was just angry and Alice couldn't do anythong about that. "Face the wall," Mother had ordered. Alice didn't question this anymore. She knew mostly what to expect when this punishment was used. And mother made her atand there and wait for a little while. Every so often yelling about how bad she'd done and how all mother had wanted was a break from her and of course she couldn't be trusted. Mother finished one round of scolding. "Actually, i think i'll let you off with a warning this time. But jext time you do that I'll make you clean after yiur beating." Alice was grateful. Mother rarely let her off that easy. Being yelled at hurt but itbwas no where near as phsyically painful. Alice relaxed her body, she'd been bracing for strikes and she didn't have to this time. She was about to thank mother, but she didn't dare move befire being told it was allowed. Motherbwas stillnstanding behind her and still holding the strap butbthat was just because mother always waiteed to put itbaway because Alice had a habit of angering her right after punishments. Alice didn't move, but her bodyvwas realxed. Mother steuck her the moment Alice had completly let her guard down. Aloce screamed from the shock and the pain. "You really think I'd let you off that easy? Pathetic. You're lucky this is the worst thing I hit you with. Keep acting the way you did and i'll find something worse." Mother kept striking her. Until she decided she was done. "I did promise you you'd have to clean after your next besting. And i do keep some lf my promises. Whole tower. Leave me alone. Sleep next to my bed. I'll put your restraints on you in the morning before I leave for the market." Alice held back the tears, or tried to. Mother decided to hit her a few more times for the crying. And muttered something about maybe she needed to spend a few days in the restraints to remind her of how she was supposed to behave. Mother had made good on thst threat. ] Luna finally forced Alice out of the memory. Alice realozed she was sitting dosn and stood up as fast as she could. "Sorrysorrysorry." She hadn't meant to sit dosn in the middle of what was supposed to be a punsihkent. She wasn't allowed to sit until itbwas over. She had to feel the weight of waiting for mother to hit her even if she started right away. She wasn't allowed to make mother bend over to make her get up. She had to do this the right way. Alice was again terrsfied. She jad to be oerfect this time lr Robin wouldn't know what to do. "Alice," Zelena spoke and Alice kept her eyes on the wall. She hadn't had a name with mother but this felt like the start of when she'd be told exactly what made her earn the ounishment. She knew what she'd done. She hit Zelena. This was so much nore earjed than even the punishments mother gave her. Alice realized this would be the first time Zelena had to hurt her. And it was going to be a bad one. She could take it. Zelena didn't want to tell Alice to turn around, that skunded exactly like the kind of thing she probably hesrd a lot right before being forced to endure unimaginabke amounts of pain, likely just because she was a kid that needed something and wasn't allowed to get it herself. "Look at me," alice turned around. Zelena was sitting down and wasn't holding the belt anymore. "I'm not going to hurt you." She promised. Alice blinked. "Ihityou," she pointed out. "I know. But you were trying to help robin. I'm not going to fault you for doing what you thought would help my child. We'll talk about it. Could you sit down, please? I'm worried you'll fall." Alice noded and sat down. Luna laid in her lap. "I know you've been through a lot. I get it." "Whatpunishment?" "I'm not going to punish you," Zelena didn't admit that she honestly didn't knlw how she could possibly punish Alice if she wanted to. Or needed to. If Alice became consistently violent then they'd have to find a way to curb that but hitting her would only reinforce her belief that fear was the only way to keep herself safe. The moment anyone struck her the months of work it'd taken to get her to so much as walk into the batrhoom or drink watsr would need to be done all over again. And that wasn't a solution. "Ok you hurt me, you thought it protect robin. I would never hurt robin, or you, but you didn't knlw that. You were defneding soneone youbcare ablut. I understand. Please don't hit me again." Alice paused. But what if she did? "Punishment?" "I don't know. If you do hit me again, maybe i will have to. But no matter what you do I will never hurt you. I will never hit you. I won't beat you. I won't make you drink amythint that'll make you feel sick. I won't chsin yiu up. Those aren't punishments, Alice. Those are things that aren't okay to do to anyone. Let alone to a child. And i'm not going to do that. I promise. I knlw that's hard to ubderstnad. But this house is safe. If you evdr want to talk to me about anything, you can. If you don't want to, you don't have to. But either way, i'm not going to hurt you." Alice nodded. Mother hurt her all the time. And at this point Alixe couldn't grt into any more trouble. "Motherhitmeallthetime." "I know," Zelena defintley knew that eith the way Aljce reacted to everytjing that Alixe likely spent more time in pain than she spent out of it. And she hadn't been able to run around and get hurt in the ways kids normally did. She'd been hurt by the person that was supposed to care for her. "And i know that hurt." Alice nodded. "Ididthinswrong" "There's nothing wrong with havkng needs, Alice. And nithing wrong with having wants." "Shebeatmewhenihadtousethebathroom," alice offered. Zelena knew this, there'd been several near acvidents the first few weeks Alice had lived with them in both houses. "Shewasn'thome.andifimadeamessintheflooridgetchainedupandtoldiwasbad.ilikedthebestingsbetter." alice told Zelena about the memory she'd gotten lost in. Zelena revibed her old mjrder plans in jer head. That vile woman deserved her comeuppance. But thst was unlikely. "That's not very fun, do you need to go to the bathroom?" Zelena asked, unsure of why Alice was being so open. Alice shook her head. If Alice was being open, which was likely a one off, Zelena could be open too. "My father," zelena saw the look of confusion. "A guy version of mother." Alice nodded. "Hated that I had magic. He beat me. I left too." Alice titlted her head. Zelena had been hurt too? She saw her as Robin's mother. Someone that hurt and didn't understand that sometimes the rules were hard to follow or ubderstand that she couldn't help it when she screamed during a beating. Zelena had been hurt to. She was like her. "I will never make you feel like your mother made you feel. Or like my father made me feel. I won't hurt you. If i'm doing somwthing and it makes tou unconfortsble, you can tell me." Zelena wouldn't hurt her. She was a safe person, like red was. She felt safe. But she still had a lot left to unlesrn.


	36. Chapter 36

Alice had realized that Zelena wouldn't hurt her. But that didn't mean that her body had caught up with that relization. She still involuntary flinched whenever Zelena walked by her. And would throw out apologies and then think about it and shake her head, like sje was trying to erase the words she'd just said. She trusted Zelena now, but she still acted like she was afraid of her. That's all she'd ever been able to do, and breaking that habit took more than just the kmowledge that she wouldn't be hurt.   
But there were still signs that Alice was learning how to trust at least some. She'd started to say hi when she saw her.   
Alice was sitting in her corner, and honestly she was bored. She'd been playing with her toys for a while and had taken a nap and she wanted to move from where she was sitting. She decided it was probably fine. Zelena and Robin bkth seemed safe to her now.   
"Canigokitchen?" Alice still asked luna. She didn't want to find out that that rule was the same by breaking it.   
She went into the kitchen and sat down in thr corner. Zelena was cooking and didn't even hear her come in. Alice made hersekf comfortable and picked up the toy that was sitting in that area lf the house and played with it. She was quiet, and was sort of wstching zelena in a more curious way than in the way ofbfesring that at any moment whatever zelena had in her hand could be used to hurt her. She'd never really watched mother cook much. She didn't like cooking and blamed alice about the fact she had to cook at all, alice had never understood that. Mother ate too, so why was it her fsult she had to cook? And it only took a few seconds to throw a sandwhich together. But Alice still took the blame in silence and tried to be as out of the way as possible when mother made her food. Three times a day she stayed out of the way and hoped mother wouldn't get angry   
Zelena turned atound to grab something for her cooking and noticed Alice sitting in the corner, and noticed that her focus was split between something and her toy. Normally Alice couldn't even really be bribed into fovusing on anything besides Zwlena when she was around. She was terrafied, right noe she seemed like she was just curious about what was going on. The look in her eyes was one that didn't look like it was telling her every possible way she couldbtry to avoid pain. She was plsying with a toy.   
Alice pointed to one of the light bkxes on her toy "itsyellow.pretty."   
Alice still flinched as she said it, but it seems almlst like a natural reaction and it took jer a moment befire she bothered with an apology. It was less feverent, iy sounded like she was bored lf the word and just new she had to insert it for some reason.   
Zelena stopped what she was doing. Alice was talking to her and actually handling herself fairly well.   
"Yeah, yellow's a pretty color."   
Zelena knew it was the smallest conversation and that in most circumstances that would have been trivial but alice had been so scared to even be in the same room as her, and now she was carrying on a cknversation almost normally.   
Alice wanted to play with luna but didnt want to sesrch the entire housw for it. And zwlena was safe, so jt'd be fine to ask her.   
"Lunastoywhere?" Alice's grasp of howngrammar worked was honestly awful. She got her point across as best as she could, and as quivkly as she could. Often leaving out most words that she felt woulf make the sentsnce too long.   
"I'll help you find it," Zelena offered and looked arpund until she found the tiy alice was looking for. Amd gave it to her. Alice and luna pkayed for a lottle while and Alice asked zelena to join. Being able to throw a toy near Alice was a very new thing. Normally alkce thought even something falling or being dropped was a sign zelena would hurt her.   
"Ok, you can play a little longer," Zelena told her. "We have to go to archie's in about an hour."   
Alice stopped what she was doing. Archie's. Archie was going to be mad at her. And he could do whatevsr he wanted. Maybe zelena would let him hurt her. She said she wouldn't. But that didnt mean no one else sojld. Alice curled uo against rhe wall and burried her fsce into her lap. She was scared again. She'd managed to go thriugh a few days without the kevel of fear she was so used to, and it came back. She only ever felt that safe when she was really young and mother hadn't yet decided she was going to hurt her. But alice didn't rememeber that. All she remebered was the fear and the pain of the tower.   
[[I don't want to.]] Alice didn't admit it, and she'd go because outting it off would only make it worse but she didn't want to go see archie at all. She was scared.   
"I know, when we get home you can play whatevwr game you want. Breakfast is done. I made cinnamon rolls."   
Alice liked cinnamln rolls ajd was appeased by them. It was so much better than what she'd esten in the tower.


	37. Chapter 37

They got to Archie's office. This had become routine to Alice, but she didn't ubderstand it. All she knew was that a few times a week Archie talked to her or played a game with her. Sometimes he read books and asked her questions ablut them, he repeatedly explained that he wouldn't hurt her. But he hadn't given her a single reason why not. And to her that made all the difference between if she could trust or not. Mother had always explained why she was hurting her, she had to know why someone wouldn't. Red didn't because she was a dog, Zelena wouldn't because she was like her, Robin wouldn't because she wasn't old enlugh for it, and Henry was always so distracted by everything in his own life to bother, but she still did think he might try if he ever really had time. 

They got to the waiting room and Alice's fear was building up. She'd hit Archie and she'd always been shown that her actions would end in her being punished. Sometimes it was just a very loud scolding, shr was hoping that would be Archie's favorite. Mother liked to beat her the most. She wasn't ready to go through that all over again. Not at all. And she didn't really know how luna would be handled during it. Would she be allowed to be conforted after it? Mother had never denied her the comforts she'd never had, but she'd often denied her her one safe space in the tower becauae she'd broken just enough rules to not be allowed to sleep in her corner of the tower. Thr only part of the tower where nothing had ever been able to harm her.  
There'd been the occasional threat of mother installing a restraint in there, in an effort to warn Alice that if she wanted to she could make things even worse for her, but it'd never come to that. Alice had learned how to just barely make mother stop adding to her misery any more than she had. Things eventually stayed at one level of terrafying, but the threats still wrighed on Alice's mind now that every person she interacted with could easily decide to go even further than her mother had ever managed to.   
Alice shook her head. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to be alone with Archie   
Zelena noticed Alice seemed upset, she had been fkne when zelena was the only one around but now there were other people. People she saw every week and had never really had to interact with but always made sure to stay away from. Alice didn't trust people easily, and she didn't have any reason to.   
"Hey," Zelena got down tk Alice's level. Evevn if she was starting to trust hsr towering above her had to be scary for her. "It's okay. I know, some days everything's a lot, isn't it?"   
Alice nodded. Sometimes everything overwhelmed her. The fear and the confusion and all of the emotions she didn't quite ubderstand even when thry'd been explained to her. She had a jard time knowing what was going on in her own head, let alone outside of it.   
"Ok, you're doing great. You've got this."   
Atchie came out to get Alice and she shook her head, she didn't want to. But she couldn't say that in front of everyone. She pushed herself back into her chair. Maybr he wouldn't see her? It'd worked in the tower. Sometines when she was very quiet mother just forgot ahout her for a little while. Sure, sometimes she needed things and had to wait for them but when mkther was angry at her it gave her time to be a little less inclined to punish her as much.   
Alice decided to not try to tempt Archie any more when he coearly noticed her.   
"You ready?"   
No, she wasn't. But she had no desire to anger Archie. He was already going to be in a bad mood. And a bad mood and her alone in a room with him? Yeah, she was sure she knew where this would go. And he had every right. Clearly, zelena trusted him to watch her. So he could punish her how he saw fit.   
She held in the apology until they were in his office.   
"Sorrysorrysorrysorry," she went with the apology style that always made mother have a look on her face. Sure she called her pathetic and a coward, but something about it made mother happy enough to allow just a little bit of her rules to bend in Alice's favor. Alice realized now that happiness was a thing, mother had enjoyed it when she apoligized that way for whatever reason. Alice held back the tears. She knew what she had done. She ubderstood thst she had ro be ounished somehow by someone. And that zelena wouldn't be the one to do it   
Archie was used to alice being afraid. That's all she'd known her entire life.   
"You're okay. Do you want to play with a toy or do a puzzle?" She chose toy, a puzzle would take too much of her attention and most of the tkys she didn't have to look at to mess with.   
She watched archie the entire time as he did anything. More on edge than normal. He handed her the toy, she thanked him and apologized again and again. Not allowing herself the chance to feel safe. That trick had always managed to end with the scariest punishments. She hated when mother made her think she was safe only to rip that away from her and then punish her for being suprised by the pain.   
Alice knew she should have learned quicker, but every time she let herself hope that maybe mother didn't hate her as much anymore. Maybe she'd just once let her feel like if mother didn't need her, she'd still at least keep her. Mother had made it clear so many times that she wouldn't keep her alive if she didn't need her for her freedom, and she defintely wouldn't bother to take care of her but Alice still just wanted to feel like she might. So she let mother trick her, because the few moments where she could pretend she was wanted were worth the pain.   
She'd done everything to keep from being hurt, and it'd never worked.   
"Sorry.iknowbetter." alice didn't even care that Archie wasn't close enoigh to hurt her. Or that he'd given her something to play with. All she knew what the fear sitting in her entire body.   
"Alice, you're okay, I'm not going to hurt you," telling Alice not to apologize was just like telling her she couldn't breathe, to her it was an instinct. Alice watched him, she knew this trick. She wouldn't let jer guard down, archie hating her didn't hurt anywhere in rhe same way it had when mother had. She didn't care if he wanted her around or not. She wasn't his problem all lf the time.   
But she hated this trick. It always let her feel like the one thing she wanted the most had happened and then it always ended.   
"Punishment." Alice was so sick lf waiting for it. And this could go on for a while if archie decided to really make her feel bad.   
"I'm not going to hurt you, Alice. You're okay. We play games and things like that."   
Alice threw bear down. And then remebered that she was akready in ebough trouble without adding to it. But she was allowed to throw bear. No one cared about that one.   
"I get it, you're frustrated, but bekng hurt won't help."   
Alice stared at the ground. That was how she learned. That was the only way she'd ever learned. When she did things wrong she was punished, and she learned that she shouldn't do those things. And for the most part, she made sure she didn't do those things. But the amount kf rules she had made that harder than it seemed.   
"Learn."  
"Yeah, you can lesrn something new, i guess? What m'd you want to ask?"  
Alice stared at him. That wasn't at all what she meant. "Lesrn.punishmentsneed." archie thought for a little while, alice's still severly stunted speech requiring thought.   
She meant that she lesrned by being punished. He did not want to know what it'd been like when her mother had taught her how to read. He'd wager a guess that mistakes weren't exactly worked through gently.   
"I'm not going to hurt you, and defintley not to teach you a lesson kf some kind. We've been having lessons for months, have i hurt you?"   
Alice shook her head. But there hadn't been any lessons. That's not what lessons were. Lessons were when mother sat her down for her to kesdn how to read and whenever she got it wrong or didn't do it fast enough she hit her. And then once she knew enough she wasn't allowed to read the books ever again. Lessons were when mother made her clean over and over again for a few days until she got it right to the point she was grateful when mother offered her the reprieve of a punishement. Lessons were when mother made her drink things she didn't want to to teach her that she wasn't allowed to make noise. Archie just talked to her.   
"Notlessons." Alice shook jer head. "Sorrysorrysorry."   
"It's okay, you're allowed to speak. Alice, i'm not your mother. I won't trest yku that way."  
He held back the scathing tone he wished he coukd send at Alice's mother. But Alice woulsn't understand it wasn't at her. "What do you think lessons are?" Archie didn't want to push too hard, Alice was already so broken. She'd been through torture and yet all she'd been to everyone was kind, unless she fekt directly threatened she was kind. And no one could faukt her for being defensive, she'd learned from who knows how young that she would be beaten for being a human being.   
Alice looked at the ground, she blamed herself for how her mother trested her. Like she was the problem. And she felt like she coukd have chabged it. But itbwas a djrect question and it had ro ve answered. 

[Alice was quite young. She was sat on a chair, that wasn't at all comfortable. But it was the only furniture in the tower she was allowed to sit on. She didn't have anything that was hers outside of her corner with quite a few blankets and a couple of pillows. Everything else was mothwrs and Alice was simply in the way unless she was cleaning it.   
"I do need you to knkw how to read. So i can leave you with list of things to do. Or if i ever need you to hekp with my potions."   
Alkce winced. Those potions were disgusting. And they scared her. She'd had to taste them before. And they made her feel awful.   
"Now, i guess the rules of anythjng you do apply. Get it wronf and i punish you, get it right and I don't." Alice nodded, terrafied. It was a new thing. And she didn't have any idea what she was doing.   
It took weeks befirw she managed to reallt avoid punishment during those lessons]   
Luna snapped aloce out of her memory. 

"Doitwtongpunishment.rightnopunishment."   
Archie's heart broke hearing Alice explain that she'd had to worry about being hurt even when she was just learning things. He'd never hoped someone had been uneducated but he lrayed to the gods Alice's mother hadn't decided to attempt some semblance of home school outside of the little he knew she'd learned. That woman had come up with enough excuses to hurt this child.   
"I don't do it that way, ok? What have i done when you did things really well?"   
Alice stsred at him. He was talking to her. Sje didn't always undersrand him but he was talkimg to her. He was trying to communjcate with her. He'd been trying for months and she didn't make kt easy for anyone to talk to her. She hated allowing people so much as ohsyically near her. Let alone allowing them acsess to the only thing that she couldn't be punished for. Her thoughts. But Archie kept trying. And he was rifht, he had only given her things she liked. And the one time he'd given her something she didn't like he'd allowed her to fix that.   
"Stickers.candy."   
"Yeah, i haven't hurt you and I won't start."   
Alice nodded, still frightened but ubderstandjng a little that archie wasn't about to hurt her in that moment.   
She reminded him that she hit him.   
"We can call that you being scared and reacting in a way you think works. But hurting someone isn't the answer. We'll work on your words next time, okay? We're done for today. And i'm sure you want to go back to zelena, yeah?" Zelena had rold archie that alice seemed to be starting to warm uo to her.   
Alice nodded and they went into the waiting room.   
And Zelena asked what Alice wanted to do and she decided to go to the diner after being givwn a few choices. They got there just as the power cut out in the diner.


	38. Chapter 38

The lights in the diner were out for a few minutes. Thry came back on but red let them know the stove wasn't working and that the diner's menu was a bit limjted.   
Alice hadn't exactly been a picky eater but it had been a struggle to get her to so much as drink watsr and getting her to try a variety of foods hadn't been a priority, as long as she was eating. She ate a fairly small amount of foods because it was just easier. She would eat anything that was set in front of her but she ate the same thi g every time they were at the diner. She liked having something consistent. This time that wasn't an option. And Zelena had no idea if Alice would like amything that was available. But they cluld try, if she didnt like ot she could try something else. 

Alice sat and played with a tiy until red brought out the food. It smelld weird. And it looked like what came out of her body when she drank mother's potions. But she didn't mind eating as long as she thought thr food was safe. And red wouldn't do anything to her. 

Aloce glanced at it. She didn't want to eat it but she's try it. She picked uo the sanwhich and took a bite. She hated it. But she was hungry. She took another bite, and then set ir down. She didn't like it. Shr chewed it slowly, forcing it down. She knew how to keep jersekf from gagging on things fhst tasted bad. She'd eaten a food she'd never liked almost daily for weeks at a time whenever mother had decided thst's what she wanted to cook. She'd never been in control of ehat she ate.   
Alice keptbewting the sanwhich, not liking it. 

Zelena notice Alice was eating a lot slower than normal, and drinking a lot more of her water than usual.   
"Is your food ok?"   
Alice nodded. It was food. It didn't hsve to taste good as long as she managed to eat it.   
"Itsfine." She took the offer of not having tonest it for a moment and answered Zelena's quesrion. Alice was an expert at lying to protext herself, clearly. Zelena didn't want to take away Alice's choice in the situstion but she was making herself uncomfortsble for whatever reason she belived.   
"You can say if you don't like it."   
Alice nodded and kept eating, she hated it. She took tiny bites and drank the water read ahad given her. She couldn't say she didn't like this food. Then she'd have to eat it more. She'd told mothed she didn't really like otamsal and mother fed her that and only that for the next week. It was hetter if she just ate it and pretended she didn't care either way.   
Alice shook her head. [I don't like it. But ill eat it.]   
Zelena held in a sigh. Alice would make herself unconfortable fsr sooner than she'd adkit that shd was unhappy about something. She'd hold it in until all she could do was throw her toys around and hope that someone understood that she was scared or upset.   
"Hey, i can tell you don't like it," Zelena offered, hopijg it didn't come off like she was scolding her.   
Alice shook her head. "Aorrysorrysorry."   
"You're not in trouble. It's okay if you don't like something."   
Alice stared at her for a second. "Havetoestit."   
"You don't hsbe to eat it," Zelena told her.   
Alice shook her head. She had to eat. "We can get you something else," zelena added, unsure of what kinds of rules Alice may have felt about food. What else was there? Mother had akways fed her the same few things. In the morning she had eggs or oatmeal. During lunch she had a sanwhich. And for dinner mother made different kinds of soups. Abd she wasn't allowed to not eat things if she didn't like them or if she wasn't hungry. Mother made sure she ate. That was the one thing in the tower that she never didn't do. Even if mother was out of the tower there was food. And mother gave her water but she hid the fact she didn't always drink it.   
"Ihavetoeat," Alice explained.   
"Yeah, ok. What do you want?"   
Alice shook her head. She didn't get to choose thst. Thst wasn't her decision. "You can choose, it's okay." Alice shrugged. "Do you want a different kijd kf snawhich or do you wajt something else?" Alice didn't really knlw what she wanted. She just didnt like thisbweird sanwhcih shed had. Shed takd eggs if there were any.   
She stayed quiet.   
"It's okay, you can say it."   
Alice glanced arouns the diner ajd saw how many people were around and shook her head.   
"Do you want your book?" Zelena kffered. Alice sesmed unconfortable talking too kuch at the mokent. Alkce nodded and flipped through her book and pointed to wjat she wanted. Luckily before zelena had rontwll her no because the dinwrs srove was broken red came out to lwt them knlw evwrythinf was back uo ajd running and alice got a few boiled eggs to eat.   
"Better?"   
Alice nodded.   
"You can have whatever you want to eat, if you don't like something I'm not going to make you eat it."  
Alice looked at her lap. Mother did. The diner had mostly emptied out. It wss just red left.   
"Mothermademeestthings."   
Zelena held back her exasperation. Did she want ro know exavtly how that vile woman had forced alice into eating food she didnd't like.   
"I won't make you eat anything you don't like."  
Alice titled her head. "Isaididisntlikeostmwaland wejustatethatdoraweek."   
"For breakfast?" Alice shook her head.   
"Allthetime."   
This wasn't anywhere near as evil as a lot of the other thinfs Zelena knew alice had bwen subjected to but it still seemed cruel and spiteful to force onto a child.   
"I won't do that. If you try something and don't like it, you can have something else." This was probably a bit on the lenient side of things but Alice needed to learn that she was allowed to have an oppinion om things.   
Alice nodded. "Thankyou."   
Alice finished her food and rhey headed home


	39. Chapter 39

They got home and the storm that had knocked out the power at the diner had done some damage. A large uddle of water in thr living room and a few broken dishes took Zelena's attenton first. The water was on the floor so Alice wouldn't think it was poisoned. Zelena hated that she had to think about that, she hsted even more that Alice had likely had a similar thought process.

Alice glanced around at the mess. It was a lot. But Alice could handle a big mess. She cleaned all the time in the tower. Mother acted like cleaning was a punishment, but she really didn't mind it. It made her feel like she had a use other than just bresthing so mother had her freedom. It only bothered her when she was in pain, but she wasn't in pain and Zelena had made it clear she wouldn't be any time soon. The only part of the mess that she was worried about was the puddle. But that could be done last, and then she could go to her corner and think about it after. She didn't want to touch it yet. Alice let Luna wander off.

She could handle cleaning. Maybe she'd need Luna later but for now she had it. Zelena called henry to come help clean, alice didn't understand why they needed another person to watch her clean but didn't ask. Alice went into the kitchen. Zelena did 't say anything, if Alice wanted to go into the kitchen by herself, she wasn't stopping her. Alice started picking up the mess in the kitchen. She got a bit off balance and sat down. She usually cleaned i the tiwer when mother wasn't there but when she was she didn't like her walking around. So she'd crawled around the floor while cleaning on the rare occasion mother was actually watching her. But it'd work as a way to not have to walk. She couldn't use Luna because she didn't want her near the puddle of water or the glass. Henry arrived and went into the ktichen to set his things down, the table ever so sloghtly blocked the line of sight from the living room into the kitchen. Hsnry left the kitchen.

"Alice is litterwlly crawling on the floor covered in broken glass, and i'll probabky scare her if i tell her not to." Zelena pincjed the bridge of her nose. Did she want to know why Alice felt thr need to crawl? She went into the kitchen. Alice didn't notice her at first. "Hey." Alice flinched.

"Sorrysorrysorry." She should have asked first. Bur she just really wanted to get the cleaning done and do the worsr part last then go to bed.

"You're fine, it's okay. It's just me. I do want to ask you a quesrion is that ok?" Alice agreed, but kept craeling sround and ckwaning. Her luckily covered in fabric knee scarping against a piece of glass. "Hey, sit down. Or you can stsnd up your choice." Alice sat down and glanced over at Zelena.

"Cleanfastersorry." Alice tried to defend herself. She never would have done that with mother. But Zelena was safer so she didn't mind trying to explain. Zelena didn't even know where tonstart with that rule. Telling her not to clean would only come off as accusing her of doing something without permission amd if she was willing to skip that step, something was working finally.

"You're okay. Why were you crawling though?"

"Tiredwalkinghard." Oh thank the gods. It was one of thr phsycial issues and not some other crestive way her mother had made her feel like nothing.

"Motherokwithit." And she'd been relieved too soon.

"What'd you mean?"

"Whenicleanedsroundher.nowalking.crawl." "

"You don't have to crawl on thr floot, Alice." Zelena didn't know what ele to say to that. Hadn't thr tower been made of stone? That had to hurt sometimes. Alice nodded. Zelena left Alice alone knowing that her sitting in there while she cleaned probably felt exactly the way it felt when her mother watched her every move waiting for a mistake. She had no way of knowing if thst had ever happened, but it wouldn't suprise her.

Alice came i to the living room and saw henry trying to wipe up thr ouddle wkth a dish towel.

"Doingitwrong," she mumbled. She had ro do that part! She did 't want to but she had to! And now she was upset that henry was even trying. She threw bear down.

"Hey, hey, you didn't do anything wrong," Zelena comforted.

"Henry'sdoingitwring." Henry always cleaned wring. He put the dish towels he used to dry the dishes away folded completly wrong and he'd put the dishes facing the wrong way. She fixed it but it still reqlly bothered her.

"Ok. That's fine," Zelena would explaim that there was no right way to clean but the few things Alice did, she had very soecific wys she liked them done. She hadn't been allowed any other outlet of anything at all and so she cared how things were folded. She secretly refolded every towel Henry ever put away, everyone knew she did it but didn't confront her about it. She just wanted to clean up the water and be done with it. She stared at it. Mother hated spills in the tower and made sure she knew it. It didn't matter who had spilled it.

[ _She had just been trying ro empty the water basin after washing the dishes. And she had emptied it. On the floor. Mother was going to be so angry. Alice shook a little. She could clean it up and kt'd be fine. Mother noticed it. "You made a mess." Alice had nodded. "Sorrysorrysorry."_

 _"You're going ti drink it." Alice had blinked, confused. That didn't make any sense. The floor wss defintley clean but there was probably bits of soap in it. She akwys did what she was told when mother was telling her to do it but this time she didn't know what to do. Mother had hit her. "Do as your told." Alice blinked again. What did she want her to do? It was on the floor and she didn't know how to get it into a cup. "Yesmother.sorry, how?" Alice flincjed. She'd asked a question. "I'll let you have the question this time. Get down like you're clesning when im watching you." Alice sat on the floor and adjusted herself, hating how vulnersbke sje was to kother deciding to hurt her eithout her knowing she was going to. "Just drink it." Alice did as she was told. The soap taste not bothering her as much as she expected. Mother had made a weird noise with her mouth. "I liked watching that," mother taunted her. "New rule. If water ends up on the floor, you hsve to drink it." Great, a new rule that left her afraid of punishment. But she didn't hate this. It was srill water. But it was mostly water she had spilled so she knew it wasn't filled with potions. And sure mother was mocking her but she was haooy when she did it. And when mother was happy, there weren't any beatings. She srill hated drinking uo the water and being taunted. Mother dunped water on thr ground sometimes. Just to watch her drink it._ ]

"Iclean." alice insisted.

"Ok," Zelena didn't have it in her to fight Alice's insitence at the moment. Alice looed at rhe water. There was so much of it. But she had to drink it. Maybe Zelena would let her hsve a cup? Mother always made her drink it off the floor but there was so much of it that alice didn't think that would work. She could put it in a cup and drink it until there was just enough left to do it the way mother wanted. And did they have to watch her? Mother liked watching but Zelena was different. Maybe she'd leave her alone. It was going to take longer than normal and there was so much that even kf there wasn't anything in it, she'd make herself sick. But it would keep jer from bring punished. The times Alice cleaned up spills she was safe from the pain. But she would get sick and that hadn't been much better. And then when she got sivk thry could watch. It'd be fine.

"Needacup." Zelena djdn't think anything of this. It was common for peiple to clean up flood water eith cups and buckets. She brought back a buncfg of dofferent cups not understsnding thst Alice wasn't going to keave the water in the cups for thst long. Alice apprecisted the cups. She had a better idea now she could fill a few of them up at a time and not have to think about what she was drinking as much. She was sure thr floor here was nowhere as clean as in the tower. She didn't sweep ans mop it once a week here. And clesrly no one else knew hoe to clean that well bdcause they hadn't made a dent in the mess in thr living room when she'd clesned the kitchen. But thry were probably just moving things around waiting for her to clean things. She did 't want to be watched by so many people. Zelena coukd watch. Everyone else needed to leave her alone.

"Goaway!icandoit." Zelena honestly didn't blame Alice for wsnting everyone out of the way. She just assumed itbwas so she wasn't beingbwatched mkve around a lot. And not what she was really asking.

"Ok, we'll be in the kitchen if you need anything." Everyone went into the kitchen.

Zelena left to? Alice was just grateful sje could try to get this done in peace. She put watsr in some lf thr cups. She was just grateful she djdn't have to drink all of the watsr the way luna did. The way mother made her drink spills. The way her abikity to watch mother and know thst she was going to hit her disappeared. She didn't hurt her when she was drinking spills but Alice was still afraid. She was used to cleaning and being shoved to thr ground just because mother had had a bad day. She was used to being yelled at because mother was mad she'd clenaed the wrong part of the tower. The fear didn't go aaay just brcause mother had a pattern of not hurting her in one situation.

"Idontlikeyou," she muttered at the water before drinking it. It had a slight taste to it. She wasn't sure which potion or soap it was. But she was going to be sick after this. It took her a while but she manged tonget all lf the water she could into cups and down. "Littlemorebear." She gsve besr a tight swjeeze then set him out lf the way as she adjusted hdrself to drink the flood water still on the floor. Luna wandsred in and stsrted barking. She didn't bark normally. "Oh so luna does bark," henry commented. "Nope!" Zelena jumped up somethingbhad to be wrong. She rsn into thr living room and saw Alice trying to drink the flood water, that henry had been trying to clean up with wahtever towel was nearby. And who knew what had been on that.

"Alice, don't do that," Zelena tried to stop her calmly but Alice completly ignored her, focused.

"Alice stop," Zele a wasn't going to raise her vlice if it could be helped. Alice was drinking up flood water, she couldn't handle being yelled at. She got ignored. Alice didn't ignore jer unless wjatever she was doing was somehow more important to her. And usually that was because she thoight if she didj't finish it she would be besten.

"Alice stop it now!" Alice fliched and pulled away from the puddle. Oh zelena had wanted to watch. And she'd pretty muvh told jer she couldn't.

"Sorrysorrysorry." Zelena rrally hoped Alice had just been too scared to ask her for water, but she'd seen the kinds of things Alice was scared of, this was probsbly some kimd lf twisted trick Alice's mother had pulled on her.

"If you wanted water, i would have gotten you a bottle. They're in the fridge." Alice shook her head.

"Ididntwantany." Grest it was a trick that vile woman had oulled on her own child.

"Ok, i'm confused then, why were to trying to drink the water off rhe ground?"

'

"Haveto.wheneverwsterspillsihavetodrinkit."

"That is not a rule here," Zelena promised. Did she really have to eplain that she didn't habe to drink the water that a storm had let in off the ground? She woukdn't even make a dkg do that and they woukd srink oit of toilet if you let them!

"Sorry.youwantedtowatch,sorry."

"I do not want to watch yiu drink off the floor."

"Motherlikedwstching." Zelena wanted to scream, but Alice wasn't the approiate person to do thst in front of. Ahe gritted her teeth for a second. And then relewased.

"Canipleasefinsih?" Alice didn't wait for am answer and wdnt back to what she was doing.

"Alice, look at me," Alice looked st her.

"If it's on the floor you don't hsve to drink it. Actually, wait you are not allowed to drink it," that rule seemed neccesary as Aloce kept glsncing st the remaining wstsr on the floor and seemed like she wasn't going tonjust not do it brcause it wasn't required.

"Butmotherwillknowandshelikedmedoingit.itwastheonlythingsheliked.theonlythingthatsheneverhurtmefor." Alice hadn't liked drinkijg up spills or amything but it was the closest thing to not being punished there was. Z

Zelena needed a minufe to compose herself so excused herself. Zelena sighed. The only time Alice had felt like she was safe was when she was beong treated like she wasn't even human. Zelena came back in and Alice was drinking the water off the ground. Zelena was glad Alice was willing to break a rule, but it was the wrong set of rules.

"Alice seriously, stop it." Aloce glsnced at her, zelena wouldn't hurt her. Mother would. Mother's rules mesnt more.

"Alice, i'm not joking, stop drinking the water. It's not good for you." Alice wouldn't lidten to zelena. Zelena sighed. She couldn't phsyvially move her sway from the issue. But she could get the water way from Alice..

"Im not going to hurt you," Zelena promised walking a bit closer and holding a towel. "I prmlomisw that i will not hurt you. I am goimg to dry this up and then we're going to talk about it." Alice sort of hit at zelena's direction. She was twrrsfied her mother sould find out she din't do wjat she was supposed to.

"Alice we've talked about hitting. You know it'a not nice." 

"Sorry." Alice went back to the water

"Done," Alice said. Alice got up. She'd finished and she wanted to go to her corner. 

"Where are you going?" Zelena asked.

"Room."

"Sorry, not yet. We have to talk." Alice sat back down and curled up. Zelena didn't want to say anytjing to her. But this was dangerous. This time it'd been flood water that hadnt had anything in it; but what happened if the next time something spilled it was mop water? Or some other liquid filled with chemicals. This time it'd just been heartbreaking to watch, but Alice could seriously hurt herself, and she ignored Zelena's rule not to do it. 

"Sorrysorrysirry."

"I get it. My rules aren't thst scary to you. And that's really good. I'm really glad you aren't so afraid of me that you hurt yourself trying to make sure you don't have to be around me. But my rules are importsnt."

Aloce glanced at zelena. "Itbothersyouifidrinkoffthrfloor?"

"Yes, it does. It's not safe.'

"Wasiloud?"

"You weren't loud."

"Didimovetoomucu?"

"You didn't mive too muvh." "

"Didigetinyourway?"

"You're never in the way." Zelena jad no odea how Alice cpuld possoble think that but knew Alice mothwr had made her think looking at her was an attack. 

"Thenwhycan'tidoit?"

"Wait, what do you think thst rule is for?"

"Soimjotinyourway.soidontbotheryou."

"You don't bother me. It's for your safety. Yeah this time otnwas just water. But you could get reqlly sick if it wasn't."

"Motherlikedwheniwassick.stsyedinmyroomafterabestingmore."

"Did your mother beat you when you were sick?"

"Ifimadeamess." 

Zelena couldn't do it. She couldn't tell alice she had to punish her. But there had to be a consequence. Alice had to know that the few rules zelena gave her mattered. But anything she could do would just be meaningless. Or it'd be terrafying.

"Ok, i'm sorry. I don't knlw to handle this."

"Wanthelp?"

"Wkth what?"

"Icanhelpypuoickapumsihment." How did Alice knlw that's what she was thinking about?

"Youlookmad.motherlookedmadbefirepunishkent." Zelena thiught she had contained it. But Alice was good at reading people. When she wasn't busy being terrsfied theybwere around her.

"Ok. You can tell me what you think, but i'm pretty sure i won't agree with it." Alice nodded.

"Justbeatme."

"Alice that's not happening."

"Notwiththestrap.justwithwhatever.aspoonwouldn'thurtasbadly." Zelena was going to choose to beliebe that was a hypothetical and not that Alice had been hit with more objects than the one.

"That's not any better." Alice looked at the floor.

"Stillhabetheiv?"

"I don't. And that was because you were sick and needed it. It's not to hurt you." "

"Splint?" Litterslly everything Alice could think of was beyond unpleasant to her. Zelena knew that.

"It cannot be anything thst hurts you."

"Thesplintdidn'thurt," Alice told her. "Justscary."

"Im nlt doing that. It can't be anything you might need." Alice looked at the ground again.

"Restraint.youcanmakeone." "

"I'm not going to chain you up." Letting Alice sugest a punishment had been a bad idea. All she knew was pain. There was no way to apply a consequence when she didn't do anything. She could put her in a time out, but that was what she did nautrually, making it what haplened when she brome a rule would either make her afraid to go into her own space or make her brea rukes constantly.

"Tell you what, since i genuinely have no idea what to do. This time i'll just wqrn you thsy ou can't do it. I'll ask archie how he thinks i should handle it and then i'll talk to you about it. If its something that's too svary we'll try again. But please, donxt drink tjings off thr floor." Zelena was exhausted and just lrt Alocd go to her room. She called archie. "We have a problem."


	40. Chapter 40

Zelena had Henry stay with Alice, warning him that she'd probably end up being a little nausous at some point, and she went to talk to Archie. 

"Alice finally had a real cnversation with me!"

"How is that a problem?" 

"It was just her defending the fact she was drinking water off the floor."

"Like she was drinking water and sitting down?" 

"No we had a bit of flooding and when I walked back into the iving room she was licking at the floor. She wouldn't stop until the water was gone."

"Ok that's really weird, did she say why?" 

"Why dl you think?" Zelena snapped. She was frustrated and angry and had been holding all of that in because Alice was so easily frightened. 

"Her mother made her, i guess."

"We've gotten luvky and she's ignored thst rule up until now." 

"That you know of, she's in the bathroom alone all the time." 

Zelena's eyes widebed. There was never any water on thr bathroom floor when she went in after Alice had done anything in the bahtroom. She just assumed she was meticulous about cleaning in there. 

"How exactly do I stop it? It's dangerous and when i tried to dry the water up eith a towl she tried to hit me." 

"She feels like she has to do it, so let her do it." 

"It's dangeroud." 

"She doesn't knkw that, zelena. All she knows is that you're telling her to break a rule. You have to give her something to do instead. Maybe drying water up with a towel will work. She'd still be cleaning up the water but she wouldn't be ingesting whatevers in it." 

"And what if she refuses?" 

"When has she ever refused to do amything you told her to dounless it was defending robin?" 

"I told her to stop drinking rhe floodbwster and she fought me on that." 

"She's starting to see you as a safe person. She's going to test you to see what the bkubdsries are now that she doesn't think you'll hurt her." 

"Speaking of boubdsries, i told her i'd ask you what consequences there couls be kf se broke an importsnt rule i gave her. She offered to help me pick one and don't ask her to tell you what punishment she shoukd have." Zelena frowned, Alice had chosen everything that had to be beyond painful or scary 

"She finds those things normal. She doesn't understand that most people know it's wring ro chain a child up she just knows that that's what her mother did " 

Archie and Zelena continjed having s cinversation and bouncing ideas back and forth on what to do if Alice was actually doing something dangerous. 

Meanwhile, Alkce was sitting in her corner nauseous. She didn't feel well. She coukd tell she was going to throw uo eventuqlly. And she was stressed.   
She didn't get the new rule Zelena jad given her. She clained ir was a safety issue, but she did it all the time and no one had said anything. She had somehow never done kt in front kf Zelena before, often being too distracted by trting ro follow other rukes as well to manage. And red always got to the spills in the diner befire Alice could even rewlly decided if getting out of herbsest in a room full of people was worth it. 

Henry went to check on aloce and swt a bucket in front of her. 

"Id you get sick, do it in this. Is there anything that makes youbfeel better when you don't feel well?"  
Alice shook her head. The potions were whwt fid this to hermost of the time but she knew some were meant to make people feel better. If she'd been sick too long mother would give her one lf those but she'd learned to associate the potions wkth fesr and dkscomfort so she still didn't like them. And whenever they made her feel better it wss usually because mlther really wanted to hurt her and didn't want the hassle of hurting her while she was ill.   
"I can'f do anything if there idn't a way to make you feel better. We can play a game?" 

Alice shook her head. "Alright, if you need me i'm here."   
Henry had his own little girl and the thoight of someone hurting her made his blood boil, this girks own mother had hurr her so badly she would make herself sick in order to feel for a moment like she was safe from her.   
It was terrible, but he'd do what he could to help her.   
Alkce did eventually throw up into the bucket, whic was weirdly quiet. Even when she was emptying toxins out ofher body she was quiet and her gagging was newrly silent.   
Henry cane to check on her abd was shcoked by the fact the bucjet had anything it it. He hadn't so much as hesrd her   
"I'm going to go clewn this out and then i'll bring it baxk, alright?"   
Alice shook her head. "Clean." .  
"Yeah, im going to go clean it." 

This bkthered Alice and she silently brgged him to let her flean it up herself.   
"I'm going to go clean this. I knle you probabky want to because im not thr best at it but you'll make yourself feel worse."   
Alice looked at the floor, that was the point. She had to know not to make a mess again.   
"Mymess."  
"This isn't a mess, Alice. You made it into the bucket. Grest job."   
Henry went ourside and ckeaned it out rhwn returned it to her.   
"Youbfeeling any better?" Alice nodded. She'd just drank way toi muvh water in one sitting. It wasn't nromally thst much whrn she spilled things. 

Henry hung out with heruntil Zelena got home and Zelena pinched the brjdge of her nose before going to see if Alice was rewdy to talk about what Archie had suggested.


	41. Chapter 41

Alice glanced at Zelena. She'd ignored her and done the thing she'd told her not. She didn't know what to do with that, she didn't think Zelena would hurt her but she still saw her as some kind of authority. An apology had never hurt her as much as not offering one had.   
"Sorry."   
"It's ok, I get it. You don't know what I want from you and that's terrsfying."   
Alice nodded. She understood what mother had exoected from her, she'd not been the best at doing that but she at least knew what would happen if she didn't. "I'm not going to hurt you." Zelena reassured Alice that she didn't need to tense uo every muscle in her body. 

"Punishment," Alice still expected her actions to have consequences. Which would have been fine if she didn't believe that she deserved pain. 

"Yeah, you're not in trouble. But we do need to talk about what will happen if you are." 

"Sorrysorrysorry." Alice didn't know anything other than the way her mother acted when she did something wrong. So she tried to apologize even thoigh Zelena had made it clear she wasn't doing snything wrong. 

"No one will hurt you, that's never going to happen again." Zelena wished it'd never happened in the first place. No one deserved that. 

Alice stared at her. Almost afraid. 

Zelena wasn't sure Archie's idea would work. A slightly unpleasant sound for a second would defintely stop her from doing sonething dangerous in the moment. But the amount of mundane things that she saw and thought of ways they could be used to hurt her, that worried Zelena. If it was something Alice's mother had used it wasn't an option. Zelena couldn't do ajything that woman had done and retain Alice's very fragile and very recently earned sense of trust. 

"Have you ever seena whsitle before?" Zelena shkeed it to her and Alice sjook her head. Zelena was watching Alice to see if she shifted into how she acted when she saw a belt or when she saw anything that reswmebked a chain. "Ok, it's going to make a sound. It's not very loud. But it doesn't sound nice. You're not in trouble. This is just so i can show you what it sounds like." 

Alice nodded. She expected it to be a vsry long sound that she couldn't get away from, like mother's yellimg. But it wasn't even a a few seconds and it was done. That was it?   
Alice stared at Zelena.   
"Did that scare you?" Zelena asked. Alice shook her head. She didn't like the noise but it wasn't scary.   
Zelena watched to see if Alice was lying. "Does it remind you of snything?" Zelena didn't know what else would possobly be useful if even a bloody whistle had been used as a way to hurt her.  
Alice shook her head. Oh thank the gods.   
Alice wasn't going to try to hesr that sound but it didn't feel like most of mother's punishments. 

"Alright, I'm not going to use this all the time. I can tell you don't really like the sound. And that's kind of the point. But it's only, and I mean only, for if talking to you isn't working and you're in danger. It's just in case i can't talk you down when somethings unsafe." 

Alice blinked. That didn't make sense. Punishkents were for when she was bothering mother. That's what the rules were for.   
"Nohurt."

"It's not supposed to hurt. It's supposed to keeo you safe. Why would I hurt you to do that?" 

"Ilisten." Alice followed the rules because she knew that she'd be hurt. Zelena really didn't understand how punishment worked. 

"Youcanhitme." 

."i'm not going to hit you." 

Alice shook her head. "Youneedto." 

"I don't need to hurt you." 

Alice looked at the ground. "Itdidnthurtthstmuch." 

Zelena helf back the anger that wasn't directed at Alice. Of course being hit didn't hurt that much in vonaprison to some of the other ways her mother tried to control her. She made her lhsycially ill and beat her for throwing up. 

"But it still hurt, didn't it?" 

Alice nodded. 

"It's just going to be the sound. It is never going to be anything more than that. If it gets to a point whrre that sound is actually scaring you or making you so jncomfortsble or anxious thst you can't function anymore, for whatever reason it goes away." 

Alice didn't understsnd that. If she was thar   
uncomfortsble it was working and then mother would have just used it more. That's how she'd ended up chained up so often.   
[[The chains dug into Alice's wrist and she tried to adjust, the rsttling of them bothering her because she knew mother would be angry she'd made that much noise. "Be quiet!" A singilar hit to her face and Alice had nodded and justbsat there as quietly as she could.  
"It's uncomfortsble being that close to me?"   
Alice ignored her for a moment. "Answer me! Or you and the strap can get better aquanited."  
"Sorrysorrysorry. Yes."   
"Pathetic. I'm your mother, you should be able to sit next to me and nlt be uncomfotsble."   
Alice was terrwfied kf her mother but really it was just rhw restraints that were bothering her.   
"Hurts." She told her holding up her wrist. She didn't know why she told her this. It was stupid. Not once had she cared thwt she was in pain.   
"I'll fix it." Mother hsd come kcer and tighted the restraints a bit mlre. Alice's whimper as she tried to pull away because she knew exactly what happened the moment she was within her mother's reach only earning her the comment that she was a coward.   
"Glad to know that you don't like those." Mother told her the jext morning as she couldn't look any more frightened and as rhebrrastrints came off. "I'll use that even more often."   
And that befame the worst thing Alice could think of.]]

"I know that your mother probably told you the exact opposite every time she showed you a new way she could hurt you, but I'm not her. And i won't make you feel the way she made you feel."   
Alice nodded.   
"Nohurt?" It was a question this time. 

"Exactly. I won't hurt you."   
"Thewater." 

"Ok yeah, that," Zelena sighed. "I know that you weren't sure what to do. I'm going to give you sonething else to do when you see water on the floor if you sbsolitley feel like you have to do something about it."  
Zelena really hoped Alice would accept this. 

"Just dey it up, with a towel." Zelena made the towel part of that sentence clear. They'd gotten lucky and gor whatevervreason Alice had not followed that particular rule anywhere anyone had ever seen her doing it. "I don't want you drinking the water of the floor." 

"Idoitallthetime." Alice was confused, she'd always done this. No one had ever said she couldn't. 

."i knlw your mother made you do it all the time, but I don't want you to. It's the only time i am going to use this whsitle is if you're drinking dad ometjing off thr floor or if you're hurting someone, ok?"

[No! In the bathroom. Youve jever said anything!] 

Alice threw besr down.   
"Hey, it's okay. Try to use your words. I know archie's been helping you with thst one."   
."allthetime." 

"You've said that. Do you mean around your motjer?" Zelena hated calling her that but it was what Alice understood. 

Alice shook her head. 

"Here?" Alice nodded. And at the old tower. 

"Andoldtower." 

Oh every building was a tower to Alice. 

"I didn't know you were doing that or I would have asked you not to," Zelena couldn't possibly be next to Alice all of the time and hadn't thought anyrjing of Alocw being alone around the house. She was rarely home compeltly alone becauae it was a safety risk to her.   
"Dontdoit?" 

"Thank-you, yes. You didn't know so you're not in trouble." 

Zelena really hoped this conversation would be enough to stop her from continuing a habit no one had known she'd had. But at the very least it'd given Alice a chance to learn that there was a oretty safe way for her to have some kind lf boundary. And Alice had been desprste for that since she'd moved in with Zelena.


	42. Chapter 42

Simply explaning an alternative had not worked the way they'd hoped. Alice had clearly always learned by doing. And just telling her what to do had failed. But she seemed to understand that Zelena didn't like what she was doing, so she tried to hide it from her. The ever so slight defiance would have been a muvh better sign of progress of she wasn't doing something she didn't like either.  
They'd not been as lucky as thry thought, it was just that Zelena hadn't noticed this particular issue akidst the slew of other problems she had to work on. But it'd become a lot more aparent now. And since Alice usually had a lid on her cup because she tended to throw anything she could reach whenever she was upset, it hadn't been obvious. But Zelena couldn't find the lid and so handed Alice the cup wothout it and judt hoped it wouldn't be an issue. They were going to go to the library and let Alice read for a little while.  
"I'm going to take Luna to the bathroom, ok?" Alice nodded and Zelena walked outside with Luna. 

She came back and Alice was glancing at a puddle amd the cup that was still rolling on its side next to it. Whether she had thrown it down or it'd fallen really wasn't relevant.  
"Sorry.sorrysorry." she hadn't meant to drop it. She knew Zelena had told her to clean it up a different way. But she didn't know how. She didn't know where to get a towel without having to walk past Zelena. She knew she wouldn't hurt her but she didn't want to get in trouble. She could still remeber what it felt like in the tower and even if she wasn't going ro be hurt here her mind still reminded her of that, sometimes it felt like the mostly healed wounds still hurt. And she knew that some scars hadn't gone away.  
"It's okay, accidents happen. We talked about it, i'll go get you a towel, ok?" Alice nodded. When Zelena was gone she could do what she was supppsed ro and then maybe no one would be mad at her. Maybe if she wioed some of it up with a towel everyone would be happy and she could avoid feeling like she'd done anything wrong.

Zelena returned and Alice was drinking the water off the floor.  
"Hey, hey," Alice looked uo for a second. "Don't do that. I brought a towel "  
Alice took the towel and set it next to her. She could do both.  
Zelena really didn't want to upset Alice. She was finally trusting her enough to make some conversation with her but she still believed that someone would hurt her.  
"Alice stop," Alice did in fact stop. For a moment. And then she went right back to what she was doing.  
Zelena found the shsitle and it shocked Alice out of what she was doing.  
"Ihaveto." Alice was desperate for some kind of relief that no one could give her. She couldn't do the thing she had been conditioned to do.  
Zelena knew she didn't wamt to hear the answer to the question she was almost willing to ask. Why? She didn't ask. Hoping that she could pull her out of it in a different way  
"I know, i knlw you really want to do that. But this is the one thing i'm not going to let you do."  
Aloe threw bear down.[i don't want to do it! But i have to!]  
Ok Zelena had been wrong about what Alice was trying to accomplish in some way. That was a frequent occurance. Alice was so used to being forced into things and being controlled by fear that Zelena's way of communicating with her often fell short of registerig with her.  
"Haveto." Alice had oicked uo the towel, it was the cllsest thing to her now, and had balled it up in her hands and pulled it closer to her body.  
"You don't have to do anything, it's fine. I can clean it up."  
Alice shook her head. No. No. No.  
"Own" Alice used the xlosest word she knew for what she wanted.  
It took Zelena a minute. Alice meant that it was her job to clean. That was a beloef that wasn't going to bd disambtled in the next few minutes.  
"Ok, but you have to use the towel to clean it up." .alice nodded. She could clean up a part of the spill with the towel. That had been her plan. She laid the towel down, hoping that maybe Zelena would atop watching her. This felt wrong. She dried up as little of the water as she could with the towel.  
"That's good."  
Alice hated this. She didn't like drinking the water either but that was what she was supppsed to do. And when she didn't? Alice shuddered. She could feel old scars burning.  
"Hey, it's okay," Zelena noticed that this was a difficult thing fkr Alice. "Not going to hurt you. You've got this. It's just a little more," Alice dropped the towel and paused, the words so easily and so unintentianlly sending her into a memory. 

[[Mother was making a familar sound. It only happened when she really liked sokethinf Alice was doing. It was never anything fun. It was akways the things Alice hated. Which was everything besides sitting in the window watching the world she couldn't reach and sitting in her corner running her hand along the walls and folding her balnkets when she could pretend for just a moment that she didn't have to worry about the next punishment. "It's just a little more." Alice didn't even like water when it was in a container. Drinking it iff the floor was honestly better sometimes. But sometikes it was just as bad. And mother could choose to hurt her at any point and she'd never see it coming. This was the closest thing to safe she had when she was around her, though. She finished and motheded dumped more on the ground. And that kept happening until mother was bored of it and decided she did want to punish her for whatever it was she'd done wrong. Alice couldn't remember anymore.] ] 

Zelena sighed as she waited for Luna to help Alice calm down. This happened a lot. There were so many thibgs that bothered Alice. And some lf them weren't easy to expect. And they didn't all happen every single time. There were things that would always send Alice deep into a state of fear no matter what context, she couldn't handle seeing a belt almost ever, and things that she could almost handle as long as she felt like it wasn't threstening her directly. Whatever had triggered this was one lf the latter.  
"Yeah i know, that'a scary, do you want to talk abojt it?"  
Alice talked to Alice more now so she'd started to offer her the option to talk through it when somwthing scared her enough that Luna had to help.  
Alice nodded. Zelena wouldn't hurt her and she just wantes rhe pain to stop. "Drinkit.sick.pain." 

"Yeah, being sick hurts." Alice shook her head.  
"Motherhurt."  
Zelena wished she could give Alice a hug and tell jer every single thing her mofher did was wrong and it magically be all better. But it didn't work that way. A hug would only frighten her, telling her her kotherbwas wrong abojt everything would only leave her confused.  
"Not going to do that. Not going to allow anyone to do that, ok?"  
Alice nodded. ."sorry.canifinish?"  
Zelena sighed, the mess had been momentsrily forgotten.  
"Yeah, omly if youbuse the towel, though."  
Alice nodded but waited until zelena wasnt look right at her to break that rule.  
The noise that snaoped her out of it zelena already hated using. It would work, for now. But it couldneasily become something that would cause her just as much pain and fear as everytjing else. Or she could get used to it which would be a lot better but make it not work.  
Archie was going to habe to try some other way to get Alice not to drinknwater off the floor.  
"I'm going to clean this up now, ok?"  
Alice shook her head. It wasn't ok. It was her mess! And mother hated cleaning up after her. Always had. Not that she ever made very big kesses but mother drfintley hated when thry existed.  
"I know, but you keep putting yourself in danger and it's my job to kske sure you're safe."  
Alice stared at her. Whonsaid anything about safe? As long as she was alive, Zelena was doing everything she had to do.  
"Alive."  
"What?"  
"Notsafe.alive."  
Zelena held in the profanities. That's all Alice expected of snyone around her. To just not kill her. She didn't expect them to make her feel safe. She didn't even really expect them not to activley be the ones hurting her. She expected less than the bare minimum from everyone.  
"Well yes, keeping you alive is a part of keeping you safe. I'm going to do both, is that ok with you? Think you can try letting me do both?"  
Alice nodded. She could try it. It felt strange. The most mother needed her for was her freedom, ithe fact she could serve as someone to keep the tower had always just been a bonus for mother, Alice srill jad to do it.  
"Ihaveto."  
"I knlw it bothers you that you're not the ome cleaning. So i'll clean up this spill and you can set the dishes in the sink, ok?"

Zelena didn't really need Alice's help but if she saw somwone else cleaning and she wasn't she'd get upset. She expected to be the one cleaning, Zelena honestly wondered if her mother had done a damn thing since Alice was old enough to handle it. The way Alice acted made it oretty obvious that she hadn't. 

"Tommorw we're going to see archie," Zelena told her. Alice nodded.  
Alice turned on the water then gksnced at Zelena.  
"Cani?"  
"Yeah, that's fine."  
Washing the dishes had never caused a peoblem outside of the time Alice had declared a war on thwm so Zelena allowed it.  
They fi ished picking up in the kitchen and then Alice went and played a game with robin amd Zelena called Archie to tell him that he needed to focus on the present issue because it could easily become actually dsngerous.


	43. Chapter 43

Archie had gotten a sanple of a tile floor from the harwppd store and had gotten a bunch of seales water bottles. Alice was going to have to learn not to do this before it became an actual safety issue. So far it'd only been clean watsr inside Zelena's house but it couldneasily become something dangerous of she did it in a punloc place pr with water that had chemicals in it. Archie had told Zelena to make sure any cjemicals in the house were stored somewhwre Alice could not reach them, but they akready had been . No one had known what Alice would and wouldn't know was unsafe and so they'd been careful. 

"Hi," Archie greeted Alice. "You and luna ready?"   
Alice nodded. 

Archie jad realized that some of his approaches may have been a little too mature for Alice. She was thr same age as Robin but she hadn't been allowed to mature in a normal way. Every milestone she'd had had been met with being encouraged for just long enough for her to learn how and then had been forced to be only allowed when someone else said it was allowed. Simply telling her that she had to do something a different way, wasn't going to work for her. 

They went into the office and alice looked st the water bottles. Did she do something wrong? 

"Sorrysorrysorry."   
"This is mine," Archie promised her when he saw her reaction to the water. "If you want water i'll give you one that's not opened, ok?" 

Alice nodded. Alice had made it pretty clear that she learned by doing things and not by heing told how to do them. So they'd have to practice. 

"We're going to practice hoe to handle spills today, ok?" 

Alice stared at Archie. Practice? She hated practicing things. All fhat meant was she had to keep doing them until she got them right and mother had her ways to make sure she didn't get it wrong. They'd been terrafying. 

["We're going to practice how to get off the windowsill. Go on. Get up there." Alice got up.   
"Now off." Alice jumped off it. Hwr feet landed and made a sound on the floor. "Nope!" Mother hit her. It happened until shd couldnget dosn without making a sound at all.   
"You're going to practice how to drink your potions. No gagging. No spitting it out. No complamints." That one had taken weeks. She knew what they did to her. It was so hard to make herself drink them.   
"Walk. Now." She'd fallen and gotten hit. She remebered this bexause she'd kesrned how tonwalk and then had refused as shed gotten older, mothsr needed her to be able to kove around the tower and so she'd made her return to it. Even though she still hurt her if she did anything she didn't like.]]

"Practice?" Alice's voice shook a little. "Differentplease."   
Archie wasn't used to Alice asking for a different tjing ro work on.   
"Yeah, we can start with something a bit easier. Do you want to work on your words or somdthing else?"   
Alice nodded.   
Good. She could maybe try to tell him what was bothering her. 

"What's wrong with practicing?"  
"Ithurts."   
"It's not going to hurt."   
Alice nodded. "Illgetitwrong." 

"It's fine if you don't get it on thd first try."   
Alice shook head. "Youllhitme." 

"I'm not going to hit you." 

"Whatifidoitwrong?" 

"Then you did it wrong and we try again, if you're comfortsble trying again." 

"Beforeorafter?" 

"Nefore or after what?" 

"Punishment." 

"I'm not going to punish you. You're learning." 

"Motherhurtme." 

"I know." Archie knew alice was hurt so much and she was so scared. "Do you think you can try?" 

Alice nodded. 

"Ok i'm going to out the water on this tile. And then we're just going to clran it up wkth the towel. You arem't going to drink it."   
Alice understood the words he was aaying but she didn't get it. She was supposed to drink it. And everyome wanted her to break that rule. She was fine wkth every other tule she'd broken since shd'd met Zelena. Mother was going to hurt her either way thr next time she saw her at this point. But this was the one thing mother had never hurt her for doing. The one thing that had been something mlther liked about her. And eventually she'd have to go back and she needed to still be able to do this.   
She took the towel from archie and tried it a little but thrn did what she was supppsed to.   
"Alice, hey, stop." Alice stopped.   
"Ok, we'll try again. Archie cleaned up the water and opened another bottle. He couldn't figjt both of her expectations at once so every bottle he pired on the tole was a sealed one he was willing to drink out of as well. She was already going against everything she believed anlut the world trying to clean water up in a normal way, she couldn't believe it was poisoned too.   
It didn't work. They got through 3 bottles befire it was apparent that it really wasn't going to work. He'd tried getting her to stand up and makimg it impossoble to do what she thought she should but she'd jusy gotten bsck on thd floor and drank the water of the floor anyway.   
It wasn't just that she djdn't know how. He'd shown her how. It was deeper than that. 

"Ok, why don't you want to use the towel? Is it fun to drink kt that way?"

"No." Alice shook her head. She jated it. "Motherlikesit." 

"What else did your mother like?" Archie thought he had an idea of what Alice meant. 

"Themarket. Thechainsmoving." 

It took a minjte for Archie to figjre out Alice meant the wkrd adjustable. And then how short lf a list that was hit him. Alice wasn't on that list. And it was so obvious that she wanted nothing mlre than to be on it. 

"Notme." 

"I like you," Archie offered. Hr knew it wasn't the same but it hurt to see Alice trying so hard to please someone that wasn't even around any more. She didn't even want her love, that was so far out of reach. All she wanted was even a fraction of the way her mlther talked about the thing she left her alone weekly for. That was it. She didn't want anything else. "I know, it's not the same." 

"Icantstopdoingtheonethingshelikesaboutme." Archie could see it in Alice's eyes that she was begging him not to make her. 

"She can't hurt you anymore."

Aloce stared at him. Not roght now. But she couldn't be gone forever. She always said she needed a break from her. Maybe this was just a really long one. Maybe she wouldn't want to hurt her snymlre when she went bsck. 

"Ok.when?"

Wait. Did Alice understand that her mother wasn't coming back? 

"What'd you mean when?" 

"Whenmotherback?" 

"Alice, she's not coming back."

Alice blinked. But, she had to! 

Alice threw bear across the room and picked up cups. Her frustrstion and the emotional weight of realizing that this was going going to be forever taking over her. Luna comforted her. 

"I know." 

"Shehatedme.iknowthat," alice had always known that. But she hadn't thought she'd avtually get rid pf her forever.   
"Hey, you're okay," all Archie could do was clmfort Alice. He couldn't say her mlther didn't hate her, the wpman had litterally drugged her and chained her up amd then beaten hwr for making a mess. The woman was depraved and honestly, probably had hated her own child. But telling her that her mother had hated her wasn't going to make her feel better either.   
"Iwanttogohome." She'd stopped throeing things and was now holding onto one of the toys shed found on the floor. 

"Where do you think home is?" Archie didn't want to promise her something he couldn't give her. 

"Withmother." 

"I know, i knlw you want her. But she's not comimg back, i'm sorry." Apologizing for the fact that Alice would never be in that kimd of pain again was strsnge but she wanted the person that had raised her and the fact she wasnt coming back was bothering her. 

"Whatdidowrong?" Alice knew she had ro ha e done something to make mother not even want to keep her at all any more. 

"You dkdn't do anything wrong." 

"Shestoppedwantingmeevnmlre." 

"Alice, that isn't what happened." Did Alice think that her mother had wanted to get rid of her? What on eadth had she thought zelena taking her in had meant.   
"She was hurting you. And that's not somwthing that's allowed. Zelena took you so you wouldn't be hurt any more. Does that make sense." 

Alice shook her head, not really. 

"Your mother hurt you a lot didn't she?" Alice nodded. "Zelena grew up being hurt a lot too and she doesn't want anyone else to go through that. She found out it was happening to you and she took you so she could make sire you were safe. She wants you to feel safe."

Alice was getting it. It was sinking in. But the fact she'd never see her mother again hurt. She'd never get to make her like her. 

"I am so sorry we didn't explain this," Archie told her. "We really should have. I'm going to go get zelena."   
Archie went to retrieve her.   
"Wjat's wrong?" 

"You knlw when you basically kidnapped Alice and brought her into a different realm?"  
"Yeah."  
"No one ever told her that she wasn't going back to her mother. She has thoight for the entire time you'e had her that you were just watching her while her mofher took a very long trip or whatver." 

"It's been almost a year."

"Well i've explained it now, and she's strugglimg with the fact she'll never see her mother again. She was tryin to drink the water because it was the one thing her mothrr liked about her." 

"I'm sorry, what?"   
"Ok first, you need to calm down. Alice is feelimg every emotion there is at the moment." And she was. She was scared about what was going to happen, she was haply that she knew her mother could jever hurt her again, and she was sad and angry and frustrsted by the fact she'd never acheive getting her mother to like her. And she was overehelmed by how many dofferents ways she could feel at once.

They went bsck into the office and Alice was petting luna, clearly strugglimg to figure out hoe to handle how she felt..  
"Hey, i know. You don't have to be okay right now," Zelena told her. "You can feel however you feel. Even if you dont quote ubderstsnd hoe you feel." 

Alice was really trying not to cry but it was so hard. 

"Didsheknowileft?" 

"I don't know." zdlena told her. Shd burrird her fsce in luna's fur. She didn't know if her mother had even looked for her, but she was sure she hadn't. She'd been happy thst the tower couldn't keep her inside, probably.   
That she could spend all the time she wanted at the market and never have to think about Alice ever again. "Is there anything i can do to make you feel better?" 

Alice shook her head. Nothing. There was nothing that would make this hurt less. 

There wasn't much anyonr could do. The way to console someone was usually to offer them comfort but Alice didn't have that option and would flikch away from touch. Alice kept crying silently into luna's fur. 

Once she'd cried it out she felt like she could talk a little. Was zelena going to get ris of jer too? Where would she go? Would it be even harder to adjust? Would they hurt her? 

"Doihavetoleave?" 

"I din't habe any more appointments today you can sit in this room as lomg as you need to," Archie told her. He always scheduked alice's appointments tonwjere no ome was after her brcause she was genuinely unlredictable when she was having a bad day. And sometines of a session upset her enough she had a hsrd timr grtting up and walking for longer than most people would. 

Alice shook her head. That was nice to know but not at all the question. Did she jave to leave zelenas? 

"Fromher." She really couldn't pronounce zelenas name that wrll and rarely kf evsr tried.   
"Absolutely not," Zelena promised. "I want to take care of you, i want to make you feel safe. I knlw that's hard to ubdwrstand right now."   
Alice nodded.   
It took a few more mijutes befire aloce could get up. 

"That was a really hard session, wasn't it?" 

Alice nodded. The emotional weight hadn't left yet. 

"Know what'll make you feel better, ice cream. You need it."   
Alice agreed. And it did make her her feel quitr a bit jetter. They went home and zelena hoped that the favt Alice was no longer ezoecting her mother to walk through the ront door and take her back to tje tower might help a lot of the problems.


	44. Chapter 44

"If you want to talk, i'm around, ok?" Zelena offered. Alice had just found out news that was defintly upsetting. Yeah, her mother had been horrible to her and Alice had always feared her, but that didn't matter. She had still been the only person she'd been around for most of her life. But Alice wasn't one to ask for help unprompted, so Zelena tried to make it available to her for when she was ready for it. 

Alice nodded, her mind still a bit clouded as she took Luna's vest and harness off. 

Alice sat down in the floor. She wasn't okay. She didn't know what to expect anymore. Mother's rules had been so simple. She had thought that mother wanted a break from her and that she'd still take her back. But she had to follow Zelena's rules too since eventually she'd have to tell mpther what she'd done. And then mother would punish her. That had made so much sense to her. She'd been worried about how angry mother moght be when she went back, she'd not for a second thought she'd never see her again. She knew how much the tower had hurt. It'd been terrafying knowing that all she had to do was pick in the wrong area of the tower and then her entire day would be filled with pain, but it'd been her home. For her entire life. She hadn't thought she was leaving it behind forever.  
"I know," Zelena sat down next to her. Alice was so upset, the air was almost solemn around her. She always looked scared but right now she looked so sad. Like she was mourning a loss. And she was. She hadn't ubderstood that there was a reason for her to be tskrn away from her mother, all she'd known was that it had happened. And explaining that to her had been devestating. 

Alice glanced ocer at Zelena. She wouldn't care about how she felt. No one ever had. But she was there. And she just wanted someone to say it was okay. That she was allowed to feel upset. She shook her head. She could think it herself. 

"Hey, you can tell me if you want," Zelena ofered notocing Alice had opened her mouth and chsnged her mind. 

"Ithurtbutstillhome." 

"I know, i know that. It's okay to be sad." Zelena couldn't do anything about how Alice felt at the moment. "And it's okay to be scared, i know you aren't really sure how tl handle this. Feel how you feel, ask me anything you want." 

Alkce stared at the ground. Why did Zelena want her? Mother had needed her for her freedom and for the fact she knew how to keep the tower clean. But she didn't clean that much here and Zelena could walk out the door woth her. So she was useless. Completly. So why would Zelena want her around. She wasn't sure if she should ask. But Zelena had just givrn her pemtission to ask a question. And she needed to know.

"Whydoyouwantme?" Zelena blinked. She'd expected maybe a question about if they could have something soecific for dinner. Maybe something about what her mother was doing without her. But Alice wantes to know why Zelena wanted her. There wasn't a reason. There sidn't need to be a reason. But it was obvious that Alice expected a real answer and not some kimd of placation of her worries. 

"Because you needed someone that would avtually take care of you," Zelena defintlry meant that but it wasn't enough for alice. 

Alice looked at the ground. Her mofher had taken care of her. She fed her and she made sure she had the things she needed. Just because alice had refused to drink a lotnof the water wasn't really mofher's doing. Just because sometimes she had to wait a little longer than she would have liked to use the bathroom didn't mean she'd nkt been taken care of. She had. 

"Iwastakencareof." 

Zelena wssn't going to argue with Alice but that was just wrong. Sure she'd had the absolutle bare minimum of her neccdsities met. There'd been what could have maybe been called a shekter if the thing Alice needed to be orotected from the most hadn't been inside it too. And she'd been given food and water but the latter was always given to her either in a way that was scary or in a way that was just plain cruel. And she'd been hurt for even daring to need to use the bathroom when it wasn't when her mother was willing to let her. Alice hadn't in the sloghtest been taken care of.

"I knlw you believe that, but you really weren't." 

"Foodwatershelter." How Alice knew what basic needs were Zelena didn't want to know. But that was all she expected. Honestly less than the bare minimum. 

"And also not to be hurt, Alice. You needed to not be hurt by the person whonwas supposed to take care of you." Zelena didn't bother trying to say that she should keep her safe. Alice didn't expect that, she'd never in her life felt genuinley safe. 

Alice shook her head. "Deservedit." 

Zelena knew Alice meant that. She felt that, every single time her mother so much as yelled at her Alice felt like she had to be in pain. 

"You absolutley did not," Zelena kew this one conversation wasn't going to simply erase every time Alice's mother had said the exact opposite but Alice still needed to hear it. She needed to know that someone believed she wasn't awful. Even if she didn't understand it. "I know you think you did but that's not true. It's fine if you don't ubderstand yet. But i don't think you did anything to deswrve what yiur mother did to you. She hurt yiu bdcause she wanted to, alice. It was never snything you did." Zelena knew that wouldn't register at first. There was no way that saying it once was going to make Alice believe she hadn't deserved the way her motjer trested her. But it still needed to be said.  
Aloce looked at the ground. She broke rules all the time. And mother had picked the punishments that were the most effective but she coul tell zwlena was going to get angry if this conversation continued. And she really didn't feel like being in the same room when Zelena got angry. She wasn't sure how that would go. 

"Canigotomyroom?" Luna nodded and zelena agreed with her and Alice left. Sitting in the corner where she felt almost comfodtable.


	45. Chapter 45

Once Alice had processed the fact her mother wasn't able to hurt her any more she'd started to relax a little. Still wary of most people but more willing to do things when it was just zelena and robin around. And her frutrated outburst were becoming less frequent because she felt like she was allowed to say it when something was wrong or if she just needed a break without anyone coaxing it out of her. They hadn't compeltly gone away, no one expected them to. But when they were home she was a lot better equipped to handle things without resorting to throwing whatevsd she could reach until someone managed to talk to her about what was bothering her. Whenever other people were around she still didn't want to talk much but she was getting better around people she was somewhat comfortable around. 

"Whatsyourfavoritecolor?" Alice was making conversation with zelena and it wasn't anything that had been bribed out pf her. She just wanted to know. 

"Green. Also that was great, here," Zelena gave Alice a sticker encoursging her to talk to her more because it was being rewarded. 

"Pretty."

"What's your favorite color?" Alice blinked. She had omw but she didn't know Zelena was okay woth her having a orefernece for anything. Mother hadn't cares whar she liked or didn't like. She had to remind jerself that she wasn't mother. And that she had disagreed eith her so much she'd taken her away from her, for some reason. The reason was atill a little shaky for Alice. 

"Yellow." Alice glanxed over at zelena, worried that mayve she'd crossed a line. But she hadn't. Zelena was okay with it. 

"That's great." The conversation wasn't that deep but it mwnt Alice was starting to feel like she wasn't in danger just for trying to connect with zelena. 

A small bit of progress was still progress.


	46. Chapter 46

It had started to get colder. And Alice had an appointment at Archies. There was snow on the ground but Zelena was going to pick her battles. She coukd offer Alice gloves and end up possibly traumatizing her or she could just heat the car up before they left and deal with her fear of things being near her hands if it abssolutley had ro happen.  
But the jacket, that she would have to wear. 

They probably had about an hour before they had to leave but whenever anything was different than itbnromally was Zelena had to factor in the time it'd take for Alice to understand the new thing just enough to use it, and the possibility that somehow or someway it would scare her. She'd thought a dog leash was a threat.

"Hey," Zelena greeted. Alice was sitting and draeing at the table. 

"Hi." 

"Good job." It was increasingly common that Alice talked but everyone tried to praise her for it more than they probably needed to just because it'd taken her so long to be willing to have a cknversation without apologizing constantly for the fact she was talking. Zelena honestly didn't see the logic in that set of rules but she wasn't sure there'd been any real reasoming behind what Alice had been told she could and couldn't do as a child . "It's cold outside." 

Alice nodded. "Pretty." It was snwoing and Alice had seenthat through the window. 

"Yeah, the snows pretty. But its also very cold. So we have to wear a jacket to keep warm." 

"Dontknowthat." It was still fast and blurred speech but she was learning how to communicate. 

"Ok thank you for using your words. Yeah its this," zelena showed her the jacket. "I'll help you if you need me to." 

Alice nodded. "Do you want to try outting it on now to see if it's okay?" 

Alice nodded and gor up, briefly gls cing kver at zelena, still worried that at any moment Zelena could change her mind and decide that she didn't actually want her. She knew she wouldn't go back to mother so she never had to worry abkut potions ever again, but zelena could find someone that would be willing to beat her if she did anything too wrong. Alice sat down quickly. "Sorry." 

Well, one apology when normally she would have had at least hakf a dozen more in that amount of time was still an acheivement. 

"It's okay," zelena encouraged. "Come on let's try putting this on and you can tell me what you think."  
Alice warily approached Zelena, she knew she wouodn't hurt her but she coulsn't get the idea that someone would out of her head. 

"I don't want to touch your arms unless you're okay with it," zelena told her. Alice was incredibly senstive to touch, every time she'd been toucjed in her lofe had been painful and so she reallt didn't like it. And her arm and wrist areas were the most vulnerable to her, she often flicnhed away even from herself when she touched her arm fro ajy reason. 

"Notokay." Zelena agreed, really proud of Alice for being willing to tell her that. 

"Alright, i'll out mine on and then you csn try." 

Zelena showed her and then alice did it too. It went fine. 

"Good job," Zelena gave her a sticker. 

Zelena really didn't eant her to go out in the snow without gloves but that would most defintley be a battle that Zekena hadn't scehsuled enlugh time for. 

"Ok do you know how to zip it up?" Zelena asked as she zipped her own jacket. 

Alice shook her head. "Want to do it or do you want me to?"

"I." 

Zwlena enouraged her and she zipped it up, being a little bithered by the sound but then moving on. 

"Ok, time to go." 

They went to the car and drove to Archie's, Zelena ever grateful sje didn't habe to try to walknacross an entire parking lot with Alice. 

And Alice went into archie's office once he came to get her. Zelena did tell him that she hadn't even troed tonget Alice to wear gloves and he seemed to agree that needed to be something seperate.


	47. Chapter 47

Alice's session with Archie was mostly uneventful, aside fron her fidgeting with a part of the zipper. Her and Zelena went home. Alice was honestly confortable in the jqcket and the zipler was entertaining to her. 

Zelena could tell that Alice was for whatever reason enjoying wearing a jacket. And it wasn't really a requirment that she take it off immediatly. 

"Off?" 

"You don't have to. Do you want the jwcket off or do you want to leave it on for now?" 

"On." 

"Alright, that's fine. I'll be in the kitchen kf you need anything." 

Alice nodded and used luna to go bsck to her corner, where she sat and played wkyh the zipper until it stopped mkving up and down like it had been. Zelena had said she was in the kitchen if sheneedrd amythijg. But Alice didn't want to bother her. She was being so nice to her. It was way more than Alice thought she deserved. Mother had told her where she'd be if she absoljtlry needed thijgs, but it had been clear that that was just something mother said. What she had meant was that if she needed something, she would have to go ask for it, see what mother chose to use as a punishment, and mayve if mother wasn't too amgry she'd get what she needed. It wasn't worth it. [She isn't your mother. She said she won't hurt you.] Alice knew zelena wouldn't hurt her but she stillnfelt guilty about bothering her. She could handle it herself. 

She tried to get the zipper unstuck, confused and worried she'd done something wrong. All she acxomplished was getting it more stuck. She tried to take the jacket off in a different way and it didn't work. It didn't matter, maybe she'd find a way. She gave up, she was willing to talk tk zelena but she didn't like asking for things when she didn't have to. 

Zelena came back and saw Alice was tangled up in the jacket. 

"Hey, are yiu ok?" 

Alice sook her head. "Sorry.didbad." 

"You didn't do anything wrong," Zelena promised her. She had no idea how exactly this had been acxomplished but Alice needed to hear that to knlw that zelena wasn't abkut to start yelling at her. "You are stuck in that, though." 

"Icanfix." 

"Alright," Zelena let Alice have the oppurtunity to try. "Here if you need help." 

Alice really did try, nothing worked. "I can help." 

"Sorryyouhavetohelpme." Zelena heard the words, she knew Alice meant them. She'd been taught that she was such a bother, taught tgat she took up too much space even when she was barely taking up the space in a corner. 

Alice was getting more comfotable around some people but it didn't matter how confortable sje was, she still felt like she was nothing but a burden on whoever happened to be taking care of her. 

"I want to help," Zelena told her. "It's my job. I agreed to take care of you, and I actually meant it. You're not a burden." Zelena didn't ubderstand how anyone could want to hurt Alice. She was so gentle and so kind. And yeah, a lot of itbwas becauase she had had any rebeliious side she may have possessed all but completly tprtured out of her but itbseemed like more than that at times. She wasn't wven angry, just sad that ahe'd neber managed to get her mother to like her. "So can i help?"  
Alice nodded. 

"You know i may have to toucb you to get rhe zipper undone right?" Alice nodded and zelena managed to get rhe jacket off. "I'll fjnd a jaxket thwt uses buttons instead."

Alice nodded fsirly absentmindedly. She'd heard Zelena say she waan't a burder. Mother always told her she was. She shkwed her she was. But Zelena was different. Alice still wasn't certain. But it'd ben nice to hesr someone say that they actually wanted to help her. Whenevwr Alice had needed help i the tower, she knew better than tk bothee mother wkth it.


	48. Chapter 48

"Sorrysorrysorry," Alice had kncoked something over and when she tured around to pick it up Regina was standing in the ktichen. She could handle Zelena but this was different. She did 't knlw how to act. And was Regina one of the people she had to follow rukes from now? She'd thoight Zelena had talked to her mother to see what she would and wouldn't be allowed to do, now that she knew that hadn't happened she was a bit less secure about who she had to listen to. "I'llcleanitup." She looked at the ground, she'd just been trying to empty something, like she was supposed to. 

"I'm not here," Regina told her. Alice shook her head. She was standi g right there. Why was she here? Wait. What had she done wrong? Regina must be alllwed to hurt her. Questions had been being e couraged lately. "Doyouwantmetogogethestrap?" 

Regina didn't realy ubdersrand what she'd said. "I didn't understand that." 

Alice was shaking. She nodded. She'd just do it. She went to zelena's room. "Sorry," she told her as she ccisnetslly woke her up opening the drawer she already hated. They hadn't even been used but they were around. Alice did wonder why Zelena had mlre than one, maybe they'd hurt in different ways like how the resteaints hurt different parts lf her wrists depening on how they were set. 

"Alice, i've told you I won't hurt you," Zelena was groggily trying to explain that Alice had no reason to be rummaging through her acessoy drawer trying to find a belt that would fit whatever requirments Alice believed there were. 

"Youwon't.iknow."  
Zelena was glad Alice understood she wasn't going to best her. But she was still acting like someone was going to. 

"Canigo?" Zelena let Alice leave, she'd go take the belt from jer once she got out of bed which she should probabky do. 

Alice went up to Regina and offered her the strap. "Sorrytooklong." 

Regina really didn't talk to Alice often but could understand that she expected her to hurt her and had gone out of her way to make that possible. When nothing happened once Alice had tuebed her back to regina she closed her eyes tighter., accidentslly letting out the slightest premeptive whimper.  
"Sorrrysorrrysorry."

"Hey turn around," Regina wasn't as good at handling Alice. She didn't know how and she already scared her. 

Alice did as she was told. Normally that phrase mewnt face the wall and stare it down until the oain was allowed to stop. Alice knew she hadn't cleaned up the mess first, which she should have. She was so bad at this now. She was mentally berating herself, she knew how to act she knew how to handle a punishkent but she couldn't just do it. Why couldn't she do it? Why was this so hard? She sat down, terrafied.   
Zelena cane into the kitchen. "I can't ubderstand Alice," Regina told her. 

Zelena went over to Alice. "What's wrong?" 

"Ididntmeanto." 

That was heartbreaking. Alice was so scared and she probably hadn't actually done anything. 

"What happened?" Zelena asked. 

."imadeamess." 

"It's fine, you can clean it up when you're ready." Alice blinked. The rule in the tower was always immediatley. Clean kt up inmedistly and then deal with the punishment, possibly clean even more if mofher really wanted her to be aware that she wasn't allowed to make a mess. 

"Imadesound." 

"That's ok, we've been working on talking haben't we?" 

Alice nodded. But that was different. She wasn't supposed to make soubds when she was being punished, even when it hurt really really bad. Even when she wasn't entirely certain what she'd done, she could make sounds her pain was deserved so she wasn't alllwed to express it. Or maybe it was just the easiest way for mother to decide how long a punishment should be. And she'd let out a whimper before even the first strike.

"Wait," Regina tried to help. The only sounds alice had made were her offer to clean up her mess, some apologies, and a sound that hojestly doubded like she was in pain. "You didn't make any sound outside of talking. You whimpered, that was it." 

"Sorrysorrysorrysorry." Alice didn't know what else to do. Woukd regina be the same as mother during punishments? Was she going to have a different set of rules? At least she'd know that a punidhment was soon since Regina didn't live wkth them. But that meant she'd have time to seethe in her anger. Alice couldn't decide if she'd be worse or not. Mother always threatened to find something worse to hurt her with. She realized maybe regina's choice woildn't be a strap and apologized again for not making sure it was the right thing. 

"Alice, i get that you're terrsfied right now, but you're okay," Zelena was trying to comfort her the best she could. "You're okay. She's not going to hurt you." Zelena knew it wasn't herself Alice was currently scared of. "She just came to visit for robin's bjrthday." Alice didn't ubderstand part of that sentence but had ither problems.

"Punishment?" Alice expected nothing less than bekng beaten at the moment. 

"You're not doing anything," zelena pointed out. 

"Mess." 

Teaching Alice that an approiate reaction to making a mess was not in fact being beaten with whatever piece of lesther she managed to find was a lot more complocsted than a few minute conversation. 

"I know, i'll help you clean it up." Alice didn't particuarly need help woth most cleaning but if there was water on the floor she still did need to be watched to make sure she wasn't drinking it. And she'd been doing reallg good about using a towel in the bathroom but Zelena had a feeling that the fact regjna was in the room was going to change parts of her behavior. 

There were towels in the kitcehen sitting on the coubtwr puerly ro encorqge Alice to use them. 

Alice watched Regina. And tried to drink the water. 

"Alice, stop it," even zelena's mild scolding was gentler than when mother had even a close to civil conversation wkth her. It was really hard for her to adjist to this. Zelena quixlly wiped up thebwater, knoeing Alice would fight her on uskng the towel since there was someone else around that she expected to hurt her. 

"Ok, she isn't going to hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you. 

Alice didn't ubderstand. Zelena jad an entire drawer filled with things that were mesnt to hurt her. Of course someone was going tl beat her. 

"Whowill?" 

"Noone. That's nlt a thing anymore. I know your mother dkd it all the time, i know it had to hurt and be so scary to know it could happen. But never again, even if you break a rule, i don't think an approrpiate cinsequnce is hurting you." 

"Youhavethese," Alice oicked uo the bekt thatbwas on the floor. "Lots." 

"They're not for that." Oh no wonder Alice thlught someone wa going ro hhet her, that was the only jse she'd ever seen for a belt and Zelena had an entire drawer filled with them. And Alice knew this. "I'll get rid of them, they're old amd i just haven't done that yet." 

Alice still warily watched refina from the semi-confort of her corner of the kitchen. 

Much later i the day a few people came lcwr for rkbin's bjrthday and Alice didn't want to be around. Whatevwr they were doing it wasn't something she had to be in the room for. She'd gone to her room once red had told her David was coming. She didn't trust him in the slightest. Je'd taken Luna from her when she'd really needed her. 

Zelena came to check on her. 

"There's cake, dl you want to come out and join us or do you want me to just bring you some cake?" Alice didn't want to be around a group of people, she barely knew mlst lf thwm and regina was there too. She ate cake in her room and waited fkr sveryone to quiet down so she could go to sleep. 

Zelena realozed that Alice had probably never had a birthday, and that they defintley didn't knlw when kt was if she'd ever had even a semblance of one. Zelena wouldn't habe out it past her mother to avticley make Alice feel bad on her bkrthday about the fact she was around. But Alice had looked cknfusedwhen she'd mentioned robin's birthday so it was probably just rhat she'd never had one, and probably didn't knkw what it was. 

Zelena talked ro Archie about it he thkugh picking a day and shwoing Alice that people were haply she was around was a gold idea. The only thing left was how to explain it to Alice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am taking suggestions on how to explain birthdays. Thank you.


	49. Chapter 49

Zelena worried that Alice might have some twisted form lf knowledge of what a birthday was. Her mother had turned a lot lf other mundane, or even good, things into excuses to hurt Alice. She'd asked Archie to see what Alice thought. 

Archie asjed her if she knew what a birthday was and she shrugged. He explained it and that hadn't been a thing with mother. Why would she have cared? Every day was almost the same. The same routine that did at least give her the confort of knowing what to expect. She'd get up and wait for mother to tell her if she could go to the bathroom, not something mother akways bkthered with, then she'd eat brwakfaat, watch mother do whatwver she was doing, maybe clean up a little in her room if she was alllwed to go back in there, eat lunch, do lessons if she had any they needed to do, deal with the punishment becauase she usually angsred mother during lessons, and then she'd est dinner, maybe go to the bathroom again and then shed go to bed if mother didn't exlext her to clean. It was different kn the days mother was gone. Then she just sat where shebtold her ro sit and tried to think up ways to make sure mother wasn't mad when she got back. Those had never worked. But she had tried.   
Things had changed and her reliance on some kind of routine really hadn't. She liked knowing what to expect. 

But mother had defintley never celebrating anytime that anyone had been born. Especially not Alice. She was kind kf grateful mother hadn't decided this was a thing, she probably would have been even angrier on it. Alice knew that whenwver mother thought she was causing her too much trouble she was a lot worse off. 

"Wasntathing.good." 

"Why's that good?" Archie had a guess. 

"Shehatesme," Archie couldn't argue with this. It was something that bothered Alice and weighed on her mind but it wasn't false. He could teach her that the way her motherbtrested her was wrong but he couldn't teach her that her mother hadn't hated her. "Maybeshewouldhavehurtmefor." 

Archie got what she was trying to say as she stumbked over the last few words that were a bit bigger than most of her vocubulary. "Sorry." Alice really was trying to talk but sometimes it was hard. 

"You're okay." 

At least they knew that it'd never been used in the way they'd worried it might have. But explaining to Alice that they wanted to do something actually nice for her beyond just helping her was going to be a task. She akready sometimes acted like they were being too nice to her when all they'd done was not try to hurt her. Honestly, Alice didn't expect to be safe in her own home and she certainly didnt exoect it when she was outside of it. So they'd have to be careful to make sure they disnt so anything that would be too much for her. 

Archie walked Alice out to the waiting room and told Zelena she'd done great as he handed Alice a sticker, how excited she was by that being a pretty good wign she was becoming more willing ro show that she had emotions and that she really hadn't had all that much to forward to as a kid. Archie knew Alice felt guilty about breaking some of her mother's rules when she hadn't been watching. She'd admitted it at some point in one lf thwir sessions and then immediatly pulled away from him, utterly terrsfied of the years late cinsewuenxes for just wanting to tell something that she was scared. Honestly he didn't blame her, they were dumb rules and the best thing that could happen if she followed them was that maybe, and it was a lretty big maybe, her mother wouldn't use anything to beat her. All that taught Alice was that her mother was someone to be afraid of, and how to hide that she was doing things she was told she shouldn't. His way was working a lot better, it just took a lot more time. Sure, if they scokded her every time she did something the way she'd always done it she'd eventually change her habits but it would only create a new enviorment that was also filled with fear. Rewarding her when she so muchbas tried to do things gave her a reason to do things that didn't have to involve punishment, although Alice was still struggling withbthr conceot that no one would hurt her at times.

Zelena tooknAlice to the diner to get dinner and talkntonred and then started thinking about how thry could plan a little birthday cekbrstion for her that would be comfrotsble for Alice.


	50. Chapter 50

They had no way of knowing exactly how old Alice was, let alone the exact day she'd been born so they just picked a day. It wasn't really relevant that it was correct. They just wanted to make Alice feel like she was wanted. Like they were happy she was around. And saying it didn't neccesarily do the same thing as showing her that they meant it.   
Zelena and Archie had spent a while trying to go throuh different parts of a typical birthday celebration to figure out if anything should be left out either for safety or because Alice simply wouldn't like them. Most of it seemed fairly doable, but they had drcided to use fake candles instead of any real flames. The risk of Alice getting overwhlmed and knocking over a candle while less likely since she'd learned how she could say she needed a break still existed. 

Archie had explained what a birthday was and they'd come up with a decent plan for what to do with the day. Everything Alice liked was pretty laid bqck but it could still be fun for her. 

Zelena greeted Alice when she saw her in the kitchen refolding a towel someone had left not perfectly folded.   
"Sorry." Alice looked down, she wasn't sure if this was okay but it bothered her when things weren't perfect. 

"It's fine. Happy birthday," alice stared at zelena. Archie had explained this. Alice was fairly certain she had never done anything for the day she was born. She didn't know when that was. 

"Donthavethat." Zelena knew this might take mlre explanation. 

"I knlw we don't really know when you were born, but you can still have a birthday," Zelena explained her reasoning behind the day the best she could. It'd been a year since they'd taken Alice in. "We'll be really careful, and at any point if you don't like what's happening you can tell me and i won't make you do it." 

Alice thougbt for a minute. It really couldn't be that much different from what they did most days. She wanted to know if she'd have to worry about being hurt, she ubderstood in a way that Zelena was no longer the person that would hurt her but that didn't quiet her fears that someone would, it just made her like the fact she didn't live with whoever was allowed. 

"Punishment?" 

"No one's going to hurt you," Zelena didn't know how they'd ever get this concept to make sense to Alice. It was possible she'd never understand. She'd spent so long knowing that she had to be afraid of her own shadow. "We're just going to do some fun things. We're going to go to the library and the diner and thwn red and henry are going to come over and play games and we'll get cake. Do you want to do that or do ypu not want to?" Zelena knew Alice liked all lf these things but forci g her wouldn't be any fun for her. 

Alice agreed to it, really confused. She hadn't done anything that good. But if Zelena was in such a good mood she wouldn't complain. Mother's good moods had been rare but they'd been nice. She could be around her for a little while. But sje'd never done anything nice for her. She just withheld her punishment. Which by the time mother had ever had a moment of being that leneient Alice had been scared out of her mind about what wouls happen when mother got angry again. 

Alice could try to enjoy the day anyway. 

"Ok, robin is getting ready. What do you want for breakfast? Eggs lr cereal?" Alicd just wanted eggs and ate them then went and got herself ready.   
Luckily it was pretty warm outside so there was no worries about getting Alice to wear a jacket. 

Then they headed out for the day zelena and archie had planned.


	51. Chapter 51

The library was mostly empty and Alice could sit and flip through books all the she wanted for a few hours.   
Alice enjoyed doing that while Robin and Zelena did there own thing nearby. Occaiapnlly Alice shwling robin something in a book that she found interesting.   
Alice had decided that if the entire poijt of the day was to celebrate her, that was still a really shaky concept, she probably wasn't going to be hurt. 

She could handle one day where she didn't think she was allowed to be hurt. Those weren't entirely uncommon in the tower. When she was home alone no one was there to hurt her. Bur she had to be careful. Just in ase mother came home esrly. Just in case she did something that would show mother she'd broken a rule. She knew she hadn't been hurt in a while but that was just because Zelena had her own rules about how that worked, maybe? Alice kept trying to make sense of this, she'd broken plenty of rules since she'd left mother but she'd not once been actually hurt for it. The occasioanl punishment that Zelena swore wasn't a punishment was all. But no one had so muvh as hit her, she didn't get it. Mother had said she had to hurt her to make sure she'd behave. And Alice had undesrtood that, she didn't like it but sje'd understood. Mother didn't believe that she'd do wjat she was supposed to unless she beat her out of doing anything else. It had worked, but Alice had wanted to do what she was asked. All she'd wanted was to stop hearing how muvh her mother hadn't wanted her. Even if omly for a moment. And she was trying even harder to keep Zelena happy with her, so nlthing really made any sense. She went back to her book, still confused. Zelena had set a pil of books next to her and told her she could read as many as she wanted and if she wanted more to just ask. They were small books, filled wkth pictures but Alice loved them. 

Zelena noticed Alice was mostly in her own world back amd forth between reading the books and like she was in some kind of deep thought. 

"I shouldn't have to worry that something as simple as a birthday might scare her," she was talking to robin, or maybe to herself. 

"She's doinf a lot better than she was," Robin poijted out. And she was right. The fact Alice was reading a book in a public place and not having the hardest time with the fact she could see Zelena was a lot better than she'd started off as.   
They dropped the convdrsation and eaited for Alice to finish reading through her stsck lf books. 

"Done." It'd been maybe an hour and Zelena had given her plenty of books to laat a while but not so many that she'd be overwhelmed.

"Alright, what'd you want to do now?" Alice stared at her. There were too many options. She'd get it wrong. She shrugged. "It's okay. Do you want to read more books or do you want to do somethong else?" 

"Books." Zelena agreed and foujd a bunch more and set them next o her. She did this for a few more hours and rhen they headed to the diner for lunch.   
Red told her happy birthday, someone else overheard and started to sing before red cut them off.   
"Not doing that," Red promosed her. "It would've been very loud."   
Alice was happy red sropped whatever scary thing had been about to start. She didn't like loud things. She coulsn't handle loud things. She's never been okay with noise. The tower had always been fairly quiet outside of when motjerbwas yelling at her, loudly explaiming what exactly she'd done that was so wrong. It always shocked her when mother had started to yell, she knew to expect ir but the tower would go from silent to alarmingly loud in seconds. But the fact that there could have been a scary sound affected her anyway. She didn't like that her brain did this. She just wanted to eat her food and pet luna but she still got stuck in her own thoughts sometimes. Even when she wasn't sure why. 

[Alice didn't need mother's yelling to know what she'd done. But it did set up a feelimg of panic. She already rgeretted what she'd done. She already felt guilty. Honestly she had been considering telling mother she'd done it. But she was so scared of the consrquence she couldn't bring herself to admit it. She knew it was wrong. She knew better. It was silent and then kt wasn't.   
"Now! Out here now." Alice crawled out o the corner and went and stood as far away feom kother as she could get away with. A single hit reminded her that she wasn't in any position to even try to walk a lime between what she wanted and ehat mother did at the moment. She stepped closer, wanted desprstley to not be this close. " Do you want to explain yourself?" Alice flinched, mother was so loud. So angry. So ready to hurt her because she'd broken a rule.   
"Sorrysorry.wantedothelp."   
"Help? What were you supposed to be doing today?"   
"Notcleaning."   
"So you do listen to me. You choose you misbehave!" Anlther hit and Alice flinched again. Homestly, she was trying to be better. But it was hard. The rules mother had were obvipus and she kmew them but mother had saod shr had her uses. So cleaning had become something Alice wanted to do all the time. It made her feel like maybe if she did it enough mother would want her. It had only angered her more. "Also no don't attwmpt to defend it! I should beat you more!"  
"Sorrysorrysorry," Alice couldn't take more of mother's punishments.   
"I know," mother's voice had softened. She wasn't yelling any more but it still scared Alice. "Maybe you'll learn. I habe to hurt you tomake you behave. You understand, the spell that gives me my freedom requires you behave yourself at least some." Alice really didn't want motjer to be trapped. It was miserable..she knew it was miserable. Did something in the tower hurt mother kf she did something wrong? Alice rewlly hoped not. She knew what that felt like too well.] 

Luna got Alice to calm down. Zelena helf back jer own emption at seeing Alice's reactipn to the very jdea of a loud sound being near her. Zelena understood what that was like. Her father had tried to beat the magic out of her. And that was only a part of her, Alice's mother had tried to beat the very idea that Alice was her own person out of her. And she'd bloody well suceeded.   
"It's okay, we all get scared sometimes," zelena promised, misinterpreting Alice's look of guilt. 

"Itsnotthat." Alice was getting way jetter at using her words and explaiming what was wrong. 

"We can talk about it if you want?" Alice nodded. Was her mofher still stuck in the tower? Was she alone? Was she in pain? Alice shook her head. She didn't want to know. Either way she'd never see her again. 

"Imfine." 

"Alrigjt, if you change your mind we can talk later, ok?" Alice nodded. She did like being allowed to tell someone when something was wrong. Mother had never cared. 

They finisjed lunch and went back to the house and waifed for henry red and archie to show up. 

"Alright, i brought games," Henry told every body. "And red's picking up the cake." 

Alice liked cake. They didn't habe it all the time but she liked it when they did. 

They all played games for a while, letting alice pick. She glanced around a lot the amount of people bwing a bit more than she was used to. They mostly played go fish. 

"Alrighty cake time," Zelena told every body. She'd set up fake candles on the cake. Alice would still be able to blow out candles thnks to some magic but there was no risk with fire.

Everyone mkgrated into the kitchen and Zelena set the cake on the table. Alice looked at rhe cake. There were candles. Candles weren't things she was allowed nesr. It was the only thing she had to get out of the way of no mattwr what. She didn't ask. She didn't so muvh as looknfor mother's approval. Kf she saw a candle she got against thr wall and she wakted u til mother released her. Mother had been worried about her setting the tower on fire to get away from her. She would never have done that. But mother really thought she'd try it. 

Alice got up from her seat and went and stoof against the wall. 

Zelena was going to murder this girl's mother if the reason behind this was what she feared it moght be. 

"Alice, you're okay. They're not hot. And no one's gling to hurt you."   
Was that an option? She was glad mother hadn't tried to use the candles to hurt her. She wondered why she hadn't. She would have listened to that punishment, surely.   
Alice was so confused. She had never felt a candle in her life. She didn't touch them. But Zelena just made it sound like they could be painful. She wasn't allowed to touch them. For the most part they stayed out of reach but when they were in reach she had ro follow motbers rules about them. 

"Illburnthetoerrdown," Alice didn't believe this. But mother had. She really didn't want to do that. But mother was right ablut everytjing else, nd sometimes when she was so scared mother would nevdr stop hurting her maybe she secretly wanted to. But she wouldn't do it. She dkdn't want to do it. Alice was so scared. 

"Alice they're pretend candles, you can't burn anything." Alice seemed so afraid that she'd do something she didn't want to do. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

Alice nldded, not moving from wjere she was standing eith her back against the wall. She wouldn't move until she was told she could. This rule mattered. 

Zelena went over to her. "Alice you look terrafied." She nodded. She was. She couldn't get it out of her head. She knew Zelena wasn't going to hurt her. But she was still afraid. She was always so afraid. She couldn't help it. "C'mon, you're okay, do you want to sit down?" Alkce nodded, desperatley. But wasnt alllwed. "You can, it's fine."  
Aloce sat down, her quiet thank-you shattering everyome's heart. "Do you think you can tell me why you think you'd burtn down the building?"   
Alice nodded. 

"Mothersiadiwould.togetawayfromher," Alice paused. "Iwouldnt.ididntwantto," he brewthing was getting lanored. "Iwouldnt."

"I know. I don't think you would," Alice wasn't exactly the type to commit arson. Although Zelena wouldn't have blamed her if she'd resprted to that just to get away from her mother. 

"Nktallpeedrobenearcandles.notallleed.nltaloowed." the more panicked about something Aloce became the mkre she'd repeat herself. 

"That's fine. I'll put them away. And thrn we can have cake. It's fine. Do you want me to out them away before you go back to your seat or can i do it after?" 

"Before." 

"Ok." Zelena out the pretend candles away. She still had Alice make a wish, or some sembalnce of it. If alice had ubderstood that or not she didnt know.   
"Awesome," Zelena cut cake for everyone. 

Alice had enjoyed part lf the day, no one had ever made her feel this way. She felt like they wanted her around. Even when she'd tried to pull away because she was svared they'd sropped what theybwere doing to make sjre she was involved. They made sure everything going on was something she'd actually like. Robin and Zelena had sst in the library with her for hours. Henery had come over even thoigh he had a lot going on. Red was supposed to be at the diner but she'd made the time to come play games wkth her. She didn't really feel entirely safe, she still though she had to be hurt in ordsr to know how to behave, bjt for once she felt wanted..


	52. Chapter 52

Alice had never felt like mother had wanted her. She'd made it clear she needed her for her freedom. But if she hadn't been useful, mother wouldn't have kept her around. She always only did what she had ro to keep Alice alive and to keep the towers barrir allowing mother to leave. Zelena didn't need that. And she didn't clean enough for ot to be that. And everyo e had just shown her that they wanted to do something that was so much nicer than Alice would hsve ever expected. She was sure it was done already. They'd done the things she liked and they had cake. That had to be it. 

"Thankyou." 

"You're welcome, are you tired?" Zelena noticed Alice subtle ways she got ready to move from one place to another. 

Alice shook her head. "Ok, are you ready for presents then?" 

Alice had no idea what that meant. "Whstsapresents?" 

There'd been quiet amounts of chatter amongst the group but everyone went silent. Alice had never been given a gift. 

"It's something you get for birthdays or other holidays," Zelena explained. It took a bit more exanation.   
Alice was suprised. The fact evsryone was around just to play a few games with her had been so much more than she expected. Ans Zelena had basically called the oresents a reward for being around. No one had ever wanted her around that much before. She managed ro keep it together but she was sure she was goimg to cry later, but they werem't going to be the same terrafied sobs lf pain and fear she was used to. 

The wrapping paper on thr first present took up most of her attention. It was a weird paper and it was shiny.   
Alice toucjed it ."prettythankyou." 

Oh. Alice thought thr gift was the paper. She could keep the papwr of she wanted to, there was an entirely empty room that was meant for Alice that had pretty much been turned into a place to keep extra blankets. 

"The gift's inside the paper," Zelena explained. Alice liked the paper, it was nice. 

Alice was delicate opening it, it took jer a lottle while but she managed to get i open. Archie jad gotten her a toy that she graviatated towards in his office so sje'd have one at home too.   
"Thankyou."   
"You're welcome." 

Each preswnt alice was mlre interested in the wrapling at first but did ultimatley love the gifts inside which aside from Archie's all consited of art supplies and stuffed animals. 

They finsihed visiting and everyone jeaded home and Alice headed to bed after tqlking to Zelena for a lottle while.   
"Thatwasgood.different.good." 

Zelena let out a smile and sskd good night to Alice and then beaded to bed herswlf.


	53. Chapter 53

Alice waa trying to draw something she'd seen. But it wasn't as familar as most of the things she saw. Amd some of it's edges were different than most of what she'd drawn so far. It wasn't working. She couldn't get it right. It had to be perfect. Everything had to be perfect. She had to. Luna comforted Alice but she was still frustrated, she kept trying. She'd draw a line and then stare at it then erase it.Again and again. And again. The paper ripped. Alice threw her pencil across the room and it bounced off the wall. She couldn't do anything right. And failure had never been an option. She was at least comforted that whoever was now in charge of punishments didn't live in the same place. Thry'd have to go out of their way to hurt her, and she really wasn't worth that much trouble unless she did something really really bad. She did want to know what Zelena deemed that bad, but she hadn't figured it out. 

Alice stared at the paper. So upset by the fact she just couldn't do this one thing. Luna laid in her lap. 

"Imawful.icantdoit."   
Luna comforted her but Alice still felt like she wasn't enough. Zelena walked in and heard Alice dusparging herself. "Imbad."  
Zelena knew that feeling all too well.   
"Hey, you're not bad. What's wrong?" Alice nodded. Yes she was! Zelena should get it! She said she understood! 

"Icantdoit." 

"It's fine of there's something you don't want to do," Zelena waa trying, but Alice would get into a state and be so worried about what someone else would do to her to really care about Zelena's comforts for a while. "You don't have to do anything." 

Alice shook her head. She wanted to draw, she just couldn't do it the way she wanted. And the paper had ripped. 

"Wantto.cant." 

"Is it something I said you can't do?" 

Alice shook her head. 

"Then it's allowed, your mother's rules aren't true anymore." At least so far none of her mother's rules had been things that were reasonable to expect. Zelena worried if they'd ever discover any overlap, it'd probably break Alice all over again. 

"Notgood." Alice held uo her drawing.

"That's really pretty, you can try again. Sometimes paper rips kt's okay." 

Alice shook her head. "Notperfect." 

"It doesn't have to be, i'll like it either way." 

Alice looked at her lap where luna still had her head perched. Zelena had to ubderstand, anytime somrthing was even a little wrong she'd been hurt. And zelena saw these drawings. She had the right to tell someome to hurt her. 

"I'llwaitforpunishment," alice pulled away a little. She was supposed ro be talking more but she still thought that Zelena might change her mind. 

"Hey, good job communicating," Zelena handed her a aticker. Did she really think someone would punish her? For a drawing not being as good as Alice had planned. It was a gold drawkng minus the tip in the paper which was ibviously from a bit of a rough go with an eraser. Did she assume it'd be the sound she didn't like or did she think it was going to be the torture she went thrkigh as a child. "Alice, you're not in trouble. There isn't going to be any punishment." 

"Diditwrong.hurt." 

"Not happening," it really was frustrating at tines to constsnrly have to remind Alice that her phsycial safety wasn't going to be threatened by anyone. But it was understandble. That was all she had known. Moat of the time kids learned in school that what their parents were doing was wrong. Alice hadn't had that. Her mother could feed her lie after lie after lie amd she'd kept books from her so she had had no idea that there was anything different than how she lived. "I promosed i won't hurt you, i still mean that." 

"Someoneelse.theycomeovertodoit,right?" This made sense to Alice. Sure mothee had never brought anyone over but she was sure they'd hurt her if she had. 

Zelena looked at her, Alice expected pain so much that whwn it wasn't there she was trying to find ways for it to make sense that it would. 

"I'm not going to allow anyone to hurt you, and I certainly won't have anyone come do that. I don't think people learn by being hurt." 

"Ido." 

"You learned to be afraid, not whatever itbwas your mother claimed to be teaching you."

"Shehadto." And alkce was defending that vile woman. Of course she was, it didn't matter that she'd hurt her so much she couldn't so muvh as drink without being encoursged, to Alice she wasn't evil. For whatever reasons she'd been given her mother wasn't cruel in her mind. 

"It doesn't matter the reason, hurting anyone like that is wrong." 

Alice shook her head. "Thetowermadeher.ifshedidntshewouodntbeablto leave." 

Okay that was a crestive one. 

"Then she should have stayed in the tower, not hurt her own child. You wouldn't hurt luna. I wouldn't hudt robin."  
Alice looked down. Zelena was somewhat right. She'd never hurt Luna. But that was different. Luna never did anything wrong. 

"Ideservedit." 

Zelena knew she wouldn't be able to undo this belief on her own. 

"You believe that, she told you that you deswrved it. But i don't think you did."

"Ibrokerules." 

"Rules that are impossible for anyone to follow. Let alone a child." 

Alice shook her head. It didn't matter. She'd never see mother again, so her rules were meaningless aside from when she instirictivley felt bad about breaking them. 

She looked at her drawing again. 

Luna went and got her oecil and gave it back to her. 

"Good." 

She got frustrsted again oretty easily. "Itsnotperfect." 

"Ok, can i help?" Zelena asked. 

Alkce sjook her head. "Icantdoit." 

"What're you trying to do?" Alice explained and Zelena ffigured out the problem. 

"You need something to make the line work the way you want it to. Here." Zelena positioned a sheet of paper right above where Alice wanted to draw a line. "Follow that edge. And whenever we get out we can go get you sonething that will work better." 

Alice would probably love the office supply store so thry'd go pick up a ruler the next time they went out.


	54. Chapter 54

Zelena debated about brining Alice with her. She struggled in crowds and she could easily be bothered by the smallest things. But the likliehood that Zelena would pick something that would frighten Alice wasn't exactly minimal. It'd be easier to let Alice help, and she was getting better at admittong that things were getting too difficult for her. At first dhe'd just suffered through it and then she'd learned she could explain it by throwing things around and she'd finally started to get thr concept of saying she was done with something. She wouldn't always pick that option, but she did see it as an option.   
And it wasn't Alice's fault the world was difficult for her, she shouldn't have to sit in the house constantly just because she didn't know how to handle it completly yet. The worst that would happen is maybe an embaressing situation and Zelena really didn't mind that. It wasn't like Alice was going to be in a stressful situation without any help. 

"Okay, we're going to go run a few errands, if it gets roo much for you, you can say that." 

Alice nodded. That was still new to her but she liked it. She wished she'd been allowed to say things were too much in the tower but even her complaints of being in physical pain had been mocked. 

Zelena had a very small list of things she needed to do. They stopped at the office supply store first. And Alice glqnced everywhere.   
Zelena recinsidered this plan, maybe a smaller store would've been the best bet.   
Zelena made sufe to keep an eye on Alice, she could easily get lost and panicked or overhelmed. 

Alice looked around. There was so much stuff. She'd never seen some of it. And none of it looked scary. She'd never been in a room that she couldn't find at least one thing thst scared her. Even the library had something that held a book onto its desk and it didn't matter hoe many times someone explained it was for the book it still reminded jer of the chains. Archie's offoce akways had people and the room she went in with him had a toy that would jump out at her. She kept looking around, there was nothing. There weren't even any people she could see. And it was so quiet. Even qujeter than the library. 

"Alice was shocked. Everything scared her. There had to be something. Zelena noticed Alice was handling the new place better tgan normal.   
"That's really good, let's go look at the pencils." 

"Lunafollow." Alice let Luna guide her to ehere Zelena was going and she looked at all the pencils. There were so many different colors. She knew of like seven but there had to be so so so many. She could 't count rhat high. May e she could. 

Alice glqnced at zelena and started counting the different colors undsr her breath. "Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightninetenlebentwelvethirteenfourteenfifteen."   
Zelena didn't stop her, and let her try to finish before asking about it. She got to about twenty. 

"Cantstupid." Alice sat down and scolded herself. Zelena knew Alice had a hard time when things didn't work. And that she mimiced back the insults her mother must have used to keep her from feeling good ekoigh to demand even the slightest amount of mercy. The first time Alice had felt wanted was barely a week before. 

"Hey, it's okay. You're not stupid. I'd lose count too. It's a lot." 

"Cantcountmore." 

"Here let's do it toghether, ok?" Alice pulled away from her. She'd done it wrong. Or not done what shebwaa trying and that had been almost as bad as doing things without mother approving them first. 

"Doitwring." 

"Ok, do you want to tell me what you're trying to count or not?" Alice nodded. 

"Colors." 

"I think there's hundreds." 

Alice nodded. She didnt know that number. But it seemed like a lot. She could only count to twenty and even that had been hard to learn. Mother only gave her the bare amount of knlwledge she needed to keep the tower clean, Alice didnt think she could've taken too much more. 

"Sorry." 

"It's oksy, you're being really brave being in such a big space I know that's scary for you." 

Alice shook her head. Usually it was but tjis one wasnt. "Itsnotscary." 

Alice's muscles untensesed a little. There was no one besides her and zelena anywhwre she coukd see ajd everything around her was art supplies and furniture ans really think looking blankets that made jo sensw to her. But everything was harmless. Even the floor looked soft. It looked like kf she ket go of Luna's harness for too long and fell that it would 't really hurt.   
This was such a different feeling. Was this wjat zelena meant when she amsaid things were safe?   
"That's great, good job." Zelena handes her a sticker. Alice not being afraid in a new place was an accomplishment. 

"Okay we came to ger a ruler let's sre if we can find one." 

Zelena rrally hoped none of the rulers had been forged out of lesthwr or Alice was going to go from close to comfortable to beyond terrsfied in a matter of seconds. It did seem they sold some but were but they were out of stock. 

Zelena picked one up, mentally begging whqtever powers that be that Alice had never seen onenecause if she had it was probably purely used as yet another way to ensure she was in constant pain or fear. 

"Green.yourfavorite." So Alice defintey did remeber their mundane conversations, Zelena hadn't been sure. 

"That's right, awesome. Do you know what this does?" 

Alice shook her head. "Notseenonesorry." Alice apologuzed even though she didnt really feel like she had to. Sometimes it was just a habit.   
"That's alright," Zelena assured her. "You know how you reallgy wanted a strsight line yesterday?" Alice nodded. She'd tried for hours. She felt like in here it wouldn't matter. 

"This will help. I'll show you how it works when we're at home. Do you want to pick which one we get." 

Alice stared at all thr different rulers. There were some in so many different colors. She didn't knlw how to choose. 

"Done." 

"Okay, thar's fine. Cometly or just need keed a little less?" 

This strategy was workimg. Offering Alice the option to say if she was completly done with someyjimg or if she just needed whatever it was to be less intense. 

"Less." Alice liked the place they were in. She didn't want to be complelty dome with it but there was so many colors she didnt know where to start. 

Zelena pulled out a few different choices i stead of there being fifty there were five. Zelena made sure to pull ayellow one out of the bin because she knew Alice liked that color. She did end up picking that one. Thry went up to the cash register. 

Alice mostly held onto luna's harness for blqnce but had lijed the store. She wanted to knlw what it qas called. How did she ask that qiestion. Robin had asked her her name. That madw sense. 

"Whatsthetiwersname?" 

Zelena had to think about thst one. 

"This one?" 

Alice nodded. "It's a store. It's called an office store."  
Alice didnt usuallg care about ejat things were caled unless she liked them. 

"You liked it?" 

Alice nodded. 

"Nothinghurt." 

Zelena held back a rsnge of emotions. Alice had finallg felt remotely safe. And it was in a bloody office store. Because nothing in it could hurt her. Gods that was sad. 

"Alright, we can come back here whenever giu want just tell me whwn you do okay?" 

Alice nodded. 

Zelena hated that something so simple brought Alice such comfort. But at leaat something did.


	55. Chapter 55

Zelena had shown Alice hoe to use the ruler and it'd stopped her frustrstion while drawing fairly well. 

Alice was still trying to figure out who would deal with her when she did things she wasn't supposed to. But she tried as hard as she could for Zelena. Even more than she ever had in the tower. It was strange, Zelnea hadn't hurt her but she'd given her a reason to want to keep her happy with her. One that she'd never had in the tower. She wo dered if mother had tried to give her things before she remembered. She'd said hurting her was the only way she'd learn but Archie had been doing lessons with her for a long time and he gave her things and she learned things that way. Maybe she'd ask someone what they thought. But she had to be careful who she asked. Archie liked questions. As long as he wasn't who was in charge of punishments. Would he be? 

Alice watched Zelena waiting for some kind of indication that it moght be a good time to ask a question. She didn't like bothering her when she was busy. 

"Hi," Zelena greeted her. 

"Canarvhiehurtme?" 

Zelena hadn't expected that but answered rhe question. 

"He can't." 

Alice threw bear down. Someone had to. "Ok." 

Luna returned bear and Alice went back to her drawings. 

Zelena sighed, alice really believed that someone had to hurt her. There had to be some way to convince her that that wasn't a risk anymore. Anytime anyone came over now, whivh wasn't often but still a prpblem, Alice expected them to hurt her. She'd sat doen and ctied for twenty minutes when she couldn't find the belts anymore and had practivally thrown luna's very muvh cloth leash into henry lap and apologized over and over sgain that it wouldn't work.   
She'd seen Ella and decided she was defintley the most likely to be allowed to hurt her and had not let Ella do anything for herself, and then she'd apologized for doing things without permission. She then handed Ella a lost no one had known she'd been making of everything sje'd done wrong lately. That was worrying. Alice was keeping some kind of record of her supposed wrongdoings. Was that the reason her mother tsught her how tonread? Zelena hoped not, but it was the thing that made the most sense.   
When neither one of them had hurt her she'd made a mess in the kitchen. When thry swore they woukdn't huet her she'd gotten even more frustrated. It made sense, in her mind someone would come hurt her eventually but she didn't know who or when and she didn't know if they had any special rules for when it happened like her mother had. Zelena figured she'd have pushed evsryone as hard as possoble until someone gave her an answer too. 

"Someonehasto." Alice really didn't want to be hurt, she likwd that she could walk without worrying that she'd break open one of the scars on her back. But she was used to pain and she didn't think that she would never be hurt again. That didn't make sense. 

"I don't think so." 

"Icantwaitanymore.donedone." alice was so scared of how bad it'd be. She needed it over now. 

"You're nevwr going to be hurt again. It'a not allpwed anymore. Remeber? The worst tjing that eill happen isna sound you don't like." 

Alice hesrd this but it didn't make sense. She'd just keep trying to anger people until someone was allowed to hurt her. Just so she knew what to expect. Then she'd go back to trying to keep zelena happy. 

"Alright time.to gonsee archie." 

They went and Alice managed to ask archie if he thought her mother ever used rewards to get her to do what she wanted. He didn't know but he told her she peobabky hadn't tried thst becausr if she had then he was sure it would have worked better than what she had tried. That made Alice feel better. 

They went to the diner and Alice saw the lady that had yelled at her. She had the thing to hurt her. She didn't like her. She was evwrything that needed to happen in order for a punisjment to work. She had her list inside her bsckpack she'd kept when they iv had been taken out. It was a good placw to keep her drawing stuff and an extra toy. Sometimes luna carried it for her.   
Zelena didn't think anything of Alice taking papwr out of her bsckpack. Itbwas a little odd for Alice tonstand up in the diner, but maybe she had to go to the batjroom. She asked Luna for permissionn so itbwasnt that odd. And Zelena was exhausted from thr kast few days of Alice asbolutley trying to anger anyone that she thought could hurt her and Zwlena beong one of the few peopke that could talk her down. 

Zelena's eyes drifted shut for a little while. Alice was fine, surely. 

Alice approached Emille. 

"Foryou." She handed her the list, it was folded over. Alice felt ashamed of it and din't want everyone to see how awful she'd been. She didn't want Red to see. 

"Is this an apology for destorying my store?" The harsh tone was familar but quieter than mother used. Zelena didn't hear it. 

Alice sjook her head. "Sorry." That was defintly going to be a motivator for the punishment. Oh it was going to hurt so much. Alice sat in thebseat across from her. 

Emille opened it. Just a lost of pretty random actions. Something ahout drinking water aomething about talking something about the belt drawer. 

"Your chore list?" Alice shook her head. "Whatever." 

Did she not.make it clear? She could break a big rule and she could please emille maybe? She seemed like she'd act a lot like mother. Alice took the water cup emille was ysing and kncoked it over. The plaatic cup just rolled. Usally those were breqkable. Odd. Alice was glad it wasnt breakable. She got down and started drinking the water. 

" what's wrong with you?" Emille was sick of this girl. She was a cinatant tornado of drstructiion everytime sjr'd seen her. She managed to grab her wrist and not as gently as she probabky should have pushed her away from the ouddle and hold her bsck from what obviousky was a bad idea. 

"Miss mills!" Alice flinched, the yell was close to her. Zelena wome up from her unintentional nap. And topkna moment tonsee what was wrong. "Your kid is trying tondrink water off the diner floor, are you going to handle that or would youbrather take a nap. No eonder she's difficult." 

Alice had wanted pain but she didn't like feeling restrained she tried to tug her wrist away from emille. Wait, would she chain her up while she beat her? That'd never been a thing wkth mother but thwt didn't mean it couldn't be. Breathe. Breathe. Alice keptntrying to fight emille who only grabbed her wrist tighter. 

Zelena hadn't seen the fact Emillie was ojydially restrqining alice. 

"Sorrysorrysorryillbegood.iwontdoitagainpromise." 

Alice's mimd couldn't stay focused on the oresnet dqnger because the past was filled with it too. 

["You say that like it helps your case. Always with the apologies and the i didn't mean tos. Better idea, you don't speak. You stand there and you think aboutbwhat you did wrong. When you figure it out write it down and then we'll see if i punish you. Make sure incan reas it." Alice really sturggled to write with the broken wrist she had. It'd been her own fsult for trying to walknaround the tower when mother had said no. She'd shived her down and she'd lqnded and her wrist was in some much pain..the fact she'd screamed had been an extra rule she broke. She reallt hoped mother wouodn't choose tonrestrain her just becausebhwr wrist hurt so vad. Her not quite readable writing got hwr in more trouble.]] 

"Let go of her," Zekena tried to keep her voice sfeady to npt scare Alice. "I don't care what she did to you, emille. She's terrsfied of being restrained." 

"She needs to be, she can't behave." 

Alice shook her head Emille was right. 

"Hry, are you okay? Do your wrist hurt? Do you need any help?" 

Alice nodded. "Fine.no.imokay." 

"Alright. Do you think you could go sit with red for a minute?" 

Alice nodded and went back to the table. 

"Someone should beat that child. She's way too old to act that way. Do your job." 

Alice looked at her lap. She was going to be in so much pain later. 

"I am. My job is to keep her safe and to teach her what safw is. Her mother beat her and drugged and restrained her and i honestly don't know what else. She's scared. Get out." 

"You don't own the diner." 

"Alice, i know you want to stay and talkntonred, but red can come over later, we don't jeed to be in the same roomnas someone that hurt you." 

Alice didn't move. "She'sright." 

"She's not." 

"Didbad.punishment.cancanshedoitathouse?" 

Alice had wanted to be beaten. She was trying to anger Emille. Or maybe she was trying to anger Zelena since she was breaking a rule Zelena had given her. Either way, she'd be avtivlty trying to get someone to huet her. And they'd said she needed to be hurt. Oh and she didn't want one lf the few places she fely confortable in to be the enviorment she ended up being besten in. 

"She can't." 

Alkce looked down. "Ok." She gir uo and had luna stay iver there. 

"Goahead.i'llbegood." Zelena did not expect anyone to eber take Alice's word as permission to hit her. The right thing to say to a child that was begging you to hurt them was to find out why thry exoected that and fix it. Emille qctually bloody hit her. Zelena saw red, he could've murdered someone. She was not fast enough to stop emille from getting in a few strikes. Oh that was going to bruise. 

"What the hell?" Zelena actually shouted. 

"Oh she's fine, it could be worse. And if she ever bithers me again it will be worse." 

Alice hadn't felt pain in a while and thebtears streaming down the now sore part of jer face were an indication that she really didn't want to anger emille again. But she had her answer. But Zelena seemed upset. Did she not do it enough? Yeah it wasnt quite a beating but no one had anything to use for that. Not at the diner. 

"Yeah i' defintley oressing charges, but first i have to help the severly abusrd cjild you just undid a year of work with." Zelena was panicked and using harsher words than she wanted to use around Alice. She'd promised Alice she'd never have to go throigh pain again. And someone else had activley hurt her. 

"Hey, i didn't want her to do that. I don't agree eith hurting you. I just didn't think she'd do it. I am so sorry, do you want some ice? That looked like itbreally hurt." Alice shook her head. She had to let it hurt. That's what a punsishment was. And it was a really mild ome since she'd broken so many rules. Zelena rubbed her own temples..how the bloody hellmwas she supppsed to fix this?


	56. Chapter 56

Alice was sitting in the kitchen. She was more confused than she had been. Zelena was comforting her and apologizing for not paying attention to Alice. But that didn't make sense, mother would haved been upset Alice wasn't hurt enough. But Zelena wanted her even less hurt.

"Imfine," Alice kept trying to assure Zelena that she wasn't all that hurt. She was offering her way too much comfort for what would heal on its own pretty easily. She'd had worse. Constantly. 

Alice took the ice off her face. This seemed pointless. 

Zelena didn't press that part of the issue any firther, Alice probably knew how to handle her own injuries in some way. 

"You didn't do akything wrong, Emille hurt you. And I don't approve of that." Hoe could Zelena explain fhat Alice wasn't the problem? Emille was just a bad person. Alice didn't view anyone that mistreated her as bad, she saw them as doing the right thing. 

Alice nodded. Zelena was making it very clear that she wasn't allpwed to be hurt. And no one yelled like that unless they were angry at a situation. And Zelena had yelled at Emile. Zelena didn't usually yell. Zelena didn't think she deserved it. Which people.kept tellimg her she didn't but hearing it wasn't the same as seeing Zelena want to protect her. It wasn't the same as hesring Zelena take the time to make sure she was okay after the smallest bit of what Alice still saw as a punishment but one that Zelena clearly hadn't approved of. 

"Youdontthinkideservetobehurt." It wasn't a quesrion. It was a realization. Something that had been repeated over and over again but had been difficult for Alice to understand, she got it. 

"I really don't." 

"Buthurt.little." 

"Sometimes people do bad things. You don't have to go around her ever again there isnt anyone else around that's like that." Zelena left out that there probably were sevwral people in town that acted like emile to their own kods but none of them.would dare hurt someone else's kid. 

Alice nodded, she believed Zelena. She'd stopped Emille from doing thr scariest thing. Alice relaxed a bit, something she barely did. "Willyouplaywithme?" 

Zelena would have collapsed had she not already been sitting down. Zelena had earned Alice's trust but hadn't really been allowed to play with her. Alice still had a fairly rational fesr of any authroty figure being near her for too long. Zelena didnt think sje'd ever be comfortable woth being around her for more than an hour. 

"Sure. What game do you want to play?" 

"Chdckers." 

"Ok, do you want me to go get it or do ypu want to?"

"You." 

Zelena went and got them game and brought it bwck,, Alice talked a little about rsndom things as thry played. 

Alice being plmety willing to try to win even though otnwas zelena. They played for a while until Alice decided she wanted to do somethong else. 

Zelena went to get up and put things away and get something eose out for Alice but Alice shook jer head. "Stay." 

Did Alice want Zelena to sit while she drew? Thisnwasnt strange for pwople.to do but it was new that Alice would insit on it. "Idontwanttobealonescared."

It wasn't a prpblem yet but Alice was afraid of something enough to be scared. 

"What're you scared of?" 

"Mothercomeback." 

"She's not going to." Zelena worried, if Alice's mother found her legally Zelena had no leg to stand on. She'd kidnapped her and broken several laws. But she was in a different realm, not that it was too terribly difficult to realm jump. 

"She'sangry." 

"At me, maybe. But she won't know anything about you. I won't let her hurt you. Even if she wants to. You can hide in my rpom if snyone ever comes over that scares you. I'll put some blankets in there for you and make sure it's comfoetable." 

Alice nodded. But she was sure she'd come back. No one else had ever threstened her the way mother had. And emille acted so much like her. Maybe she'd been imagining things but she xould swear when shebwas rrqlly little mother looked differnt depending on the day. Could she chsnge how she looked? What if she was back? What if she wanted to hurt her? 

"Pleasestay." 

Zelena agreed and just set the board game on the counter insfead of putting it away fully. Alice was freaked out and willing to ask for help with that fact. 

"I'll stay as long as you want me to." 

Alice thanked her and went back to her. 

"Imscared." 

"Let's try to find out what's scaring you and we'll fix it." 

"Idontknow." 

Alice just had a bad feeling. But it subsided eventually. Dhe figured itnwas just because she'd been hurt and akways expected more pain to come eventuqlly..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm debating if i want to make emille and gothel the same person or not. So thoughts?


	57. Chapter 57

Despite everyone' best efforts, Alice's bad feeling did 't stay gone. She was worried, anxious, more ln edge than usual. But she was comfortable and capable of expressing that emotion. 

"Idontknowhybutimscared." 

"It's okay, we'll figure it out, ok?" Zelena comforted. Lf course Alice waa freaked out she'd been shown that nothing was safe. Her view of the world she still didn't understand was shaken before she'd finished making sense of it. "Do you think you can try to wear a jacket?" 

It'd been a few weeks since Alice had been fully willing to leave the house. She'd at least not lost every bit of trust she had but she wasn't going further than a few feet away from the house without trying to get lut of it, qnd honestly Zelena just let her have her way and Archie had returned tk making housecalls. and she'd become dependent on Zelena in a different way. She was almost clingy. She didn't want to be touched but she didn't want Zelena fo be far away. And so they'd talked a bit, Alice was afraid of getting stuck in a jacket again. She didn't want to need help that badly. Zelena wasn't going to forcr anything on Alice at the moment, it was obvious she was on edge. 

"I know you don't like it, but we can go to the library?" The diner was out of the question. Alice had loved it there but someone had made her feel unsafe in it. 

"Idontwantogo." 

"Alright." This was a problem. Alice was barely willing to go outside. "You don't have to wear a jacket. Do you want to go do something at all?" 

Alice liked the office storw. And no people were in there qhen they went. Maybe itd be safe? 

Alice quietwly asked Zelena who agreed. She'd agree to anything just to get Alicw out of the house. They went and it was fine at first. Alice enjoying various parts of the store. 

"The linraries really close, do you want to go get cake?" 

Alice nodded. They sat down at a bolth and Alice pet Luna, extra nervous. She'd been up a lot with nightmares and this weird feeling that something really bad was going to happen. 

And Emille walked in. 

"There's a reasln they call me the wixked witch, lme near hwr and you'll find it out," Zelena wasn't even going to try to hide the fact she didn't like Emille. Alice pulled herself tight into the corner. Coward. Pathetic. Maybe she should apollgize. It worked for mother. It had to work for anyone that wanted to hurt her. But talking may not be the best idea. 

"Sorryibotheryou." 

Emille scoffed. "Oh so now you're sorry. Not when you destroyed the store?"

"She was scared," Zelena defended Alice. "And she's learning." 

"She learns a lot better when she's hurt. Always has." 

Alice agreed but didn't u derstand how emille knew anything about her. And always? She hadn't known her that long. 

"Sorry.wegoaway." 

"Yeah, we can go," Zelena told her. Alice got up and grabbed Luna's harness..

"I don't think so," Emille grabbed Alice's free arm, stopping her from leavkng. 

"Stopit!stopit!goaway!nono." Alice was panicked. And using any words that meant something wasn't allowed. Trying so hard not to be scared. She'd had worse, but she just couldn't handle being around Emile. She wasn't sure why. But she couldn't. 

"Let go of her, now." 

Alice succumbed to the favt she was restrained and mentwlly prepared herself for a rough time. 

"Imsorry.idomtknlwwhatidid." alice reallt didn't know what she'd done to upset Emile. 

"You ran away from home." 

Why woukd she care that she left? 

"Idontknowyou." Alice had spoken to Emile maybe twice. She barely knew her. 

"You dont know me?" A wave of her hand and Alice's worst nigjtmare was staring back at her. She knew something felt different. She didn't want to go back. Or maybe she did. Kt was going to be horrible but it'd make sense. She understood mother's rules. "You've broken a lot of rules, and you left me all alone in that tower. Took a while to get back out once I went in. I wonder, do you think I should ever let you out of my sight again?"

Alice shook her head, rubbing her arm that was now very sore. 

Zelena didn't bother figuring out at what point Emile and the subject of most of her violent fantaies had become one in the same. 

"Give me one good reaso why I should 't rip your spine out right now." Zelena calmed for a moment. "Hey, go get help. Just go get red or archie and have them meet us here." Alice stared at Zelena. She couldnt do that by herself! Mother waa right there. She didn't need her for her freedom anymkre, she'd be even more willing to hurt her. 

"Cant.cant.cant." 

"Ok, that's fine." 

"And i believe i can have you arrested for kisnapping my child. So, let's just get the sherrif here." Gothel made good on that threat. 

"Wjat seems ro be the problem." 

The sherrif walked in. Alice was now sitting under a table trying to avoid anyone noticing her. Zelena was trying to hold back from murdering Alice's so-called mother in front of her. 

"This woman kidnapped my daughter and took jer to anothwr realm without my consenst and is now refusing to give her back." 

"You can arrwst me for that all you want, but I will not let you have her." 

"I gave birth to her, i raised her. I taught her." 

"Alright," Zelena was feeling even bokder than usual. "Wjat's her name?" 

The pause and the look of confusion on gothel's fsce was telling. "Well I could never really decide." 

"Alice, did your mother ever call ypu anything?" Zelena was afraid lf the answer. 

"Pathetic.orxowardwheniwasscared."

"Why you,"  
"Yrah fi ish that sentence i dare you," gothel proceded to punch thr sherrif. the sherriff already knew some of the details of Alice's upbringing but this gave her something sligbtly mkre cirrent to arrest gothel for. 

She stuck her in her pateol.car and david drove gorhel bsck to the station. Emma came back in to talk to zelena a bit more and to help make sure Alice wasn't too shaken up. 

"Sorryshehurtyou," Alice told Emma. 

"It's alright, not your fault. Do you need anything?" Alice shook her head. Mother hurt someone else, and she felt bad about it. 

"Icehelps." 

Alice had learned that from Zelena and wanted to share this information. 

"Thank-you. I'll try that." 

Zelena got Alice home and explained that her mother was going to be in a place for very very bad people a d would t be allowed to hurt her anymlre. The fsct she had to take quitr a lot of time to exain that no, Alice was not the kind of person it was for was absolutley soul crushing. But Alice did manage to get to a point wjere she ubdersrood that there was a difference between her breaking a rule or two and Gothel assaulting a police kfficer and severly hurting her own child.


	58. Chapter 58

Gothel being behind bars made Alice's anxiousness go down a lot. She was able to go to Archie's office again and she'd readjusted to going to the diner, but that had tsken a bit more time.   
She had started to soend a bit of time i the lubrary reading a lot more often and it was helping with her vocabulary. The space between her words was still a thing that was reallt hard. She had been so conditioned to speak as little as possible that the mere idea that she should make extra time in her sentences made little since to her. And Archie had turned it into a game. 

"Ok, we're going to play a game to practice your sentences, you have complete permission to move around the room, ok?" Alicr still needed to know that moving was okay in mosr spaces but she was getting better at being the one to invoke that permission for herself. "These papwrs are going to make a sentence and we're going to talk through them but each word is going to be a little further away and you say the next one once youve gitten to it. They'll bs closw together at first and then fuether away until we manage to grt some space betwee your words. And yes, you csn pick wjat kind kf reward you want. Even just fir trying." 

Alice really liked Archie's way of teaching. He tuened even the scariest things inot a game and their were rewards. 

Even with rhem close togehter Alice struggled at first but aftwr a month or so she could keep space into bwtween words in short sentences. 

"Can I have an egg?" Alice strained fhriugh the sentence, pulling away, worried of a consequwnce she logicallg knew wasnt coming. 

"Yeah, they're in the fridge. Do you need help?" Alice shook her head. All the help she needed Luna could do. She srill struggled to stand uo for a long oeriod of time but was gwtting bettwr at trying and bring okay with it if she failed. 

She gor wjat dhe wanted and sat at the table. If it was a much lojger sentence or if she was distressed she'd srill bkur her sentences i to one long word but otjerwise she was doing great with that. 

Hwnry was visiting. "Honestly, your arts amazing you should try to get it into an art gallwry."  
After hwnry explained what an art gallery was Alice dismissed her art as not good enpugh but he gently disgareed wkth her. "It doesn't hurt to try." 

Alice agreed, more afriad of getting in than not. Because then she'd hsve to deal with people and that was difficukt for her. But she did submit her art.


	59. Chapter 59

Alice had relaxed a lot with Gothel out of the way. But she still struggled. She had started to talk more, pccasiaonlly sropping in the middle of a sentance to glance over at whoever was nearby to make sure they were okay with it. But she had improved a lot. She relied mostly on Luna if she wanted permission for something but had almost completly stopped using her for that when she was at home. 

"Hey," Zelena greeted Alice who was playing with Luna. Zelena needed to go to the police station to help the sherrif a little. A quick explnation of that and Alice sat with her thoughts. 

She was so scared lf her, she liked not being around her. But she still meant something to her. She still believed that she'd done what she had to do in order to have her freedom. Alice hadn't been unwilling to help her, she just had wanted ir to not hurt so much.

"Henry's going to come over so you're not bored, ok?" 

Alice nodded. That answered the question she'd had. She did want to see her mother, but she wasn't good at asking for things. She also felt like her very exestince was a problem. 

"Hey, whats wrong?" Zelena had lesrned Alice's incrdibly subtle tells. 

"Would I be in the way?" Alice's voice stillnsteined as she tried to put space between her words, it was obvious that it was a struggle for her.   
Zelena held back a sigh. Alice wanted to see her mother. In almost any other situation zelena would have just given Alice what she wanted. But Gothel was dangerous and could easily hurt Alice, even if that wasnt phsycially.

"You wouldn't be in the way. It's just she's really scary and I dont want you to have to deal with her ever again." 

This had not been the right approach. Alice clearly had a hard time with a lot of things. And right now she was struggling to ubderstand why she couldnt just go see her mother. And it made sense, she'd never been allowed approrpiate ways to handle incredinly diffiuclt situstions or feelings she never should have had to. Alice threw sonething on the ground. 

"Hey," Zelena had gotten down to be eye level with Alice. "You're okay." 

"Icandealwithscary." 

"I know that, but you can't." Alice threw a dufferent toy across the room as Henry walked in, getting csught in the corssfire. 

"Alrighty, i'll make sure i bring better gsmes next time." He picked up the toy and returned it to Alice. 

Alice looked at her lap. She couldn't even be frustrsted correctly. 

"Sorry." 

"Accidents happen, i dont mind," Henry reassured her. 

"Idontwanto!" 

She knocked the salt shaker off the table, she wanted something to break. She just couldn't deal with what was going on. 

"Alice, i know I understand that you really want to come with me. But you can't not this time." 

"Whynot?" Alice had learned that Zelena intended to protect her and she really didn't fully know how to handle that. All she knew was that she didn't have to worry about being hurt. And she tried to keep Zelena happy but she didn't really know what she wanted from her and she couldn't handle how intense she felt at the moment. 

"She's dangerous. She'd try to hurt you and I don't want you to get hurt." 

Alice shook her head. It didn't matter. Why did anyone care? She had handled the pain for a long time. She'd learned how to hols onto her cries and whimpers until she was in her room, where mother could probably hear her a little but would leave her alone to let it out. She'd lesrned how to know what to expect. She'd know if mother was planning on hurting her. So it'd be somewhat safe. Why didn't Zelena understand that? She just wanted to say she was sorry. She wanted to make it better. Admit that she should have asked before leaving. She deserved to be hurt. 

"Desrveit." 

"That. Thats why you can't go. You think its okay for her to hurt you, ans I cant let her convince you of that more. It'a not okay for her to hurt you. I know you want to come and Im reqlly sorry. You and henry can have fun, robin should be back soon." 

Alice gsvr up, shed never been able to hold her ground on any argument. Shed always been scared of mother and Zelena was different. 

Zelena left. And Alice had no intentions of fully letting it go. 

"So checkers or go fish?" 

"Goaway." 

Henry backed off knoeing Alice needed some space. 

"Why csnt i see her?" 

Henry stuttered a bit. "Not sure im the best person to give you advice." 

Alice stared at him. "Zelena said its brcause shes scary," Henry rexplained the thing zelena had said. 

"She isnt alllwed to beat me in a room full of people, is she?" A mix of lots of therapy, frequent trips to the libraty, and talking to robin and henry had seriously increased Alice's ability to communicate, when she wanted to. It wasn't something that worjed every time she needed to be able to..

Henry found a way to say bo without using the word that tended to cause Alice problems. 

"So not that scary." 

Henry was happy Alice was fonqlly getting confident enough to ask questions but he had no idea how to explain this. 

"She could scare you and you'd have a panic attack." 

Alice looked down, that was true of a lot of things. "That's not a bad thing, its just those cant be very fun and zelena just worries. She wants you to be safe. And your mother isnt safe." 

"Why?" 

"Because she cares about you." Henry wanted to say like her own child but Alice's experience with that wasn't exaxtly the best frame kf reference. 

"Idontdoanytjing." Henry bkinked, Alice was meticulpus about keeping the areas kf thr house she went in clean. She acted like it was her entire purpose in life to keep everything perfrctly in place and if anyone besides her made a mess there was aook in her eyes that sakd she wanted to clean it up ajd was only holding back because she felt she had to. 

"You do a lot, but you don't have to. Zelena just cares about you." 

Alice shook her heas that didnt make sense. Henry wasn't sure that would ever fully make sense to Alice. "It's okay if you don't understand right now. Lets play a game. Get your mind off it. I'm sire zelena will tell you how it went when she gets back..and if not i can ask jer for you." 

Alice nodded. She did 't know what she wanted to happen. She didn't like the kdea of never seeing her mother again but she was terrafied of being alone with her, there was a lot of punishments she'd avoided by being away from her. And mother would make her go through them even thkugh she could barely remeber what shed done wrong. 

"Why does She hate me." 

"Zekena doesnt hate you, she really cares about you," Henry apprecoated zelena's patience. Parenting a child was a lot, parenting a child that had been taught to fear everyone and everything around her was even mlre compljcated. 

Alkce shook her head. "Oh. You meant your mother?" 

Alice nodded. "I tried everything." 

"I know." Hebry cosoled Alice as she went throught the kotions lf the game of checkers. "Thats a good quewtion fkr archie." 

Luckily zelena got home and alice was distracted by that. 

"Yeah she's going to be in priosn for a while, ok? I'll.explain this tommorow. Its getting really late do you think you can atart getting ready for bed or do you want to stay up a little longer? " 

Alice nodded. "Bed." Alice got up and walked off eith luna and then we t to bed after getting ready. 

"I don't think Alice is okay. We played q little bit of a game but she really doesnt ubderstand why she csnt see her mother and wants to know why she jated her. I tried my best to help her but i don't know what to tell her." 

Zelena slumped in a chair and rubbed her temples. "This is a mess. And techncially, i don't hsve cusrody of Alice. Not a problem right now since hopefully gothel," Zelena oractically spit that name out of her mouth. "Stays in prison forever but if she doesnt techcnially Alice could atill habe to go with her. Hoping she doesnt want that. But ive no idea." 

Alice oberhewrd that when she came out to grab a tiy shed left. She could handle seeing her motjer but she couodnt live with her again. Alice was so scared. She coulsnt do it. She didn't want to. "Pleasedontmakeme." 

"Hey, it's okay, you're not in trouble. Bears on the couch." Alice nodded and went tonget him then came back. 

"Shellhurtme." 

Zelena wasnt going to point out to Alice that earlier all shed wanted was to see her. She was sure Alice's mind was all over the place. She was constsntly bring out under stress and having any stability she had ripped away from her. The only constsnt she rewlly had was the favt she had blankets everywhere she went and luna more recently. She'd moved twice in the last year and comstsntly had rules added or tsken away in an effort to just figure out how to get her away from deeply conditioned ways of thinking and now there was what she viewed as a threwt of having to start everything over again. Sje was probably confused. 

"I'm not gping to let that happen. It'll be okay." 

Alice believed Zelena. "Canigotobed?" 

"Yewh, lf course. Have a good nigjt." 

Alice went to bed and tried not to think about everything at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ibe written myself into a corner so yes i would love ideas


	60. Chapter 60

Alice was frustrated, she didn't want to be hurt but she had expected it for so long that she still tried to do things she knew kept everyome happy with her. She'd cleaned the kitchen a few times and put everything away and if she'd had her way would have cleaned swept thr floor a few more times. But Zelena had noticed, and while she didn't mind Alice cleaning she was being obsessive. All she'd done since henry had gone home was clean, she'd forgotten to eat even when Zelena let her know food was around. Which wasn't unusual, Alice still needed when it was time to eat to be told to her. She didn't just get food bexauae she felt hungry, she didn't always recgonize when she was hungry. She just assumed the pain was random or had a reason that she couldn't do much about. 

"Ok, what do you say we maybe do something else for a little while?" Zelena was offering. "Do ypu want food? Or do you want something else." 

"Clean..i want to clean." 

"Alice, it looks great. I promise."

"Notgoodenough." Alice sat down, she was so tired of not understanding what was going on. So tired of trying so hard and not even hearing that she'd done somwthing right. Mother had at least let her kmow that she had dome something that meant she wouldn't hurt her. She needed that back. Not the pain and how terrafied she was but just knowing what was expected of her, knowing what woild happen if she failed. And she always failed at some point.

"I like it. I think its good enough, who are you trying to make sure it looks gold enoigj for?" 

Zelena, mostly. But maybe mother would have to see it too eventually and she wouldn't ask questions..she'd just hurt her. And she'd given her a list of reasons she should. Alice didn't knlw anymore. She liked Zelena, she didn't hurt her. But she missed mother. 

"You.mother.dontknow." 

"I like it, and your mother will never see it." Zelena hoped that was true. Alice couldn't handle being in a room with someone that had never hurt her most lf the time, being around someone that had? Would probably be thr most distressing thing in the world to her. 

"Ok," Alice relaxed a little. She still wanted to sweep again but Zelena had manahed to talk her out of that. Zelena gave alice some food and helped her with a water bottle, being sure to do every step that showed Alice it was safe for her to drink it and then sat down across from her so she wasnt alone. She'd relaxed about that but did like having company at times. 

Things continued wjth Alice struggling to understand that Zelena was better for her but she started to understsnd it the more Zelena didnt demand thatbshe do anything. Everything was a choice. Everything was an option. Nothing ended in a punishmsny. It was sondifferent from what she was used to and once she'd learbed that she was nevsr going back to mother she'd been more recpetive to changes in how she was bein treated. She didnt want to go back anymore. She liked it here. She liked bding wanted, but she still felt the need to be usueful. So despite everyone's efforts, she was determined to be i chagrge kf cleaning all the time. Her falling ill created massive issues.


	61. Chapter 61

Alice thought for a minute. She was sick. Normally potions made her sick but she hadn't had any. She'd seen zelena open the water for her. She'd drank it too. But she felt sick. She didn't even know how to explain what hurt. It'd never mattered. She readjusted herself in the corner, trying her best to be out of the way. As long as Zelena didn't ask her to coms out, she didn't have to. If it lasted too long then mother would be angry that she wasn't doing what she was supposed to. Alice worried. Zelena had promised she wouldn't hurt her. But it was possible she would realize how awful she was and change her mind. And she could feel that she would make a mess. Those were bad. She wasn't supposed to make mother need to deal with her. 

Alice threw up, not ubderstanding what was wrong. She stared at the mess. It was uncomfortable but she was used to this. It happened all the time in the tower. 

[Alice looked at the floor, she reallt hadn't meant to make a mess. Thr bathroom wasn't really that far away but mother and her potions were in the kitchen and Alice knew better than to bother either one. The latter was why she felt this way anyhow. At least she wasn't in her corner. Where thered be an even bigger mess. But she was where mother could see her. Maybe she wouldnt notice? Mother looked up evwntually and notice. Alice didnt fully listen to the yelling. She just coulsn't focus. She cleaned herseld and it up and mother beat her then told her to go to bed.] 

She'd clean it up once she was allowes and then she'd deal wkth the punishkent for making such a mess. At least she was allowed to clean herself off before the bestings because water hurt so much. That wasn't the reason mother alllwed it, she just didn't want to deal with it. She was grateful for the smallest things. She'd known mother could be so muvh worse when she wanted to. She sat there, in pain and scared in her room that had lost all of its comfort. 

Zelena got up and wenr to check on Alice. 

"Sorrysorrysorry.imgoingtpcleanit." 

"Hey, you're okay. It's okay." Alice shook her head, even when she didn't feel well she was frantic in her efforts to keep Zelena happy. Or maybe it was mother. She didn't know anymore. "I would habe gotten you a bucket if you said you dint feel well but this is fine. We'll get it cleaned up and then you can tell me how to make you feel better." 

Alice nodded. She knew one way that would make it gonaway. And she wasn't giving Zelena that idea. 

Zelena got Alice's little corner cleaned up after she'd made sjre alice could get to the bathroom okay. She put fresh blankets in the conrer and set down a trash can so she'd have better luvk if she coukdn't make it to the bathroom. 

Alicw came back and looked at hee room. 

"Wrong." 

"Alrigjt, i didn't knlw which way to out the blankets. You can fix it if you want." 

"Nowrojg!ihavetodo." 

Alice was sick and distressed and she wasn't puttong forth thw amount of effort it took for her to speak the way Archie was having to teach her to do. 

"It's okay, i don't mind." 

So she coukdnt even clean up her own mess? That had akways been the only thing between her and mother's punihsments. She didn't dare take her time with it, fesring mother's increaswd anger. But it was something. A brief moment of control in her life. She couldn't decide when to go to the bathroom. She coulsn't decide what to eat. She couldn't decide where to clean or when. But she could control what her room looked like. And mother never wanting anyone but Alice to clean, whilw mother had meant it often as a punishment, it was one of the only even close to good thijgs in her life. And also if mother had to clean upnafter hwr she would have had beatings for days. Alice shuddered. 

"Are you cold?" 

Alice shool her head. She was scared. Why couldn't the fear go away? She knew zelena wasn't the specific person that would hurt her. She couldn't figure out whonwas goijg to. 

"Fine.scared." 

"You're okay, you're safe..i knlw you don't feel well. You can do whatevwr you want to." 

"Waiting." 

"Ywah. You can just wait out being sick." 

Thats not what she meant..but zelena wasn't going to understand. Alice gave up. She'd sit and hope that it wouldn't be too bad. But it was always bad. It always hurt so much. 

Alice stayed sick for a few days, barely functioning. Realizing that she had gotten away with somethimg she viewed as wrong. She didnt know why she felt so guilty for it. But she did. And that meant she had to make sure no one has forgotten. Oh those had been frustrating. Mother was so unoreficatable in how sje'd react to Alice's honestly..sometimes she said she appriciated it and would either lessen orncompleltyntakwnaway the ounishkent all together and orher rimes shebaccused her of trting to get out od it. Alice didn't mean to. But she wondered if mother would never havw tried te samw things when she could still feel the pain from the last time she'd angered mother. 

[[ It had been a few days and mother had neglexted to follow throug with a punishment. She could either tell her and maybe be spared it for her honestlynor keep it to herself and hope mother didn't remeber. She'd be in so much trpuble if she was caught keeping something from her. Especially something like the fact she hadn'r been ounished yet. She'd tell her. That meant she had tontalk to her. Mother got back from the market, ans didn't seem compeltly angry at Alice.   
"Oh you cleaned. Put this away."   
"Yes mother."   
Alice had wondered why mother liked when she adressed her when she was acknowleging something shebhad been told to do. She hated when she talked otherwise. A premeptice apology foe the rule she was about to break in ordse to follow another one. "Sorry." 

"For what?" Alice shook a little. "Pathetic. Out with it. What'd you do?" 

Alice hadn't done anything, yet. She was so scared. "My punishmentforcleaningyourroom." Alice was so terrwfied her voice was barely audible and had shakw to it. 

"What?" Mothwr's yell caused Alice to flicnh earning her a hit from mother's hand. She hated when Alice expressed that she was afraid of her. "I don't have all day. And you're starting to upset me!" 

No. No. Alice didn't want her upset. Why coukdn't she do this? "Youneverditit.sorrysorrysorry." 

"That was honest. I do like it when you're honest. So we'll do something a bit less horroble than i'd oroginally planned. Youbwere going to habe to clean afterwards and drink a potion. But just the besting fhis time. But i think ill be adding on how mucj you made me wait for an answer to my question. Thats wrong and you know it. Go. Ill be ready in a minite."   
Alice held back the tears, at least mother had let hwe outnof part of what she'd expected..]] 

Alice had devided she had to tell zelena. It wasn't optional anymore. She would remever and then she'd be in so much trouble. 

"Canitalktoyou?sorry."  
Alice was sitting at the table eating wjat little she could manage. 

"Sure. You don't habe to apologize for thst." 

Alice nodded. Right. Zelena was okay with her. Zelena wanted her. Zelena wasn't going to turn from telling her to answer her question to threatening to find new ways to hurt her just so she'd lesrn to stop talking. She hoped. "Themessimade." 

"It's fine, its fine. And you didnt and dont feel well, not a problem." 

"Butpunishment. Andnooonedid."

"No one's going to hurt you. For any reason." 

"Honest.bringhonest.tellmotherwhensheforgetpunishment.sometimesitmadeitnotasbad." alice rushed through an explanation of why she felt the need to tell zelena that she hadnt been punishment. 

Zelena was going to lose her mind if thst woman managed to be allowed in the same buikding as her ever again. She'd found a way to control Alice's every movement withouf ever having to watch her. She convinxed her she was required to tell on herself. She knew Alice had broken this rule because robin snuvk into the tower to make Alice's days a little more bearable. No one could imagine what Alice had been going through. And robin hadnf seen the chains in the tower or realized that te potions gotjel had lined up were in order to drug alice. There could have been worse things and no one would have known. 

"You dont habe to tell me that. There will never be any more bestings. Or anytjing like that. That isnt hoe i handke things."  
Alice agreed and went back to her room after a little while. After a few more dsys Zelena realized thst they probably needed to intervene medically. But she knew Alice would likely fear medicine and she already knew alice was terrsfied of doctors.


	62. Chapter 62

Zelena hated that Alice had been tuwght so muchbfear. She was sitfing jn the hopistal waiting room. She looked like she was more afraid than she didn't feel well. Zelena knew Alice disnt lime this place but she had ro be at it. 

Alice was lookingat her lap, petting luna. She should have kept it to hersslf. Maybe zelena would havw forgotten about hurting her. But no, she had had to be honest. And now she was going to be uncomfortanle at best and in a lot of pain at the worst. She missed mother. She didn't have to go anywhere to be punished. She could immeidatly go back into the safe areas of the tower, unless mofher was angry. But shs didn't hsve to sit through a car ride with the searbelt that she really didnt like. She wasn't restrained when she walked away from most of her punishments. Unless that was going to be a part of it. But she had neber been restrained on hsr way to one. And the waitinf was awful. Even mlre awful wjen all thwsw peoe she didnt know were around. 

Alice got called back and luckily ryan was the nurse that greeted them. 

"Hi," 

Alice nodded a bit, acknowleging she was paying attention to him. 

"Let's get you on the scale. And you can hold bear the whoke time becauae i kept his wieght in your chart." 

Aloce did as she was told, solemnly preparing herself for whatever kind of pain was about to come. 

She went into a room. 

"I'll be right back, ok?" Zelena had left her bag in the waiting room and went out for a moment. She waant gone long buf she was gone long enough for Alice to work herself up. She asked luna for peemission and his ubder the counter. 

Zelena came bsck and saw Alice trying desperatley to conceal her existence. She couldn't imagine what Alice was going through. In her mind doctors were uncofortqble and painful and scary, all the things she was taught to both avoud and seek out. The number od contradictory rules Alice had been given didn't help Alice devlop heakthy ways to deal with the world. They broke any ability Alice had to process decisions down into "what will cause me the least amount lf pain?" Or at times, the most. There were rimes Alice would go out of her way to anger people with the intent of reciving horrific consequences. It was something she ubderstood better than anything else. 

"Hey, i know. It's reqlly scsry. You're not in trouble. You're doing great. We'll get this done ans then you can have a sticker..you're soing really good." 

Alice needed to hear the empahsis that she was doing a good job at things. It didn't stick as easily as being told something she did was wrong. That was a weight that Alice would likely have tonxarry her whole life. It wouldn't go away. Alice would never be able to forget the torture she'd gone thrkugh. But she couls move on from it, in a way. 

The docotr came in and told them Alixe just needed some anti-nausea medicine. Which Zelena figured moght take some effort to get Alice to be content with, she panixked over opened water bottles and threw things across rhe room when she didnt have proof thry hadnt been opened prior to being given to her. There was no telling what the potions had done to her. They could have just kade her exhausted or thry could hsve infofficted mass ampunts of pain on her. Either way, zelena was sure medicine would be a terrsfying ordeal. 

They picked it uo ajd zelsna gavr alice the sticker shed promised her and they went back i to thr house. 

"Ok, you eid really good at rhe doctor." 

Alice did like feeling like she'd done something right. Soet of. "I'm reallyproud of you, i knlw thats hard. Do you think you can try one more thing?" 

Alice nodded. Maybe. "Alright. You need to twke some medicine." 

Alife tirted her head. 

"It'll make you feel better." Zelena didnt pull out the bottoe.. alice needed to hear what it was first. 

Ok. Potion. Its a potion. 

"Potion." 

"It's not a portion. Its a medicine. It'll.make you feel netter." 

"Sorryimsick." 

"Alice, no." Alice flinched and zelena mentally.kicked herself. Those two letters were one lf the easiest ways to send Alice deep into her mind, back into her life in the tower. 

["No!' and then it hurt so much. As the tears she wanted to let esxape coulsnt even well uo in her eyes any more. She felt every cruel word and action and expectes nonrelief. "Yiouve finally leqrned how ro not cry when i hir you? We shouls test that sometime. Hows now?" Alice hadnt even done anything that bad. Shed made a sound and mofher had hit her. But that wasn't anything that would eaen her more than one or two hits from mothers hand. sunless mother was chsnging the rukes? "But you havent done anything to deserve it. Hmmm we'll have to fix that." Other handed her a bowl. "Throw it. Break it." Alice stared at it. This didnt end well for her wkther way. If she ignkred mother she would be in oain and kf she made a mess shed have to clean amd then be in pain. But itd delay it ans gice her time to think about how she planned to kewp herself from frying the entire time. She threw down the bowl. It shattered. "You made a mess. You knkw what rhat means." 

"Yes mother." It meant fkean it up and then hope that she could pretend that it didnt hurr as bad as it did.] 

"Alice , hey. Hey." Luna snapped Alice out of it. Zelena had rold her no. She didnt even know what was going on. She needed comfort. She pet Luna who was still puttinf kost of jer wieght on Alice's lap. "Yiu're okay. The medicine isnt a punishment and you're not in toruble. I just want you to feel better." 

"Sowhobeatameqhenido?" 

"Alice, that isnt a thing. Itll make you feel better and then ylu can go bsck to drawing and hanging out at rhe library."  
Alice looked down..still frightened. "Ok, tell you what you take the medicine, even kf you just try to. It doesnt have to be perfect. And tou can oick whatever you want ro do the minute you feel better." 

Alice knew what she liked doing, but she still worried about angering zelena. 

"Can youhelpmepick?" 

"Id that's what you want, then sure." Zelena knew it wasnt that Alice wnted help, it was that she was terrafied of angering her and still wanted the options to be laid out for her. Alice gwnuinwly hadnt learned how to pick which djrextion tonwalk when they went somewherw. She always followed somwone else, evwn if it was just luna. Which archie did plan on workijg on wkth her soon. 

"Ok." 

Alicw saw the bottle and whike it wasnt idwntical to mothers potions vials it srill brought to the sueface those mwmories. 

[["And we're going to leaen how to take potions. Im sick of you gagging and making a mess all the time." Alice hated the potions. They tasted awful and they made her feel sifk and some of them made her pass out in the middle of the day. She liked to sleep but being awoken by mothers anger thst she had failed to do the one thinf she asked hee was a nightmare.   
Alice nodded. "Its jusr the flahor since i dont know how these all would interwxt. You wont get sick from these. But i do habe one reserved fkr the end if you misbehave. And no i wont tell you what it'll do to you. Im sire you'd rsther not find out." 

Alice was just grateful sje didnt habe ro worry that in the middle of a bestinf she'd start rondrift off ro sleep. Shw wished she coukd sleep tjrough the pain but mother would never have allowed that. 

"Here. Drink it." 

Alice had akways hated testing these for mother. She said she had worse ones that she qouldnever use on her, but that if she didnt avt right she might consider it. Alice had no way lf knlwing which of mother's threats were just to scare her and what she'd avtually do. 

The taste was so bad and alice coulsnt seorste the times ahed been hurt by it, ahe gagged as it went down.   
"No!" Alice fkjncjed away. "Pathetic. I'll hudt you when im ready. Next one." 

Alice couldn't do it. Potion after potion was so hard to choke down. They tasted horrific and she knew what rhey nroallt did to her. Mother hurt her all the time but that she could see an end to. The potions were in her bosy for hours at a time.

. Sometines when mother was reallg anfey wven longer. "Fine. We trjed the easy way. I'm going to hold your mouth shut. You hsve tonswallow them. No mlre making a mess when youbtske them im tjred of it." 

Alice nodded. 

Mother habded her another vial. At least she ket her pour it into her mouth herself. "Hold it in your mouth until i say so." 

Alice held it there. The taste bither her. Mother put her hand against her chin and forced her to keep it thst way until sjed managed tonswalow the potion. 

"We're goinf to keep doinf this u til you can do it wkthout my help." 

Mother was so rough. Alice eventually manged to choke down the potions wkthout her hep. It had probsbly tsken an hour to go thrlugh al of them. 

"And you reallt should t hsve made me angry." Alice closed her eyes, making heeself not cry. "Drink this. Im sjre it'll hurt. Go to bed when youde done." 

Alicd did as she was rold. Mkther was right. It had felt horrible. It had hurt so much that she was in her forner hokding bsck tears and hadnt gotten any sleep..it stopped the next morning but pain for her was never gkne fkr long. ]] 

"Im sorry. I can't. I can't." Alice felt guikty but what kf zelsna had lied? What if it made her feel like she was being beaten? Mother had found a way to bottle up the pain of the strap. But mlther had oreferred to just use the strap. "It coukd hurt." 

"Alice i wont hurt. I promise. Jt'll make you feel better." Zelena was curious what kind kf harmful potions Alice had been gjven. She didnt really exoect alixe to offwr uo the informstion. 

"You say that. But it couls hurt like a beatkng." 

"Alice, it'll make your sroamch stop hurting. And i dont think kts possible for even a potion to dk that ." 

Alice looked down. "Mktherdidit." 

Thar vile wkman! Zelena keot her emotions and her voice flat. No wonder Alice was scared. Her mother had used potions to make Alixe hurt in ways that werent even possible. She'd gone out of her way to invent new ways to hurt her own kid. 

"I promjse thar isnt what'll happen. It'll just make tou feel better and there are absoljtley no consequnxes ro feeling better." 

Zelena was kind kf certain Alice was punisbed for that too. 

Alice nodded. "Ok, now it might not taste the greatest. But thats ok." 

Alice nodded. Zelena opened the contsiner and poured out rhe amout alice needed to tske. 

"You've got this. I promise." Zelena was encoursging her. It was different than how mofher made her take potions. Zekena didnt think she needed ro help aloxe tske the medicine, obviousky shed taken a lot of things similarly in the past. Alice put it in her mouth and just held it there. She disnt swallow. She didnt make a move to swallow it. Zelena didnt blame her, shed be scared to. When zekena didnt help alice grabbed her hand and guided it to where itd be dsngerously clpse to jer face. She got her to set it so ewhere and moved her own hand. Waiting for the oressure to be painful enough to indicate she was alllwed ro swallpw it. 

Zelena mkved her hand. "Just swallow it." 

Alice did as she was told. "Whar was thsr about?" 

Alice looked down. "Its supposed to hurt. Mother held my mouth shut when i took potions. I could only swallow if it hurt." 

Zelena wnated to engulf aloce in a hug and not ket go. But alice didnt like being touched. She was afrsid of it. There was no ay gothel hadnt knlwn thwt. She rewllt went out of her ewy to make alice feel less than human. 

"I dont do that. I won't do that. And gokd job taking the medicine." 

Alice nodded. 

It made alice feel better oretty soon. Zelena had hoped alife would t need mlre than a little bit of medicine bdcause her going on any kind of lrolonged regimwn woukd have been a horrifying reminded of her chikdhood. She was mlre than happy to tske ice to the diner onxe shed gotten her appetire back.


	63. Chapter 63

Alice felt better and once thrme shock that she wasn't in toruble for any part of bring sick wore off she wwnt back to a normal routine. Draeing a d pkaying and sow ding a lot of time in Archie's office and going on small managable outings wkth zelena lr archie. 

They knew Alice felt safest in rhe ofifce supplg store. That was probably the best place to have her work on making her own choices when walking. A massivley kverhwlming task. She had never in her life had complete control or enough space for it. She did what she was told and whenever they went out she just followed someone, even if itbwas just Luna. And while this wasn't entirely dangerous, it would be good for Alice to know how to naviagate somewhat by herself. 

Alice liked this place. And it was empty. But she wasn't sure about the game Archie said telhey were going to play. It seemed very difficult. He said she had to pivk where tk go. She didnt know. How did she do that? She knew how to go from task to task in the tower. She knew how tk follow clesr directions. She knew how to not be in the way. But actually makijg the devision abkut wjere tk be? In a big place wkth so many things? There was no way. She felt stupid. Everyone else just did this. All the time. Every day. And she didn't even know how. 

Alice stood frozen. 

"Alright, you've gir this." 

She stayed still. What if she went sonewhwre she wasn't supposed to? What if she fell over? What if she got lost? She sat down. Betted to not even try than to fail. 

"Hey, it's okay." 

Alice shook her head. "I son't want to."  
"Alright. That's fine. We can try agakn another day but can you tell me why you dont want to?" 

Alice nodded. "Ill do kt wrong."

"Its not possible to make a mistake with this. You just gotta walk. Thars all." 

Alicw gor uo and walked forward. Until she walked prsxtically into a wall. "Alright. You did really good. Now where do you want to go?" 

Alice was still facing the wall, unwilling to do anything wjthout some guidance. She'd gotten really good at asking for permission for things that were structured and had a clear answer but this was almost abstract to her. She reallt didn't understand walking around a place without having an idea of what she needed to be doing. 

"Where do you want me to go?" She had learned quesrions were encouraged. Esepciallg with Archie. 

"Alice, its your decision. You've got this." 

Alice shook her head. Archie didnt insist that she look at him. She was comfkrtsble in her own way. Even if a yone thst walked by eould porbably find this a bit odd. 

Alice disagreed but at keast mamaged to turn around. 

"Alrifht, that was some kind of movement. Good."

Alice walked in a atraoght line again and to the door. Archie coulsnt teach alice that walking in a comlete line was wrong. It wasnt. But it also wasnt quite the skill he was trying tk help her wjth. 

"Alrogjt, thats great. Lets maybe add in something a little different. Whenever you're ready, walk sonewhere different."   
.aloce stared at him. That was so many options. She walked fkrward a bit and stopped at the first spot that had options of which way to turn. Which one? Which one did she pick? 

"Which way do i go?" She didn't do this stuff by herself. She folllwed zelena around and let luna do most of thr following for her. 

"Whichever way you want to." 

And alicd got frustrsted. Besr hit the floor and Alice followed soon after. She couksnt do this. She couldn't do anything. 

"Alrifht, you've had enlugj for the day. That's fine. Thank you for trying. We'll try again next time." 

Alice shook her head. She didnt want ro do this ever again. She was fine followinf someone around and waiting for them to tell her what to do. It was easier. 

"I cant. I cant do it. Its too hard." 

Archie couldnt even begin to imagine how frustrated Alice must have felt. Everything in the world was difficult for her. And if jt wasnt it was painful. 

"I know, it's difficult now. But it was hard to learn how to do a lot of things that you're oretty good at now." 

Alice tilted her head. "You lesrned how tk sit in the same room as zelsna and talk to her. You figured out how to drink. Its okaym you're learning. And im proud kf you for even trying. Come on lets go." 

Alice got up. Cluld luja just follow him? "Luns can follow me, its ok." 

"Lunafollow." 

She did exavtky that qnd Alice went back hone wkth zelena. And archie went to brainstorm ideas on how to make this particualrly challenge less cjallenging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any ideas?


	64. Chapter 64

Archie had a different approach to try. Alice was so used to being told what ro do that giving her complete reign kf where to go and not explaining it well enlugh had only ended in frustration. And her feeling like she wasn't good enough. It was hard to listen to her try things and repest the horrible things she'd been told. 

"I'm bad at this," Alice pointed out to him, readjusting her grip on Luna's harness. "I can follow." 

Alice didn't get it. Yeah she coukd follow someone around, and probabky would always need some version kf that available to her. But this was so she coukd have a little bit more of her life to herself. This wasn't about whether or not she could just follow someone. It was about giving her what little control they could. She'd been deprived of so much in her life, and they were trying to give her some semblance of normal. Of feeling like she had a say in her own life. She reallg didn't feel like that. 

"Yeah, i know. This is just so you can do it. You'll still be allowed to just let luna guide you. But you can do this." 

Alice stared at him. She really didn't think archie would ever understans this. But zelena might. She stored it for later. "Do you think you can try or not?" 

"Yeah." 

"Alright. Thank you." 

"What do i do?" 

"Just walk."  
"Where?" 

"Wherever." 

Alice nodded and returned to the same back amd forth pacing shed done the last time. She wouldnt make a decision. She honestly probably couldnt. 

"Alright, where would you go if there wasn't anyone watching?" 

"Yiu're watching." 

"I know, but if i wasnt?" 

Alice threw bear down. Archie was there. That changed how she acted. Same way mother being in the tower changed the way she cleaned. Same way mother being gone made her mlre willing to break the less severe rules. There was a difference between her sitting alone and archie talling to her. And wjile they were grtting vloser together she still saw the situation as different. 

Alice sat down and put her fave into her knees until Luna stopped her. Aloce covered her fsce in luna's fur. She was never going to ubderstsnd anything. Archie didnt get it. 

Archie sat down. "Ok, maybe I went about that the wrong way. It's okay. You're not in trouble." 

"Go away." Alice needed a break. She needed to be alome with luna and her frustrstion. 

"Alright, i cant go very fsr, though." 

"Fine." 

Archie backed off and let alice have a few minutes. He didnt blame her for needed a bit to herself..he came back, she was srill upset but leaving her cokplelty alome for long in a lubkic place was still a bad idea. She could so easily get distressed by the smallest of things. Or even activlet seek out pain when she thkught she desrmwrved it. 

"Im back." 

Alice nodded, her fsce rubbing in luna's fur. She manged to calm down but noticably shifted her body away from Archie. To her, he was trting to get her ro do something difficult and there was nongjrantee her faioure wouldnt be met with pain. She wasn't afradi of him, but she srill exoected some consequences at some point. 

"Let's try one more thing. You came with zelena to pick up a ruoer right?" 

Alice nodded. 

"Do you remeber where it was?" 

"Not really." 

Perfect. She could try to find it. 

"Do you think you coukd try to find it." 

Alice nodded. 

"Alright. Just stsnd up and ddcide where you want to go first to look for it." 

That was a lot. There had ro be some kind lf trick to it? Or did evwryone just remeber where everything in every big olace was? 

"I don't know where to stsrt." 

"Anywhere toubwant to but do you see those big signs?" Arxhie asked pointed to one..

Alice nodded. "Most stores have those. Justbread through them and then decide how to get to wjere you want. I'm going to come with you in case you beed help, ok?" 

Alice nodded. She rewd through the signs and found where she needed to go. She walked forward until she saw where she might need to turn. There was an arrow thwt poijted to it. Alice follwed along the arrows order and walked right into a display. 

"Sorry." 

"It's alright. Just walk around it." 

Alice walked around things all the time. But the number of times shed been yelled at becausw mother disnt like the favt shed done thst scared her. And usually luna just got her around obstacles. 

"Which way?" 

"It doesnt matter. Its uo to you." 

Alice got around the large box.

"Anf if its too big tonget sround on ome side just use the other."

"Ok." 

The areows sropped and she was confused. 

"Wjatd indo now?" 

"You look for where whafever youre looking for is. And you go there." 

Alice just guessed and turned the wrong way. 

"Alright. You're doing it." 

She walked up to a wall a noticed she waant where shebwas trying rongo. 

"I did it wrong. Can we go back to your office?" 

"Youndidnt do anything wring. And yeah, thats fine. But we are going tontry this one more time. You've got this. If you turn a different way then you wanted or it doesn't get you where youbwere trying to go, its fine to turn around. You can try this as many times as you need to. Its compeltly fine." 

Alice nodded and did manage to find the rulers. Unfortunatley the lewthery ones that zekena had worried about when theybwere out of stock had been restocked. 

Alice piked one uo and habded it to archie. 

"Do you want this?" It was a ruler. Alice liked art. It wasnt reqlly her taste but it was entirely possoble she looked at all the bins and grabbed one just to avoid thinking too hard about making a decision. 

"For you." 

"I don't need a ruler, but thank you. Do you think youbcsn out it back?" 

Alice looked at rhe ground. She wsmasnt even rewlly supposed tontouch it. And it was roo small to hurtbas much as it shojluld but Zelena had tsken away all of the straps in the house. And locked uo everything alice viewed as a way to be punished. 

"Ok, ill out it back. And yeah we can go waif for zelena at my office. She'll be back a little latee than normal today." 

Getting alice to use a searbelt in archies car was a bit more difficult. 

They went back and alice sat down fkrna second. 

She glsnced around the room trying tonfigure out where the best place to show archie she was prepared was. She just walked across the room and stared out the window. Itbwas a nicer view thsn in the tower. She looked at the stone walls and floor she was going to hsbe to sleep on. 

"Alice what're you doing?" 

"Waiting." 

"Zekena's nof going to be back for a whioe, youncan okay if yiu want." 

"Waiting for you." 

"Ok. What do you need?" 

"Not need. Have to. Punishment." 

"Come here, let's talk."   
.alice nodded. And cane kver tonarchie and sat down. "Its notna punishment. You're not in trouble. It's not your fault. But why do you think i should punosh you?" 

"Lots of straps." 

Oh. The leather ruler. Alice thought they were a threat. 

"Theyrw just rulers. Yiure nkt in troible." 

Alkce acxeoted this after archie spent about twenty minutes explaining how she wasnt in trouble and had done a great job. Zelena came to pick her up and they went tonthe diner for dinner


	65. Chapter 65

Archie had continued helpung Alice with communciating and naviagating arouns different places. She was getting oretty good at both but she still had her limits. She couldn't handle either for too long and sometimes she'd get startled and need help. The fact that the smallest things could be frightening would likely neber fully go away. 

While Alice was getting better at interacting with the world around her, she was only growimg more confuded and frsutrstion with all of the stress in her life. She didn't understand that her mother had done something wrong ourside of hitting Emma. In Alice's mind that was the only thing thst wasn't okay. She didn't know why Zelena had decided to keep her, she assumed it was bdcause Zelena needed some help around the house. And Alice wasn't the worst at that. But sje wasn't great at it either. 

Zelena wasnt home so Alice was trying to make sure the house was clean. 

Robin walked into the kitchen tongrab something. 

"Hi, i'll be in my room kf you want to play." 

"No. Need to do this." 

"Okay." Rovin didn't rrally question it. Alice being in some part of the house near kbsessivley cleaning it was normal. She'd either relax or Zelena would convince her to stop and if thdy had close wnlugh neighbors they'd all hear the things breaking as Alice tried to fix a problem that only she saw. 

When robin came back an hour later and Alice was still scrubbing the floor she worried. Alice was clearly upset and there was still a sloght risk Alice would get frustrated wnough to clean up the mop water in a way shw shouldn't. 

Robin got dosn to her level, the fact she'd walked on Alice's inxredinlg freshly clesned floor clesrly causing a bit kf agitstion. 

"Hey, it's clean. You've been at it for an hour." 

Alice shook her head. Nothing felt normal. Nothing felt correct. And she didn't know what to do. 

"Its not." Maybe it looked clesn to Robin but Alice was terrsfied. What if mofher saw it ajd it wasnt? If she just did this all the time she'd never have to worry. But the more she cleanes it the mlre she worried thst if might not be. And if she wasn't keeping rhe house clean, she was useless. And then what? Mother had had ro keep her. She'd had no choice. But Zelena could choose. And she couldn't handle a new person or a new set of rules. Or even wkrse glimg bsck to mother and the tower and the fear that one day mother would realize she didnt need her anymore qnd would stop even taking care kf her. She needed to clean. 

"Hey, it's clean. Can i please have rhe sponge?" 

"No. Not clean." 

Robin relaized she wasn't getting anywhere with that approach. She remebered archie's advice of offereing distractions. Adding something instead of taking away things. 

"Let's go plsy a game." 

Alice shook her head. No. She needed to do this. Or zelena wouldnt want her. Lr shed hate her. 

"I have to clean." 

"You've littelrwlly cleaned the same doom for an hour. I promise, it looks great. Probably cleaner than when we mkved in. Do you think you can do something ekse? Can you try?" 

It took a bit but Alice agreed tontry to do somethinf else but was still focused on the kitchen almost the entire gsme. 

"I cant." Alice asked luna to let jet go back to kotchen and robin sighed. 

Zelena got home and Robin ijformed her that Alice was cleaning sligjrly more than normal. A clear sign of distress. 

Homestly, thr cleaner the house was the more upset Alice had been latley.

Zelena made sire not to slip on the wet floor, if she had Alice liekly would have spirsled imto a guilt trip no one had intended. 

"Robin said you soent sll dsy ckeaning." Aloce nodded. She knew it wasnt clean yet. She was working on it. She'd let robin distrsct her. 

"Sorry. Sorry. Not done. Not donr." 

"Alice, it's clean. Better than it needs to be. It's fine." 

"It has to be perfect." 

Zelena didn't see any problem but knew Alice saw peoblems where there weren't any. She was sure if there was even something mkcroscopic, Alice would blame herself for it. 

"Alice it's clean. Betond clean. You could eat off of it." 

Alice stared at her. 

"You told me not to do thst." Alice reqlozed she'd cintradicted zelena and panicked. "Sorry skrry." 

"It's an expression, do not eat or drink off of the floor. Please. And yes tell me when I ssy something that doesnt make sense." 

Alice looked down. "Alice, it looks great. You don't hsve to clean it." 

"It has to be kerfdct." 

Ok.. why. Zelsna knew that gothel had forced Alice into bekieving perfection was the only hope she had of not suffering every single time she saw her mother but this was more than that. "Why?" 

Alice boirded her words as she got sligjtly distressed by the thought. "Soyouwillwantme." 

Did Alice think that all she was good for was some kind of cleaning? 

"Alice that's jot why inwant you." 

It couldnt be for anything else. She was diffivult. She knew she was difficult. She had to have someone with her a lot because the world outside of the tiwer was too kuch. She'd gotten emma hurt. She'd hurt zdlena and archie. She'd broken a lot of things in her emotionalnstates she couldnt explain but defintely had no control over. She srill didnt know shy they were so hard. And zelena constsntly had to go deal with mother in some way aloce didnt understand. She wasn't exactly helpful. Aside from keeping rhe house nice. 

How dod she explain that she was compeltly worthless? She didn't want zelsna to make her leave. She didn't want to go sonewhere else onlg to find out that they expecred her to violste all of the rukes zelena had given her. There werent many but it would still be hard to adjust again. And then what if thry got tired of jer to? And then she had ro keep adhistinf every so often because no one could handle her? 

Alice rewlly didnt have a lot from the tower, ornsnyrhing but surely she coukd tske her toys with her. Coukd she? Alice got up, the fsct shed do thst in front of zelena was such a huge amount of orogress. It'd all gonaway. Alice went to her oom wnd grabbed her tiys and had luna carry one. 

"Wheres luna's toy?" 

Zelena helped aloce find it but then asked her to sitndown again.   
"Wjere are you going?" 

"I'm not useful. I have to leave. Do i keep luna?" 

Alice rrqlly thoight she was bwing kicked out. Over not being able to keep thr house clean enough. 

."alice, you're not going snywhere. I'm not making you leave. I want you for you, not for your tslent at grtting dirt off of the floor. Although, i do kinda want to knlw how you got the kitchen thise clean bexauae it looks better than when it was built. But i want you for YOU. I Not anything you can do.."

.alice tilted her head. 

"I know. Ot'a different than what your mother told you, but it's the truth. Thank you for clesning, but you arent being firced to leave for ajy reason. Ever. You're my responsobility now, and im happy to do thst. Oksy?" 

Alice nodded. "Now, you defintlry hurt your hand cleaning didnt you?" 

Alice looked st the ground. She had bsrely koticed it. But zelena was right. She'd hurt herself. 

"I won't touch you unkess you give me the ok, alright?"   
.aloce nodde. Zelsna took care of thr kild injury and robin xelsna and alice played a gsme of go fish


End file.
